| Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/6/2004 8:28:10 PM | I contacted a girl on another site recently, and chatted with her for quite a while. The talk was good, we seemed to be hitting it off. We arranged to meet. I had emailed her my photo, and she had told me that she couldn't send one because of some scanner software problem excuse. I said, ok fine.
But as the day to meet approached , I started to get cold feet. I wanted to see what this girl looked like before I met with her. So I emailed her and cancelled with an excuse that something came up. I then asked her if she could please manage to send me a photo before we set up another meeting. She wrote back to say how humiliated she was that I "had to see the package" before meeting her, etc. etc. And went on tearing a strip off me for having the gall to ask something like that.
Now what do you think about that? Was I being unkind by asking for her photo? Unreasonable? Cold? Superficial? It was a simple request. I have met several women over the past few months whose picture I did not see before meeting. I am not attracted to large/BBW. That's just me. But the women I met were large women, and although they were nice people, and I stayed and talked to them, and got along well with them, there was just no physical attraction for me. So, perhaps I'm a bit jaded now? I just want to see who I'm meeting. Is it unreasonable of me?
I also choose not to display my photo on here (and other sites) in my profile, but have it ready to send to someone I contact. I just find that works for me.
Other Threads of same/similar Topic:
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Icons, animals, or flowers? Why no picture?
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Y dont guy's post there pic in profile??
Pictures!!!!??????????
Why do women post pictures of their breasts in thier profile?
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 12:45:45 AM | | well buddy......i don't think its unresonable to want to see what somebody looks like...i think its a waste of time talking to someone if you don't know what they look like....how else are you suppose to know if theres a physical attraction.....if someone gets mad just because you asked for a photo of them, then either they are insecure about their looks or they are hiding something......on the other hand maybe they don't have a scanner....well that's my two cents for all that its worth | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 3:02:53 AM | If you have been more than open and straightforward with her, and a dame refuses to supply a pic of herself, which may very well be imperative to your decision whether you want to meet her or not in the first place, drop her on the spot.
Although you may never know, they are either players, fatties, uglies or aren't really interested in you in the first place, regardless what tale or reason they give you for not supplying a picture. They always have something to conceal or hide, whatever it is.
And if they promise you a picture in due time, they are actually slowly retreating, in a vain attempt to shake off those who are getting just a little too close shining a light onto their bullshit.
Time-wasters! Move on! Next! | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 4 | |
| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 3:50:21 AM | Diolacles....There was nothing wrong with asking for her picture. She knew what you looked like, she didn't have a problem accepting your picture.
I am thinking she was not quite what you were looking for and she hoped that once you met her you would like her anyway.
Hey can I have your picture ";)
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 1:46:53 PM | KRandy: I did. I already said that I cancelled before the day arrived. I would never just not show up after arranging to meet someone.
Rubydue: Well, thanks for your support...and I think you're absolutely right. I don't believe in Astrology, but the site I was on said that her sign and mine were a catastrophe together! :)
Ticket: Yep, you got it. A bit harsh, but close enough :)
XXChuck: I think the scanner was a lame excuse. And I do agree with you. All in all, it was not a good thing. Odd that I had a niggly feeling in the back of my mind about her. Just couldn't pin it down. Gotta start paying attention to those feelings from now on.... :) | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 6:03:11 PM |
You deserved to be told off. You made a date then broke it. You then ask for a photo before you will go make plans for another date. If you had been smart, you had one of your buddies call you on your cell phone 15 minutes into the date. You can then leave the date on an excuse if she is fat or ugly. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 6:16:22 PM | | since when is it uncommon for people to break dates? he cancelled with proper notice and he already said he met people without seeing them first and they turned out to be not what he was looking for.....so why should he waste his time meeting someone, even if its for 15 minutes, if she turns out to be not his preference. i think he did the right thing. i think it would hurt her more if he left fifthteen minutes into the date. if she did'nt figure it out then...later she would...when he would'nt return her phone calls. be real | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 6:24:51 PM | | Furthermore, why involve others to make phone calls and other slightly underhanded actions as such? What's wrong with telling her directly that you feel you "Do not have a connection", or "I don't think we have something here", etc. Why be so spineless about it? | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/7/2004 8:54:50 PM | yuletide said:
"You deserved to be told off. You made a date then broke it."
You've never broken a date with somebody? Get a grip!
yuletide also said:
"If you had been smart, you had one of your buddies call you on your cell phone 15 minutes into the date. You can then leave the date on an excuse if she is fat or ugly."
Oh, I see breaking a date is bad, according to you - but the above tactic is ok? You've got some funny ideas about what's right or wrong, chum. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/8/2004 12:31:36 PM | I think the only thing you might have done wrong is to make a date and then break it and ask for a photo again afterwards. That just lets her pretty much know that you got cold feet and that her looks (or in this case the lack of) was the reason. I might would have held off until at least getting a good description of her. Did she offer any description of her at all? I mean, some women don't give photos because they are very attractive and want you to get to know her and to get passed her looks. Others, well, sadly to say..feel they have something to hide, and if they offer no description at least then they might raise a red flag.
Then again..I usually have just contacted those with pictures on the internet anyway.
Skins | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/8/2004 3:22:12 PM |
Dioclacles, I have never broken a date then turned around and told a women that I wouldn't go out with her unless she sent me a photo. Besides, some women send you photos that are old and don't even look like them.
As`for the cell phone thing, I was just giving him an idea which is less rude than doing what he did. I have had a couple of women do it to me but they stayed. One of them told me she does it for security in case she meets a weirdo. | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 6/11/2004
Msg: 14 | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/8/2004 6:32:35 PM |
None, there are just alot of people here in Orlando area that are transient so it better to safe than sorry especially when meeting someone from the internet. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 5:51:25 AM | | Yuletide: I don't know if you're being deliberately 'thick' but I DIDN'T tell her I "wouldn't go out with her until she sent a photo" I said it would be nice if you could send a photo before our next meeting - which I had already set up with her. I still would have gone to meet her, regardless. So, get your facts straight before you leap in with both feet. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 5:57:12 AM | | yuletide: Actually, looking back I see the way I worded the original message, so I see how you thought that. Sorry, you couldn't have interpereted it any other way. But, in actual fact I would have still met with her regardless. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 9:39:41 AM | Hi,
Well my ? is why r did u met up with bigger girls anyway ? U said u not attracted 2 them, but this is how I would feel if a guy that isn't n2 a big girl go on a date and just sit there anf talk...2 me it's like u just leading on though u have no interest even if they're great ppl. and the only thing is that they're big...
There's my 2 cents and I know ur gonna jump all over me 4 it. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 5:45:37 PM | | Maybe for next time you should make it seem as though you just want an idea of what they look like so when you arrive at the place where you're suppose to meet you'll know each other when you meet instead of having to go thru that ackward situation of wondering if that person showing up is the right person. | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 7:22:57 PM | nope its not unreasonable! screw her there was a reason why she wasn't sending you a pic?
hmm something to hide maybe, im sorry but i have had my share of let downs and liers! that i have met on the net! so just stand your ground you want to see a pic first! after all the first thing you notice is what they look like before they even speak! and if that attraction is not there then? what next lol NOTHING haha | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 7:44:30 PM | K, this is no simple task. I think the truth is your only mistake was timing. Asking for her picture after canceling obviously alerted her to the fact that you were wondering if she was not your type physically. She was angry at the transparency of your actions, confirmed by the timing of the re-request.
Your need to know what she looks like is valid, and her protecting herself is valid too. It's the same as coming out and saying, "Oh, by the way, before we ACTUALLY meet, I was wondering are you a cow? Because I've met more than my share of those and don't want to waste my time on you if you are too fat for my taste." ESPECIALLY when you've spent so much time with her already.
Truth is, that we WANT to be able to judge people by their inner self - but we have way to much inherent, genetic drive going on behind the scenes. Physical attraction is very important.
Mac | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/9/2004 11:36:22 PM | @ DenimCanada (Mac) > that was beautiful, man. I just cut the length of my reply in 1/2.
First, avoid going on dates from the net. Turns out bad for me every time. I say don't bother asking for a pic--just assume that she's Montezuma. If she's the least bit pretty, that's like bonus points. And before you go out, make it known that you're not interested in a relationship. You can go back and change your mind if need be. If you say "I'm interested in possibly forming a relationship" it's harder to change your mind, go back and say "eww, you're hideous, I mean, not my type; er, I'm not in a position to have a relationship right now." | |
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| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/12/2004 6:07:39 AM | I can't resist to throw in my two cents here.
I don't post a picture because I am well known in my field and don't want to have the information that I am looking to date thru and online service known. Next, I have pictures but they are all 4 or 5 years old. Still haven't figured out how to get someone to take a decent picture of me that I can use.. what? ask my daughter to take one for the internet..geeee
Finally, I have read that it seems to be common to have the person show up and they don't look like the picture anyway! This is the most difficult for me to understand.... did they think the lie wasn't going to be discovered? Seems that if you say you are 135lbs and you are really 165lbs you can't hide that unless you never meet. Or the guy who sent me a picture of a fellow mid-40s. But, when he showed up, let me tell you he was either in his 60s or he had a really tough life !!! Someone tell me how do these people think that giving out false information will serve them in the end anyhow. And, why do you guys put any faith in the pictures knowing that until you actually see this person you still don't know the truth. | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 25 | |
| Re: Asked For Photo, Got Handed My Hat
Posted: 8/12/2004 3:31:59 PM | | When someone uses a webcam for their picture you can be pretty sure it is up to date and it can't be enhanced. (can it?) What you see is what you get. | |
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