| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:08:53 PM | | Have you ever been in a situation before where someone you knew was the victim of domestic abuse at the hands of their boyfriend/husband and you felt like you wanted to take the matter into your own hands by going after him personally? I remember that it happened on an episode of Roseanne when Jackie was physically hurt by her boyfriend Fisher and Dan decided to take matters into his own hands by beating him up. Has anyone ever had this happen around them before and if so, what did you do? | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:11:24 PM | | Never happened to me personally or to anyone I know, but, if it ever did come up as much as I'd want to go after the person, it wouldn't be the best idea. Say my neice's boyfriend beat her. My first reaction would be to go and beat his ass down. But I would be just as bad as him for doing it. Instead I would be there for her and comfort her and lend support. The person who's been abused is not going to want their friends or relatives going out looking for the person. If the police have to be involved then let them handle it, don't be a vigilante, be a friend. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:52:20 PM | I passed this thread over 3 times because its a touchy subject and I have strong feelings about. But I guess I wouldnt be me if I just ignored it. So here goes.
1 You wouldnt be just as bad as him. Hes beating a woman. That doesnt make him human in my eyes . Hes a suck animal that needs put down.
I had a cousin in the same situation. After time and alot of trying I finaly lost my cool . Showed up at her house with my truck and walked in told her to pack she was leaving. Her husband jumped up and grabbed her arm. (PUNK didnt have the guts to go for me). He soon hit the floor and found himself sleeping for a while. Randy never bothered her after that. even through the devorce he kept his distance because I did say some things I wont disclose here. It all ended in a better way.
BUT then theres the back side of the coin. Sitting in a bar. Out of no where this dude busts a beer mug over his girlfriends face then proceeds to box here with at least 4 punchs I saw. No one even grabbed that ass. I got up walked over and ended up beating the dog snot out of him. Oddly when the cops arrived. He pressed charges on me and she backed him up sayng her injuries were because she got in the way of the fight and it was a accedent. She was that affriad of the guy I guess. Good side for me the bartender and some other patrons told the cops the truth. I stayed out of jail.
I cant tell you what the right thing to do is. Because in the reality of it all. She has to want out. And be willing to end it for herself too. To many women become so beaten down and affriad they stay convinced they love the guy. Because they are to affriad of him not to...
Makes me sick to see or hear about it. In my opinion it should be ranked right up there with child molesters. Hang them all and be done with it. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 11:12:51 PM | | again gotta agree with repo.lol. My sister was in a relationship that she was beaten in! I was 15 when I realized this. Me and my sister grew up with just my mom(my dad died when i was 4 my sister was 7) so it was just the three of us and i felt it was my job to protect them. But anyway i was at home sleeping when all of a sudden my sister ran into the house screaming adn shortly after i heard our door being broke down. all i could here was a bunch of yelling and hitting and my sister saying stop. my mom was at the lake on vacation. so i went out to the garage and grabbed my bat and came in the house and hit the shit heel in the side of the ribs with it about 4 times. I took my sister out of there while he laid there and when i came back, he was gone. And guess what exactly like repo little kid gets charged with assault. But would do it in a heart beat again and for any woman. women beaters and child molesters need to be shot. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 11:44:29 PM | my best friend is with a guy that abuses her infront of her kids (3 and 1).
i recently had to call childrens aid because the 3 year old is saying some pretty creepy stuff about the boyfriend.
i have physically had to get him off of her.
as much as i would like for him to "go missing" i know that won't solve the problem (his kid will grow up with out a dad, a loser mind you but still.........).
anyways she's not talking to me anymore because of my decision to get childrens aid involved but i'm still keeping an eye on her because she's my best friend.
yeah her boyfriend beats her and verbally abuses her and i want him out of her life but i can't force her to do anything, she's an adult, all i can do is look out for her and let her know how i feel about the loser. and hope that she makes it out in one piece with the kids.
she basically needs a smack upside the head (in a good way) so that she can see what everyone else sees, she needs to stop comming up with excuses for him. she needs to get away. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/8/2007 11:55:08 PM | This is where i have to say . Dad or not the sorry shyt bag needs to be away from those kids for good. He learned hitting women was cool from some where. Kids pick up that crap. NOT all but alot do.
My cousins kid? He was 5 when I finaly got her away from her ex. Her son.... Has a bad attitude and acts out some times kicking her and throwing things. Mimicing his father. The kids in therapy now.
These guys arnt men. They arnt fathers. They are weak pathetic punks that dont have the balls to cope with thier own failures and screw ups in life. so they feel bigger and more in control by beating up a woman.
I would make a bad security gaurd for a prison. To many would be shot for trying to excape and then I would unlock the door.! | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 12:26:43 AM | | Being I was in a relationship like that,In looking back now.I dont think anyone should go after the abuser.Go after the person who is choosing to stay in that relationship.A person who can beat and emotionaly abuse someone they claim to love,will NOt be affected by outside interference.Only make things worse for the person they are abusing.I personely blame myself for staying in it for so many years.People can only treat you as you allow them to.Talking to the person in that kind of relationship,also may be a waste of time,until they wake up,and realize that love isnt suppose to hurt,and leave the relationship.They may be abusing the person,but they are also being allowed to by the person they are abusing. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 10:37:34 AM | Well my little sister was in several realionships like this and I considered taking care of one of them once will maybe twice... But I didn't because I had a record for violience as a kid and I didn't want to do life for something she going to continue on with..Plus I had been through a 12 - step program and closer to God..This sort of thing is dangerous too a guy that will beat a woman will also go after the womans friends..When I was in aa many years ago I sponcered this one fella that hit his girlfriends I didn't know it at the time..One day he called me up and was acting kinda weird aganist my better judgement I went over to their home(I should have called the police) because when I entered the apartment he had a gun in his hand he was ranting and raving weird crap..I was so scared he was going shoot my fat a$$ before I could get to my car..Anyway it took me hours to get that gun away from him and I just unloaded it and put it in my trunk..I never did call the police..I would say if it's neccessary to save your friend do what you can I would probley try and educate them get them into therapy..Because it's up to them to make the change when it comes down to it. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 2:12:34 PM | It's is a hard choice..I had a friend who's little girl died because of the beating he put on them both..and 6 mths later she slit her wrists
should I have dropped him off the roof when I had the chance
I don't know
but if you know anyone who is involved in somthing like that u need to try all you can to help | |
|
| |
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 3:31:32 PM | It would be very hard for me to stay uninvolved if a situation like that was happening to someone I cared about.
I have know some women in the past that were in this sort of relationship, and I have both called the abuser on it and not called him on it. I did not physically try to beat the crap out of them, because I would not hold a threat to them. Obviously they were much larger than me. Though if I thought I could, I probaly would have tried to. If I thought the abuse would become worse with confrontation, I would be leary of letting the loser know, I knew.
But what I did do, was stick by the victim of the abuse. And remind her over and over again, that she deserved better. And reassured her that if she wanted to leave, I would help her in any way. Until finally she came to that decision. Sometimes when a victim has someone to talk to , and look at the relationship from an outsiders view, they begin to see how wrong it all is. They have in a sense lost themselves and their confidence, from the abuse being done to them over and over again. They become a shadow of the confident person they once were, before the relationship. They need to be reminded, just how strong they realy are, and just how worth it they are, to get out.
Now if it were my daughter on the other hand, I would kick the living crap out of any man , that so much as touched her, in a violent way.
I did also , once see this on the street. Where it involved strangers. Right outside my house, he pulled the car over and grabbed her by the hair and started hitting her. I called the cops. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:20:59 PM | You don't hurt people you love, it's that simple. I love my friends, of course I would do something to stop them from being hurt.
I would not go after the guy personally, I'm just a little chick...but I would call the police and make a report after talking to her about the situation.
I would (and have) talk to her about how dangerous being in an abusive relationship is, and how it doesn't stop...it continually escalates until he tries to kill her.
I would do this until I get through to her and I would help her pack and offer her a place to stay.
The problem is abused women have been beaten down verbally and feel they are worthless, and that the abuser is the only one that would put up with them.
This really pisses me off because it's so hard to explain to people that women do not 'like' to be abused, they have been and now feel they deserve it.
I would do anything to help anybody, that's the kind of person I happen to be...I would not allow anyone I know to continue in an abusive relationship without my intervention.
That may sound pushy, but I believe it's completely called for.
Jenni
 | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:18:32 PM | Im a supervisor. Couple years ago I was working midnight shift and my whole crew was women. One of them was continually beaten by her boyfriend. One night he met her in the parking lot, threatenning her and so on. She came into work crying and I asked her what was the matter. Jason is going too kill me, I really think he is going too kill me. This guy started calling work and asking for her, sorry shes working cant come too the phone, click. He was also calling her cell phone threatenning her. I had enough and asked her what she wanted to do..
I have a restraining order for no contact at all, but its no good I went back too him. After about the 20th phone call I had enough. I called the police. Told the officer what was going on. He had already dealt with this piece of dirt before. He showed up and was talking too her and listenning too the messages on her phone. Boyfriend called and she said its him want too talk too him? He grabbed the phone and said this is Constable so and so... The guy threatenned too kill the officer,, another charge to go along with 8 other breaches from earlier.
As the officer was leaving I pulled him aside and asked him should I be worried he is going too come here? cause im getting involved if he does. He looked at me and said the guys is a 130lb crack head,, you'd tear his head off. On the record do whatever you have to do too restrain him and notify the police,,, dont overly take advantage of the situation. Off the record do what you have to do.. I want him, he threatenned my life and hes beaten the helkl out of her for over a year that I know of. I want a piece of him!
Next night at break I hear screaming in the parking lot.. Guess who is beating the hell out of his girlfriend? I grabbed ahold of him and put a beating on the guy. Did I care if I went too jail,, nope not at all!. I yelled at a worker too call 911 and get constable so and so,, too tell him Jason showed up at work and the supervisor has him in the parking lot. I sat on the guy for about 5 minutes until the police arrived,, getting spit on and threatenned.
Constable showed up and said Jason remember me? im the one you threatenned yesterday. Everyone was inside the building at the time taking care of her injuries. no one but I could see what happened. Jason spent some time in hospital, and then time in jail for domestic abouse, several breaches, resisting arrest and threatenning an officer. Jason has never bothered her again too this day! He found out what it was like too take a beating and not be able too protect himself. Would I do it again,, damn straight I would! | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/9/2007 9:24:16 PM | Sadly, people who seek out an abuser can find another after you have done your best to stop the situation. Do not take this as a 'blame the victim' attitude on my part. It is a reality that many people seek out the kinds of relationships that they are comfortable with and most will repeat the pattern unless they break the cycle of abuse.
I have been in the position of telling a former friend to get out, Get Out, GET OUT!! She wasn't ready to leave. I asked "what if" he did it to their child? When she told me that he already had, I was speechless. And finally resorted to telling her to watch the patterns, write about things, etc. The reason being, I did not want her to go back to suffering in silence. (This was not the first abusive relationship she was in - but the first for her child.)
I've also been in the other position and been asked if my ex abused me (asked a concerned family member who probably had her consciousness raised) ...
My response was "Is he walking?"
It is my own feeling that some people don't feel loved without feeling pain. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/10/2007 12:57:06 PM | | I"m impressed with the responses that this subject has gotten so far. Its good to know that there are people out there who will go as far as they can to protect a loved one and I would even do the same thing myself if a family member or a friend was in that type of situation, regardless of wheather or not I'd go to jail. Because you have a very good friend, you should be willing to do anything for them in anyway possible, especially in domestic abuse situations. I agree that fighting isn't always the answer, but in some cases, the more you hear about these situations, the more you wanna take matters into your own hands because you fear that the police won't do anything about it. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:21:50 PM | Having been there, I totally understand why women are afraid to leave the abuser. But they should learn the first time and not take on a second abuser....so sadly this happens.
I have and would again stand up for any woman being abused physically. | |
|
| standing up for someone who's been domestically abused
Posted: 2/10/2007 6:39:58 PM |
Have you ever been in a situation before where someone you knew was the victim of domestic abuse at the hands of their boyfriend/husband and you felt like you wanted to take the matter into your own hands by going after him personally?
yes... three times it happened where I intervened. It got fairly violent in one incident. To this day, he knows I will be in his face if ever he attempts to cross that line again. Unfortunately, due to his criminal past, I don't think he'll ever remove violence/abuse from his life.... I'm always watching him and watching for signs from those who fell victim to his temper.... I have zero-tolerance for those kind of jerks. | |
|
Home
login 
