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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....      Home login  
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 Sandys.Secret
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 1
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It started with a few messages back and forth and it seemed like there was a connection. We talked breifly on the phone and decided to meet for a drink to see if there was enough chemistry to go out on a real date.

We met, everything seemed fine - he arrived about the same time I did and we engaged in conversation. We talked for alomost two hours, had a couple of drinks and it seemed like we were both very comfortable. He even made a comment that we have to go out again and I have to meet his friends.

When we were leaving he gave me his number and I gave him mine. I told him I would call him soon. He walked me out, and gave me a kiss (appropriate for a first meeting type of kiss) and we left. I was delighted that we had a connection.

That night I logged onto POF just to see his picture again. I saw that he had logged in, and thought that maybe he was doing the same.

The next day I left him a message on hius email saying I had a great time and would call later. I called later that evening and just said "Hi, its me. Had agreat time, call me" and left my number. Since then nothing..... no message, no call....nothing.

What happened?? I obviously have written him off and moved on but I am very perplexed. After a few days I wrote saying "I thought we had chemistry, I guess you didn't feel the same, all the best to you", hoping that would prompt some sort of explanation or clue, but no....

Any thoughts????
 Sandys.Secret
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 2
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 8:32:09 PM
I should also add that I am quite certain that he is not married or otherwise involved in a serious relationship.
 chilady07
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 3
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 8:48:18 PM
This is the classic punk/weak move. Annoying, isn't it?
Who knows why. I'm just glad that you're moving on. He does not deserve another thought. Would you want a guy who couldn't communicate? Imagine an argument with him: he would send smoke signals!
 TattoosAreAddictive
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 4
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 8:49:01 PM
I've been where you are. I met a guy on here and we had a late night get together, fooled around but nothing serious. Next day I emailed him and got no reply all day,even though he was online on here. Found out later he thought I was needy and didn't bother to tell me. I also had coffee with a guy a few months ago and things went well and we got along but after that coffee he never contacted me. Personally I don't think there was enough of a chemistry between me and him. And as for the other guy he wasn't interested in a relationship or being up front with me. I consider myself lucky that he showed me who he was before anything serious happened. As for your guy I am not too sure. Maybe he found someone else on here and didn't feel the need to let you in on it. He could be hiding a relationship from you. Only he knows for sure and he ain't talking. Best to move on.
 PT_1
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 5
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:13:15 PM
I have had several coffee dates with girls that had great conversation, a bit of chemistry, a hug or a kiss goodbye and plans to get together later. On the drive home anything I had felt when we were together started fading and by the time I got home any desire to get together was gone. However, I always let her know by email or phone, that is only fair. If I am excited to see her again I will email her right away to show my interest. I'm not sure why anyone would not send a polite email, but that's a sure indication of who they really are.
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:22:24 PM
OP, that guy must've lost his damn mind if he didn't want to pursue a relationship with you. Well, it's his loss.
 tbird16
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 7
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:32:52 PM
Have had it happen. thought it was just me. Maybe these guys aren't the ones worth pursuing. I'm not really into to the chase. It's gotta go both ways. I'm willing to call first but if no reply, then that's it for me.
Time to move on...
 RussArtLover
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 8
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:50:31 PM
Hey Sandy,
Tough call, the way you describe it all, it seems there are mitigating circumstances involved. I suppose he doesn't post on the forums much? Give it a few days before you write him off. If in the end he has moved on, at least you got a nice kiss out of it. Stay cool.
 coruja
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 9
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:06:29 PM
OP - this happened to me recently; a very similar scenario. A first meeting that went very well (from my perspective at least), seeming interest from the other party. I called a couple days later and left a voicemail and emailed, but zip back. So, clearly ladies do it too.

I was somewhat perplexed, but ultimately only mildly so. Don't sweat it and toughen up little. View it as their loss or whatever and move on. There could be a ton of reasons:

They were also seeing someone else (of POF or elsewhere) and preferred them, albiet they liked you too, just not as much;

Suddenly their life got super-busy;

A family crisis came up;

They just felt tired of dating and needed a break...

Just pick one you prefer and move on.

Personally I don't feel an explanation is owed after just one meet, so I don't expect one myself. People may have had bad experiences in the past of 'poor-loser' emotional-vampire types dumping on them when they try and give them an explanation for not wanting to continue. Just give them, and yourself, the benefit of the doubt, put a positive spin on it (for yourself) and get on to the next lucky guy to meet you.
 gotphish?
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 10
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:03:24 AM
Some guys are idiots
 BabeInTheWoods
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 11
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 2:29:42 AM
^^^ Yes, some guys are idiots. And some girls too, I'd wager.

I've had this happen too... there has been hearsay about the gent I met, apparently he is in fact married. I guess it's good then that he didn't want to see me again. I like my dates to be single!

Ooh! And I did do this to a guy... bad of me, I know. He was nice and he was definitely single! But he spouted off a lot of poetical fluff that wasn't my cup of tea... I did write to him, but he always responded the same way... fluffy. So I just let him be. I also like my dates to have some solidity behind the fluff.

~BITW~
 Calgary bbw
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 12
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 2:41:03 AM
OP I'm not sure whats up with this guy I looked at your profile and as a woman I must say your very pretty.
Men .. who knows what makes them tick, I know I dont, some say 1 thing mean another, other are so into you they scare the crap out of you... who realy knows.. but as soon as you meet him, you will know.

2 cents
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 8:24:56 AM
He is a idiot - I think all of us have a story like this -
who knows what changed his mind -
Maybe you scared him-
Maybe he got cold feet
Maybe - because there is so much candy to choose form here
he decided he would try another piece of chocolate before going
any further with you - My advice - Ignore him - move on-
He is doing you a favor - he is weeding himself out of your lovely garden
fo someone else who is much better for you-
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:23:22 AM
Going thru that now... *sigh*
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 15
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:41:58 AM

Any thoughts????
He's a gutless coward and a player. There really is no other explanation. He hasn't the courage during the date to tell you he doesn't have a romantic interest in you.

I've gone through the same thing with half a dozen or more internet first dates. This is what is called the classic "poof" or "disappearance". The person believes they are sparing your feelings by going along with the pretense of continuing the date. I'd rather they end the bullshit and communicate they don't want to date me. Continuing the date in a friendly manner without telling me that don't want to see me again is a waste of my mental energies.

Some people might say "oh he/she changed his mind about you". That's bullshit. If so, he/she should indicate that in a follow-up communication, not be a spineless jellyfish. It's just rude, inconsiderate, and uncouth to leave somebody hanging after you have met them.

Sandy, if you continue to pursue communications with a guy like this, expect more bullshit. Like "oh I lost my cell phone", "oh I'm getting back with my X", "oh I've been real busy at work", etc.
 coruja
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 16
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:43:22 AM
Some guys are idiots


This is not a man bashing thread - why do some of you posters always seem to feel the need to turn it into one? Are you bitter? Leaping to conclusions and bashing the guy here - how is the view up there on that moral high-horse?

I offered my experience, of being on the receiving end of this recently; from a WOMAN as a MAN. Another woman on here confesses that recently she did the same to a MAN (because he was 'fluffy'). So can we please drop the tiresome, sexist, simplistic 'men are idiots, you go girl...' tirade. Then we may actually gain some insight and help the OP.

I don't feel the women who behaved this way with me was an idiot. I give her the benefit of the doubt. For whatever reason she didn't feel something was there worth exploring. Or something came up...a gazillion possible reasons as I stated above. None of which require me to question either her intelligence or moral fibre, or, more importantly, my suitability as a partner. After just one meeting, she didn't feel a necessity for explaining. Me neither. Fair enough. No big deal. I'm not hurt - I'm an adult and emotionally secure.

Whether the OP seems attractive or not has zip to do with it - I see some posts saying "your so pretty, the guy must have been crazy". Are such posters the same people who also deride people for basing their choices solely on looks? Who knows, the OP (and myself for that matter) may have unwittingly made some huge faux-pas on the date. Or something we said was simply mis-construed. Or something about us was a total deal-breaker for this person. But the very same thing may be exactly the opposite for another. Whatever, sh*t like this happens. The world didn't end... we live to date again.

OP, such things happen to the best of us. Don't 2nd guess yourself. Be secure. Have confidence that you're a great catch. Pick the best (not the worst) reason you can think of that this happened, and move on to the next lucky fish!

peace - out.
 nicebluiz
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 17
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History
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:58:39 AM
Hmmmm, odd, Sandy.

I looked at your profile, and all I can tell you is that I wouldn't have flaked out on you like that. If I were out with you, and you thought there was chemistry (and said so), I think I'd have owed you at least an explanation. Gee! Maybe that's just me, though. I've had women just flake out on me, too---won't burden you with that, it's for another thread.

You take care, and have fun. Happier next time!
 Tramp
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 18
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:19:35 AM
he met someone else.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 19
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History
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:22:58 AM
In 4 yrs ,off and on,of online dating experience,I can comfortably say that if I had a nickel for every "one date wonder" I could send everyone here to Disneyland

Here's the deal, as I see it anyway(whatever THAT's worth to anybody) online dating is bassackwards of realtime dating;in 'realtime' you are drawn to the person by an attraction (usually) to something about him or her. Mostly it's a feeling of " he(or she) is attractive", but it also might arise from a thought of "she(or he) looks interesting" or you might strike up a conversation with someone in a public place, event or a social setting and become interested. But the key point is, you can see each other face to face,and that attraction, (or at least ACCEPTANCE) to the other persons physical appearance is what drives the whole endeavor. In online dating it's the other way around.

And OP, it could have been WORSE! He could have done a "drive-by" and never gotten out of his vehicle, or almost openly displayed his disappointment (that he just can't envision you as his next exwife) made perfunctory conversation and/or come up with an excuse to cut the meeting short.
MOST of the time what I've experienced was pretty much what you related, a pleasant, enjoyable encounter,and you started imagining all the things that you and he were going to do as a couple. Unfortunately HE didn't see it the same way. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to change that. At least he had the grace and decency to enjoy meeting you. RARELY do guys follow up with an " I enjoyed our meeting BUT" email. I personally always send an email acknowledging my pleasure in meeting the guy(even if it's a dead lie LOL) and IF I truly would enjoy seeing him again I say so. Occasionally a guy has the manners to at least answer the email. Most of the time it's nothing. And let me add that I do NOT continue to email a guy whom I feel no attraction, or who doesn't follow thru on MY expression of willingness to meet again. In a few cases where there was no mutual 'chemistry, a friendship has developed, but mostly they just seem to have floated off into the mystic..
To sum up, OP, that's pretty much how online dating works( or DOESN'T work, depending on your particular viewpoint),so get used to it. Don't get ANY kind of hope or expectation until you are moving in together,( or have agreed to an exclusive relationship) or are standing in front of a preacher who's saying "Dearly Beloved..."
Cindy O
 angelaisthecoolest
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 20
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History
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:31:05 AM
Welcome to the world of online dating.

You should get your certificate and lapel pin in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.
 couldusecompany
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 21
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:58:30 AM
It's really impossible for us to tell you why he hasn't responded. We don't even know how long it's been. Maybe he's playing the game of wait for a while first - who knows. Or maybe you're writing this so that he can see it, and perhaps remind him to contact you back.

Stuff like this happens all the time, and it simply exists to leave you and I scratching our heads, wondering what the deal is. Most of my emails do not get responded to, and I don't understand it. I was talking last night with a girl who went out with a guy, had a pleasant time but no real connection, and by the time she got him he had blocked her. For me, blocking is a pretty serious thing to do.

Instead of trying to figure out why he didn't call, maybe it's just easier to accept that he's likely not interested and go on your merry way. I realize this is not easy to do, but you can make yourself crazy trying to figure out why people do what they do.
 crimper
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 22
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:18:31 AM
Hi Sandy

Same here.............a great meeting , nice friendly kiss .... a promise to '' do it again '' and then nothing.
I think some people just dont have the courage to say there was ''no spark''
I have met people .......been really friendly .......had a great night........BUT.......not faniced them one iota.
BUT
being a woman with manners I have always emailed and said how much I enjoyed their company ..........but there just wasnt that ''SPARK '

Its called ..........MANNERS........ !!!

Shame some people have none........It does dint your confidence though

 coruja
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 23
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:33:08 AM

You should get your certificate and lapel pin in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.


Darn, I guess mine got lost in the mail.
 venus1214
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 24
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:55:38 AM
I have had this happen to me too and am guilty of the same. Guys are no different than us. Maybe he changed his mind, maybe he didnt feel the same way you did. Its difficult to tell someone you are not interested especially if you have met in person and shared some conversation. Chemistry is a funny thing and not always mutual. Better it happened now before you invested too much into it. Dont sweat it too much...lots more fish in the sea...Happy V-Day!
 VoluptuousinRI
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 25
Good conversation, good meeting, then NOTHING.....
Posted: 2/14/2007 12:29:36 PM
OP-happens all the time-in the last year, every man I've met has done the same thing to me...they just disappear into a big black hole in the universe...never to be heard from again...the only one's who do try to get a 2nd date are the ones you don't want to hear from, then you have to once again tell them- No thank you, don't think we're a match....hmm

I'm wondering, maybe that is the way to handle the ones we like..tell them you DON'T want to see them again???

Who knows... they claim they want honesty and no games; but maybe they don't know what they really want....

Oh well ya know what they say at the deli/meat (meet) counter-------------> Next
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