| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:03:22 AM | Case in point, last summer I met a young lady at a bar, she appeared interested in me, eye contact, swiveled her stool to face me somewhat, etc, but it turned into an "interview" I felt like I was trying to get to know her, but she wasn't really talking, so I just started asking questions, and after awhile she kindof turned of completely.
So how do you avoid this? How can you get a women to open up some, enough so that you can make some kind of connection with them, even if it's not romantic, but just freindly?
Thanks,
Kurt | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:10:32 AM | That's a hard one, because it's different for everyone. It could be that she was just being polite to begin with, but from what you said, it would appear that she was giving signals. Maybe she was just bored? Maybe she was initially flattered but didn't like where the questions were going? Maybe she also felt like it was interview, and found that a turn-off? Maybe the questions got too intrusive?
Regardless, finding a common ground is usually the best approach. Ask some questions, but also make sure you are telling her about yourself too. I hate it when a guy just asks questions but doesn't tell me his own answers...leaving me to continuously prompt...so what about you? | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:20:02 AM | I agree with Snuggles.
Common ground is the best way to go about it. Also if this was just a pick up, don't stick around all night, you got to have some mystery. Once things are in your favour and you've made her laugh a couple times (with you, not at you) then make your move, ask for her number.
The longer you stick around without making a move, makes it seem like you're just killing time, until something better comes along.
Wait for the oppurtune moment, then make your move, wait around for 5 (sih) more minutes, then exit gracefully.
When on a date things are different. Either there is the chemisty to make the conversation flow, or there isn't.
but I guess the best advice someone can give you is to pay attention to her body signals, always talk about yourself as much as you're asking about her. Only ask questions, you yourself will answer.
Not sure what else to offer you OP.
Good luck. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:40:15 AM | Hmmmmmm..... i thought it was best not to talk to much about yourself. I figured if the women wanted to know, she'd ask, but I guess a lot of women take a very passive role in these things. I tried to not question her too much, but rather tried to get her talking about some of the answers, she was a marine biology grad student, and I know a little about her area of expertise, so that's what I was trying to get her to talk about. It could have been too long, didn't think of that.
Thanks,
Kurt | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:42:38 AM | | If you wanted to converse without interrogating someone, then just talk. Stop to ask her questions and to allow her to put in her input (and see if she starts to open up) fairly often, but don't just fire question after question because then it seems like you're prying when you don't really know her, you know? | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:48:14 AM | Not all girls talk about their shoes.
If a guy asked me about my shoes, I wouldn't know what to say, and I'd likely think he was a little light in the loafers himself. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:52:19 AM | LOL ^ shoes!!!
I can picture that conversation:
Jeez, my shoes are....errr....black. Yep, they're awefully black! And they have laces, too!! Brand? Um, well, let's look shall we? Shall I take them off?
Reminds me of the very blunt pickup line: Nice shoes, wanna F***? | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:52:35 AM | | I guess it would depend on what kind of shoes she was wearing. Something plain, I'd probably make no comment, but something unique, I'd probably say something about. Although the type's of girls I'm attracted to aren't girly girls, but a little more tomboyish, outdoorsy sorts, so they would probably be wearing worn out tennis shoes. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:56:26 AM | Caffeine or Booze (either one should get her talking) or better yet try a bunch of "jager bombers" (red bull and jagermeister) -kidding, however if she isn't talking to you much, she is either nervous or not into you. if your nervous -its probibly making her more nervous. try steering the conversation more towards everyday events (fun things) instead of grilling her in a police interrogation format. i have gotten into useless conversations with a new date -talked for hours and realized we didnt find out anything about each other. then had to plan another date just to get to know each other better... | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 12:05:34 PM | Ahhhh yes, the art of talking incessantly about nothing. My uncle is a master of that, however, i cannot do it. Oh well, I'll try the booze or caffeine:  Just kidding. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:01:45 PM | I have been in situations where the guy can't relax and is thinking too much about what to say... there is no flow to the conversation..
Maybe next time allow for some silences... someone will fill them up, or you will realize that the conversation isn't really going anywhere..
JMO | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:54:58 PM | OK...I am not a girl....but I have talked to a few
OPEN ended questions...(avoid YES or NO questions....)
ask WHY she does what she does or likes what she likes?
or How she learned that about herself...
or what does she think about________ fill in the blank....
and when you DO make her laugh....don't forget to tell her how adorable and cute it is that her nose wiggles when she giggles.... | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 4:44:42 PM | I think if she was into you, she would have talked to you. If i'm not interested in a man who has approached me, then he's usually doing all the talking....if i am, i will help the conversation along...even if it starts to get awkward, i try so it can keep going....
maybe she was expecting you to buy her drinks...a lot of women i see in clubs flirt with men just to get a free drink, without any inclination of getting to know them better...this one guy once told me he bought drinks for this girl he was trying to impress, plus all her friends, he kept buying them rounds, next thing he knew her bf walked in....he'd been taken, all by some flirting... | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 4:49:13 PM | This is the problem I have, I'm on the other end of it. I can't seem to get talking no matter what.. it's just first date jitters I think... I'm okay on the 2nd date, better on the 3rd, etc. I'd just give her time to warm up to you, give her another chance! That's all I hope for  | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 5:13:08 PM | i agree with shy girl...
don't ask so many questions either!! you felt you were interviewing her? she probly felt like she was being interviewed....relax and let it flow. crack jokes at the proper moments, making her laugh will help relax her. (it does for me)....
you can talk about yourself, just don't BRAG about yourself. when you're explaining something, maybe mention something of another topic but yet still related to your story that will make her ask questions. i dunno what else to say....
if you really don't feel that the convo is gonna last after hanging out a few tmes, then it just means one thing: NEXT!! | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 5:42:55 PM | I agree it's probably shyness. I can't offer any advice because I have the same problem I think she had! I do find it worse when I just get asked questions; I prefer the man does his fair share of talking. Note: do not get so enthusiastic about what you're saying that you cut her off in mid-sentence. That's always really annoying 
Having something else to talk about so you're not staring at each other all the time is helpful, as a shy person gets very nervous when being watched! Maybe there's something interesting at your meet place, or outside?
Helpful, eh? | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 8:06:34 PM | lots of ideas:
like mentioned above....go on an outdoor (do something) date. Go shopping for LAMPS for cryin out loud. jsut DONT get stuck at a frikken table where either of you feels like a prisoner.
If you MUST have a sitdown type date (dinner, lunch, drinks etc) then see if there is some way to sit beside each other (side by side) NOT across a table staring at each other. Of course side by side can be weird too....so you have to handle it right. DONT get too close!
Have a VARIETY of things planned to do.
(Sit where there are things and people to watch. The whole staring at each other across a table in a super hush-hush quiet place for eternity can jsut make me want to screeeeeeaaaammmm!!!)Tell her "lets stay here for _____ (time period) then let's go do this other thing. That way she doesn't feel trapped in an endless ,deadass NON-conversation. OMG those are PAINFUL (yes even IIIIIIIIIIIIII, big mouth that I am, have experioenced this thing)
If there are silent periods, acknowlege them....don't try to ignore them like a pink elephant in your living room. EVERYONE sees it...so simply mention how much you like to be able to be with someone and NOT feel like every minute has to be entertaining charming conversation. BEING TOGETHER in SILENCE is a great thing sometimes.
Don't ask yes/no questions. Don't discuss sex, politics, religion...nothing controversial. Stick to something only she knows until she is more relaxed with you.....like her childhood, pets, college, first job, adventures and dreams of teenage years.
riddles and jokes are good (not all day though) and bar tricks (little magic tricks).
Have a few more beers...that always helps!
have a few morrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeee beers and do a little dance for her...that helps too! | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 8:30:17 PM |
ask them about thier shoes. All girls like to talk about shoes.
If a guy came up to me and asked about my shoes, I'd think he was...
a) gay
b) a foot fetishist
Nothing wrong with either of those, but not what I'm looking for in a significant other! | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:38:37 PM | I wish I could help you out with this one, OP. Unfortunately, I'm just as clueless as you are about how to approach this subject. It goes to show you I suppose it's something both the men and the ladies suffer with.
My situation is similar, only it wasn't in a bar, and we'd met before once in person, and the second conversation was online. I was trying to get some type of interesting conversation going, but it was like talking to a brick wall. I don't think I was overly intrusive with my banter, it just didn't work. So, I politely found a way out. They know where I am. If the interest strikes them, I'm there, but I don't want to be annoying, or look like an idiot either.
Just keep being you and being natural. If she's not responsive, politely exit. If she's really interested, but there is stuff going on in the background, she'll find you!
xox
amY | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/14/2007 10:57:35 PM | | ^^^chatting online can be a bit different...you don't know what the other person is doing when you starting IMing them. I usually end up having 2 conversations at once while doing something else online...so if it takes a moment or two for a response, and the answers are short, it's not always a lack of interest....they might just be busy, and you caught them at the wrong time. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/15/2007 12:16:03 AM | "Don't ask yes/no questions. Don't discuss sex, politics, religion...nothing controversial. Stick to something only she knows until she is more relaxed with you.....like her childhood, pets, college, first job, adventures and dreams of teenage years."
Funny, I'm pretty much the opposite. I talk about the controversial topics (except for sex. Don't want them to think I'm a little sex fiend...not yet) because that's more of my comfort zone. Being asked the mundane 'So what do you study?' 'where do you work?' type questions is extremely annoying. The only place I want to talk about those things is where I have to engage in them. If I was at work that day and am trying to have a relaxing evening out, that is the LAST thing I want to talk about. I'll talk about those aspects with people I know, but a first date? I think that people that feel they have to ask those sort of questions have no originality. My best conversations have been totally spontaneous and kind of wacky. But many people can't do spontaneous and wacky without a trunk load of alcohol in their system and by then it makes no sense...so it doesn't happen often. | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/15/2007 5:46:06 AM | Kurt,
First of all, you got to let her talk instead of bombarding her with questions..If it felt like an interview to you, how do u think it felt to her? Also, being at a bar she was probably looking at some other guy, being that she didnt talk to you. Women not talking is a dealbreaker man, unless she was supershy one...From what you told me, you should give her some space, dont be too aggressive and buy her a drink..Oh yeah and nexttime you wanna get to know a woman, don't go to a bar....lol....How can you get to know her while she is checking out other guys and drinking?? WTF? | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/15/2007 5:46:41 AM | Kurt,
First of all, you got to let her talk instead of bombarding her with questions..If it felt like an interview to you, how do u think it felt to her? Also, being at a bar she was probably looking at some other guy, being that she didnt talk to you. Women not talking is a dealbreaker man, unless she was supershy one...From what you told me, you should give her some space, dont be too aggressive and buy her a drink..Oh yeah and nexttime you wanna get to know a woman, don't go to a bar....lol....How can you get to know her while she is checking out other guys and drinking?? WTF? | |
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| How do you get girls talking on a date/pickup?
Posted: 2/15/2007 5:59:37 AM | I met a young lady at a bar .....It never got very far. I tried to talk and she tried to walk, and now I am where I are.
Sounds to me like you might have come on a bit strong and scared her away. When meeting a person at a bar, they are usually out for a good time, as in fun time, and don't appreciate a serious conversation. You probably ended up boring her to tears. Save the serious stuff for a more appropriate setting, and focus on enjoying your evening, not disecting a person you just met. | |
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