| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:01:14 PM | | So recently my girlfriend of 6 months told me she did not have romantic feelings towards me. She loved our friendship, she loved hanging out, being around me, she wanted to do things over the summer we had already planned but, and there's always a but, just as friends. Here's my question, is it possible to love to be with someone, want to do everything with someoneand not have romantic feelings for them? unfortunately for me i still do. What i consider a friend, she is not, infrequent calls, she asks to go out to lunch without really asking (ex. so i have to get my oil change and going to eat afterwards, you can come if you want?) What's going on? is there more going on in her head that i don't know of? does she have problems with relationships? (recently found out last two guys didn't work out because after a while she did not have romantic feelings anymore) i just need an explanation or reasoning and unfortunately she is too closed in her emotions, she would never share them. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:23:34 PM | Yes it is possible to be friends with someone and love being with them without the ‘romantic love’ attachment. She is clear about what her options are and it appears cares for you but not in the same way you do. Regardless of age, after the high of that chemical reaction everyone talks of when falling in love, comes the work on building the relationship. The growth of love does not just happen because you feel it, it’s a result of common shared experiences. The last two guys she dated may have been in left field as well, not having the drive to support the nature of the same lady you question? You’ve just entered your 30’s, (more then likely like your friend) you may have concluded what kind of relationship is ideal to keep the love you desire and motivated.
Could be she is not giving much justification for breaking up or expressing emotion because she is content about the choice she’s made.
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:33:15 PM | Well put thank you very much, she has shown some emotion but it's like pulling teeth when i get her to talk how she truly feels. She strives to show and exhibit to everyone how strong and independant she is, at times being rude and sarcastic to prove that she is. I know she's not the one, but the last 6 months 90% of my time was with her, hard to find something to fill that time.....it's been a month and it's getting better and 98% ready to move on....
comments are welcome! | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:34:27 PM | whoa. She wants to do all the stuff you had planned as a couple, but as just friends?
I could try and help you determine what went wrong, but I don't think that is to important right now. I think you should move on and start seeing other people. If she really is your friend, she won't have a problem with it. If she does have a problem with it, then you can either get back together with her because she will realize what she is missing, or move on because she missed the boat and you are over her. Depends on how you look at it and what you want to do really. Either way, I suggest going out and finding a new mate because it'll help you get your inner-power back. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:44:28 PM | No no no....he does not need to find his inner power outside himself silly . H e already knows his strengths by how he continues to be a friend (in love) as well as the courage to stand here challenge himself by asking what the problem might be. He does not need to find his source by giving a salute to the first lady he is with:)) . to gain some inner_power...sheesh.
I think people have been playing too many video games...~zap you have more power~  
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 7:52:21 PM | lol, what do you want me to call it? Chi, Chakra, qi, ki, spirit, the force?
Just something about the way his gf said she doesn't want to be romantically involved but still wants to have access to all the other qirks.
Is today llike a theme day on the boards, cause I swear this like the 4th "can I get my x back" type of thread. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:18:10 PM | My boyfriend (ex) of 18 months is saying the same to me. That everything can stay the same
but we are open to date others. I feel that he is just keeping me on the back burner just in case he doesn't find someone better. Sure helps my self esteem. Can't give you any advise as I can't figure it out myself. Good luck | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:24:54 PM | | She told you she doesn't love you, simple as that. Don't try to read more into it, just accept it. She likes your company & maybe even loves you as a good friend but just not romantically. It's not easy but just move on and find someone who loves and appreciates you the way you deserve, unless you can deal with this on her terms. Maybe she does have problems with relationships or maybe she didn't meet the ONE yet. At any rate, according to her, you are not him. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 8:41:13 PM | PS...Just read what you said about her being rude & sarcastic to show how strong & independent she is. Those negatives signal just the opposite to me, immature and unsure of herself. It's possible to possess inner strength & independence but remain beautiful and sweet on the outside, and I'm not talking about physical beauty. I think you're going to be much happier when you are able to move on & it may take distancing yourself from her to make it easier for you to do that. I had to do that once & now he hardly ever crosses my mind & if he does it doesn't hurt anymore.
Sweetie, what is 6 months out of a lifetime, nothing....just a blink. This is one of life's storms. You will weather it and be stronger & smarter.
Wishing you much happiness... | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 9:23:24 PM | | She actually DID give you an explanation, that "she did not have romantic feelings towards you." If you hope that there's some other reason and keep pressing for more of an explanation . . . well, it's kind of like someone in an interrogation room - - even when they really have stated all of the facts known to them, they might just start reaching for straws to try to get out of there. So, anything she says under the pressure of you wanting a more detailed explanation is probably going to be less of the truth, and more like . . just nervous words to try to placate you. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/16/2007 10:33:22 PM |
What i consider a friend, she is not, infrequent calls, she asks to go out to lunch without really asking (ex. so i have to get my oil change and going to eat afterwards, you can come if you want?) What's going on?
Only she knows that. How about, next time she calls you to go out to lunch, tell her you can't, you're "busy". Don't let her string you along.
Reality is, you say she is "too closed in her emotions, she would never share them". Thats death to any relationship in the first place. If she can't express how she feels, feel sorry for her, because she's never going to be able to have a meaningful relationship. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 12:28:26 AM | You are now the third man she's pulled this with ?
Run..... 
It sounds like someone that has some severe emotional problems. She's been with three different guys, and the results been the same. That means the problem lies with her, and that she's not even aware of it.
She wants to have all the "good" without the "bad" (in her mind).
It sounds to me like she's unable to emotionally bond with anyone, and just wants to be in a position where she gets everything she needs from you without any emotional investment.
I'd just say "No thanks" , and move on towards meeting someone that's going to be worth your while. | |
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teebo7
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Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 17 | |
| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:47:15 AM | You're right, she did give me a reason, but after 3 months everything was great, then came the holidays, things were hectic, she apologized for not being herself but with the holidays, it was a busy time, things would be back to normal afterwards, they never did. Maybe that was an excuse i'm not sure. I wasn't aware of any change in feelings because of that so it caught me off guard.
I've never asked her again for an explanation, she does try to keep me around, but only when she wants and that's when i have to learn when to just say "no". I know I can find better. I know she has problems but i was always and still am an optimistic person, so i take whatever bad and spin it into something good. She was the opposite.
Thanks again everyone for your comments, you've giving me opinions from both sides! Lots more to think about but with time, it's getting better and easier to comprehend. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:13:07 AM | Sounds like she is using you, she wants to keep you around in case she can't find anyone else. I'd distance myself from this one if I were you, just my advice though. I don't understand why she'd want to hang out if she doesn't have sexual attraction for you but she isn't dating you anymore so it's clear that she doesn't anymore.
"Well put thank you very much, she has shown some emotion but it's like pulling teeth when i get her to talk how she truly feels. She strives to show and exhibit to everyone how strong and independant she is, at times being rude and sarcastic to prove that she is. I know she's not the one, but the last 6 months 90% of my time was with her, hard to find something to fill that time.....it's been a month and it's getting better and 98% ready to move on...."
Why would she need to prove she's strong and independent, thats not necessary to attract guys. People who have to show off to others usually have mental health issues. | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:21:01 AM | Your EX is saying that she wants to keep you around as a "Safety Blanket" while she looks for another boyfriend!!
I know I'm sounding cold here but it is the truth.... She NEEDS a new man in her life all of the time to make herself feel as if SHE has any VALUE!!
She "Gets Off" on all the attention a new guy gives her and when the "Rush" of that "Warm Fuzzy" wears off, she starts "Hunting" for her next "High". She likes the feeling of "Power" she gets when luring the next guy.
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teebo7
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Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 20 | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:24:43 AM | I know you're in love with her, however she is playing on you emotions and the fact that you still love her. You are convenient when no one else is around is my guess. Where is she when you long for her? I think you should tell her that the JUST FRIENDS clause has too much laced into it..like having her cake and eat it too! Do you want to be the guy waiting in the wing to get leftovers from other relationships she has? Its not possible to detach being in love with someone and not having romantic feelings for them. Shes stonewalling you.! Find a gal that won't emotionally blackmail you with your own heart. Shes playing games under the auspice of JUST FRIENDS! You are a genuine nice fellow..give it to a girl that will treasure your heart. Warm Smiles and good luck! Tam | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:26:26 AM |
she does try to keep me around, but only when she wants and that's when i have to learn when to just say "no". I know I can find better.
You are the one that should be qualifying her to keep arround. You have to know that you are the prize. She forfieted, so she doesn't get the prize. | |
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teebo7
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Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 24 | |
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| Ex wants to stay friends and do everything as before, what is she saying?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:43:08 AM | [I know I'm sounding cold here but it is the truth.... She NEEDS a new man in her life all of the time to make herself feel as if SHE has any VALUE!! ]
thats kinda a bit unfair wen you dont even know her..
i have stayed friends with prev b/fs just because it didnt work out romantically/sexually doenst mean you cant stay mates..
my ex slept with my mate and we split over it.. after the initial anger upset died down we kinda got back to talking again and he wanted to get it back on.. but i couldnt trust him so knew it would be a mistake.. however we had fun times together and but for that 1 incident had a fairly good relationship.. so why not stay mates rather then miss out altogether...
after all she will im sure have a few single mates and who knows you may find 1 of them a better prospect... | |
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