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 022758
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 1
Married men and female friendsPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Do women believe that they can not have a true friendship with a married man?
and if they believe that the man is hiding the attended friendship, have they ever asked if the wife knows. I just find it funny that so many women are looking for just a friend, but in their mail settings they state that no married men allowed.
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 2
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:26:21 AM
Honestly, I think that it is dangerous to have a friendship with a married man. Lines can be crossed.... Especially if you have a friendship where you tell eachother anything and everything
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 3
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:34:18 AM
No, what we believe is that said married man wants to have a super secret "true friendship", cause if wifey finds out, his pecker'll be toast!
 022758
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 4
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:39:58 AM
So if you our able to meet the wife and she does not mind the husband having a friendship with a female. What then? She trusts him and realizes that friendships of the opposite sex can work. Or do you not trust yourself?
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 5
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:41:12 AM

I just find it funny that so many women are looking for just a friend, but in their mail settings they state that no married men allowed.

It makes sense to me. Regardless, of what they post, POF is a dating site. They are interested in long-term relationship and that doesn't include married men. Away from POF, some of their friends and neighbors may be married men, but they are not dating them.
 ab_qt
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 6
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:45:10 AM
I think women can have friendships with married men, without it being something sexual behind his wifes back.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 7
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:45:15 AM
If everyone meets in person and the seal of approval is given by all, then cool beans. But we shouldn't be surpised if, once that door is opened, someone walks all the way through it.
 Tiggee
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 8
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 11:47:48 AM
I don't feel it's appropriate for a single female to have a close friendship with a married man that does not include his wife. I also think it holds a huge potential for heartbreak for the single person. While other people certainly can live their lives as they see fit and I will respect them, I will honor my feelings in the way I live my life. I'm not really looking for more married couples as friends, I have plenty of them already. My profile, I think, says friends/e-mail. That's because I am extremely picky about who I get close to and don't want to mislead anyone into thinking that I will instantly fall in love, or into bed, with them.
 022758
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 9
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:03:01 PM
"Regardless, of what they post, POF is a dating site"


You have long term, you have dating, but do not forget you have friendship. Some females our very straight forward about friendship. Yet they still say not married. I understand that some women probably feel uncomfortable with having a married man as a friend, but what about a female who is married, looking for a friend, but still states married men not allowed.

There is no right and wrong answer, just looking to see what others have to say...
 Tiggee
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 10
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:05:20 PM
022758-now, that one's just confusing!
 florapost
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 11
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:06:48 PM
Friendship is a safe bet. It leaves options open. Takes the pressure off.

It is good not to expect too much to begin with but then, if something develops then, it can be absolutely wonderful.

What most single women don't want is to accidentally fall in love with someone who isn't available.

It really isn't rocket science...just a touch of the old self-preservation kicking in.....oh yeah, and common sense!
 Fall Line
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 12
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:07:23 PM
When you are married you don't have friends that aren't friends of the marriage. In other words, I don't think it's appropriate for someone to be looking for a friend of the opposite sex...specifically of the opposite sex.

Just because you don't sleep with someone doesn't mean it's not cheating, there is also emotional cheating where you share intimacy with someone besides your spouse.

Personally I think that anyone posting on a dating site that is married looking for friends of the opposite sex is just looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend on the side.
 kk42
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 13
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:09:55 PM
I definately think you can have a friendship with a married man. I have several true and genuine friendships with men. I think it all depends on how secure people are.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 14
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:23:14 PM

022758-now, that one's just confusing!

I agree. If she is married, if she says she is looking for friends, and if she also says no married men, that is confusing.

One explanation could be that perhaps she is seeking extramarital sex and having extramarital sex with a married man is a greater risk because his wife may find out. Otherwise, a single man is not going to tell her husband. However, if the man’s wife finds out, amongst other things, she will tell her husband.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 15
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:40:14 PM
OP, I'd have to wonder why a married man, or married woman, would be on an online dating site looking for friends of the opposite sex to 'bring more enjoyment' to their life. Shouldn't they be looking for more enjoyment with their spouse? Or why not go golfing, hiking, barbecuing, etc., with another married or dating couple? What would you feel like if your wife was doing the same thing? It would seem to me that the other spouse would wonder if they're not enough for their partner. Now, if someone has been friends with a man/woman *before* they were married, that's a bit different; but generally that person becomes a friend of the spouse also...unless they really can't stand each other...But if one cares enough for their spouse, they make the effort to be friends with their freinds, and to be at least civil to the friends they're not that keen about.
 022758
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 16
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 12:45:29 PM
My wife has male friends that she can talk with. I do not have a problem with that. I have male friends that I caht about many subjects, but there our certain topics that would be better dicussed with a female. My partner and I have very little in common except our kids who our now grown up. Problems over the years have cause casual conversation to be a problem, but I still care for her and do not want to leave. I just need someone else who I can talk to, and who knows maybe this would help my marriage.

Well a simply question and how I have spilled part of my life. First time on forum and yes its very interesting.
 zentral
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 17
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 1:15:30 PM
I have always had male and female friends in about equal numbers. ALL of these were and are welcome in my home - both when I was still with my ex, and now with my SO. There were no secrets as there was nothing to be secretive about! And I'll add that their friends of EITHER gender were and are welcome as well. Not everything between men and women is always about sex!
 PassionatelyLonely
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 18
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 1:23:11 PM
Oh man this is a dangerous situation. Been there wasnt pretty. Nothing was there other then friendship. But man the jealously kicked in and man I paid for it dearly. I even helped her land her a good man who is the boss of my job in which he gave to me for being a good person. Be careful and make sure your wife is equally close to her or at least approves.
 WonkaBar
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 19
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 1:27:18 PM

Never mind. Posted in haste. Move along, nothing to see here.
 m_n_m³
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 20
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:28:22 PM
Married men should not seek out single women to be friends with IMO. Friends that came on the scene before getting married is fine, however, as a married man, your attention / affection should be directed at your wife, not single women.

That whole story about tempting fate comes to mind.
 Fall Line
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 21
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 2:43:20 PM
"My wife has male friends that she can talk with. I do not have a problem with that. I have male friends that I caht about many subjects, but there our certain topics that would be better dicussed with a female. My partner and I have very little in common except our kids who our now grown up. Problems over the years have cause casual conversation to be a problem, but I still care for her and do not want to leave. I just need someone else who I can talk to, and who knows maybe this would help my marriage."

How many times have I heard the..."my wife/husband/GF/BF doesn't understand/love/can't communicate...blah, blah, blah" before.

OP...do you think it's going to make your marriage better to have a confidant of the opposite sex? Why can't you discuss this with your spouse?

This is going to sound harsh, but I mean this in the most positive way...Sack up and be a husband to your wife. If you are having communication issues you need to get thee to a Marriage counselor ASAP. Not only for you, but it you are having issues, what do you think she's thinking? I wouldn't be surprised if she's thinking of straying outside the marriage to get her needs met...and I'm not talking about sex either.
 Audrey2007
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 22
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Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 3:07:23 PM
We are in the year 2007....HOLLY my father thinks men and women can't be friends....I think they can...I have plenty of male friends who are married.. and I love them dearly....I see them with or without the wife.

The only reason I see a problem would be jalousy if the wife does not agree with the friendship..or men who lie about having female friends....

If you are honest and really think she is only a friend then there should be no problems....

In my settings no married men is more because I am not looking for a man who is looking for an affair....
I guess I never thought to use this site to meet new friends....I mean if I met someone and there was no sparks but the guy was nice I would add him to my friend list....but I am looking for a relationship more than a friendship.....

Men are good friends to have they protect you and they give you insight on what men think.

 ineedcomputerhelp
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 23
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 4:09:55 PM
One of my best friends is a married man.. i've known him for a long time. His wife knows that we're friends and whenever we talk or do things, it's always all on the table. - I make sure she's aware of it.


I just find it funny that so many women are looking for just a friend, but in their mail settings they state that no married men allowed.


I think the reason why women are looking for 'friendship' and with single men, is that a friendship takes time to develop.. it's not gonna happen with a married man "instantly" and I'm sure it's a comfort level.

 Jezika S
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 24
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 4:39:41 PM
I think they can.

Strange as this may seem, and get ready... it's earth shattering... (yes that was sarcasm) I'm not interested in every person with a y-chromosome who I hang out with. Sometimes things are purely platonic, so why can't a person be friends with a married member of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing)?
 lmnop
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 25
Married men and female friends
Posted: 2/18/2007 4:50:40 PM
I do feel that women can and do have friendships with married men. Most of the time though, I am friends with the spouse as well....so there is no question or suspicion if the gentleman and I were to meet without the spouse present.
As long as you are upfront and honest with all parties...it is no big deal. Friends, no matter what marital or gender, are always the best.
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