| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:27:14 PM | | I have been seeing a guy for 9 months now. We went out this weekend and while we were out he was talking to a guy we had just met, the guy had asked him how old he was and he said 35. When i met him he told me he was 26 and that is what his profile says. He asked me if i was listening to what they were talking about and i said no even though i did. While we were at dinner i aske dhim if he had ever lied to me about any thing and he said "maybe small things but nothing that matters why." I told him it was just a question and we moved on. Do i tell him what i heard him say or let it go. I am at a loss right now and don't know what else he has lied about. Please if you have any advice i would love to hear it. | |
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ESLIP
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Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 2 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:28:54 PM | | If you like the guy, LET IT GO. If you don't want to see him anymore, definitely push the issue. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:35:36 PM | | Ask him now before it eats at you. A lie is a sure way to end a new relationship. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:38:37 PM | | You should ask him if his age matters to you, you have the right to know. Maybe he was lying to the guy that you had just met. What ever the case is, you deserve the truth. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:44:38 PM | No, you don't let it slide! Maybe small things? This is multiple lies we are talking about here.
It's time for him to clear the slate, and start being honest with you. What's the point in sweeping it under the carpet when you KNOW it's going to bug you?
I'll get the noose ready..... | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:46:17 PM | You have been seeing him for nine months, so do you think hes 35? Stuff like tv shows he watched as a kid, events political, social that happen durning his life time. Ten years is a long time to hide, when did he graduate from high school, college? Are his parents still alive, family members? What year was his first car, most cars on the road are new to 20 years old. How well do you realy know this guy? You do talk to him, right?
I think you know, you just have to think about it a while. If you don't know much about him, I'd say he's hiding it well or you don't demand much in your relationships.
And now the big question "Do you think he lied?" | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:47:26 PM | I lie is a lie. I wouldn't keep my mouth shut about this one. To some people, age is a huge issue and it makes me wonder why he would lie about it in the first place. If he's being dishonest at this stage of the relationship, he'll be a lot more comfortable in lying to you about the bigger issues in the near future.
Don't be so passive about it. Bite his a$$! | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:47:45 PM |
"maybe small things but nothing that matters why?"
hmm. It sounds that he's kind of a guy who distorts the facts for the sake of convenience. Not a good character trait. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:50:19 PM | | I know he has a daughter and when i asked how she was(because i have a 2 year old i thought well maybe they are close in age)he told me why does it matter. He has been married and divorced. I asked what year he graduated from high school he said he didn't that he dropped out. His parents are still alive. i know that he ia a private person and des not talk alot about himself he always wants to know about me and will never answer a question about himself directly it is always "why do you want to know" | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 9:53:02 PM | Well, if you like him then I would make sure you let him know it wasn't truly an issue with you, and if he keeps hiding it then maybe push the issue more. Other than that there are other more subtle ways to find out similar to some mentioned already, including but not ending with some of the things that were around when he was younger.
But I also agree with the fact that even if he lies over 'small things' how can you be sure that your and his definition of these small things are the same thing? Once someone has lied to you it is hard to trust them but I wouldn't quite say that it's always a deal breaker just make sure you let him know that you'd prefer him to be honest with you on all things big or small if you want to try and continue the relationship. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:01:18 PM | He's proven to be a habitual liar and he admits as much. He's evasive as
well answering questions with a question. That's a bad sign. Usually conversations
go more swimingly than that.
"why do you want to know?"
"why does it matter?"
"where ya listening in on my conversation?" WTF??
Ummmm....maybe people ask questions in order to get aquainted with
them.
Remember the red flags people talk about? Remember the instincts that women
are supposedly gifted with? Use them. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:02:54 PM | | I would wonder what else he is lying to you about...I mean since his "age" is such a small issue, perhaps adultery or children or something else is too. I would come right out and ask him. Let him know you caught him in a lie and see what he has to say about it. His response will show you his character, if his actions already haven't. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:04:34 PM |
he always wants to know about me and will never answer a question about himself directly it is always "why do you want to know"
I think an appropriate answer would be "because we've been seeing each other for NINE MONTHS."
It's time for this guy to start giving some answers. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:05:28 PM | I don't understand why you wouldn't have said something right then and there after the person he was speaking to left.
The reason I ask because I think it's an important question to ask yourself why you weren't assertive enough to risk a confrontation of an obvious lie. Why were you afraid to say you had heard what he said? What were you afraid of happening and/or losing? Do you want to like this guy despite any warning signals? | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:06:30 PM | | Of course you do...he abviously has something to hide. It doesn't matter if he is a private person or not...if he is to be your significant other you must know more about him. If he keeps avoiding your questions there is obviously something he is hiding, and if you want to live your life not knowing anything about your partner...then good luck...otherwise...make sure you get some answers. From what you are saying in your post...I would not trust him. And of course everything you ask about him, matters....if it didn't...you wouldn't ask...right? | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:09:47 PM | I'm curious why you felt it necessary to lie when he asked if you had overheard the conversation? If he did lie, for whatever reason, and one would think that 9 years difference would have produced a question before now, at least the lie was 9 months ago. Was this a business acquaintance or is there some other reason he may have lied to the other individual and not you?
He is not the only one that lied. You lied twice, whether trying to pump him for information or give him an opportunity to confess. Age may not be a big deal or he thought you wouldn't give him a chance, who knows. Ask him because it is the only way to know if he has lied to you or the other guy and whether it seems a one-time deal or if he has issues in this area.
What do you get from being with someone that is really a complete stranger to you? He never answers a question directly. I can't imagine someone telling me that their child wouldn't matter to me, particularly because it implies that my children would not matter to him.
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:12:13 PM | My personal opinion is that he's a liar and not even a good one because he can't even come up with a decent lie. You've been with him for 9 months and you really know nothing of this guy. Do you honestly see a long-term relationship with this man ? If so...then you should put yourself in the mindset that you deserve some answers to your questions instead of these evasive answers. My god...he can't even tell you how old his daughter is. There's a major difference between being a private person and being a person that hides things or lies about things.
If you telling him he needs to open up and he needs to stop being so evasive causes a break-down in the relationship...that in itself should tell you something. Would you really want to be with someone that can't answer simple things about themselves. Hell.....it's not like your asking for his SS # or his bank account #'s. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:12:24 PM | | We have been seeing each other nine months yes, but all this happened this weekend. When it happened i was unsure of what to think or say. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:13:35 PM | why push it at all and not just move on, evasive behaviour like he's showing can only meen one thing, and I agree with the others in here that say its major. Age is a number fine, so then why hide it? why hide things about his daughter or himself for that matter, maybes hes just not ready to let himself out, maybe it was a particularly nasty divorce? who knows.
but hiding shit is what kills all relationships, cause once they lie to you once it just gets easier and easier for them, and harder and harder on you. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:14:38 PM | Then ask him how old he really is and really pay attention to his demeanor in his response.
If he gets upset with you for not saying something then, tell him you were shocked and uncertain of what to say or think. If he tries to turn it around as it somehow being your problem because you didn't say something then, I would REALLY reconsider your involvement with him.
If he comes clean, then ask him why he lied (either to you or him). | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:14:58 PM | i know that he ia a private person and des not talk alot about himself he always wants to know about me and will never answer a question about himself directly it is always "why do you want to know"
k.. Here is an acid test. If he asks you a question next time, answer "Why do you want to know?" and see how he reacts to it. If he doesn't like it, why does he expect other people to put up with it? I think you already know what a deal breaker is in this relationship. I'ts understandable that he wants to keep his life private when he first gets to know a person; but nine months? hmm. He sounds really like a shady person. Watch out! | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:36:14 PM | This individual made himself 9 years younger in his profile to deceive young woman.
This is not a small thing as he stated and yes the reasoning behind his choice does matter.
I do not believe that you let this go, because you deserve the truth. | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:36:34 PM | Another middle aged net player trying to relive his youth. Yes It matters - hes lying to you so obv he does not see this as ever being long term - he obv has no Intention of that to pull this stuff. Tell him he looks really bad for 26 and his kids prob 17 ( guaranteed teenager ) kick him to the kerb and frankly DONT believe what the men on here say men I dated YEARS ago who were 37 at the time are on here as 31 now .. dont fall for It. Before the guys go off yes Ive noticed a lot of the botox vein down the centre of forhead In some women claiming to be mid - late 20s too - so It goes both ways
For those that say age doesnt matter - well If he lied about something on any legal document for anyone to see ( ie obv he never intends this to go anywhere with u as its not possible to hide ) you can back It in the rest that cant be proven with one view is a total ... too | |
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| Do i push the issue????
Posted: 2/18/2007 10:45:54 PM | Seriously, Just ask him.
if he gets offended by the question, obviously he has something to hide. consider it a test. | |
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