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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?      Home login  
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 Annapurna845
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 1
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Ok, heres the question. I have just moved to a small town in PA. I don't know anybody and my house is in a quiet neighborhood. I am having a difficult time figuring out how to go about meeting people my age in the area. There is no singles group nearby, i don't feel comfortable hanging out in a bar by myself and feel to old to do something like that anyway. I am not a church goer. So where do you go to meet people your age?

Dana
 GypsyFyre
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 2
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:13:40 AM
Have you thought about creating a singles group for a certain age group cause I'm sure you're not alone, probably quite a few others are in the same boat. OR You could always sell AVON??? Lots of ways to meet people, get creative, have no fear. Some people think it's shamefull to be single and therefore made no attempts to create something to bring people together. Well I'm saying it's not shameful at all, get your buns out there girl and create something for yourself, coffee club, bowling club, walking club, shopping club, any bar or coffee house would allow you to host a gathering in their house, you may be on to something huge and successful , ya just never know! good luck

Much Respect,
GF
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 3
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:10:11 AM
Red Hat society, support groups, gym, take a p/t job, contact chamber of commerce & find out what social clubs are available...volunteering, etc.

Done all of that plus more & I keep going! It's good to keep meeting new people!

a great thread BTW

any skiing out there?

find things YOU LIKE TO DO, a bowling league, belly dance class, community college adult ed classes
 SailAria
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 4
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:53:23 AM
Just go out and meet people, of any age. Become a part of your community, in any way you find comfortable. I think you'll find that the number of people you know will grow almost expotentially, with each person you meet. Eventually, you'll find people that you enjoy being around. From there......who knows what may happen. A positive approach, is pretty much the only way to get positive results.
 cdn_guy
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 5
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 8:01:42 AM
If being lonely in a new town is an issue for you there is also the avenue of 'volunteering'. Just call the local volunteer agency and they will have a list of all the groups that are looking for someone at this time in your area. Pick one that suits your preference. Not only do you meet a lot of people fairly quickly, but there is the added bonus of knowing that you are helping a group of people that can use the help.

cdn guy
 Magickman
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 6
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 9:02:31 AM
Probably, this will sound simplistic, but if I feel lonely, I go to bed and right to sleep.

This is a method I perfected during my ten year lonely period, without one date.
 CharlesnSD
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 7
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:59:00 AM
Anna, its hard to move and then make a bunch of new pals. Most people above refer to shared activites of some type. I've tried the volunteer route, didn't think much of that or "singles" groups. Both have a core bunch of good people, then some folks cruz or surf thru. Those can be really hit-or-miss, but you may want to try some.

I've found that groups with shared interests opens the most doors, so to speak. You'll be more in your element, and the word gets out that you're single.
 Annapurna845
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 8
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 3:54:01 PM
There are some really good suggestions here. Actually i was thinking of joining the local Yoga class. Also I am a artist (potter) and found a local art league that i am thinking of joining.

Another question folks. Do any of you feel uncomfortable going to local events alone? there are 2 coffee houses here that have concerts and seminars or lectures. I haven't been able to get up the nerve to go alone. How do the rest of you feel?

Thanks again for the suggestions. They are great.

dana
 SailAria
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 9
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 4:04:29 PM
Obviously, I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but I have no problem doing things solo. At one point in my life (much younger), I sometimes worried what "others" would think (can't get a date, etc.), until I realized that it didn't really matter what "they" might think. If it's something that interests you, do it.
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 4:38:32 PM
AnnaPurna,

The coffee house sounds like a perfect place to go solo. Gather your courage, dress informally, order a coffee and smile.

I know the first time isn't easy, but you can do it. For years, I went to all sorts of places by myself and enjoyed it. Still do, if there is something I want to enjoy that wouldn't be interesting to my s.o.

Best,
 gyver75
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 11
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 4:56:16 PM
Anna , do the coffee club thing .

For the " oh , what will people think " , you would be surprised at how much people don,t think .......

I would definatlly do the art group of people , more free thinkers and creative crowd . The rule breakers , who,s going to care if your alone .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 12
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 5:31:56 PM

there are 2 coffee houses here that have concerts and seminars or lectures. I haven't been able to get up the nerve to go alone. How do the rest of you feel?

^^^^
This is probably one of the biggest causes of lonely, bored older women, and also one of the biggest causes of older women getting into BAD relationships.!
Go to the events and make friends when you get there!
I get a little vehement about this because I've seen some women I'm close to(family and friends) get into TERRIBLE relationships because they were tired of sitting at home and wouldn't go do stuff on their own(apparently people look at you, notice you are alone and immediately deduce that there is something WRONG with you??) If you've just moved to a new area, how ARE you going to get to know anyone??

Cindy O
 vividartichoke
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 13
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:28:40 PM
I live in a small town. I went to the neighborhhood bar after work. Great place to meet friends and then you can go and do things with others. Most of the people are there to talk to their friends and/or meet new ones. Everything takes time. How you conduct yourself will be the key to how others view you. No matter what our age new experiences are always a thrill!
 Woodstar
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 14
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:51:11 PM
I live in a very rural community. There are not that many places to go around here...seriously. I used to live in a large city and never let the fact I was alone keep me from doing things.

The "big town" around here is about 25 miles away. I have gone there by myself when I first moved here. But now I have been here for about ten years and have developed a good circle of friends. We go to concerts and plays and visit each other. I also do community projects and do volunteer work.

Be patient. You've been given alot of good suggestions. Your circle will grow.
 ArtisticCatWearer
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 15
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 6:52:10 PM

Also I am a artist (potter) and found a local art league that i am thinking of joining.


Do it! I am a painter and breast cancer survivor. I took a class for bc survivors at our local pottery place. Because of that, it lead me to have an art studio there, which led me to meet artists, which led me to be on a committee to bring art into our city, which led me to be a premeire artist in a brand new gallery, which led me to be the subject of two articles in the paper, etc etc.... Long story short... less than half a year later, I know A LOT of people now... friends, aquantainces, am on all kinds of committees, but still do stuff alone if I don't have someone to do it.... have gone to swing dances ALONE, gallery openings, the other day bought snowshoes and WENT!...alone!

Stephanie
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 16
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:04:33 PM
...When the blues strike or I start to feel that pang of lonliness I need to focus on something that is going to bring my spirits up....like watching a good comedy movie, or if its nice out I will go for a drive and turn on some upbeat music. That usually works, if not well then I just go on-line or talk to my friends.



...maeflowers
 NapJoe
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 17
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/19/2007 7:04:59 PM
Oh, I've got it. You may never have heard of it. It's called communication. A strange phenomenon. Open your mouth and address someone. Actually speak.

Next week we're going to invent fire. I'm working hard at it.
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 18
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 9:07:25 AM
Go and visit the small shops in your town on a slow business day. Start a conversation with someone who works or owns the shop. Most are bored when the day is slow and love the opportunity to talk to someone - anyone. Somewhere in there you will meet a few people that you relate to - stop back and say "hi" the next time your in the area. Shortly, the circle will grow as you meet their friends. This also will help you find out what really goes on in your new community and someone will invite you to something. I've been invited to everything from sharing a joint to going to church with most everything in between.
 ya472
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 19
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 9:55:34 AM
Do any of you feel uncomfortable going to local events alone?
there are 2 coffee houses here that have concerts and seminars or lectures.
I haven't been able to get up the nerve to go alone.



When I am feeling a little 'lonely', I pop down to the local coffee shop and read the newpaper. The human activity validates my existence.

I do not go to many events alone, as I love to 'share the experience'. The joy is being able to share something. However, having said that, I have gone to some special events alone and quite enjoyed the experience, usually because I meet someone there, who is also alone.

Going to the 'show' is always a lonely experience because there is no people interaction, but going to a rodeo or fair can be extremely wonderful.


If everyone sat around waiting for the other person to make the first move, we would all be at home watching tv and reading Forums.
 moonflwrs
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 20
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:06:34 AM
I really like this thread and it has given me some great ideas too! I've noticed when I go places with friends, I never meet anyone new. If I go alone, people feel more compelled to approach me and I feel more open to starting conversations with whomever may be sitting or standing near me, male or female. It seems easier in the Spring and Summer...festivals and open air markets are great places to meet new people!
 Majunme
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 21
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:36:36 AM
I recently moved to a tiny town, too. I walk around town, walk my dogs, have lunch at the bar or the grocery store deli, pay my bills in person, and talk to every person I meet. I am happy to say this seems to be a remarkably friendly town, but of course my efforts do maximize that. I have met a great many people.

The "community" idea is a good one. Check out the library, ask if the elections officials need help, etc. Read the bulletin boards ads in the stores - maybe somebody needs an occasional babysitter or some such thing. Find out if the high school will let you jog on their track.

I often go places alone. I eat in restaurants, go to movies and concerts, whatever. Try it - you'll get used to it surprisingly fast. Take a book if it makes you feel braver, but do please try it. You will have a good time and you may meet a few people, too.

Good luck and have fun!
 Gallivanting1
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 22
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:39:34 AM
I have gone to local events like a cd release party or other small event at a local pub. I find that if you arrive a little later then most of the tables are taken. It's an opportunity to ask people who have a table with an extra chair if you can join them. Start with an introduction, a little small talk and then you can talk about the venue, artist or something similar because you already have something in common with these people. After all, you are all there for the same event.
 lucidmoments
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 23
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:54:40 PM
All great ideas of course. I am in the same predicament as OP, but I live in a large town that I have lived in before, only I was married and a mom at the time. Had no problem socializing then. Now it's different due to circumstances. The getting started on meeting is the hardest part. Great topic OP--thanks for all the tips for more of us to ponder as well!

lucidmoments
 Fred Astaire
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 24
Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 4:01:17 PM
Sometimes I take a book and go to a small coffee shop, sit and read. I have met a lot of people who do the same thing. In the summer, I am at the baseball park every few days, sitting and watching when I'm not playing. I also go to car cruises and shows (big time car nut here). If you have a hobby or special interest, you will probably find others in your area with the same hobby. Check the local bulletin boards.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 25
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Over 50-Where do you go when you are lonely?
Posted: 2/20/2007 6:36:41 PM

When I am feeling a little 'lonely', I pop down to the local coffee shop and read the newpaper. The human activity validates my existence.




...I'm a people watcher as well so I also enjoy the activity around me, especially at a coffee shop or maybe a flea market in nicer weather. I love browsing through antiques stores, book stores or record shops. The last time I headed down 9th Avenue here in Calgary I spent the whole day "junking" through all the little curios shops. And as someone suggested above, its usually when your on your own that someone will engage you in idle conversation.


...maeflowers
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