| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:19:04 AM | how many people have an issue when ur in a situation when u may be having sex w/someone; not in a relationship because ur not interested or ready or whatever. But u find out this person is having sex w/people other than yourself.
A friend of mine is in a situation w/a guy who does not want to be w/her; an sleeps w/other women, but berated her when he found out she was messing w/other dudes.
So the question is if u had a sexual relationship w/somone and u found out they slept w/others would u stop having sex w/them or would you tell them they can't have sex w/others just you...even if u sleep w/other people.
from what i have seen guys have the biggest issue w/this; in that i know alot of dudes who mess w/multiple women, but don't want the women they are messing w/to mess w/other dudes.
Most women i know are either ok w/it or just stop having sex w/the person, rather than tell them who or how they should be.
me personally i don't know that i would want to be coming behind other people; at the same instant its not my place to say what or who someone can do, im not their man or anything of that nature so i can't call them on that. I can stop having sex w/them; but i can't attempt to dictate or control what they do at all.
what do u think-do guys have more of an issue w/this or women | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:31:13 AM | Telling someone they can't sleep with others while you are sleeping with others is a double standard. If your friend isn't ready for a relationship and just wants sex or a "booty call" she needs to find someone who is up for it and make a deal that they only see each other and if one strays then the fun ends there.
I doubt there is a difference between what guys think and women think on this subject. I am sure there a some women who are ok with it just as there are some men that would be ok with it.
Personally, I don't like to eat off another mans plate if ya know what I mean.
Rob | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:31:28 AM | | If we are not exclusive then I have no right to demand that he not sleep with anyone else and vice versa. This is why I believe in using condoms. I usually assume that he is sleeping with other women and it doesn't bother me. If our relationship develops to the point where we decide to be exclusive then I'll let my other partners (if any) know that we are finished. However, if one of my other partners and I decide to become exclusive then he could be on the receiving end of the Dear John . . . . . | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:42:31 AM | Sounds like this guy your friend is sleeping with has some double-standards. Somehow it's ok for him to sleep with other women, but she isn't allowed to sleep with other men? I don't think so.
If I was ever in a FWB situation, it would be understood that we would only sleep with each other. It doesn't have to be an "emotional" commitment, but I don't want to do the nasty with a girl who just did it a couple of hours prior. No thank you. Of course, the chances of STDs is much higher under these circumstances as well. Not my thing.
But again - back to this guy... he sounds like your stereotypical control freak. If he sleeps around, there is absolutely no basis on which for him to get upset. Now, if they had both agreed to be exclusive - then that's different. But that's not the case. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 6 | |
| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:45:45 AM | how many people have an issue when ur in a situation
when u may be having sex w/someone;
First of all, I believe people should be able to do what they want, as long as all partners are consenual.
Not only is it a health issue, but it is a large trust issue.
If sex was NO BIG DEAL, then it wouldn't really matter if you get laid by a prostitute or your brother's wife, or sister's husband, would it ?
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 11:49:46 AM | | i agree; but some people take issue w/the fact that someone they sleep w/sleeps w/others, me personally, i don't care. If we are not together..then i have no say over who u do things w/; or what u do, that is reserved for ur bf/husband/gf/wife. Not the person ur having sex w/ | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 1:41:22 PM | | Well if the guy is sleeping with other girls and he has no arrangment/interest in the girl..he should be smacked upside the head for thinking she can't sleep with other guys. Talk about double standard. Lol. I think for safety sake you should say yep I'm not exclusive with you and I could be doing exactly what I'm doing with you with other people..from both parties....and then you can play it safe and have fun if thats what you want. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 7:14:01 PM | | Speaking bout std's. i was on the bus 2 days ago and this guy not to bad looking. not that im gay, but he got this 35 - 40 yr old lady's number. Then today the same guy on a different bus got the number of a 25 yr old girl. i asked her if she knew him she said No. so I told her what he did the day before and pointed the older lady out to her. He even got off at different stops too. She thanked me told me thats gross. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:46:24 PM | | I think people need to be more open and explain intentions when they have these kind of relationships. i met this guy... Donnie... good looking... but too arrogant and**** for his own good. We had sex. We discussed continuing on an ongoing basis. One night, Donnie and I planned on going out but our plans fell through. Later on that night I ended up going out with a girl friend of mine and bump into him. We happen to go to the same bar, where I see him leave with some skinny blond... that i'm supposed to believe was his sister. (the body language spoke differently to me) Needless to say I haven't called him since. Ran into him a couple times but I haven't even said hi. Why? Because regardless of how hot he seemed that one night I don't feel I could ever trust him. I want regular sex with 1 person. I don't like randomness. I like to be cuddly and snuggly even if I know I'm not in it for the long run. It's nice for now. People just don't have respect for their partners. I think it's a shame this is such a problem and so many people feel the need to lie to get what they want. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/20/2007 8:48:58 PM | | It's pretty simple. Your friend's friend is just being selfish and controling. I've been in this situation before, "friends with benefits". Having multiple partners is a situation of risk. Condoms don't prevent all STD's. They can spread to areas that aren't always "wrapped" as with herpes, they aren't always visible to the eye, such as with sores. Not that we tend to do the full out investigation the first time together. You wrap it and hope for the best. Keeping in mind that if they just recently contracted something. It ain't gonna show up anyway. Your friend sounds like she doesn't have any problem getting it, so to speak. If I were in her shoes, I'd ditch the control nut and replace him. | |
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Derps
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 13 | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/21/2007 2:49:37 AM | I am in that situation right now... well sorta.
If the guy is honest and says he does not want a relationship with the girl then he is allowed to sleep with others. That is why he is single. He doesnt wanna be with just one person.
You cant say anything to the guy coz he is doing nothing wrong. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/22/2007 10:19:29 PM | | I'm currently dealing with that exact same thing with my ex. He gets mad if he even thinks im going to sleep with someone else . I agreed he would be the only one and he doesn't like it when i tell him if he is going to be my only one then im going to be his only. I'm perfectly happy and fine with him being the only guy i have a sexual relationship with, but he doesn't like it that I said i have to be the only one he has one with. he also knows if he does that i will not sleep with him anymore and will not want anything to do with him. So I agree with the OP that guys have more of an issue with it. | |
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mam69
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Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 7:17:16 AM | I think it is all about being up front and honest with the person. She may have led him to believe , through words or actions that she was being exclusive to him, albiet only sexually. I had one F buddy in the past that asked me if we could be exclusive in bed but with no strings, I agreed to stay exclusive and would let him know if and when i decided to change partners. It worked out well for us. Had other F buddies who would not commit to being exclusive in bed but got sooo possesive when they realized I also had other partners. They would ak questions like, "Do you see him more than me? Do you do different stuff with him?, does he do this for you, , is he bigger/better than me etc, etc, I think it boils down to a pride thing with men, they would like to believe that they can keep us satisfied and we don't need to go elsewere.
Like I said being open and honest is so important, both parties need to know what the other REALLY wants, Girls don't tell him you are ok with just sex thinking he'll change his mind and committ later, and guys if you want to be able to sleep around you have to expect she will too. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:36:48 AM |
A friend of mine is in a situation w/a guy who does not want to be w/her; an sleeps w/other women, but berated her when he found out she was messing w/other dudes.
Um.. had this happen, only my FB didn't TELL ME he was messing with another woman.
*sigh*
My philosophy is this... I don't own him, he doesn't own me. He's free to do what (who) he wants, as am I. I do however prescribe to full disclosure on this. I'm going to tell him if I'm messing with someone else, and expect the same in return.
Sounds like this guy is having his cake and wants to eat it too. If he's allowed to have multiple partners, why can't she? Hypocrite!  | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:55:44 AM | In my opinion, there should be enough common sense to tell each other what is going on, the first thing I would be worried about is STD's, as are other posters on this site.
I was in this situtation a few months ago, we had the agreement that as long as we were doing this we we both used protection with other people and if it came that we both found new relationships the benifits stopped right there. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:34:34 PM | | this type of thing is entirely situation-specific. a FWB can be defined as exclusive or not. if exclusivity is not first agreed upon, that lack of communication can cause the people involved to be in different pages regarding the issue. it's the responsibility of both people whether FWB or in a deeper relationship to discuss and define expectations. and, no, it's not fair for one person to have NSA benefits while expecting the other to be exclusive. that's total b*llsh*t. | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:42:10 PM | Sounds to me like your friend's FB wants to have his cake and eat it too!! 
I don't believe in FB situations, some sort of feelings/jealousy always come up. And if you're really that good of friends you should consider what's going to happen when one of the parties involved gets a GF/BF - that's it, the friendship is over!! My BF's can have girls as friends no prob but to keep in contact with a FB - NO FRIKKIN WAY!! | |
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| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:16:15 PM | i don't have an issue with it, as long as both parties are open and honest about it
i'm not one to tell people how to live their life, or tell people what to do.. and i've been in this situation. i just left. it wasn't worth it to fight about it, or to hold a grudge about it, or anything like that. | |
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Beth84
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Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 25 | |
| multiple sex partners when u have a friend w/benefits or bootycall
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:44:51 PM | Back in the day when I didn't give a shit, I had a bootycall. Apparently he had more feelings for me, though, since one night he found out I had slept with someone else and never talked to me again. Its really unfortunate because I totally would have loved to have had a relationship with the guy  Never again | |
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