| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:08:20 PM | I've thought about this a lot in the past few years. In my optimistic younger days, I always believed in the old saying that "there is a lid for every pot," but now that I'm older and alone, I'm beginning to look around and see a whole lot of people who live alone for the duration of their lives.
Do you think that some people are just meant to be alone? Are there more people now who either decide they don't want to be in a relationship or remain alone due to something that is not their decision?
Finally, if you don't have a lid, will you be satisfied as a lone pot? | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:58:27 PM | I really don't think about rather or not I will spend the rest of my life alone or not. If a relationship happens in the future, I would be happy about that. But, if it doesn't... it isn't going to make me live out my life in depression or feel like I'm missing out on something.
I've been in very long term (more than once) and there are many things about that kind of relationship that I really miss. But... there are also a few things that I don't miss (obviously... or I wouldn't have chosen to be divorced).
I don't have a "lid" (and am not sure that I like that term even though I understand the saying). I don't consider myself a "lone pot"- probably because I'm happy with my life... I have a very close relationship with all 3 of my grown children, I have a close relationship with some of my family, I have a few very close friends that I really cherish, a job that I get a lot of personal pleasure from, and I like myself and my own company. I don't feel "incomplete" when I'm not in an intimate relationship because I have other relationships that allow me to know that I'm loved even without it being that particular type of love. There are times that I feel lonely... but I don't feel that way very often.
So, "will I be satisfied as a lone pot"? I truly hope that isn't what the rest of my life will be, but if it is... yes, I will be satisfied because the quality of my life isn't dependent on another person. | |
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K-lo
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/21/2007 10:41:50 PM | I've been a lone pot for a good six years now, and, honestly, I have been and currently am OK with that. Actually, when I'm around other people in relationships or listen to issues or witness the lives they're living, or, of course, see them divorcing - I don't envy their status.
That being said, I really don't want to die alone. But, then again, I don't want to share my life with just anybody. So, yes, I wonder if I'm one of those people that is meant to be alone. I think in the next couple years, I'll probably start to panic. Because, unlike you ladies, I actually don't have kids. So, if I never have kids and I also never find someone I want to spend my life with, then I probably will die alone. I think it's pretty safe to say that such a fate probably would not be satisfying to me. | |
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Colya
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Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 4 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/21/2007 11:42:44 PM | | Jackie, I am with you. I have been divorced for four years now. I have not lived with a man and I have not had anyones ring on my finger since then. I sometimes wonder if I will be alone (not in a relationship) forever. I enjoy the quiet moments by myself. When I get lonely I have a few really close friends that I can talk to at anytime. (thanks POF for my friends) I never thought I'd come to a dating site and make such close friends. If you are going by the bible no one is meant to be alone. I have made the choice to not be in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. I know my soulmate is out there, when the big guy upstairs thinks I am ready I am sure I will meet "my soulmate". Until then I will date and have fun with some of the best friends I have ever met. I will not settle, it is a complete waste of time. I like myself enough to be ok alone. Then again, I am never really alone, I have my faith. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 2:09:05 AM | | Ah yes, the every pot has a lid theory .... Anymore I am beginning to believe I would be best off to just stay alone and keep many friends around me. It always seems that no matter how much of my past I have dealt with or what I have overcome, people always end up walking away. Anymore, I think it would be easier going "Los Lobos" as one of the old clubs used to say and just not worry about the rest of it all. I have enough going on, in my life and business, that I rearrange my schedule for someone when I am in a relation with them. anymore, my thought process goes like this- IF I ever find someone I wont have to search or change cause I will be accepted. Not worry if I gain weight abck or lose it how they will react, but know that no matter what they are there for me. So far after MANY years of trying to find that, I'm still searching for it. I refuse to give up hope- call me a hopeless romantic. But somewhere sometime, I might find someone that fits in and will stick around. Until then it seems that I am bound to ramble thru life bouncing along the path ..... | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 2:20:27 AM | | To the point.If your not happy with yourself? You well never be happy with anyone else in your life.Why .because some people have been alone to long.And have become use to that.So either move on.Or stop ****ing about what you could have and don't.because it is your choice,no one eleses. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:00:31 AM |
Are some people meant to be alone?
Good question CrimsonKimono....I believe that I am in a place in my life where I am meant to be alone, without a boyfriend or husband, but in need of friendships. I divorced 20 years ago, dated a bit, but made raising my three children and hanging on to my career my priorities, rather than searching for Mr. Right. All in all, I made the right choice, I have three wonderful sons whom I'm very proud of. The downside is that they are all young adults now and not only am I going through 'empty nest', I'm also finding myself very much alone in a city where I know no one yet. Developing friendships, even with women, when you're almost 50, is difficult to do. Unfortunately, I also have some disabilities and evening nightlife is no longer an option for me. I've lived a long time just being alone, but just when I thought I'd grown accustomed to it, I realized that because I've always been a very social person, I truly miss having a social life. I'm here to remedy that!!  | |
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tokr
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Joined: 9/2/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:46:58 AM | I do think that there are people who are just meant to be alone. Why? Because they are happier alone. My mom has been alone now for 17 years. She is much happier than she was when she was married. She was married and divorced 3 times. She has been much happier since she pretty much gave up on men.
I wouldn't say that I would be satisfied as a lone pot, but I am not unhappy right now. Would I like to find someone to spend time with, etc.? Of course, but my world is not going to end if I don't. I have made some friends on PoF and am very glad that I joined this site. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 5:38:44 AM | No, I don't believe people are MEANT to be alone.
We all "settle" for things in our life.....who wouldn't like a nicer home, less bills, a better car, more attentive kids/family/friends, etc..
OK, now for the unpopular part......IMO, those who use the phrase "I refuse to settle..." are displaying a mix of arrogance (as to why they are single) and stubborness/laziness (in their refusal to proactvely make positive changes to their life).
So rather than saying "I refuse to settle" say "I refuse to make the effort to put myself in the path of opportunity". | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 5:39:22 AM | Sharon,
This is a great question & one that really hits home with me. After getting my divorce from my partner of 30 yrs a little more than 2 yrs ago ... it's a question I invested quite a bit of time pondering.
I had a lot of issues that I had to deal with as a result of my divorce ... including codependency, depression, low self esteem, guilt ... all related to my inability to stop my marriage from coming to an end. So I focused on those issues & with the help of a great counselor & a small circle of great friends I have accepted what has happended & I am excited & enthusiastic about my future.
I guess my views on this topic stem from my opinion of what make an organization or individuals successful. While I don't think there is anything wrong with someone choosing to go it alone, personally I just don't think we were put on this earth to live our lives in a vacuum or live our lives alone. I think it has to do with synergy. In the business world we learn that if a group of people work as individuals ... and even they work very diligently & with a lot of determination ... (no mater how hard they work) they cannot exceed the potential of a group of people who work together synergestically as a unit.
I think the same thing is true of inviduals vs. couples. While people can lead very content lives & achieve a great deal of success on their own. I don't think it can compare to the happiness and satisfaction that two people who truly love each other & are committed to their relationship can achieve.
Now does this mean that I will consider myself a failure if I contiue to search for my soulmate and never find her? No ... not at all. A lot of the enrichment is simply a product of the search itself. I've met so many wonderful & fascinating people since I've started dating again. I feel like my life has been enriched & that I've grown as a person through my interaction with each one of them.
So to answer your question. No ... I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. I think it's a personal decision that each person makes. But for me ... I'll continue to my search & continue to make many new friends along the way.
Thanks For The Topic!
Gary | |
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tj7
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 6:07:01 AM | No, I don't believe that people are meant to be alone. But that's up to each individual how they want to live their life - everyone has a choice.
Me personally.....I love and crave companionship. I saw my mom live the last 20 years by herself - I'm not sure whether she wanted it that way (I stupidly never took the opportunity to ask her before alzheimers took over) but I knew that I wanted someone to spend my 'older' years with.
But I do agree......you have to be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/22/2007 10:04:50 PM | WELL I'VE BEEN ALONE FOR 17 YRS.
at first i was desperate to be with some one never had been alone
dated a few men............lets say i know what its like to have known the good the
bad and the ugly
then i let god back into my life.iv'e learned to like me more i love me.
i know who i'am and i don't mined being alone .
if the right one should come into my life i'll know he was sent by god .
not that i wouldn't love to have some one to laugh love cry and comfort with
to share smiles and just cuddling on the couch with to be the one i can't live with out
i miss that .....but i want the real deal............some one that is equal yoke......
untill then i'am happy with me. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:49:56 PM | I tend to agree with the other posters who feel that being alone is more of a personal choice. It can be almost like a subconscious choice in how picky we are, our unwillingness to change, etc. My mother lived alone for 20 years after my father died, but I really think it was because she was afraid of getting someone that would end up being a problem. But her fear of a problem kept her from having the joy of it as well.
I fall back on a wise saying from the Bible when I discover myself pulling back from having to deal with certain things. This one says, "Where there is no ox, the stable is clean, but much increase comes from the strength of the ox." (My paraphrase.) Oxen in our stables come in many forms and not only spouses. Kids come with their share of complimentary sh$t. Pets include sh$t. Possessions include sh$t. There's a lot of cleaning up in order to have the good part of everything.
It's possible to have a perfect stable, everything just so, the way we want them, but end up with no essence of what should be there, just a facade of what the fullness could be. So life has to have a balance to get to the creme de la creme. Scooping out sh$t comes along with a functional ox.
Are you sick of scooping? Some of it, I'm not sure if I can scoop out anymore. It will take a great love to pick up that shovel and smell those things again! I'm just hoping to find an ox that doesn't sh$t so much!!!!! | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/23/2007 7:07:51 PM | yes there are some people out there that don't deserve anybody because of they way they are to woman and men............ i had my share of bad relationship and my ex always try to get me back and they don't deserve to be with another woman because the way they treated me...........
they were abusive to me treated me like a sex slave or just didn't like being with me..............
so yes there are some people that don't deserve anybody at all..........
this is true fact and i know because i've been all around abusive and treated like a sex slave by all my ex boyfriends and i was going to get married this year until he decised after he ask me to marry him that he wanted someone else and then cheated on me with her and know they are getting married and he don't deserve anybody because he already cheated on her three times and he can't stay with on girl he as to have different partners.............
don't ever Date a guy name Joshua Dale Metts he is not worth anything at all he will hurt you so bad........... or don't date a guy name Mathew allen spack either he will abusive you and he is a mom's boy.......... | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/23/2007 7:57:21 PM | | way my life is going and my luck i most likely end up a lonely old man like the one you see in the parks feeding the birds and talking too himself and drooling down his shirt | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:08:16 PM | Jessica- This subject isn't really meant to be rather or not someone "deserves" to be alone. Everyone has someone in their past that they have felt that way about, but you sound extremely bitter about the men that have been in your life.
You are only 20 years old... I hope you can take a look at what kind of man you always get involved with and an even deeper look at yourself to find out why. I also hope you will find peace with the past that you describe so that you won't carry this bitterness and anger with you. It will infect any future relationships you have if you don't allow yourself to heal and move on (without taking it with you). | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 8:43:16 AM | My best girl friend has been alone for over 7 years now. I could not go that long.
She was seeing some guy and he went off to war, she did not know he was seeing someone else at the same time too. When he came back from the war, he married the other women. It broke her heart and she says she don't want or need a man.
I don't believe her,but she has been alone 7 years now. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 9:44:08 AM | First of all,
Gary- great points made in your post.
I have been divorced almost 9 years, get along with my ex and I am friends with all my ex-boyfriends or guys I have dated. They have made up a great circle of friends that I can talk to at anytime, so I guess I never feel alone. I actually need alot of alone time.
Now, loneliness is a whole different ballgame. Loneliness is that feeling that sticks to you and never totally goes away. We add fuel to the fire by pushing people away because we are afraid of getting hurt.
No one is meant to be alone. It not healthy. I am not talking about sex here, I'm talking about companionship, not that sex isn't a good thing ! | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:12:52 PM |
Are there more people now who either decide they don't want to be in a relationship or remain alone due to something that is not their decision?
I've been in relationships only for about 8 years out of my life, never married, no children, no nieces, nephews, (9 cousins don't have children either), no close family so to speak of.... my male friends have long dumped me when they were married, I only really speak to the few Ex GF's that have gone on with their lives.
You all seem to complain about being "lonely", yet you all are like the "Sunshine Ha Ha Girls" after the weekends with your Puckers events & such, yet you do an about face say you are lonely? I truly don't think you know the meaning.....
Ever need a ride somewhere & had no one to call? Ever need help moving something... holding something but had no one to call?
I think you had all been burned once upon a time & are looking for the 'bad boy' to fill the void, so you shut others out & are apprehensive of others in the process. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 8:11:19 PM | Interesting theory ^^ However
I think you had all been burned once upon a time & are looking for the 'bad boy' to fill the void, so you shut others out & are apprehensive of others in the process. How does being burned make one seek out a bad boy to fill the void? Apprehensive sure maybe a little HOWEVER I don't shut anyone out unless they give me a reason to.
It seems to me the reason you have nobody to call is because you are so negative and have very little compassion. Your hardships are always just a little harder than the one before ya! You're right I don't know the true meaning of the word lonely and am proud to say I have plenty of friends and family that make my life rich and full!! Perhaps you should take a long hard look at your life and consider WHY it is you DO know the true meaning of the word lonely?! Perhaps negativity breeds contempt? | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 9:02:36 PM | Yesterday I was happy, and today I suffered depression. I have lived a long life already. After two divorces and one loving relationship with a man who died much to soon, I now feel that I have had my chances and the lord seems fit to let me spend the next years alone.
Dissapointments have discouraged me, friendships have perked me up. Life has it's ups and downs. I seem to have had more than my share of downs. Having said that, I am feeling my best when I am around people and involved in things. It's when I am by myself (empty nest, etc) the loneliness or aloneness seems to creep up on me.
I realize that it is up to me to be happy and not dependent on someone else. So I will continue to enjoy the friends I have made at POF and elswhere. I am trying to put past disappointments behind me, but that is easier said then done.
Being too trusting has been disasterous for me, but is part of my personality, and I accept that. Every lesson learned leaves its marks. I refuse to roll over dead, and hope to stick around for a while longer be it alone or not. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/11/2007 11:32:42 PM | How does being burned make one seek out a bad boy to fill the void? Perhaps I wasn't very clear on that, I notice many seek out the 'bad boy' for some reason... a a subliminal matter of revenge, though this 'bad boy' seems to melt your heart in the end, leaving you vulnerable again .... eh, kinda hard to put that into words. An Ex GF left me for a 'Normal' guy, now all she does is complain about his nights out with the boys, the drinking, gambling.. ect.... my response, you wanted a man's man, you got him!! LOL You see, a lot of us, aren't like that & aren't like the role that Mathew McConnawhatever plays in his movies., & in real life it isn't all that attractive.
It seems to me the reason you have nobody to call is because you are so negative and have very little compassion.
I have no compassion? Dear, you don't know me at all, I'm the one that sat in a tore up flood damaged house over the holidays so my neighbors could have theirs fixed before mine, as I shook my head at the mess on Thanksgiving (with no place to go) & Christmas.... a myrtar maybe, but compassion I do have... & these same people I let go in front of me did not show any compassion back.
From your above statements you may not have much compassion yourself.... or perhaps you are just plain self centered? But then I don't know you & never will. I likely am the way I am, because I have let people possibly like yourself walk on me for years.... we do become a product of our environment.
Oh... I think I'm wasting my time & breath around here!
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kasie
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 25 | |
| Are some people meant to be alone?
Posted: 5/12/2007 5:10:54 AM |
I likely am the way I am, because I have let people possibly like yourself walk on me for years.... we do become a product of our environment.
Desertfox, I have never replied to your posts that I can remember but I have watched you post on here for over a year. Debi is right..and you are ALWAYS negative, you say its because you have let people walk all over you for years however.. how does that make this anyones fault but your own. Your the one that let them walk on you.. We may become a product of our environment but that is only if we CHOOSE to let it happen. You my friend have obviously let that happen. I too have been through alot from going through a very expensive nasty divorce where I gave up everything just to be free and then within six months I lost my daughter at the hands of another , jobless, homeless and then took on an infant when she died and still alone after 4 long yrs..am I lonely...OF COURSE...arent we all at one point in our life? Im not going to blame it on anyone or anything.. the only thing that I can do is continue on with life..with what has been handed to me and DEAL with it. You know you always talk about the events here in columbus and never have anything nice to say about them...I don't go and get all giddy...act a fool then come home feeling any different..however I have found that in order to have a life outside the walls of my home I have to GET OUT and make it happen. If you took your negativity and turned it upside down...dumped it out and tried refilling with positive thoughts you would probably be a much happier person..
Heres for you even if you don't want it
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