| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:47:03 PM | Started seeing a guy, only thing is, he is always inviting me out to hang out with him and his friends / work colleagues/ or to meet his family etc etc. He always wants me to go to social functions with him. He's on the social committee in his office.
He says its cos he's proud to be with me, but I'm not really a sociable person at all. I dont mind socialising maybe twice a week with my own friends, but he then wants me to go out and meet his friends two or three times a week as well. I get bored in big groups, I prefer one to one conversations and I find being around so many ppl all the time now exhausting.
I love being with him when its just me and him, but I'm getting really insecure now that my company is never enough for him. Whenever I'm with him he gets phone calls and texts from 'friends.' Maybe I'm being a bit jealous/possessive or is this normal? Are we just incompatible? Also, im not sure whether or not he's just using me as some sort of arm candy - I know he thinks Im far better looking than he is.
Opinions ppl please!!!!! | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:54:27 PM | Could be all kinds of reasons he is so busy.
Maybe he likes to be a part of large groups, or maybe he is insecure and trying to show you how popular he is.
Tell him you would like more quiet time together so you can get to know each other better. His reaction may give you a better understanding of what is his motivation. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/22/2007 5:04:08 PM | I don't think you are being jealous or possessive in this case. You both just have a different outlook on this. You cannot force a person to be someone they are not, or like something they don't. Both have to be comfortable and allowed to "be themselves".
Unfortunately in your case, it seems you both are two very different people in this area. Unless a suitable compromise is found, then compatibility will be difficult to maintain. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:11:30 AM | | Im kind of the same way as him when me and my gf go out its with a group we do still have our own nights but i try to keep a balance. you cant ask him to stop that will just cause resentment from him I like the advice just talk to him and ask for more personal time | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/28/2007 9:32:56 AM | This is a hard one for me.....I am a highly social person and quite often surround myself with lots of people even if it is with a bunch of loud noisy strangers. I like the buzz and the action of watching people at their finest.
I was with a slightly more introverted person than me and we fought like crazy over this issue. He liked to stay home and snuggle and I liked to go out and do things. He would get very upset over spending time with friends whether they were mine or his and would demand large quantities of time on our own. Now I didn't have a problem compromising with him in terms of spending much more time with him than anyone else, however it soon started to go into what little time I had with my friends as well. I started to tell him that I didn't mind if he did not want to come with me but that I needed my social time too. That soon became an issue. I worked really hard to do as he pleased and in the end I lost a part of myself and became someone he did not like because what made me me, had died.
Do not try to change that part of him because it will kill some very important good parts of him as well and chances are it will be the parts that attracted you to him to begin with. It does not make you a bad person that you like alone time but you must understand that this is an essential part of who he is. No he is not bored with your company, he just needs to have that social part surrounding him.....It is kind of like a cocoon. I was never bored with my ex, I just needed others around me too, very hard to explain. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/28/2007 11:34:34 AM | I think you already stated part of your problem.
really insecure
He obviously likes you if he's introducing you to everyone else in his life.
You sound like a homebody (nothing wrong with that) and he is extremely social, this is the majority of the problem and it's not going to change. If you try to confine him he will not be as happy. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/28/2007 4:22:36 PM | Hey,
Sounds like he loves you alot! I understand how you feel, I 'm the same! It's a li'l bit of jealousy , which is normal. but hey, if you wanna spend quality time with him only , why don't u ask him ? hope this helped. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/28/2007 4:35:55 PM | You need to talk with him about this. Tell him you feel you are both spending more time with his friends than you'd like and you're not having enough "just us" time.
If you say it simply, it's not coming across as jealous or anything else. Just simply that's how you feel, and he should know that.
If his need for socialization is much more than yours is, that may be a conflict that you can't resolve. More than likely, you can work it out. | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 2/28/2007 4:46:52 PM | He may fear that he'd bore you if it's just the two of yas, so uses the crowd to help entertain you.
Like Bucsgirl says, just kinda suggest some more one on one time. Maybe you could come up with some fun ideas that don't involve a crowd but doesn't mean sitting at home in front of the tv either. Like sitting out in the middle of a lake on a boat with a couple of fishing poles, ya know! | |
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| The guys friends............
Posted: 3/4/2007 10:42:59 AM | | its actually great that he invites you to all these social functions with friends and such. Put it this way...if it was always JUST you and him...would yout then not start to wonder if he was hiding you from something? | |
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