| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:29:01 AM | ok, here's the deal. there have been a few guys i've liked and i would become close to them and be social and i thought i was making all the right moves. however at some random point these guys seem to get bored with me and cease speaking to me even when i contact them first. we always share similar interests and get along very well. i'm not obsessive and give them their space but this ALWAYS happens. it really hurts when this happens. i also think they thought i was just their friend and couldn't be anything past that. but why would someone abandon a friend?
can anyone give me some idea as to why this happens and how to overcome it? should i be more assertive? should i look for a different type of guy?  | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:15:00 AM | 2 be honest hun its not u ! it happens 2 every1 includeing myself.Sum men r strange creatures and dont know a gd thing wen it hits them in the face xxx U will find sum1 hun it just takes a while as hes looking 4 u 2 but going the wrong way and getting lost  | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:47:32 AM | there are just as many strange women out there as well who dont know a good thing when its in front of them... how women only wanna meet a nice guy and treats them right and looks arent that important..yea right and I believe the sky is green..lol | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:49:15 AM | ^^^ That's the truth, it happens to everybody, sadly, it's a part of being human, people can just be very flakey, especially when it comes to relationships!!
It's even harder to understand, when you think you may have met a good person, and they turn out to be just like all the rest, you can't take it too personally, you learn from it, and move on, hopefully learning from it.
Also, if it's one thing that i have learned the HARD WAY, don't give too much of yourself too fast, if it's the right person, well it shouldn't be soo much work, you shouldn't ever have to question if you are doing something right or wrong, and never doubt yourself, don't act/ do or say something that you think will make you more appealing, it doesn't work, be yourself, and hopefully, in time you will meet a good person, who won't make you question yourself !!
Good Luck,
JJ | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:00:05 AM | | Thank God I'm not alone!! It seems I can't even get a date anymore . . . I lose them in the e-mails. I've had friends critique them and they can't find any problems why someone would just quit e-mailing without a word. I'm tired of trying to figure guys out . . . | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:03:54 AM | Hey fenetre,
I hear ya, I've been in that same situation so many times where guys seem interested and it starts out great then I just don't hear from them......I know it's about them not me but it is very hard not to take it personally as I think "what did I do to make them change their mind?" It is hurtful,but we wouldn't want to be involved with a person who treats people that way. People can't help it if they're not interested and I guess they are afraid to say so as to not hurt your feelings but not contacting you hurts even more as you have to wonder for awhile "what's up" I guess like the other posts suggest, we need to remain positive, I don't think you should change how you are with people as we have to be ourselves.........take care | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:34:30 AM | I doubt lass that it is you, as much as it is the fickleness of modern culture. People do not feel as compelled to actually build social relationships and few have even bothered to understand social norms. While its probably not much of a comfort to you it is the way of the world these days. I can't say if you should look for a diffferent type of guy or not, but given your age I would say relax and explore your choices. Find where you best fit you might find that yes there is a different kind of guy you hit it off with then you thought, or you might not. You're at a point in your life however where you have time to decide.
Good luck lass. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:17:36 PM | Well, at the risk of going against the grind here, I'm going to hop up and say that the problem is most likely you.
Think of it, we're not just talking about 1 guy here, we're talking about few/several guys that have all done the same thing, same pattern. At some point, you're going to have to look at the possible source of the problem: You.
I can't tell you what you probably doing/not doing, but clearly these guys are losing interest with you rather quickly for a reason. Are you giving it all up (sex, etc..) too fast? Not at all? Act too much like 'one of the guys'? Boring to talk to? Needy? Clingy? Etc...
These are things to consider. If it was just one dude then I'd say he was a jerk. When it's several, I'd have to say that you're most likely to blame here, not them.
Oh, and then there's always just the plum possibility that while you're talking to these guys, they're just finding someone who they think are better, and are simply just jumping from your ship and onto theirs. Sad, but it happens. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:24:53 PM |
There is that old saying,
The only constant feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.
Heh heh... Your username is pretty much the answer that the thread starter needs. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:26:47 PM | If it keeps happening, it could very well be you.
Not in a negative way though. It could just be
something as simple as changing the type of guy
you're searching for/dating.
If you're not happy with the type of fish that
you're attracting/catching.....
Change the bait. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:33:50 PM | I think some folks just don't "get it" and you "talk" to them on e mails and then on the phone or go out on a date and never hear from them again. It would be nice if they just sent a quick note or e mail to say, "well, I enjoyed meeting you, but you're not really what I am looking for"--honest up front. But if I don't hear back from them suddenly, I just blow it off and am not feeling "rejected" because it lets me know he isn't what I was looking for anyway.
I got an e mail today from a complete stranger with no photo on his profile and not much except he liked golf (which I am not interested in at all and didn't put on my profile) and his first e mail was "Ill be in your part of the state this weekend, how about if we go out?" This is on Friday. Number 1--there is no photo on my profile though I will send one if asked, and 2) he didn't even have a town listed and only the state--this guy was a total unknown to me, but I e mailed him back and said "I know nothing about you or what you look like or where you live, only that you like golf. You know very little about me and don't know what I look like, why would you want to meet me? I think you are either a married man on the prowl or you are a serial killer. Which one are you?"
Needless to say, didn't hear back from him again and that's fine--if he is that dense and not a married man on the prowl, or not a serial killer, he is still too darned dumb and socially inept for me to waste my time with. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:40:07 PM | | Some guys might be very gunshy and maybe you are making all the right moves in your mind, but they interped it as maybe getting too close to them. I usually have good communications with my partner and this usually keeps us both at a comfortable level. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:54:33 PM | | Allow an observation from a fellow old enough to be your Grandfather. OP you may be trying too hard. Goodness gracious you are 19, give yourself time. CHILL... | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:00:51 PM | | i meant to post that to the guy who made the comment about women not needing to be attracted to men in order to like them, not towards the author of the thread | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:29:22 PM | The whole "friend" issue is a sticky one with dating. It's such a fine line as to be almost invisible, especially if you don't know what their defintion of "friend" is. I've treated women well, thinking we were in a relationship, and it turns out I was "just a friend". Better still is the comment, "If you weren't so much like a brother, we'd be going out." Ow.
I do have to agree with the posters who've said it may be you. It may be hard to accept, but I did and I feel I'm better for it. You've taken that first step and admitted there's a problem, so good for you!
Now, step two is to figure out how to avoid this from happening to you again. In my case, I was being TOO nice to women. I'm not saying that's the same for you. What I am saying is that the only reason I found out was because I took a long hard look at myself and asked people to give me advice.
I also found out that yes, it may be THEM who's got the problem. If so, it's best not to dwell on it.
So, take a step back and look to friends or others for advice. It may take a while but it's worth it. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:30:34 PM | ok, i read what you all said and it was a little hard... but constructive criticism is always the best i suppose.
i thought i should mention that there are different time frames for when these guys dissapear. sometimes it has been weeks and other times months, like several months before they lose interest. i don't put out (i'm mildly prudish to tell the truth) so it's not like anyone can say "your a hoe, your too easy, your not a challenge and not worth my time". i'm not too nice but i'm not a **** either. also, i know a few of you had the "your 19, why are you even fretting?" line but frankly i've never really dated before and i can be terribly shy around strangers. i know that people have to go through a lot of crap to get to relationship nirvana and a lot don't even get there but why i really want help is because i feel like i can't even get started in the dating game. any more ideas? | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:07:47 PM | You're in the "one of the guys" category of girls. Doubtful you can change your nature but realize that it changes how men view you. There is someone out there who'll suit your personality. Don't give up.
Some guys hate competitiveness in a girl, especially if they'd like to have something of a romantic/sexual nature. You might want to consider whether this approach is working for you. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:43:00 PM | Blast, I think you might be on to something, but let me speak from experience--"'m not competitive, I'm just good," "I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas."  And I "grew up with the guys" and was a tom boy, but also learned from my Tennessee-lady Grandmother how to be a lady as well-- spent time in Africa where I was the only white woman in 100 miles in any direction--so I know from experience how it is to be "one of the guys." some guys who aren't sure of their own cojones may be put off by a talented, competent woman and want a "shrinking violet" type and that is okay by me, I'm not too attracted to guys who aren't competent, self-assured types myself. My husband admired my spunkyness and was not the least bit threatened by my talents and abilities, because he was outstandlingly talented himself.
I have never cried one tear because of any man that wasn't attracted to me because I was more competent than he was---besides, I had all the dates I wanted and then some because lots of guys ARE self assured enough that they aren't "threatened" by a woman.
Hang in there sweetie, and wait for some guy who is worth the wait for! Don't get too serious in dating until you have tasted several varieties of fruit and matured enough that you know which is the one you want to keep. Go out and experience LIFE, find something you love to do and do it well and you will have all the guys you want stepping over each other to beat a path to your door.
You're a beautiful young woman with all the rest of your life ahead of you--make it special for yourself and the man that's worthy of you will find you! | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/26/2007 12:49:52 AM | I say cause you are not putting out. JUST KIDDING.
Hard to say what happens. Maybe it is the type of person you are going for. I know you have heard this advice before and maybe you are being (too??) careful about who you contact. People are strange .... 
Also since you are likely looking for somebody around your age group many guys at that level aren't looking for long term really. Hell when I was that age I know I wasn't in a hurry to find my one true whatever!! | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/26/2007 2:28:11 AM | It's not YOU..it's the internet highway going faster than the speed of light. A whole lot of people get in their brain they will be missing THE PERFECT ONE-SOUL MATE..if they settle for just compatible. I have had my share of relationships that went from va va voom to ....uhm...is that it? What else do you have to keep me with you????? attitude..
The intenet host's a lot of fantasys and they just can't get enough of. Real world women are fun but when it comes to actually building a relationship with them...the internet just will not let them go....inticing them..teasing them with too much stimulation.
How to overcome it? Don't give in too easy....don't call him on a regualar basis..do other things like go to the gym..go for a walk...just don't expect too much from internet guys..they will not give you as much as you would like them to do.....period. | |
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| why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 2/26/2007 2:09:50 PM | You should read Barbara De Angelis book "Are You the One for Me"
(also on audio CD) half.com for under $5
It will give you a lot of insight on what you're doing right and wrong in choosing a partner.
While geared more towards women, I read it after a lady friend bought it and it has a myriad of information you'll never get here. (no offense to well meaning posters) | |
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