| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:36:05 AM | I recently went through a huge upheavel with my daughter when she was caught by my ex making out with another girl on their couch. Since then my ex has placed her in counseling and in contact with her counselor I was told that Bisexuality among women is on the uprise. Since it directly pertains to my daughter, I wanted some female input here.
Is it really as prevelant in society as I was told? I wasn't given any statistics or supporting data for it by her counselor and I am trying to figure out if this is just a phase she is going through because it is the "Normal" state of things anymore or if this is something that she may decide to keep as a life choice. I am truely not concerned either way, but I would really like to know what to expect as she grows older. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:42:29 AM | | Personally I see it as a direct result of what they see in society as acceptable and as a way to get a reaction from boys, sort of like a trend. There's a difference between the experimental things teenagers go through and the "dancefloor lesbian" type of thing that is an attention getter in this day and age (like the Madonna/Britney situation, etc.). I think even though it sounds strange, it's sort of the "in" thing to do for a lot of teenage girls. My exes daughter went thru the same thing for a while and then started dating boys exclusively... | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:45:22 AM | IMO bisexual and homosexual are just like heterosexual people in that they don't "choose" to be who they are, it's just who they are.
It may just be experimenting on your daughter's part and may just be a phase, but I think they best thing you can do for her is just support her in any way that you can. Show her that it doesn't matter which choice she makes as far as her sexuality goes and which gender she chooses to be with. How old is your daughter anyway? | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:53:41 AM | | I hope she doesn't feel that since it was felt that she needed counselling, that she was doing something wrong....important thing here is to not make a huge deal of what she was caught doing, it is also important the the parents talk with her....she may be bi/gay/hetero, who knows, but in the end, it's her that is who she is. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:56:32 AM | How old is your daughter? When I was in school, growing up, we were taught that it was perfectly normal to go through a phase in our teen years, usually around 14-16 where we would find other females attractive. In deed I went through it around 15, though mine didn't really go away. But I had talked to my friends about it, and they all went through temporary phases as well in their teens where for a while they were attracted to females. The thing is now adays, being bisexual has become a trend, so when teenage girls hit this phase, they don't realize its only a phase and start telling the world that their bi, when in a year or so they may not feel the same way.
So, it is possible your daughter could be bi, but its also possible depending on her age, it might just be a phase caused by all those crazy puberty hormones. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:57:53 AM | | Please don't take any of this wrong.. I Love my daughter with everythin in me and I accept her and all she is and always will. She just turned 16. The counseling wasn't my idea but my ex's. She is of the ultra-conservative group and just went balistic. I didn't have any say whether she went into counseling or not but I did make sure that she went to a counselor with a very open mind and one that was NOT going to make her feel like she was trash because of her own feelings. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 10:59:19 AM | I was driving with my daughter a few years back (I think she was around 18 at the time), and out of the blue she asked how I would feel if she told me she was gay. I told her truthfully that I had no problem with that, and that it was her life. Turns out that at a recent party, she and her girlfriend had talked about the possibility of making out, and I am sure alcohol was involved as a catalyst to the discussion. Although nothing ever came of it that I am aware, it did get her wondering about her own sexuality.
My point is that in today's society, I believe testing ones sexuality is more common that we think. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:14:53 AM | She is only 16......
I really think that it is just her experimenting and by putting her in councelling you (the ex)are making her view it as being wrong. On the other hand it may be more then that and I can undsertand as a parent you may be concerned-but these kinds of things need to be figured out on their own.
You sound to me like a good father and just please support your daughter in whatever comes out of this. Looks like she might need it considering what you have said about the mother. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:15:51 AM | Hum if she wasn't confused before she must be now, if her parents freaked and sent her to councelling!!! Geeze she's bisexual not a killer or psycho of some sort!!! She was simply exploring her sexuality with a friend - soooooooo!!!!!!!! Let her figure it out, it's her life and her body to do as she wishes!! All a parent should do is tell them how to protect themselves against disease - unwanted pregnancy and to support them as they go through a very tough time in life! Being bisexual doesn't mean she 'needs therapy'!!! Bisexuality is not on the rise and I don't think women are jumping on a bisexual bandwagon - they are simply more free to express themselves!!! If you trust your daughter and she is intelligent - she will discover her own sexuality and what she wishes to pursue!!!!
~JMHO~
OP msg 11 - Glad you have a better attitude than what your ex seems to have!! | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:19:02 AM | I don't think that young women make out with other young women..just on a whim.
Obvioulsy they were attracted..But I do think there is now the idea that it is not as taboo.
IOW..she doesn't have to feel "there is somethng wrong with her" if she does this.
However...It is obvious that your wife does not feel this way. Your daughter really needs your support now...and to hear that you think she is ok either way...Bcz she has gotten the opposite message from your wife. She kissed a girl so she needs psycholigical help?.. Lovely.
Only time will telll as to your daughter's preference..Your wife is still in the dark ages.
What's next religious "scared hetero" boot camp?
Tell your daughter you do not believe she is mentally compromised by a kiss.. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:20:28 AM | | Leanne, Like I said.. I never wanted her in counseling.. I didn't have any control over it though. I wish I had.. it would have made things alot simpler. I knew about her thoughts and have for awhile now. She told me that she was thjinking about it some.. As far as I know this was her first real contact or attempt with another woman. I just told her to be who she was and it wouldn't matter to me. She may be 16 but she is still my baby girl. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 11:59:55 AM | | I personally think you should have stood up for your daughter and said that the counseling was out of the question. A large majority of women in today's society have experimented. I can say truthfully I never have but I know alot of my friends did in college. Life is about growing and figuring out who we are and in that process everyone experiments with things!! I personally think your ex needs to get in touch with the 21st century we live in. | |
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smyllz
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:03:21 PM | | ^^^But at the same time the ex is entitled to her opinion. If she is more comfortable with having her daughter in counselling, then I think the best thing to OP can do is support his daughter every chance he gets. Hopefully his daughter AND THE EX will learn through counselling that what she's doing isn't wrong. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:08:39 PM | I hear you MS..
Just be there for her and contiune to tell her that not everybody thinks like your ex.
Maybe she will get other positive things from the counselling...It can't feel good to her to have "those feelings" and know her Mom is unaccepting of them ..and by extension her..
It says alot about you and your relationship with your daughter that she felt she could speak openly with you!
Other poster...even the psycholigical world itself no longer considers homosexuality a "mental problem".. The ex wife is doing damage to the daughter by insisting on psychological treatement bcz of this..She feels more comfortable implying her daughter is "in need of help"?
That is Her issue that She needs help with. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:22:23 PM | As others have stated, only time will tell if this is the way she is oriented or if she is experimenting. You might want to mention to your X that if she is experimenting, and she keeps pushing her and telling her it is wrong, she may cause her to choose this as her lifestyle when if left alone, it would likely be a phase she is going through.
At 16, your daughter is aware of what her mother is like. Just keep telling her that you love her the way she is and just to let you know when she figures it out. Reiterating that you are there if she needs to talk is also good to mention even if she knows it. | |
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smyllz
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:28:04 PM | "even the psycholigical world itself no longer considers homosexuality a "mental problem".. The ex wife is doing damage to the daughter by insisting on psychological treatement bcz of this..She feels more comfortable implying her daughter is "in need of help"?
That is Her issue that She needs help with. "
I absolutely agree with you. BUT if she feels strongly about this, him putting his foot down isn't going to make a difference. He could take her to court, but what Judge is going to say "No you can't put your child in counselling". All I'm saying is that hopefully the daughter will see through her mother's ignorance and hopefully both her and her mother learn that it ISN'T wrong in the counselling. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:08:51 PM | counselling in this situation doesn't have to be a negative thing... as long as it's not a session saying "you are not interested in other girls" or "what you are doing is wrong" then it could be a healthy outlet for her.
it could be difficult to talk to say you, or your ex (and i'm guess especially hard to talk to your ex since her views on the subject aren't as open to discussion as yours), and maybe it would be good for her to be able to talk to someone who has no prejudices (not saying that you do)
at any rate, all you can do is be there for her... it can't be easy to be caught exploring your sexuality, especially by someone who is so against what you may decide is right for you. | |
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mam69
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Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:13:01 PM | Just let your daughter know you love her and that you support her in any life choices she makes.
I have a 17 year old daughter and her and her group of friends are very open about their sexuality. They have no problems with their friends being gay/ bisexual/ straight, they just don't care either way. (IE: my daughter has large breasts, her girlfriends have a tendancy to want to poke, grab or play with them, mostly just in humour, but they do not find this abnormal or an expression of their sexuality.) She has a few gay friends, and a few bi friends, and one girlfriend who "tried" a same sex dating relationship. She said she decided after dating another girl and many make out sessions that she is happy with just boys but felt she need to check out her options and she had been physically attracted to the girl she dated.
The "kids" nowadays are much more socially advanced than we were at their age. What took us years to realize is normal is just a given for them. I don't know if bisexuality is "on the rise" in that age group so to speak I just think that the teens are more comfortable with themselves and not afraid to be open about this stuff.
Let her know that there is nothing wrong with her because her mother put her in councelling, and weather it was experimenting, shock value, or her discovering her sexuality you are there for her and love her unconditionally. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:41:19 PM | OP...
i commend you and your attitude. your love for your daughter and your acceptance will not go unnoticed by her. your ex, however, is a different matter. your daughter is in counselling and you cannot change that, but any councellor in todays world knows that that this is not not a "mental issue", so i doubt they have discussed even more than one session. i would think they have discussed primarily your ex's close mindedness. i would think that your daughter was only experimenting anyway, as bisexuality seems to be in vogue now in hollywood. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:57:15 PM | I do consider myself bisexual, although I could never really date a girl. I do prefer men. For me it's only sex related. Try being open with your daughter. She might just be experimenting.
Bird | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:07:54 PM | How about not expecting anything other than she turns out to be a good kid.
Her sexuality may not be the same in her older years... or it may be just as it is now. Either way, that is your daughter and it shouldnt matter.
I do think its on the rise a little bit though to be honest. It seems to be the 'in' thing to do.
Either way, as long as she turns out with good values, is honest and kind and does something productive with her life, it shouldnt matter.
Let her be her, whatever that turns out to be.
You could always have an open talk with her, as long as you dont pass judgement. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:25:57 PM | Your sexuality is not a choice. It just is? Just accept people for who they are and relax! 
If people were truly open and in touch with there feelings a lot more people would admit to bisexual feelings or at least thoughts. Doesn't mean you are bisexual it is just natural. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:26:55 PM | I absolutely agree with you. BUT if she feels strongly about this, him putting his foot down isn't going to make a difference. He could take her to court, but what Judge is going to say "No you can't put your child in counselling". All I'm saying is that hopefully the daughter will see through her mother's ignorance and hopefully both her and her mother learn that it ISN'T wrong in the counselling.
Ah, I get you now smyllz.....I agree with you that who knows what kind of judge they would get..Not to mention additional upset for the daughter being dragged into court..
Op I am wondering if there is any way to re-address the custody agreement so that in the future you have a say in medical decisions.. | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 3:34:06 PM | OMG!!!! i think its your ex that needs the councelling!!!
i have many gay women in my family, (im not 1 of them but wouldnt care if i was) and we have all accepted this.
Your poor daughter probably thinks that what she was doing and how she feels is wrong!!!
The way your ex has reacted is one of the main causes for girls and men alike to play it straight for X amount of years, get married, have kids then they cant lie to themselves any longer they either kill themselves or leave the family they have already created.
If your ex continues to make your daughter believe being anything other then "straight" is socially unacceptable then you ex may lose her daughter in the long run, it's the whole "love me for who i am not what i am" that may make your daughter run from those that love her.
i wish you and your daughter all the best xxx | |
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| Question for the ladies here...
Posted: 2/23/2007 5:14:27 PM | | I think one thing you SHOULD be concerned about and talk to your daughter about is the level of disrespect she showed to her mother for getting it on in her house, whether it was with another girl OR a guy. | |
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