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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??      Home login  
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 LegalSec
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??Page 1 of 1    
This is the first time I've started a thread. I have done a search and can't find a previous thread so sorry if there is one and I couldn't find it.

I have a friend whose ex left her for someone else and moved in with her (quite some time ago). It seems that every time he gets bored with / has a row with his new lady, he contacts my friend. Every single time she goes running back to him and every time she says how wonderful he is and how he's lent her X amount of money and paid for this and that and how generous he is. A few days later it's a dead cert she'll be telling everyone what a ba****d he is and what a b1tch his woman is.

Why oh why oh why does she go running back time after time??? Can anybody explain this to me cos I have no concept of how someone can have so little self-respect as to let themselves be repeatedly used like this.
 shy_puma
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 2
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Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 8:29:06 AM
it could be because she already knows how nice he can be when he is nice, alot of people like to remember the good things that happened in a relationship and tend to forget the bad times. but once they have been hurt again by that person they suddenly "remember" all the previous bad things that have happened.

they say love is blind but i think lust can be just as blind.
 Punkinpie74
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 3
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 8:42:55 AM
I have to say it depends, I suppose in some cases it's better the devil you know than the devil you don't. I had a friend who used to do the same thing and I asked her once why, she replied because I love him, and he has to love me or he wouldn't come back, she was firmly convinced that if she waited about for him the next time he came back it would be for good, maybe your friend is like that, hoping each time it will be for good. Sometimes in my opinion these emotions get in the way of good judgment and your self respect.
 clackers
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 4
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 8:53:36 AM
"how he's lent her X amount of money and paid for this and that and how generous he is"

I would venture to say, in her case, it is about the money.
 LegalSec
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:01:03 AM
I think maybe it is because she seriously believes the next time he'll stay with her. I don't think it is about the money because I don't think she's that kind of person. I do however think he pays for things because he believes he can "buy" her.

Another friend's partner walked out on here and treated her like cr*p. Since she's taken him back he always buys things for her. Having met him, he's a lazy arrogant tw*t and he obviously thinks paying for things will keep her sweet. She of course thinks he does it cos he loves her and cos he's just soooooooooo generous.
 Altafica
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 6
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Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:12:04 AM
Maybe your friend is scared of being alone! If you have been with somebody for a while, its a case of "devil you know". I know when I can out of a long marraige, I was terrified of being alone, having it drilled into me that I could not cope without him...............well there is a world out there, and you survived before you can do it again.
I do however believe that you become one after a while and the tought of loosing your other half is like loosing a limb.
 anna-c
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 7
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:23:46 AM
It could be a self esteem thing, I had a friend in a similar situation, whenever the ex wanted a bit of hanky panky he called her , it made me furious, when I challenged her she said she knew that the sex would be good and she didnt have to worry about first time sex nerves and was scared to get involved with another man and felt safe and comfortable with him. You have to try and get your friend to break what has become a comfortable habit and move on, the man will always return to her when it suits him if she lets him. Take her on a holiday to the sun out of his reach and let her kick back and relax away from familiar surroundings, better still if you have a nice attractive male friend introduce them, but ultimately it is up to her to sort this out, you can only do so much.
 kiararose27
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 8
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Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:29:36 AM
If she still loves him she may be prepared to keep waiting/taking him back in the hope he will eventually stay....only your friend can decide when love is just not enough anymore. You dont say if there are children involved, a friend of mine was in a similar situation & when I asked her why she put up with it she told me 'the kids miss their dad & want him home',
there are a lot of different reasons some women & men will forgive a cheating partner, others like myself would never contemplate trusting the cheating partner again & prefer to move on however painful it might be.
 willow
Joined: 12/11/2005
Msg: 9
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:36:31 AM
Maybe because she hasnt found anyone to replace the lying dog..And that any attention can be better than no attention at all..Seems he has the situation weighed up in his favour..

He knows she will always welcome him back with open arms, and legs by the sounds of things..He has no intention of returning to her, just using her when the situation suits him..
 AKbigslick11
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 10
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 12:19:36 PM
For some people it seems to be a case of "it's better the devil you know..." syndrome but then again some people are made to feel so downtrodden and worthless that they actually believe that they won't be able to get anyone better anyway.

An ex is an ex for a reason, some people just forget the reason. Many other factors have already been covered. ^^
 Loose_end
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 11
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Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 12:43:54 PM
Or it may just be a want for having that thing you cant quite have.

If someone teases you with something, something you might really like, gives you a tiny sample, then takes it away, you're really going to miss it.

He'll always remain to "your friend" as someone just quite out of her reach, and that'll make her want it all the more.

Think Greyhound/Hare..........Donkey/Carrot.

Human beings arent really as clever as we like to think we are.

I hope she realises the carrot is just a manky old bit of veg sooner rather than later and gives up her wanting for it.
 MarriedGeek
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 12
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 12:58:37 PM
we are creatures of habit after all & I think people get stuck in a loop / rut sometimes.

I have seen this scenario many times and the exit option just does not seem an option
because they focus on the good feelings rather than the repetitive nature of the whole setup.

I came up with a phrase for this type of relationship many moons ago
"on and off like a frequently used light switch"
 Mr~Brightside
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 13
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 1:23:55 PM
Never go back in my opinion.

Invariably the reason or reasons it didnt work the first time are still there.

Definition of insanity : Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the outcome to be different
 Sexytrish
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 14
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 1:26:31 PM
I agree with Stu ^^^^^

Never go back.... If it didnt work the 1st time... How the hell can it poss work the 2nd!!
I would NEVER return to an ex of any kind... sorry if it didnt work id move on..........................................

 midlandstaurus33
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 15
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 2:16:46 PM
That's one thing im sure i wont ever do!!

Something about being in the comfortability factor, and sticking to what you know perhaps?. But, surely its all down to lacking in some self respect? Thinking possibly you won't do any better than you're getting?
 me and my shadow
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 16
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 2:19:36 PM
i think as many said, better the devil you know.

having kids involved too can sway peoples decisions. maybe if he's saying its better for the kids (if any are involved) it may influence her decision by thinking of them and thinking its better for them.
i wouldent go back to my ex, not even for the kids. i dont have any restricions of when i can/cant see them, and it would only serve more damage to them in the long run if we split again.
 jannie2
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 17
Why do people run back to an ex over and over again??
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:07:29 PM
Can be fear of being alone, desperation, putting a spanner in the works. It's never over til the fat lady sings loud and clear, no matter wot u say to her. Support her and listen to her, she'll need that when it finally all slots into place. May take some time but she'll be a stronger person when she realises wot a lousy f*** he is. Take it from me, u can never tell her. She will work it out for herself............eventually!!
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