| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 2:59:31 PM | I remember my early years of dating. It was not a serious activity at all.
I might invite Girl A to the movies one week, and Girl B for a concert the next week. Girl C liked to go dancing. Girl D enjoyed museums.
It was not a juggling act. It was simply having fun with different people. No deep emotions. No guilt. No commitments.
Some of these pairings were better matches than others. That's how we learned about dating, and various dating partners.
Now, as an adult, dating is such a serious thing. People are much more cautious, and ever so serious.
"I don't want to waste my time dating someone I would not want to marry," is something I have heard people say.
That really fries my gizzard!
I think dating is a way to get to know people, and is not a form of trial engagement.
I may never get married, and I admit this.
What I want to know is:
Why do people take dating so seriously? | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:03:16 PM |
I may never get married, and I admit this.
What I want to know is:
Why do people take dating so seriously?
Because maybe they DO want to get married, "settle down" and have a long-term, lifelong relationship with someone and are tired of dealing with people who aren't looking for the same thing?
Just a thought.
 | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:18:54 PM | I can honestly say that I have never truly "dated". It seems I have always just met a guy, and had a relationship with him. It may only last two months, or a year or more. I would like to try dating a few different guys, but it seems as though it would be a little confusing.
Not too mention the possibility of getting a "reputation" (which shouldn't happen unless you are sexually involved with all of them, but people tend to assume).
There is also the jealousy factor to contend with, on both sides.
So yeah, in this day and age, it is pretty serious. Kinda makes you long for the old days, huh?
 | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:38:09 PM | | I know exactly what you mean because that's the way dating was when I was young. However there was NO sex involved when dating more than one person at the same time. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:41:22 PM | Same as nicky2tone stated ...
*Some of us don't want to "run around" for the rest of our lives ... reminds me of some sort of "bee" jumping from flower to flower ... never sticks around very long.
*Some of us were married once and actually do want to get married again ... how can you do that if you don't take dating seriously?
*Some of never did the "run around" thing and that's probably because we didn't want to or didn't like the idea of it. Others have done that all their lives and that's how they live. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:44:35 PM | DATING is serious!..... If you are hanging out with girl A,B,C,D, that to me would be just having friends of the opposite sex. Because girl B...likes to do stuff girl C... does not,and girl A does not like to do what girl B or C does etc. As long as you are not having sex with,
A,B,C,D... People do have to be more cautious.... In don't think you are DATING all of these girls ,just hanging out getting to know them...To see if you could date them?Or if there could be anything more? Just a thought! | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:51:45 PM | | I just avoid those that do take it too seriously....after all - I'm going out on a date, not a job interview. Don't worry - you're not alone - lots of people yearn for the more carefree days as well..... | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:06:34 PM | It's kind of funny because your experience is the opposite of mine so far, lol.
When I was younger (still in high school, specifically), if you went to the movies with someone, you were automatically considered a "couple". I avoided dating like the plague in high school for just that reason - I wasn't trying to commit straight off, I was trying to get to know someone.
As a result, if I liked someone, we just hung out as friends (often in a group) to avoid the labelling. If we wanted things to go further later, they went further. If we didn't, it was no big deal. I carried on that way after high school and still do now. My experience has been that dating is much more laid back now than it ever was for me when I was younger.  | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:32:45 PM | | I checked out your profile OP and you were 'dating' at about the same era that I was. Back in those days dating usually didn't involve sex. Things have changed so much that it is a lot more likely that sex will become an issue by at least the second or third date. Sex changes the whole concept of dating as you envision it and makes it very serious. I am sure you can find some people who want to date as you do, but truthfully, there are many more who are more interested in the "search for the perfect mate" than they are in going out bowling just for the sake of bowling. It's kind of a shame it is that way because dating just to go out and have fun was just that.....fun. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:53:57 PM | (Msg. 9) Mairenn wrote:
I checked out your profile OP and you were 'dating' at about the same era that I was. Back in those days dating usually didn't involve sex. Mairenn you are 52 and the OP is 55 ... I am 57. I'm trying to imagine where you must have been dating that "sex" was not part of dating back then. That was the "sexual" revolution as I recall.
Do you think for one minute that the OP is not having sex with lady A, B, C, & D? OR Did you think that he has been celibate all these years that he has been dating lady A, B, C, & D?
I got the distinct impression that he is used to "buzzing" around with his "sex" like a busy little bee. He doesn't really take it all that seriously as many of us do. I got the distinct impression that he has no interest what so ever in ever finding a mate ... at least not for very long.
I could be mistaken ... but if I am, he needs to say so. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:56:31 PM | OP- You have looking for long-term in your profile...that would imply to someone that you're looking for a "serious" relationship as opposed to just "dating", "hanging out" or "friends".
From what you've posted about your gizzard frying, I would think you might want to select another option as it appears you're looking for "social outings" without the possibility of it becoming a "serious" romantic "relationship".
You can't blame busy people who are seriously looking for a relationship for not being interested in doing social things with someone they don't know. Maybe you'd find what you're looking for on a "networking" site as opposed to a "dating" site..just a thought  | |
|
ksue44
|
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 4:57:50 PM | OP - good thread. I got to thinking about how dating was in high school and the first year of college. It was honestly a piece of cake. Neither of us had a pot to piss in, we hadn't gone through divorces, career changes, or having kids. It just seemed in our early 20's we were so carefree, but for me this was in the 1970's.
Today, people are too concerned with being "politically correct", and that's carried over into relationships. I know dating gets a little more complicated as we get older, its as though we feel we have more at stake, we have to look at the whole picture.
I think most people think the possibility of dating could lead into long term relationships or marriage. Most folks look at their dates as "potential" marriage partners whether that is on the conscious level or sub-conscious level. We look at the other as what can they bring to the table. That's what makes dating hard. It boils down to perceptions.
Op - I totally agree with your statement that dating should be about "getting to know someone". If we keep that in mind, it simplifies the process. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:00:26 PM | OP is stuck in adolescence. Good thing he never married anybody.
He should pursue whatever pleases him and quit whining about the fact that women of depth and substance will not be interested.
Dating can be just fun as he states. Surely amongst all the opportunities on the internet he can find what he seeks. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:17:05 PM | | Yes OP change your looking for from long term to dating is step 1. It doesn't have to be serious but you are putting it out there on the internet of all places. You would be surprised how many girls would like to date casually but the one's who are scrolling through looking for long term will find you..and look for people who want to date or hang out not relationship seekers. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:22:44 PM | | The range of different ideas of dating varies widely on this site. I believe if one has "dating" on their status, it suggest to me that their ultimate goal is to just date and nothing more. If they plan to date only, then it should not, as OP mentioned, be so serious. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:50:18 PM | | OP, I'm with you...people should date several people to see which one they have the most in common with, and like the most. Whoever said one has to only date one person at a time until they find out this isn't the one? I did that through my 20s and 30s and ended up in relationships that went nowhere and were with the wrong people...only I didn't find that out until much later and then thought since we had invested so much time, we just needed to work at things more. Well, that's fine if *both* people want to work at things, but that wasn't the case. Now I'm dating, and only dating - no sex, no heavy making out - until I find the one who I want to be with more than anyone else, and who wants the same with me. Yeah, I'm serious about finding a partner and eventually marriage, but I'm going about it in a better way now than I used to. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:06:30 PM | | I think we all would like to find the "one" and settle down with someday but in order to find the"one" it takes some of longer then other to find it. I personally get tired of dating alot of different women Id like to eventually find the "one" and settle down with. When your dating so many women it takes time to learn about each one unless its just a sexual thing which is also confusing we have so many labels we like to use like friends with benefite or f88ck buddies..and of course dating. Your right about thing it does seem so serious when people try to talk about....who knows it a crap shoot....Peace:)) | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:16:39 PM | Stop trying to get me in bed and I won't take dating so seriously.
Anyway, I don't need to go out on a date to get to know someone. I have loads of people I already know and I'm not socially desperate that I have to make dates with a whole bunch of guys in one week just to pass the time, not to mention how completely confusing that is for me.
Some people run deeper than the slough it up to experience types. We like to look carefully at what we're doing...we like exclusivity and we like the idea that our time has more value than "just going on a date for some fun." I for one, don't have the time to waste on that kind of frivolity.
Umm..maybe because I'm a grown up now? With actual responsibilities? | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:26:08 PM | (Msg. 1) Magickman wrote:
I think dating is a way to get to know people, and is not a form of trial engagement.
I may never get married, and I admit this.
What I want to know is:
Why do people take dating so seriously? What is confusing me is that we have an OP who openly admits that he has no intention of doing anything "long term" with any lady although that's what he has on his profile ... stating that "dating is a way to get to know people" and I guess I'd like to know why he needs to "get to know" the lady if he really has no intention of staying with her.
I thought we make an effort to "get to know" a person that we want to be around for longer periods of time ... sometimes a life time.
(Msg. 15) Cardiologist wrote:
The range of different ideas of dating varies widely on this site. I believe if one has "dating" on their status, it suggest to me that their ultimate goal is to just date and nothing more. If they plan to date only, then it should not, as OP mentioned, be so serious. The OP has "long term" on his profile … not "dating". It he just had "dating" on his profile I could understand his statement of not wanting to take things so seriously.
When I see "dating" on a profile … I automatically assume it is a man who has no intention of taking any woman seriously … a "busy bee jumping from flower to flower" is what I envision. I do not envision a man who wants to take the time to "get to know" any of his "victims" … errrrm dates.
I do expect that from a man who has "long term" on his profile. That insinuates that the man is seeking a relationship that he wants to be a lasting one … that implies "getting to know" a lady in a much deeper way than just taking her bowling and boink her and move on to the next. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:31:35 PM | "I got the distinct impression that he is used to "buzzing" around with his "sex" like a busy little bee."
Don't I wish.
Let me tell you. A, B, C, and D were all back in the (Gasp!) 1960s.
By now I am on AAA, BBB, CCC, and DDD.
The only way I will find a girlfriend, or a partner, is to keep meeting people. But I do not meet anyone from POF.
If I were to guess, probably most of the women I dated over the years are married by now, maybe divorced, too.
I love it when divorced people tell me how to conduct relationships. Divorce has not happened to me, so far at least.
Over the years, there was no relationship for me, where marriage was mutually desired. And there were lots of years when I was discouraged, and did not date.
Singles events and casual dating are the only ways for me to get to know women, so I keep trying.
My best guess is that meeting more people might be the path to a relationship, since there are no women waiting around for me.
The one thing i am sure of, is that I am eternally grateful that I never got married. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:37:57 PM |
What is confusing me is that we have an OP who openly admits that he has no intention of doing anything "long term" with any lady although that's what he has on his profile ... stating that "dating is a way to get to know people" and I guess I'd like to know why he needs to "get to know" the lady if he really has no intention of staying with her.
This is kinda what I was trying to say. I don't just jump into relationships and demand or even want something incredibly intense or what have you right off the bat.
That said, I am looking for someone to be with, for the rest of my life. That's my ultimate goal within my dating life. Should I be serious about it? I think so. It's a serious thing. That doesn't mean every time I'm on a date, I'm grabbing a 4,000 watt lightbulb and shoving it in the woman's face asking what her intentions are with me while smoking a cigar and channeling Bogart.
If the woman I'm on a date with has absolutely no intention of ever being in a committed relationship or wants to play the field, have at it. I wouldn't want someone to settle on me if I'm not what they're looking for. At the same time, if you only want to play the field, it's only fair to let me know you're not looking for something more than that. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:48:46 PM | I agree with you 100%.
I would sooner just go slow and let things happen.
When i started dating after being married 15 years i was suprised on how fast things would go. | |
|
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:51:02 PM | i ask myself the same thing actually....
so what if ppl DO in fact want to marry one day...thas the thing...ONE DAY!!! why be so serious and make such a hard effort right now to find the one? everything happens for a reason, everything has its time. enjoy dating NOW, and the more ppl you meet, the more chances you have of finding that S.O.....just my random thought of the day.
so many ppl have these plans set out for themselves; be married by a certain age, have thier kids by a certain age...it will happen when its meant to happen.
have fun now!!  | |
|
| |
| Dating: Does it have to be so serious?
Posted: 2/24/2007 7:26:01 PM | Some take dating seriously, others don't. It really all depends on what types of people you're asking out on a date. Here in Ottawa, Canada, it also depends on what season it is. Folk are more apt to join you for a beer and a casual chat at a bistro patio on a friday evening when it isn't -40 Celcius with the Northern winds cutting through your thousand layers of clothes, for instance...
I see what you're saying though, OP. What you're not acknowledging, however, is that when you were younger and dating through the alphabet of eligible ladies, the general environment that you were in was different than it is now, and you probably shared it with most of them. I'd hazard a guess that most of your dates back then went to the same school that you did, or hung out at the same A&W or pub or where ever you hung out. You saw each other on a regular enough basis, and so the opportunity to socialize beforehand was available to you.
Now, that probably doesn't exist. If you're finding most of your current dates online, it definitely doesn't exist anymore. The only aspect of a social nature online would be through the forums, which is essentially the same as writing graffiti on a wall and hoping that it piques someone else's interest enough to respond with more graffiti and/or seek you out. The profile descriptions resemble little more than lost pet notes pinned to a bulletin board, and rarely seem to inspire much more than restrained impulse to gamble on sending a smile or adding you to their favourites list. If you email them, everything relies on unreliable timing and their mood during the moment it's read. And, if they receive a lot of "hey babe, ya wanna?" emails that day, well, good luck lol
Dating itself also probably seems more serious now because it's really more like going on a blind date anyway, if you're finding dates through the internet. Everyone's gorgeous and athletic, thoroughly fascinating and reasonably sane, until you meet face to face. Even after exchanging up to a dozen emails, you're still strangers, right? Along with that, if the person you're interested in does have an agenda regarding why they're signed up with this or any singles dating site (which is normal), they're going to try to be efficient with their time in the same way that they look through a department store catalog before bundling into the car and fighting traffic to see an item first hand. They're going to look for clues that verify which ever prospects entering their radar are good possibile matches who offer the potential for more than one half hour chat over coffee - something that they still need to prepare for and maybe juggle their time for, regardless. They don't have the luxury of seeing each invitation for drinks or dinner or a movie as frivolous experiences worth pursuing, if they're more assured of enjoying the evening alone just watching TV or reading a book. It's a pain in the ass for some people to physically meet someone new with as much of the care free attitude as what they have for the convenience of simply surfing and chatting online in track pants and a comfy old shirt to decompress from a busy work week.
I personally don't look at first meets like that, but have ended up conceding to the fact that a lot of people seem to put conditions and expectations ahead of just meeting for the sake of getting out of the house and doing something different with part of their spare time. | |
|
Home
login 
