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 Pinkdaisies
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 1
Why would a guy stand you up?Page 1 of 1    
I am annoyed and curious. Maybe you guys can translate for me.

Why would a guy take the time to look up your work number, call you there, ask you out and then do a no-show? I figure going to all that effort to track me down meant he was interested. I was pretty shocked to be kept waiting. (This is someone I know - not a guy off the internet so I know he wasn't surprised by my appearance or anything.) He asked me if I was busy for Friday night. I said no, and he asked if I would like to have dinner. I said "Great!" He said he would call by 3:00 and then we were to decide which restaurant to meet at.

He never called! Now I don't think there is a whole lot of room for misunderstanding in that conversation. He asked me out and I accepted, right? That is my translation anyway. What gives?
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 2
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:32:52 PM
You already know this man ... so he's no stranger ... right?

Is there any chance that he was not able to get to a phone in order to call you?

I can recall (working as a nurse) that I was supposed to call someone once and then couldn't ... instead I ended up going to the hospital with one of my clients and I was not allowed to use my cell in the emergency area. I could have stepped outside, but to be honest, I couldn't leave my client alone either ... they didn't speak English and I was there because I knew all the medical history and could also relate what was going on to the client.

Things do happen.

Has he ever stood you up before?
 Pinkdaisies
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 3
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 3:34:47 PM
This would have been our first date so no, he has never stood me up before. But it is now a day and a half later and still no call! I guess he changed his mind.
 sassyaquarius
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 4
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:07:36 PM
I got stood up for a third date... it sucks.

Who knows why... but someone once told me that a man's rejection is God's protection :)
 mjmilan
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 5
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 5:13:11 PM


Who knows why... but someone once told me that a man's rejection is God's protection


I like that...
 johnnydepp88
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 6
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 7:35:59 PM
I've been stood up a few times before by women and the excuse is always so lame...a woman's rejection is God's protection.

When a man just doesn't call back to cancel or just doesn't show up, that is a flake and he better have a valid reason - I wouldn't give a second chance without one.
 Yogeshi
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 7
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 7:48:42 PM
Give him the benefit of the doubt.

However, he could have lost interest or he could just be disrespectful and inconsiderate. Just as I have done, and intend to do with a girl off her who was supposed to meet me wednesday, I would suggest you be pleasant and try to set up a different day - a bit later. And when you do so, make it clear in a gracious, fun, light hearted tone that you found this disrespecful and inconsiderate, enough so that he knows you dont intend to put up with this kind of thing. If you make it too serious, are hostile/aggressive about it, or otherwise unpleasant about that, it could flat-out scare him off.
 mustride28
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 8
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 9:48:23 PM
I can't speak for this man,or would I wish to.But in life things happen,The only time I can remember standing someone up.My firebird decided to break down,my bad.I in a feeable attempt to fix it I was late for the appointment,when I noticed the time,I was to embarrassed,to admit.A,my car broke down,B I had forgotten the time of the date.Like it would have done any good without a ride.I am not justifing this mans actions,but releasing my own guilt mustride
 Humerox
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 9
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:10:04 PM
Don't accept any excuse he has, and never accept another date with him. Unless there was some major calamity in his life...and that would be suspect, at best.

It's all about respect. If you overlook his lack of respect for you at this stage, what do you think will happen if the relationship progresses beyond dating?


You deserve better, don't you?
 Flutterby74
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 10
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:34:28 PM
Maybe he decided something better came along. His loss. Not worth a second chance.
 Zentimes
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 11
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 10:37:09 PM
Hello Pinkdaisies:



You appear to be a clever & sympathetic lady -- so I wont evade the issue.





SITUATION: He stands you up and does not telephone to explain.

TRANSLATION: HE IS NOT INTO YOU -- AT ALL!





He's not a fish -- this one is a shark!

Toss him back into the ocean and move on to the next one ~
 VioletSkye
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 12
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 11:29:15 PM

Don't accept any excuse he has, and never accept another date with him. Unless there was some major calamity in his life...and that would be suspect, at best.

It's all about respect. If you overlook his lack of respect for you at this stage, what do you think will happen if the relationship progresses beyond dating?


You deserve better, don't you?


Hot damn.

You just rock. This is exactly what I would have said. Take it ladies, coming from a man! If you don't respect yourself, who else will?

I would have written him off, never, ever accepted another call or conversation.
IF he knows you, knows where you work or possibly even where you live, there is no reason whatsoever, that he couldn't have called, even later, to apologize for standing you up, not calling or showing, unless he died. lol

I'm one of those who won't accept a date for Friday night or Saturday on those days as it seems like he's calling at the last minute because he has nothing better to do and if he truly wanted to do something nice with you, going out, etc; he would plan it, call you ahead of time and make sure you were available and take it from there.

As the gentleman above said... it's all about respect.
 drg1301
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 13
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/24/2007 11:49:47 PM
Why don't you just call him and ask him ?
 Pang~Gurl
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 12:47:02 AM
Sometimes being stood up is the best thing for you... I got stood up, felt like going out anyways, didn't want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself.. so i went out.. this delectable man standing in line behind me waiting for coffee said Hello.... all of a sudden i can't remember who the hell stood me up in the first place :) the universe has a great way of giving you exactly what you need at any given moment, because I've been enjoying MR coffee ever since
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 15
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 4:14:43 AM
he didnt stand you up....he said he would call by 3:00, which he didn't...so.....

Besides, what else were you going to do? at least for a few hours you got to feel good about the thought of going out.
 AcesDJD
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 16
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 5:48:30 AM
I don't consider that a legit stand-up, not that it doesn't suck. This I'll call you at "X" time and then we'll go out isn't as set in stone, as I'll met you at "X" at 7pm. The first has happened to me a few times, the second has never happened to me. I think most people possess enough kindness to not have someone wait for them somewhere without showing. But saying you'll call at x time to confirm doesn't seem quite as brutal.
 downtoearthsi
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 17
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 7:31:10 AM
If someone flakes out, whether it's tentative or definite plans, it's up to the flaker to call & reschedule. It could be a whole variety of things. Maybe there was a legitimate emergency or urgent situation. In which case, the flaker (although I wouldn't consider them a flaker if there was a genuine, legitimate reason for the flaking) can call, explain the situation and offer to reschedule. Or maybe they lost interest in which case the flakee calling to press them for a reason is just going to make things weirder. I've had people flake on me for both tentative & definite plans. I didn't spend a lot of time obssessing over it, just chalked it up to experience & moved on. I do make it a point to pick meeting places I'd like and feel comfortable in by myself, just in case it happens.
 guy_in_toronto_28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 18
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 7:44:58 AM
Well, it was not really confirm... He was going to call and confirm the details.
Maybe just wait and see? He could have got busy or distracted with something.

It would be worse if he would have called you to confirm then not show up.
 Pasquel
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 19
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 7:08:27 PM

He asked me if I was busy for Friday night. I said no, and he asked if I would like to have dinner. I said "Great!" He said he would call by 3:00 and then we were to decide which restaurant to meet at.


Sorry to dissagree, but THAT's a date. He did ask her out to dinner on Friday. The phone call was only to decide WHERE to go, not if.

He did stand her up. Hon, unless he's in the hospital, move on. You want to stay friends with him? cool, but anything else? Nope, he has already shown you how important he thinks you are.
 Thefirsted
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 20
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 7:46:26 PM
If you know him then just ask him. Maybe his Aunt Mabel had emergency bypass surgery or somthing. If YOU are interested in HIM give him a second chance, maybe even ask him out making sure that you mention that flaking out a second time isn't acceptable. No third chance. Make him buy you somthing expensive to make up for it and don't show up for the date.
 Babylonia
Joined: 1/27/2005
Msg: 21
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 7:53:23 PM
Don't accept any excuse he has, and never accept another date with him. Unless there was some major calamity in his life...and that would be suspect, at best.


Amen!

There are no second chances here. None. There had better be some serious calamity in his life like the poster I quoted above said - and even then there is no excuse for a phone call by now (unless he is incapable of calling, in which case, there likely won't be a second chance available).

Look, I was stood up once by someone I was beginning to date. I dumped him the very next day. That was the last time I had ever heard from him - and I wanted it just that way.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 22
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Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:14:07 PM
I am going to assume you don't actually know this guy all that well. Just that he is from real life, not from online.

I have had similar incidences, but I know it is not due to lack of interest on the guy's behalf, but more due to the guy's place in his life. Of course I know that from knowledge of the guy's life...either through a mutual friend or through conversations I had had with the person.

There are things that are tell tale signs.

Do you know anything about this guy? Is he recently out of a relationship? Could he have gotten back together with his ex?

Does he have a complicated home life? Children...or other people's children that he feels highly responsible for? Some people feel strongly about what they do and what people they bring home to their children.

Maybe he is dating a few people and had another relationship escalated...so he didn't want to string you along.

Does he have a sick relative? What kind of work does he do? Are the hours regular, shiftwork, emergency response? Make no assumptions that everyone has 9-5 and can accomodate a regular dating schedule...or call anytime.

There could be so many things that could have happened if he is not someone you know a lot about, or if you didn't meet him through a mutual friend.

It is never as simple as he just didn't call...think about his situation...about him...what you know about him...I am sure you will have the answer.
 ya472
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 23
Why would a guy stand you up?
Posted: 2/25/2007 10:28:01 PM

Why would a guy take the time to look up your work number, call you there, ask you out and then do a no-show?



Because he either has something more important to do, like get laid, or he really doesn't respect you.


Either way, it is still the same thing.

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