| Writing Negative Testimonials [CLOSED Redundant]
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:28:05 AM | I'm just curious, if anyone has ever written a negative testimonial about someone they dated?
I think reading the testimonials are great, but quite frankly, every one that I have read makes everybody out to be saints, or the next Mother Teresa or Mahatma Ghandi (sorry if spelling is an issue). How about that guy you dated who was a complete jerk, or that woman who is a psycho? Or have you ever received a negative? After all the testimonials work both ways....I would like to hear what everyone thinks or their experiences. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:32:13 AM | you will NEVER see a negative testimonial b/c they can be deleted by the person you wrote about. & since they are looking to meet someone...they aren't going to keep up a testimonial that makes them look less than great.
I had a guy write a testimonial on my profile once that commented on how I had him on my favs list but had yet to contact him. well I use my favs list as a bookmark to remember people who have peaked my interest to be able to write to them at a later date. but the testimonial he wrote made me realize he wasn't the type of guy I would be remotely interested personality wise. (his profile was misleading) so I deleted the testimonial & took him off my favs. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:40:41 AM | | I've never written a negative testimonial, but I have read a few that made me wonder if the person had seen it and decided to keep it there, or whether they hadn't seen it on their profile yet. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:41:13 AM | I noticed that a lot of young guys who had sex with older women, seem to post their experience in a testimonial. They don't say outright that they had sex,in most cases, but they say everything else to suggest it.
However, if a woman chooses to leave that kind of testimonial in her profile, I guess she knows what she is doing. Personally, I wouldn't want my sexual encounters posted on the internet. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:42:30 AM | Funny you mention this...cuz i was perusing profiles this morning and came across a testimonial on a profile which wasnt very nice...I know from reading some forum threads that a certain someone seems to have it out for this person and it is obviously a ploy to make him look bad...Poor guy....
I dont think its fair..I think if a person has an issue with someone they should take it off of here...Grow up..
I nicely emailed this guy to give him the heads up...cuz I dont always look at my profile...
I do now...
The sad part is this person may not be online for a bit...so who knows how long it will be on there before he discovers it....
Sad..isnt it.... | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:47:21 AM | To write a negative testimonial about "what happened" is tempting. I've read many a storey on bad meets, bad dates and I can bet that those people are still on doing their "bad thing". Or the ones who make this a game, they change their name every couple of months, go hunting and leave a trail of "what was that about". Other than perhaps preventing someone from getting hurt, I have to ask, would this just get into a he said she said contest. Of course they'd get deleted. I too am curious on what every thinks. I find often after reading post it can make me step back and think, sometimes even change my mind.  | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 8:55:02 AM | Interesting thread....
First guy I got involved with was not ready for a commitment. No biggie for me.
The second guy.....he was really screwed up in his head....still hung up on his ex wife who left him 2 years ago (continually told me he was a failure..sob sob), then his son started wigging out and causing problems with the law (nice kid but lots of problems and with a dad who calls himself a failure....?) And topping it off he had/has a gambling problem...so needless to say that didnt work.
Third guy....geez...he was a great guy but his attitude to me was like my father's attitude. He treated me like a child and that I had no idea about anything. I played it safe and kept quiet most of the time, but when I spoke about something I knew what I was talking about, he turned around and said I was wrong. Had to bring out the old pics to prove some stuff (like where I went when I was in Florida and he told me I never went there). Totally got rid of him after that one.
And right now I got a guy that is a bit of a stalker but he isnt on here anymore so cant warn anyone one of him.
Those are my experiences that I am sharing right now....got more but then I'd have to get nasty | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:05:00 AM | OK, it's the S_C half here now...
I have never written a negative testimonial for anyone and I do not think I've ever read one either.
#1 - Why put more negativity out there in a world that is already too jaded and often unkind?
#2 - If you feel unfavourably towards someone, they wouldn't be on your favs list to write you a negative testimonial in the first place, right?
#3 - There are a couple of POFers that I've had negative experiences with and I privately gave the heads up to friends who might encounter them but that's about the size of it.
I believe in warning people about "nutters" and ones who may seem like players (though again via private email and also only if I have had first hand experience... no word-of-mouth stuff).
In other cases it's more like personality conflicts or misrepresentation and re: the lattter - I see the onus of that as being on the person who is deluded about what they are like.
I'm lucky in that B.E.D. is the same online and off and that we are the same re: our affectionate natures, our wants and goals for a relationship et cetera... 
So I can't see either of us writing a negative testimonial for anyone and I can't see anyone writing a negative testimonial for either of us (and frankly, if someone did - we'd delete it anyway).
cara
edited to add: P.S. - I think B.E.D. is being the devil's advocate with this thread in that we've discussed testimonials before and he knows everything my friends have said about me in mine are truthful *wink* | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:27:09 AM | Haha !
Hey did you actually understand what or how those Testimonials work !!
Look in order to even post a testimonial on anyone they have too be someone who has you and you have them on the favs list.
And anyone who is not on yours& your not on their favs list can not do a testimonial .
So saying someone you didn;t work out with dating would post something nasty about you or you posting something nasty about them would be kinda hard to do ! Would it not??
And also them testimonials are not about someone you dated at all. Those are for people you may have met and thats all they are all about .
It does not mean because someone posted a testimonial that they dated .
So maybe alot of you missunderstand what those are all about and what they are suppose to be for!
Like I have met alot of you on pof here at pof events or coffee meets. But unless we are both on each others favs list then neither of us can write a testimonial about each other.
Besides why would anyone post something nasty about someone ??? As that would tend to look bad on the person posting the testimonial then the person they posted it for.
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:32:55 AM | Tempted - very tempted - but I actually could never do that!!! Even people I have been disappointed by and hurt by, don't deserve that!! Once a friend always a friend!!! It would be just rude!!!  | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 9:08:02 PM | I suspect that at least one person who frequesnts these forums have created profiles just to give themselves a few positive testimonials.
They have a few testimonials, but they all say the same thing, just in different order. Its funny as all heck when you can suspect with a high degree of confidence that someone would go that far.
Ultimatly though, it doesn't matter what someone else wrote about me.. it's how *YOU* feel about me that will make or break our relationship, either a friendship, or a romance.
On our profile, we have 3 testimonials. One from S_C (you go girl!) one from my sweet Suzy (my sexy girl .. i love you!!) and one from my Sister In Law (you'se da bestest). People who actually KNOW me.. not just what i write on the forums. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/25/2007 10:19:42 PM | Nope.. i just did a search of the Ontario forums for "negative testimonials" and this is the only thread that popped up.
What did you do a search on? | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 2:57:00 AM |
I suspect that at least one person who frequesnts these forums have created profiles just to give themselves a few positive testimonials.
They have a few testimonials, but they all say the same thing, just in different order. Its funny as all heck when you can suspect with a high degree of confidence that someone would go that far.
That's hilarious!
And sad ....
But mostly hilarious! | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 3:29:03 AM | Testimonial (definition)
1. A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.
2. A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation.
3. Something given in appreciation of a person's service or achievement; a tribute.
By definition, a testimonial is positive. To be negative is a criticism, there is no function for criticism (as of yet) for profiles on PoF.
I'm also going to add in this one...
kudos (definition)
Recognition of achievement or superiority or a sign of this: accolade, distinction, honor, laurel (often used in plural).
An expression of warm approval: acclaim, acclamation, applause, celebration, commendation, compliment, encomium, eulogy, laudation, panegyric, plaudit, praise.
I've been wanting to set the record straight, because there seems to be some confusion, both in the threads (eg...when someone starts a KUDOS thread, it's meant to be just that, it's their thread, anything else is off topic as per forum rules.) and in regards to testimonials. Very irksome.
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:30:12 AM | S_C here:
NDL of the charming and intelligent pair NDLT -- I recently had someone more astute than I bring that exact thought to my attention and, as sad as it may be, I agree. And besides being sad, I suppose it's also delusional.
Though that's not a surprise as there are a small percentage of POFers I've come across who seem to have delusions of grandeur as well as some who are really self-absorbed and believe that everything that happens in other people's lives actually relates back to them
bernzg: good point re: kudos... too bad the fairly good thread that encompassed that topic (by platniumlovers I think) was deleted, eh?  | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:45:33 AM | @ S_C....it was too bad...yes. If someone wishes to comment, etiquette (sp....early morning brain) would be to start a "comments" thread, or speak directly to the organizers. The arguments against, (sorry to any mods!) seemed to go against what I've seen in the past, and what, to me, are the rules as set out by PoF. I re-read them at the time of the other thread.
I like to operate by the true definition of words, and take them literally. On topic, according to the definition, writing a "testimonial" is what it says in the definition, a "kudo(s)" to the person you're writing about.
If you ain't got somfin' good to say....shut your mowf! Some things are best left to privacy! | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:10:47 AM | Like mama always said "wear clean underwear, you never..................oops, wrong one"
"If you don't have anything good to say, keep your mouth shut!!"
positive criticism is cool, attacks are a waste of all our time!!!
edit...........oh, already said above (looking foolish) meh! | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:30:32 AM | I recently had a negative testimonial show up on my profile from a person I'd never actually met in person before. I think this particular case can be chalked up to an immature prankster posing as someone they aren't, though, and not from any genuine grievance. Takes all kinds, I suppose...
PS: Thanks to pandora for giving me the heads up on that bad testimonial on my profile! You get a hug! | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:04:29 AM | I remove all the folks from the friend's list, so, I don't have to worry about a negative testimonial, and I would never leave a testimonial for anyone.. either good or bad.
I don't take the testimonials to heart, because, I like to form my own opinion. I figure if the person is "all that", then why aren't they with one of the folks who wrote the testimonial.
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:15:58 AM | I don't give testamonials ANY weight at all - it's not a balanced reference, as they are usually left by a circle of people who have all left testamonials for each other. Not to mention it is very probable people create other profiles and leave them for themselves LOL There is the rare one though that is honest and true and comes from genuine caring of the other person, and these are wonderful to read. I personally would not leave a negative testamonial for someone - I would not want be the cause of their embarrassment. As much as negative testaminials can be brushed aside as invalid, so can positive ones, unfortunately.
I'll stick to personal emails received and in person meetings to form an opinion of someone.
Actually Bernzg, according to the POF Event Rules:
"AFTER YOUR EVENT: DISCUSSIONS
You'll notice that after your event has taken place, the actual party thread is locked. This is done to keep the current parties at the top of the list. People are welcome to discuss the event and post thank yous under the photo thread topic. Please help us streamline the topics by keeping it limited to just the one thread. Thank you"
It is not a popularity contest, ALL POF members are free to post whatever they want as long as it in keeping with POF Forum rules and guidelines. No bashing, personal attacks or things of this nature are tolerated anywhere on the forum, and POF members need to know they can say what they want without fear of reprisal. All posts are welcome. They are NOT Kudos threads but post-event discussion threads, no matter what the title implies. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 10:34:25 AM | I once came across a profile which had a number of, i wouldn't say negative, but definately critical testimonials in regards to how this person added people to their favourites list but never contacted them or responded to emails that were sent. the fact that there were 5 testimonals all saying the same thing was really helpful to me when i saw that this person added me to his favourite list. so, in that case, it was very helpful and that person kept those testimonals on. but only once have i ever come across that.
as for me, no, i wouldn't bother writing a negative testimonial, what would be the point? i would have shared my experiences with close friends and they can make their own judgements but that's it.
as for leaving testimonials, yep, i've written a few to people, some new friends, some old. I like reading testimonials and i do actually use them in learning more about someone. I don't think it is about popularity contests or rigging it up to get more testimonials, etc...i think the bulk of the people out there on POF and in the world in general are more genuine than that. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 11:41:30 AM | lyrical_girl said:
I don't give testamonials ANY weight at all - it's not a balanced reference, as they are usually left by a circle of people who have all left testamonials for each other.
I disagree completely and wholeheartedly with that statement. In my personal experience on the site I have found that the longer I have been on the site and participated in the forums and attended the parties and actually started to get to know the people behind the profiles - that I did (and others will) create real friendships if they have a positive attitude.
Now I haven't written testimonials for all of my friends... but as the mood strikes me, I do write them for some of them.
And not everyone I've written one for has written one for me either.
But that's not the point of the testimonials. I write them for my friends because I want to share how I feel about them or how they make me think et cetera.
And a number of them have written some for me as well and they are all accurate and truthful. They may not highlight what some people may perceive as my negatives (I'm not much of a cook; that I begrudgingly do housework; I am not a morning person; I get stressed out when I drive etc...) but they do shed light on a lot of my positives that may not be immediately apparent to someone new.
And, since I am happy with B.E.D. - I don't have the testimonials up to draw people to me, I just have them there to remind me that there are people who care about me and who know me for who I really am.
S_C aka cara | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 12:38:23 PM | ^^^^^^^ I totally and completely agree with S_C on this one
In my personal experience on the site I have found that the longer I have been on the site and participated in the forums and attended the parties and actually started to get to know the people behind the profiles - that I did (and others will) create real friendships if they have a positive attitude.
Yup, that has been my experience too. I have met some amazing people that I wouldn't have otherwise met.
I don't think, for myself anyway, that I could write a negative testimony about someone...what's the point, they have the option to delete anyways...so whose to say that they didn't just delete it. I know I would...but, like S_C, all testimonies about me are accurate perceptions of my personality by people who actually spent time getting to know me for more than 5 mins. | |
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| Writing Negative Testimonials
Posted: 2/26/2007 12:44:34 PM | | I haven't ever written a negative testimonial. I have told people off frequently though. If I don't like someone enough to think of writing a negative testimonial, I won't bother writing one in the first place. I'll just tell the person off when the opportunity arises lmao | |
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