| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 3:46:30 PM | Just an article I saw here- guys and gals give it a read. All that stuff those human mating shows and how to pick up books have been saying may not be quite true.
Is she sending mixed signals?
By Riki Markowitz
It’s a situation nearly every single man and woman has experienced (and is none too glad about it, we might add): Boy meets girl. Boy is thinking, Wow, I think she’s really into me! Meanwhile, girl is thinking, Why can’t this dude take a hint and leave me alone?
Why are mixed signals like this so common? To get to the root of this misunderstanding, researchers at the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute in Vienna, Austria, observed pairs of men and women who had never met before as they interacted for 10 minutes at a time; they then asked the women whether they were attracted to the male subject.
The results offer plenty of clues as to why dating is confusing: Whether they know it or not, women gave off positive courtship cues (such as hair flipping, chest thrusting and fidgeting with clothing) even when they were not into a guy. Even more frustrating, women gave off more negative courtship cues (arm and leg crossing) when they did like someone. What gives?
“There was hardly any difference in the number of courtship signals given off by those women who did express an interest and those who didn’t,” said Professor Karl Grammer, who headed the research. “And the women who said they were interested in the man gave off more negative signals than those who weren’t interested.”
Why women do this is not completely understood, but those who want to avoid sending men mixed messages may want to make sure they body language supports their agenda. If you’re interested, let him know with a flirty hair toss; if you’re not, cross your arms or legs instead. Meanwhile, a guy who could swear a woman is lusting for him — or is aloof — may want to avoid any snap judgments and gather more info first.
Riki Markowitz is a writer living in Brooklyn.
Geez - just when you thought you had it figured out! Back to the drawing board for all of the "pick up artists"
Question- how much truth is there in any of this advice? Maybe with people, generalities must be examined and see for what they are- generalities. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 3:56:35 PM | | Mixed signals are not an issue with me. Generally, people can tell if I am interested or not. I am not one to flip my hair or fidget with my clothes. There might be times when I am interested; but, don't want someone to know it. However, I can conceal my feelings pretty well. I make it a point not to send mixed signals. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 4:42:13 PM | I don't send mixed signals ... a man knows if I'm interested.
The problem is ... the article did not discuss if maybe they (the researchers) were possibly confusing "positive" signals with "politeness".
I am polite to men even if I'm not interested, and some have confused that politeness with the "interested" signal. That's something I have no control over because if I were to blurt out ... "Hey, I'm just being polite, I'm not really interested" ... how would that be taken? | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 4:58:15 PM | | Oh I admit it. I absolutely give mixed signals. I don't do it on purpose of course but the simple fact is the more I'm physically attracted to a guy, the more hesitant I am. Maybe it's a personal insecurity - that I'm not sure if I'm really what the guy wants. Or maybe -I- believe he can do better than me. But whatever it is, I tend to be much more quiet and reserved around men I'm attracted to and of course, if I'm not attracted, then I feel no pressure to impress because I don't want it to go anywhere. So, I relax and be myself. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 5:01:06 PM | So what I guess I'm asking- is advice like this have some holes in it? Should guys be more careful when they sense these signals? Should women be more aware of what they are projecting? Or should we just not read too much into it - and maybe just be ourselves?
Somjai- you want to be expressive but you don't want to put yourself out there too much- nothing wrong with that.
Body language is not its cracked up to be by some experts and feelings are dynamic - so I guess we have to keep a close watch on what we and others are sending.
Or just have fun and see what happens. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 5:53:13 PM | For one thing there may be a big difference between who a woman is attracted to and what she's likely to tell a researcher. Probably the researchers should continue with the experiment and examine which of the men they actually got into a relationship with.
To me, the mixed signal quandary is rather more basic.
Mixed signals is when a woman acts like I'm her best friend one day then treats me like dirt the next. Or, acts like she would really like to go out with me, but never accepts the opportunity. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 6:08:56 PM | | Well maybe some one got the courtship signals wrong, and they are really just the way women react in any given situation! I know I flick my hair even when I'm on my own so what does that say (I'm leaving myself wide open here aren't I?)lol | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 6:20:53 PM | When i'm interested in someone, I give very positive signals..so I don't think this study is valid... Maybe I'm just abnormal  | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 8:46:03 PM |
so I don't think this study is valid...
I think it also depends on what the nationality/cultural specifics of the study's participants were. I will not elaborate .... to be PC. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:07:15 PM | i think your writer needed to review the studies on body language before he printed his mixed messages.
body language relates to the conversation as well as the people.
if he didn't take the actual conversations into account then he's pretty lame.
Also you have to analyse the defensive aspect of these body positions.
when people feel an attraction ... they also feel a threat...
they realize they are vulnerable ... hence defensive leg and arm crossing.
then you have to try and take into account the fact that the women may already know something about body language and hide intentionally behind false language.
There is more to it than you think.
Nobody just hangs out a sign .... [I want to jump your bone dude!]
unless there is money in it. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:16:58 PM | The researchers did not ask the women, they observed their body language. Read again, hair flipping, etc. is body language that indicates a woman is interested. Legs or arms crossed is an indication that the woman is not interested. While one would expect the hair flipping when they woman indicated interest when asked, the opposite was found to be true.
This is likely because people may be more free to be themselves, to flip their hair, when they have no vested interest in whether the other individual likes them. As far as the behavior that indicates no attraction occurring when there clearly is one is either the woman subconsciously fueling the chase or because she is afraid of getting hurt she puts her guard up.
Most people are only aware of body language on an unconscious level. If you tend to pay attention to body language, you would likely do better initially listening more to what she says, the inflection in her voice and whether she looks bored. Hair flipping is only valuable to a certain extent, or maybe I am weird when I do it at home because I have problems reading a computer screen through it. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:27:02 PM | | I know i am more guarded when i like someone then when i dont have an interest in someone. I guess i am someone who sends out mixed signals. I am a bit old fasioned i would rather get a signal that someone is interested then give one. In this research why didn't they ask the guys which women they were interested in? | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 9:57:54 PM | | Just get her drunk. It seems to me that women like to have sex more often when they're mind is lubed with alcohol. I prefer the women who love it sober. Sober is the way to go but mixed signals is the major stumbling block in interpersonal communiations for the two sexes. It sucks ladies let men know what is up if you are in the mixed signal category. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 10:20:39 PM | There is a lot more to body language than flippin hair and crossing legs.
read the book.. "The Language of the Body" by Alexander Lowen [Grune & Stratton 1958] | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/4/2007 11:20:14 PM | Don't people talk to each other anymore?
What's with all the guessing games, ESP and code breaking?
Jeez ... if you ask questions, you generally get answers. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:24:51 AM | | I really don't think that most confident women give mixed signals - men simply read them wrong. Men need to be hit over the head sometimes to understand that we are interested. Becasue of that I was always very forward - men knew when I wanted them for sure - no questions asked!!! If you are a wishy washy woman then you won't succed in the dating world!! Ya gotta be clear in what you want!! | |
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ponie
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Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 3/5/2007 4:42:40 AM | The only time I get mixed signals is when I try to read between the lines and not just ask!
If I am able to find a mature woman to go out for a date, I will see right away from the level of communication. And what or conversation is about. If at some point I am still not sure I will ask! Wow what a concept........ | |
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jg65
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Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 21 | |
| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 8/29/2007 2:47:53 PM | people should just say what they mean and mean what they say
signals are just that real or perceived..
just like the bible..you can read anything you want into it
would rather a polite, you are not my typoe then leading me on or me thinking you are... wait , now I'm confused...blast it!!! | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 9/20/2007 5:54:15 PM | | You nailed it Cotter,living her in the metro Atlanta area I find that people are very friendly and polite (I'm sure this is true of the rest of the country but I can only comment on my local area). In the office (our small company rents space in a larger organization) whenever I encounter someone in the corridor or break room there is always a smile, a polite greeting or even some small talk about something topical. As this is virtually universal how do I tell if someone is interested (ladies only) or just being their normal nice polite self. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 9/20/2007 9:22:45 PM | | arrrgggggg... they'll study anything won't they? In a case like this, I'm not even sure most women would be able to verbally express why they give mixed signals.... even though they know deep down why they do it........ IT'S A POWER TRIP FOR THEM!!!! They give men they aren't interested in good signals so the guy will give her attention, and she gets some sick powerful feeling from rejecting guys. They act uninterested in hot guys because she actually wants the guy to reach for her. That's his test. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 9/20/2007 10:22:52 PM | | I do believe every person and scenario is unique, but also that there is something to be said about this... I think it comes from confidence, or actually lack thereof. If a person really is attracted to someone they may feel insecure when uncertain about how the other one feels, and thus send off the wrong signals as a protection mechanism. | |
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| Women sending mixed signals?
Posted: 9/20/2007 11:07:58 PM |
If a person really is attracted to someone they may feel insecure when uncertain about how the other one feels, and thus send off the wrong signals as a protection mechanism.
Protection mechanism... thats an interesting way of seeing it and i agree.
I tend not to give signals at all and suck at reading people. (perhaps my biggest fault) Anytime i do give them when i am interested, they run away (maybe it's their own protection mechanism in overdrive?) Then both sides lose and nothing comes of it. They send the signal of not being interested when they are overprotective (even if they really are interested) and the guy (me) respects the "NO" as an answer and walks away... washes hands on the whole deal and the cycle continues with someone else.
If everyone had a little traffic light above their head to signal green as "go" and red as "stop"..... we'd still cover it with a blanket and hide the true signals.
Catch 22 is that being too clear w/ your signals can give the same results.
oh well. keep on truckin'
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