| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 3/4/2007 8:44:30 PM | During a blizzard, a blond gets off work, goes out to her car and remembering her daddy's advice, waits for a snow plow to come by so she can follow it.
Sure enough, the plow arrives and she follows it, feeling very smug as they continue, and her drive is problem free.
After an hour passes, she is surprised to see the snow plow stop, the driver get out and walk back to her car. He motions for her to roll down her window, asks if she is all right, as she has been following him for a long time.
She tells him she is fine, and of her father's advice to follow a plow. The driver replies that's fine with him and she can continue if she wants, "but" he is done with Wal-Mart parking lot and heading over to Sears. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 3/9/2007 1:54:30 PM | Blonde calls 911 and says "I think my hunting partner has died of a heart attack"!!
Operator "first, go be sure if he's dead or not"
( Heard loudly in background ) BANG !!
Blonde "OK, now what...?" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 3/9/2007 1:55:37 PM | this morning I saw 5 blondes walk into the bank accross the street one right after another.... you'd a thought at least one would have looked up in time !! | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 3/9/2007 3:38:22 PM |
( Heard loudly in background ) BANG !!
Blonde "OK, now what...?"
OOh that's so bad and so good at the same time!!  | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 3/12/2007 12:04:22 AM | A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: "I just paid $6000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So, then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise, "so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:15:59 PM | | There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another enough to turn the radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:23:07 PM | A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?"
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and Tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:54:28 PM | How do you make a blonde smarter?
Get her to stick a finger in one ear.
What was the blonde doing with a finger in one ear, a fanning her other ear?
Re-filling.
What do you get when you line up a bunch of blondes shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel.
Sorry, but funny, and I still love em. | |
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nig71
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Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:08:49 PM | | GOOD JOKE...MADE ME LAUGH MY FACE OFF | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:21:57 PM | Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
Did you hear about the blonde that went to the library and checked out a book called "How to Hug?" Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia.
A blonde and a brunette jump off the Empire State Building. It takes the blonde 3 minutes longer to hit the ground than it does the brunette. Why?
She had to stop to ask for directions. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:55:16 PM | | hahaha some of these are pretty funny | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/17/2007 12:04:49 AM | Why doesn't a blonde make kool aid?
She found it impossible to add two liters of water to the packet. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:29:13 AM | A blond, brunette, and a redhead were all very pregnant and visiting their common doctor. While talking in the waiting room the redhead says, "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top." The brunette said, "I'm going to have a girl, because I was on the bottom."
The blond suddenly starts crying. After some minutes the others got her calmed down enough to talk. They asked, "Why were you crying?" The blond said, "I'm going to have a doggie!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/17/2007 2:03:28 PM | How does a blonde screw in a light bulb?
She just holds it up to the light socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:20:09 PM | I loved the Light Bulb - thats good stuff!
A friend of mine is so Blonde...
on a job application, under "Education" she put - hooked on Phonics
Under " sign here" she entered - Sagittarius
She was so frazzled on her way to the employer- she missed the #22 bus
and took the #11 bus- twice!
A Blonde was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work l with her girlfriends when an
Exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, Middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the Woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly Attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring and being so rude ,
he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll Do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to Do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the Blonde asked what the condition was?
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The Blonde considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.
She looked deeply and into his eyes, and slowly, And meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
Have a great weekend!! Donna | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:22:04 PM | What do Blondes and computers have in common?
You really can't appreciate them- until they go down on you!
My favorite blonde of all time - LOL!!
Donna | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:39:04 AM | Three blondes were walking through the desert when found a magic Genie's lamp. The Genie came out and said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them." She became a man.
Why can't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
She didn't know what ONE came first.....
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:48:28 AM | The blonde called 911 to report a fire: "Help!! Fire!! Get here as fast as you can!!" she shouted to the operator.
"Miss-you need to calm down-and tell me how to get to your house!"
The blonde heaves a sigh: "DUH! BIG...RED...TRUCK!!!" | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/22/2007 1:52:06 AM | Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive, very well built, sexy blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/22/2007 2:36:00 AM | A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"Nope... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/22/2007 7:18:07 AM | how many blond jokes r there
1 the rest are all true | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:54:18 PM | There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out 5 miles and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island and was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder it they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 19 miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:42:37 AM | Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a
drive-in movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter." | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:45:41 AM | | Cute! I've heard so many blonde jokes. My son has a few he tells me. Tho I do believe, we are all created equal. Just different hair colors LOL | |
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| Blonde Jokes
Posted: 5/27/2007 10:19:27 AM | Sick leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her ".And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.....)
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
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