| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 9:42:50 PM | | ok, once again to my 18 year old friend who has been dating a 27 year old for 7 months, who, in the past, cheated on her 7 times, broke up with her twice, pulled her hair, lied to her, etc. she moved in with the guy about a month ago, and i have not had a lot of contact with her since, all I know is that she was sleeping on the couch for the first few nights at his place, but when i do talk to her every few weeks, she says how happy she is and everything is good..she says they have their up and downs, but that things have gotten better since they moved in together...then today when i talked to her, she didn't hardly mention him at all - whats going on?~ did he change that quick? did moving in with a guy like that really make a relationship better?...what do you guys think? | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 9:59:33 PM |
cheated on her 7 times, broke up with her twice, pulled her hair, lied to her, etc. she moved in with the guy about a month ago
She's simply not telling you the truth He seems to be controlling and she seems to accept it. As much as you may want to learn more about the situation, I would advise you to be a source of comfort for her but do not ask questions... she obviously hides the facts and will probably see even less of you if you try to pry into her business.
Be her friend and let her do all the talking... don't you be an interrogation officer. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:05:00 PM | | She doesn't have any alternatives and she probably feels like even though you would not say 'I told you so,' that you are thinking it. May even be trying to convince herself that things are okay. Considering her dependence on him, it is highly likely that things have gotten worse or if they are enjoying some type of honeymoon phase, it won't last long. Interesting that she crashed on the couch after moving in. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:11:34 PM |
did he change that quick? heck no... she's just avoiding the subject because it ain't pretty. Besides any guy who is 27 and interested in an 18 year old, isn't very mature to start with... Which as I think about it - neither is she, she's putting up with that bull crap at this day and age. It's not like we're still living in the ages where it's all swept under the carpet... | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:31:33 PM | Hi PinkBlondie!
Q: A bad relationship gets better after living together?
A: Some might and some might not!
As for 18 year old girl with 27 year old guy.....she might be out of her league at this time in her life.....she is still a kid.....
Sounds like "Trouble" .....
Recommendation is to stay close, not pry, be her friend etc....make sure she is doing everything safely and taking precautions..... at times some people learn the hard way..... make sure she is not being hurt, be her friend, and love her up.....is all one can do....
Wishing your friend the best.....
0:)
PS are her parents active in her life -might be an idea to offer her some alternatives/choices for living accommodations...
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:51:35 PM | I cant imagine that the relationship has gotten that good. I would be surprised if it has gotten better at all.
I agree with other replies that say she is probably just not telling you about it. Be there for her, listen to her, to what she says and what she DOESNT say. If you dont push her, she will tell you what is really going on when she is ready. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:32:34 PM | cross posted to the following threads:
Thread: A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 9 50 PM
Thread: moving in with the boyfriend...
Posted: 2/6/2007 12 19 PM
Thread: How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/25/2007 8 29 AM
---
When I was in my late teens / early 20s, my girl friend's best friend got caught up in this type of a relationship -- she moved in with him, and over the course of a few months she stopped communicating with my girlfriend, and eventually moved away (with him) and that was the last we heard of her for years. Tragic case of innocence lost, etc., but while she often complained of problems with drugs, infidelity, and so on, she *chose* to stay in the relationship.
Unfortunately, not much can be done until the victim -- your friend IS a victim -- wants help.
It's agonzing to watch from the outside, I know, but about all you can do is be available to support your friend when she comes looking for support. At times she will probably feel renewed resolve to sustain the relationship, and be inclined to defend her mate against attacks, and thus be non-communicative; other times she may feel that she is too ashamed to speak openly about what is going on in her life, and thus be non-communicative. This may explain her reluctance to discuss the issue with you.
I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt that much will change here until your friend really gets hurt -- physically and/or emotionally -- if even then.
Best of luck to you and your friend. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:44:37 PM | Uhhh Nooo...
Your friend is Blind and she is letting him run her life now... She is in a an Abusive relationship, even if he doesn't hit her, he is tearing her apart emotionally... The only reason she feels the relationship has gotten better is because she is doing exactly has he says when he says, so HE is Happy, which means he doesn't "Pull Her Hair" or Argue with her as much, which makes the relationship "Better"...
Somehow you need to open her eyes, she will find herself with no friends and no life... | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:49:55 PM |
whats going on?~ did he change that quick? did moving in with a guy like that really make a relationship better?...what do you guys think?
I think that it has actually gotten worse and she is miserable. For some reason, she is staying with him and pretending to others that all is well. Maybe she does this because she is embarrassed or because if she says it outloud enough times she will start to believe it.
I doubt that he has changed and I doubt that she is happy.
~Carrie | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 12:19:07 AM | Good COMMUNICATION would do well in any bad relationship in order to better the bonds and increase the possiblitiy that the relationship will become more positive as time goes on. Moving in together without settling wants and needs in an attempt of better communication, can only get worse...Folks fool themselves, if they think it will get better. They are living on drugs in a dream world...it's not reality | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 12:52:00 AM | "Th_s _s bullsh_t"
Would you like to spin the wheel, or try to solve it?
Ah, yeah, Pat, I'd like to solve it....
"This is bullshit"
You're correct!
Ah, thanks Pat, you ridiculous bastard.
the giggleparts - Pat is our new god... having deposed the old one in a one-on-one who can be the lamest contest.
PS. Just in case you didn't catch the intent of my message, because of laughing so hard at my super awesome funny ability +2, this is bullshit. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 1:14:05 AM | | She's obviously one of those women who are drawn to scumbags, and when they do their scumbaggery, will forgive him over and over and over again. Sometimes these women learn the error of their ways, sometimes they don't, but trying to explain it to them never seems to work, they just defend the guy when you try. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 1:26:01 AM | Maybe your friend has no place else to go....having her hair pulled in
a non-sexual way should set off alarm bells. How's her home life? Parents?
scumbaggery
I think that is a felony...in this case, 3rd degree Scumbaggery. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:05:03 AM |
Thread: moving in with the boyfriend...
Posted: 2/6/2007 1219 PM .....At the time this thread was posted the lovely b/f had only cheated 6 times, and now it appears he has cheated yet again, am I correct?
Your friend needs to high tail it OUT of THAT relationship.
She maybe 18, however she is no where near maturity, and her b/f is well aware of it. No woman in their right mind would put up with the crap this b/f is dishing out.
How could 'living together' improve a relationship such as this?
I'm sure they have their up's and downs, but it's my guess that's probably all they have.
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:27:26 AM | From my personal experiance moving in with someone ENHANCES any relationship problems you have. This can crash and burn quickly, or it can crash and burn very slowly over a number of years.
If they communicate clearly, they may be able to rise above their problems... but even when you want to do that it is sometimes difficult. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:48:44 AM | | I mean from the sounds of it, this guy is a mental case..he basically did the same stuff to his ex and over the course of 3 years, it got way worse...i mean, the week before she moved in his with they had a huge fight...and before that it seems like they would fight every other week - I'm thinking shes in denial because i cant fathom that this guy could actually be good to her after 27 years of being an ***hole... | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:39:14 PM | | Living together is immoral, fornication, and stupid! No one will buy the cow if you give the milk away for free. Never give up the farm unless they sign the deed. Living together means they dont think enough of you to get married, yet will enjoy your pleasures. | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:03:03 PM | Bella4908 save your moral lecture as well as your pseudo lecture in relationship economics for a thread where it has relevancy.
In other words what the hell does that have to do with the topic ? | |
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| A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:05:28 AM | | In her mind I bet its the best thing in the world. Sounds like she has some issues to deal with ie self esteem ones. A person like him doesnt change over night or really ever without help.Maybe she is realizing the mistake she has made and is afraid to admit it and look like the fool for moving in with him. Just be there for her she is going to need a friend to help her throught it. | |
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