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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 1:58:21 PM | | I was curious so I went back and counted.....I have 16 pages of emails (thats 320 messages) on Plenty of Fish in the past month. NONE of them jump out and say "pick me" or even "this is why you should pick me". I am a member on several other singles sites and mostly get the same responses there. I did get one on another site that really "SHOUTED" at me. I emailed him and we talked on the phone and eventually met. The first couple of dates went fine, but then as we got to know one another a little more, it just wasn't right. Maybe I'm too selective, but if you send me an email that just says hi (like most of them do) thats probably all you're getting back. I put a lot of though in my profile, so theres lots there to discuss. Whats up with this guys? Ladies, do you get the same thing? | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:28:56 PM | One thing you may want to consider. When it comes to online dating sites there are way more men than there are women. And it is more of the man's role to seek out the women (not a rule, just the way it goes). Women can pretty much just sit back and relax and get contacted. I do get contacted a lot by women but I'm sure it isn't balanced.
So maybe some of these guys get tired of being lost in all the emails they send. Before they got rejected or ignored for the millionth time, they may have put an effort in making a nice message that would stand out above the rest. I have been ignored even after spending some decent time reading the ladies profile and spending more time writing a letter. To me, it just isn't worth it.
So, I pretty much just sit back now and rarely even contact anyone anymore.
These are just my thoughts | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:38:36 PM | This is just MY perspective. Since I AM a guy, I can tell you why guys start this way.
Guys don't want to start flaunting their good qualities, for fear that the recipient will think they are conceited... plain and simple. Besides, if you don't like the picture, you're not going to bother reading the profile anyway!
The reason they say just "hi", is to call attention to their profile. With all of the competition out there, it's really tough to get YOUR profile to be noticed above the others. Most gals use the picture as their first criteria, I am told, and then after that, they look for certain keywords, and since they get SO many messages, they use that as their most basic criteria. ONE negative thing will make them move to another profile.
The second reason is that it's just too time-consuming to put too much effort in a message that's just going to be ignored anyway, so usually, why bother?
It seems the REAL test will be on the first and/or second date, like you experienced.
And quite frankly, I don't believe it matters how much "though" (sp) you put in your profile. If you're the least bit attractive and female, you WILL become deluged with messages. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:41:33 PM | I think (most?) men don't like to write, or even IM...they would rather talk on the phone from the start--their first email is "Hi, here's my number call me!"..or they're vague, "Hi, how are you?"...I sometimes just answer "fine how are you?" and never hear again because they're stuck on how to respond...makes me wonder what a conversation in person would be like!
And me? I check out the profile before I read the email...and it's disappointing when it's a copy/paste of the profile...
Women on the other hand, or at least myself, I like a few emails back and forth, a bit of details, and more detail than what kind of car they have or how big their, um, house is...know what I mean? I like when someone actually reads my profile and responds to something in it too!
wow Now...maybe I'm too selective too!! haha...although I prefer to think I'm just overly cautious, once bitten twice shy... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 2:54:34 PM | There have been a few bikers that I've written to that delected my
e-mail after reading it.It makes me wonder what I did wrong that
they didnt want to answer me.
Thats ok i dont mind,there are others who have answered and
have become my friends.The ones who dont will only lose
gaining a new friend. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:27:17 PM | | Excellent question, I think that it is about the fact that men have difficulty in making first impressions. We think of possible conversation topics and shoot them down because we feel that you would not be impressed with our interests. Basically a man wants to seem sensitive and open, when in all actuality we are closed about our true exhibitions. It's hard to call upon our feminine side and therefore we fail in being able to properly express our interest in you. Mostly women who contact men are aggressive asking tough questions, IMing us, and finally getting our phone numbers. While men will not ask for your number they just give you theirs and hope that you call. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:29:24 PM | The majority of emails I get are VERY short.
I do go ahead and check out their profile - but usually the majority of profiles have very little to go on.
I will email most back and hope to get some kind of conversation going - but usually they just ask if I want to "talk". If I say "yes", I often don't hear from them again anyway.
Maybe because I often don't get a chance to answer right away - I am working 7 days a week right now - they think that I am not interested. So far I've emailed a few very nice guys but the conversations are still minimal and I am not sure that I will be meeting anyone soon.
There are a few men that obviously spend some time on their profile - these are the ones that show the most promise and sincerity - even if they don't "shout" at you - and I think are probably worth checking out.
I also get those emails from men that want me to call them and give me a phone number.
I don't reply to them at all. Who in their right mind would call a stranger anyway?
Okay - I guess you could always block your number and call - but still....
I decided I wasn't ready to date anyway now -so this isn't such a big issue for me.
I think that when I AM ready I will just email THEM. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:40:43 PM | okay, i'm a woman and i still don't get this....why is it that it always seems to be a pretty woman complaining about her emails (no punt intended nowiamme). some men and women don't actually know how to approach a woman or man like that and jump up and down saying pick me, pick me. why should anyone do that anyway.
to me, when people are exchanging emails they're getting more acquainted with the other person. they're finding out the person's like, dislikes, and personality in the exchange of words. i send out numerous emails each day to people on my favorites list as well as to others.
to me, it's not important with who picks me and who doesn't pick me...what's important is that i had another chance to make a new friend. sure, hopefully i would just love for someone that i feel compatible with to just sweep me right up but i'm not betting my last dollar that guys would beg me to pick them. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said beg...what i should have said was for guys to yell with excitement to pick them. you see, i'm not a beautiful looking woman but i am pretty. i'm not mean or nasty with a rotten personality, i have a pleasant personality...even with my problems that i'm facing. with my problems, until everything is settled and my health is 100% i'm never going to have the chance for any man to say pick me, pick me but i am going to have the chance to talk to both men and women and allow them to have the chance to see who i am and what i'm really about.
since i've been on the site i met a total of 6 guys in person (1 was a dinner date, 1 was with his mother, sister, and brother in law). 1 out of the 6 i thought was a keeper only to find out that he didn't like the mountains that either of us had to cross. i'm not worried about who i meet and who i don't. like i said, it gives us both a chance to talk and become friends here on the site. friends is the bottom rung of the ladder for any relationship. if anything becomes of it then that's great, if not, atleast i can say that neither one of us had taken a loss and remain as friends.
@blast3r....i've only had 1 email since i signed up for the site with a man making the initial contact with me. the rest of the emails that i get are from those whom i've made the initial contact with. there are a lot of men and women out there that aren't too sure of what to say to the opposite, me i have my own way and my friends get a kick out of it too.
@micro, you're absolutely right....just a "hello" or "hi, how are you doing?" is the way people would much rather send the initial email. it gives the receiving person a chance to view their profile and think about something to talk about. i feel as if when a person gets an email like that the person sending would like for the person receiving to start the conversation after they made the initial "flirt".
@laluch, when a person emails you their phone number...call them. but first reply to their email letting them know that you would call them from your cell phone after 9pm when it's free. some people both men and women feel more comfortable talking on the phone compared to typing. it gives each other a chance to hear the person, their tone of voice, their personality...that's something that you can only visualize with reading words.
@pat, not to sound mean or anything but you have to stop emailing bikers. sorry sis, they know that you're not a biker, they can see it in your profile or in your words in the email. i'm not sure of what you say but some bikers can be very picky as to the kind of woman that they're looking for. it's great to see that you befriended others, just don't worry about it when guys read and delete your email. they see something that you don't see. it's not bad, it's just that you're not what they're looking for.
good luck everyone... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 3:43:15 PM | Hey nowiamme, I feel bad for u, hang in there...the right one will come along.
Maybe start lookin at the ones that whisper instead of shouting...just a thought. shhhhhhh
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:15:13 PM | I understand Anna what you mean.
When I write to anyone its mostly to say have you been out
riding your bike when it was warm that day.
I also say what an awesome motorcycle they have.
I wrote back Ronnie that I was sorry I bothered him.
He wrote back no problem you didnt bother me.
That made me feel alot better.
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:25:53 PM | nowiamme - Oh please - you should see the crap I get -
sometimes I share them -I just need someone else to experience the insanity with me-
why do some guys have pictures here and they look like they are in costumes -Is it halloween somewhere- Im a freak magnet-
Oh and poems that make no sense to me- I have read beautiful poems recently -these are shit - and pretend foreign guys who write probably as they speak - oh God someone stop me-fetish guys - do I look like Im into fetishes?? Married intimate encounter guys - why???
Or normal guys who write one word "hey" ????? WTF - hey???
so - does anything jump out at me - No but I think that is because I cant control
my screaming as I read them-
HEY PONYGRL UP THERE!!! | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:58:28 PM | nowiamme, let me ask you a question -- what does a cold contact have to say in order to "shout" at you? Let's face facts, one would hope that everyone is trying to be polite and sensitive to the other person's sensitivities, so you try not to be too "over the top". This is probably very true when you really have nothing to go on other than a small picture and a few words.
A couple of the guys have made this point as well, you spend the time to read the profile and start a conversation based on what has been written only to get "read, deleted", or some response that is so non-committal as to make further conversation almost impossible. I realize that for a great many of the women, they receive e-mails that obviously are almost spam-like in there blandness and volume, or it is obvious the sender did not read that the woman has specific criteria. You can't stop or fix stupid. Or bad manners either.
to curlygrl's comment about pictures, I am guilty, but this happens to be the only digital photo of me. I suspect that most men really don't get their picture taken very often and they are usually in some unattractive or compromising type setting.
ponygrl -- you write so well and so even-handedly -- you deserve a break in life
oh well, my two cents for what it's worth | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 5:04:44 PM | ^^^^^HAHHAHA!!! - C6060S ^^^^^^^^^^^
You have a candy corn hat on - no thats cool - I love candy corn!!!
Im talking full costumes- You pass - you would get an answer from me - LOL!! | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:36:00 PM | Ponygrl: YOU are a beautiful woman and don't forget that! Your posts here are proof perfect! I guess my real complaint is that men JUST look at my picture.....thats just as unfair as those who don't post a picture at all. They see a pretty face and want to say "hi", which is all fine and dandy, but I expect more. Here is the profile that got my attention over all others:
Well girls….(and guys) - HUMOR!!! STOP!!!! DON’T EXIT!!!!!
Enough horseplay, here are my beliefs -
A man should treat a woman with respect – period/end of story.
However, a “Gentleman” should treat a “Lady” as he would his mother. This means: getting doors for her, helping her in/out of the car, seating her at the table first in public, waiting for her to speak first, etc...... A gentleman should appreciate a lady for her charm, beauty, poise and intelligence – whatever volume of each she may possess. A lady is due the adoration from a gentleman for all of her positive attributes. She should receive concern for her happiness, compassion in times of need or distress and sincere passion and interest for her sensual fulfillment. Plain and simple, she shall be considered a precious gem among the common minerals.
A lady will in-turn reciprocate and provide a gentleman with patience, understanding and concern for his well being. She will appreciate his positive attributes and overlook his shortcomings. She will not be rude or condescending toward him.
In order for the world to become a better place to exist, we all need to have respect for each other’s dignity. Yet, the relationship between a gentleman and a lady goes quite a bit further and is much more intense and passionate!
I have been described as funny, charming, creative, and a loyal friend. (At least that's what my dog says about me.) People tell me I look and act much younger than I am. I like to laugh and get others to laugh too! ABOUT MY MATCH: I am searching for a special gal. Above all, she should possess a sense of humor. A love of children, animals and music would be beneficial........I particularly enjoy the company of a woman with true class and charm.
ABOUT ME: I really like being outdoors. I enjoy going to the dog park and dog beach with my dog. I dig all of the outdoor sports, summer and particularly winter, but MOST ESPECIALLY SCUBA DIVING!!! I really enjoy music - listening to or playing. Fave. artists are Foreigner, Journey, Toto, Collins, Clapton, Hollies, CCR, Three Dog Night and Chicago.
I am seriously seeking someone for a serious relationship. I will not put boundaries (such as mileage, age, religious or political beliefs) on my quest to acquire this relationship. As explained earlier within this paragraph, I love to dive, but NOT into a relationship. I rank importance of making sure friendship is evident first as paramount. I take very little in life seriously, except for family, career, friendships, romance and music. I believe a well-kept sense of humor better enables you to face difficulties or distress with temperance, fortitude, prudence and justice.
So, if you'd like to meet someone with a "unique personality", one who is funny, friendly and down-to-earth, drop me a line or two and maybe we can get to know one another. One never knows what might happen. * Thank you for taking the time to view my profile! | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 7:08:39 PM | This is an interesting subject so I thought I would put my 2 cents in. Everyone has the basic need to be wanted. Before sites like POF, many of us would have been in a bar or perhaps "hooked up on a blind date" by friends or family. POF gives an advantage that many sites don't have - it's totally FREE. We all have posted are profiles and looked and people we were interested in, and sent instant messages or e-mails. So what is the problem?
Meeting in this manner is impersonal. Either you IM someone and hope that you aren't ignored or you send someone an e-mail and hope that they get back to you. All of this is without ever hearing a single voice, or non-verbal communication (smile, wink, etc.) How do you make that first impression to catch a woman's attention? If you go too heavy you can be considered a "perv"; go to easy and you appear, shy, unsure. My personal stuggles is with self-esteem and confidence. There are profiles that I view and I say, "Wow" in one breath and then with the next breath, "she would never go out with me". I know that you don't get anywhere if you don't ask but that brings up another issue - rejection.
I am passing the gauntlet back to the ladies to ask, "How would you like a man to get your attention on POF?"
I hope this gives you a little more insight into what men - or at least 1 man faces. Best of luck to all in their search for the right person! Have a great day! | |
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LaLuch
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Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 17 | |
| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 7:13:33 PM | To quote Now, I too "love to dive, but NOT into a relationship. I rank importance of making sure friendship is evident first as paramount"...
And no, I won't call someone that sends me their number and that's the only correspondence I have had with them. They could sit here and send out 100 emails with their phone # a night based purely on a profile and a photo, hoping someone calls? wow......
I'm thinking this online thing isn't for me......
Good luck to all of you... | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 7:58:44 PM | | Actually, I prefer a guy to start out slow and conservative. I get emails that start out "Hi beautiful", or "Hey sexy". I think I may be attractive, but I'm no Heather Locklear, or Catherine Zeta Jones, but you wonder if this is their standard modus operendi or really stuck on you. THis is too forward for me of an introduction. I like to think that the man has a reasonable talent for conversation and emailing a few times let's me get a feel for that. I usually can tell in about 5 emails. Also, I need to try to get a feel if me and they guy have things in common. Everyone has different points of contention. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:28:39 PM | I'd have to say that I've seen it swing both ways. My initial foray into this crazy thing called Internet dating has been extremely educational but less than impressive.
I'd like to think I write fairly well. I'd like to think I'm somewhat personable. I'd even like to think I'm reasonably presentable.
All that being said, and considering each and every one of my initial emails to any woman on this site was written specifically with their profile in mind, I was surprised to find that less than one in ten even had the courtesy to respond. If others had a similar initial response, I can definitely see why they would feel it not worth the effort to sit and ruminate over what might just be the perfect way to say "hello" to each woman with whom they might believe they share some commonalities.
I know I cannot speak for others, but I definitely take no pleasure in immediate and repeated rejection. Yes, guys have feelings too! Despite the note from Big Fish regarding those women who receive hundreds of emails per day, I still tend to take rejection personally. After all, it is me that they are rejecting.
It's a lot easier to justify, at least to yourself, being rejected when all you said was "Hi". | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:52:13 PM | @c606s...thank you very much for the compliment, i'm just writing how and what i feel. i don't mean to be harmful to anyone but most of my friends know that i'm outspoken and upfront about things. i write from my heart with how i feel never from my head and just throw words down (not including any little jokes i may throw in).
@nowiamme...thank you for the compliment but i wasn't asking for any...i only said how i feel about my own personal looks. i would honestly much rather be just pretty and be myself than be beautiful like others and not be myself. what i mean by that is there are a lot of beautiful woman out there, some of them make a big fuss over how they have to look everyday and there are some that don't mind getting involved in sports or anything like that. the difference between the two types of beautiful women is their hair, nails, and make up. it's as if some women would die if their hairstyle doesn't match their outfits, if their make up smudges or runs, or heaven forbid if they break a nail. it's not the hairstyle, make up or nails that make the outfits being warn, it's the woman beneath the outfit.
as for men looking at the pictures only, women do the same thing and there's no law stating that they must reply based on looks alone. in fact, i'm not sure how anyone writes their emails but i've told people that don't understand how i write mine...it's simple, i read the profiles in their entirety as well as look at their pictures, i would think of things to say with regards to their pictures as well as their profiles, i might even throw in a joke or 2.
as for men and women whom don't have a picture in their profile, i've known of many people that don't know what to say in an email therefore they say something short and sweet in hopes that you would reply to them. once again, read the profile in it's entirety and visualize what the person may look like. you have to give that a try sometime. i've done that with many, as a matter of fact pat knows one of them...his name is bob, he didn't have a picture in his profile, he emailed me telling me how beautiful i am. bob and i have been talking since i signed up for the site. with or without a picture a person has to learn how to visualize whom they are talking to. don't just put down a bunch of words, imagine what the person looks like behind the words.
you say that a "gentleman" should treat a "lady" as he would his mother...you have to keep in mind that some women want nothing but that of a man but then again some men these days remember about equal rights and a woman's independence. my hands aren't broken therefore i wouldn't expect any man to open the doors for me all of the time, help me with my coat, or even remove himself from his chair to help me in or out of mine at a restaurant. sure, that's the gentleman that's very well mannered but there are times when either party may feel out of place. now guys, just because i said that, it doesn't mean that you're not appreciated for being a gentleman, woman would be more impressed if you were just as yourself.
to me, this is the year 2007, we do not live in the times when women were treated as a "southern belle" infact we're more domesticated and quite capable of handling a lot of things on our own. we need not to be driven around town and displayed but need to be appreciated for whom we've turned out to be from birth until now. we're all joined together by various family and social upbringings, we're all different in every way. sure men are men and display the same manly genetic features as well as women are women. no man can ever expect a woman that's completely opposite of him to be just like he has been raised just as a woman is unable to expect the same of a man.
you say, "in order for the world to become a better place to exist, we need to respect each other's dignity." you're true with saying that but you have to keep in mind that not everyone knows how to respect nor do they know the true meaning of respect. then you say, "yet the relationship between a gentleman and a lady goes quite a bit further and is much more intense and passionate." with saying what you've just said, i'm understanding that you're saying that a "lady" is much more intense and passionate with the romance, for that i strongly disagree. what i'm trying to say is that it's not only the woman but the man as well. there are many men out there whom are just as intense and passionate as a woman. while some men call those men wimps, it's those wimps that know how to treat a lady with the utmost pride, dignity, love, and affection. believe it or not, the men in which i'm speaking in reference to may be some of the many men that may not be considered to be as part of our preference therefore are overlooked by many.
now guys, what i'm saying also goes towards the women of their choice as well...there may be some women that men also overlook as well. in a woman's case some men look directly towards to outtermost layer of a woman and that's her outter beauty forgetting about the woman's inner beauty as well. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:04:06 PM | Keith-
I feel this way- If someone is rude enough to not respond, then they saved me the trouble of having to decide if they are worth it. | |
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| ith
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:42:15 PM | writing long messages seems to be like running head ong into a wall, eventually you may break through but in all honesty you get tired of the bumps and bruises. Every email that I have written has been thoughtful, well worded (in my opinion) and has had more to say then "here's my number". I never have sent an initial email that said that. I have messaged a few members, and I havent had the unread/deleted response on any of my mesages. most of them say read, and of the ones that replied, I always get the same response, "you are so/too/really... sweet". I like that, I am a nice guy, but in the same breath, I will then reply and usually give the person my instant message screen name. most of the time the messages stop there. what gives? If a girl messaged me and I thought that she was sweet, and my profile said I was looking for that type of person, why wouldn't I try to ensure further correspondance? are girls really being honest? do they want a nice guy for a long term relationship or would they rather settle for looks alone?
I am really thinking that because i am not the guy who would like to approach a girl in a crowded room because like everyone else I am not a fan of being rejected, but at least those girls give some sort of reason. this site seems like a convienient way to get rejected in the privacy of my home. Am i wasting my time here? I really am what most of the women on this site claim to want, yet the replies look like women dont want to put any effort into this. I know that there has been a reply that said if she doesn't have the courtesy to reply then she isn't the one you want, but seriously, why join a site and not put any effort into it? I also know that this post looks like im complaining or whatever word you would like to use, but I am honestly just curious here. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:01:03 PM | | I think girls get get maybe 50 to 100 times as many emails as guys. I have gotten 2 so far, in like a month. Girls can pick and choose, but after you have sent out like ten emails one day, and one has responded in weeks, it hard to bring yourself to write a novel. | |
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| Whats up with men and the emails on POF
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:52:29 PM | Eventually-
What I have found is that men who want to correspond right away by other IM venues are looking to get graphic and sexual. I like to correspond a few time through POF to get a feel for the guy's intentions. Guys seem to be too impatient for that anymore. | |
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