| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/7/2007 5:07:55 PM | what are your beliefs on being done bearing kids by age 35?? I know its a hot trend with all the hot celebs to pop them out after aged 40 ect.
Ill be done my child bearing in 6-7 more weeks (heres hoping lol) and after that Im done. My fiance and i were going to wait another 3-5 yrs but the fates got a hand in it and blessed us with this one.
I have 2 from another marriage. Ill be 33 this winter. Im kinda glad to be done now.. by age 40 Ill be able to enjoy myself more and my kids will be in school all full time.
By 45 heck theyll be all gone!! save the last child lol..
what do you think?? There are pros and cons like have a career first ect... the home.. the stable marriage ect.
But if you start your family at 35 + you may only have the time..luck and energy for only one child. Also the health issues involved too.. ( like downs ect and the higher risk of misscarriage )
what r your thoughts on the subject?? start at age 26-30?? | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/7/2007 5:48:59 PM | | Well, I'm 36 and barring any "surprises" I'm done - had two children in my mid and late 20's. I think there are pros and cons to both - I thing you're more physically able to have/mind children in your 20's/early 30's, but are probably more financially/emotionally stable in your 30's/40's. So, to each his own. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:16:30 PM | im 37 i have 5 children the oldest being 17 the youngest is 5 i had my first when i was 20 and the last when i was 32 and i am done i had some very serious health issues with the pregnancy of 1 of my children and very difficult high risk pregnancies with the rest i would not want to go through that in my 40s or even now i was younger and stronger still the choice has to be left to the individual with todays fast paced rat race more and more women are forced to chose between a family and a career and many opt to secure themselves before pregnancy but if your a stay at home mom your lazy anyone here can say theres nothing lazy about being a stay at home mom lol well thats my 2 cents worth  | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 7:45:36 AM | | i wouldn't have any kids after 35. i've got one thats just reached her teens and although she isn't that bad i know there's a possibility she could be, and i wouldn't want to deal with a teenager with a bad attitude when i'm in my 50's. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 10:27:10 AM | Well I'm not quite 35, but I'm done having kids. I've known I was done since I was prego with my youngest (6 yrs ago)
Even if I wanted more, by the time I found someone I want to have kids with and then the whole get pregnant etc.. I would likely be close to 40, with my youngest being 10 then, I can't see wanting to have a baby and put my career on hold again. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 11:18:25 AM | Granted, I am a man, but I find this to be an interesting problem. I want to date a woman close to my age--because we'll most likely have more in common . . . most likely being the key word. Now, if I do that, it really doesn't leave me with a whole lot of time left because, if I do get remarried, I would still like for me and my future wife (wherever the heck you are) to have some time together before having children.
So, let's say 35 is the cutoff date for kids (even though it is a touch arbitrary, depending upon the health of this potential wife). I'll be 33 in a few months. That means I might need to meet this woman soon. I'm not exactly a mover and shaker these days, willing to pop the question in a hurry. I'd have to date at least a year. So, bam! I'm 34. And weddings take time to plan, since you women are so darn picky about them. So at least six months of planning, right (most likely more)? And then we spend some time together . . . just us. Well, I'll be past 35 . . .
Wait a second? Aren't I thinking too far ahead? Yup. That's kind of the fallacy in this thinking, isn't it?
I think I'll just focus on finding a woman with whom I would like to have a long term relationship, and then worry about the rest later. 
Really, I have to find a woman with whom I'm willing to have kids. That's why on my profile, I have it listed as "Undecided/Open." It's possible that I might never meet this type of a woman. And I'm okay with that. I will always find a way to be happy even if I don't get exactly what I want.
And if I meet a woman with whom I would like to have children, and if it's too much of a health risk for her by the time I actually meet her, then adoption is always there. There are plenty of kids who need loving parents.
Naw, I'm not going to let a biological clock dictate my behavior. I think it leads to quick judgements and mistakes. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 11:48:39 AM | | well, i'm 32 now.. i'd like one more, but we'll have to see. ideally i'd want to finish before 35 but i'm not willing to do the "single parent no involvement from sperm donor" thing again. so we'll have to see how it goes. having an active father is MUCH more important than finishing by some arbitrary deadline. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 11:48:42 AM | I'm done. My baby will be thirteen soon and I have grandchildren.
Am up front with this as soon as there are sparks, as I don't want a fella to think that there's a chance that I may mother his children.
I'll hang out with em, play with em, feed em and even babysit em, but I ain't birthin no more babies.
He can bring all he wants (as far as kids) but just don't expect any new ones from me.
I have girlfriends who have had babies in their early forties (first child, she tried forever and it took that long) and girlfriends that haven't had any by 35 and decided they were too old.
It's a personal choice thing, and my choice is no more; the goalie is in place permanently.
Fry | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 11:53:36 AM | | I thought I was finished after having one child, but then came a divorce. So I'm keeping an open mind about whether or not I have another child. It depends on who (or if) I eventually remarry. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 2:45:56 PM | I didn't have a choice.
After 2 extremely difficult pregnancies in my 20's,I was diagnosed with
endometriosis,had to have an ovary removed,and was advised by the specialist
not to have anymore children.
Would have liked to have had a third child,but,it wasn't meant to be. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/8/2007 5:07:58 PM | aw im sorry^^^ my sis- in law has this problem as well. She suffers greatly and this fall they will start trying for a baby. I will pray for her it will be easy and no complications.
She is awesome mother material and deserves to be a mommy. She is also my age ( 33) and just beginning her baby days. She wants 2 but with her problem.. I really really hope it wont be hard for her.
Myself.. and her sister are having babies 2 weeks apart. Its going to be really hard for her especially knowing her yearning to be a mother too. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/9/2007 12:44:02 PM | I haven't even started yet (but had fun practicing)...
God willing, if I can have one in the next 5 years, then I will - if not - I will be horribly depressed, but not going to have one just so I can have one. I want the father in their life (preferably married to me). | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/9/2007 12:54:59 PM | I'm done. I have a 20 year old and that's enough.
My boyfriend and I debated for awhile if we might want to have one together as he has no children. I thought that if it was something that was very important to him to experience that I could have one more. After we read the new findings that children are six times more likely to be autistic when the father is over 40 we decided it wasn't in the cards for us. I also have a chronic disease that may be genetic and the risk of birth defects increase once you are over 35.
Besides, there's a lot we want to do together and you lose a lot of freedom and spontaneity when you have kids. This is the first time in my life where my life is my own and I'm enjoying it. In a few years I'll have grandkids and I can enjoy them without the responsibilities. :+) | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/9/2007 1:37:39 PM | Personally, I don't believe anyone should start a family until they are 30. The odds of people making intelligent choices that are best for the kids go way up with some maturity.
Cheers,
Mike (and for me, it's all about what's best for the kids) | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/9/2007 9:16:43 PM | | I am 33 and haven't even started yet! Heck... I can't even find a date, muchless a husband and father of my children. It is fortunate to find someone to start a family with before the age of 35, unfortunately... I am not that lucky. :( | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:24:03 AM | | Definitely would do it after age 35..heck at the rate I am going, it looks like I will be closer to 40's if at all. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 3/10/2007 1:16:00 PM | | Was done having children with my ex when I was 24, got snipped a year later, and glad i did! Love my two kids to death,,,but as I hit 40 they are going to be 17 and 15, by 45 in thier 20's and lots of time left to enjoy adult life! Still had the energy to play with them, coach sports, hang, listen to the same music,,,etc. Couldn't see being tied for another 20 years now into my late 50'd early 60's, raising babies into adults! | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/27/2007 8:04:14 PM |
I haven't even started yet (but had fun practicing)...
God willing, if I can have one in the next 5 years, then I will - if not - I will be horribly depressed, but not going to have one just so I can have one. I want the father in their life (preferably married to me).
It's always good to know I'm not alone!
I'm 36 and haven't started yet. I don't just want the father in their life, I want him to be a GOOD father (might be necessary - what if I'm a horrible mother?? lol). I have rather high standards regarding any person that would play a major role in shaping my [hypothetical] child.
However, if it doesn't happen by the time I'm 40, I'll probably start giving some real serious thought to adopting a child from an orphanage in a third-world country or something; after they were done raising their own kids, my aunt and uncle adopted two boys from an orphanage in Haiti. I thought that was such a wonderful thing, and it's been in the back of my mind ever since.
I don't think that dealing with a teenager in my 50s would be that bad. Well, no worse than dealing with a teenager at any other age.
sv | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:12:37 PM | I'm 33... still no kids... and am hoping that will change before it's too late. I would have kids after 35 ... so long as I'm still THIS healthy, THIS happy, THIS youthful, THIS energetic, and this balanced
<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:13:05 PM | I am 31 so I doubt I will have all my kids by 35 as I don't have any at the moment. It is not as you call it the "hot trend" to have them at 40...some of us just havn't been as lucky as you yet...I say that there is pro's to having kids later in life...and most of all who are we to dictate what is too old to bear a child..we are only as old as we feel and I have just as much right at 41 as 31 to have a child...
My 2 cents | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:22:26 PM | | If I had no children I would consider having one later in life. However, I was 31 when I had my thrid and I would certainly not have any more. Just got the last one in school and is it great to finally have the first free minutes in almost 10 years! I have a friend who, after many miscarriages, had her first (and only) child at 41 or 42.......she has a very healthy daughter, but there are always increased risks. Also, her daughter is now 9 and deals with people calling her mother "gramma" which is a bit stressful for both of them. | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:25:50 PM | | I had my oldest when I was 24 and my second child when I was 26 (coincidently, just how I'd planned). I had wanted to have one more by the time I was 28, but my husband and I separated before then. Now I just turned 31 and although I had decided to not have any kids in my thirties, I'm getting baby pains again. I doubt I'll have any more kids, but I'm not willing to say never just yet, you never know! | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:09:45 AM | I gave up hope of ever having children at all, and bam!, when I was 36 I got pregnant. I had my son when I was 37 and it is not easy because of my unique situation. I am glad that I am blessed with my son now, because he is my reason for going on in life. I had a very easy pregnancy and would have waited to find the right guy for baby #2 before I found out I was very close to stage 1 cervical cancer. So 1 yr and 3 days after my son was born, I had a complete hysterectomy. I had a lot of female problems, so I knew that my little guy was the one and only child for me. I don't look to be almost 41, and I don't feel like it either. A lot of the moms in the play group I am with can't believe it either.
They are finding out that the risk of down's syndrome, etc are now more prevelant in women in their mid 40's now because of the general health of "aging" mothers is much better than even 20 yrs ago.
I feel like I am much better prepared now than I would be if I was in my 20's. I went through a lot and adding a child to the mix wouldn't have been the right thing for me. I'm not dissing anyone who had their children in their 20's, it is just my opinon on my life situation that I knew that I wouldn't be able to raise a child back then.
This is my perspective on things as an "older mom". | |
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| finishing your family before 35??
Posted: 4/28/2007 6:04:49 AM | I love the fact that I'm done!!!
I had 3 kids starting when i was 25, and ending at 30
I couldn't imagine having any more at this age.. I get so excited at their milestones.. I'm down to one carseat & one booster seat now... youngest is just toilet trained.. I have ditched the Ginormous diaper bag for a small purse sized one.. IT'S GREAT!!!!
AND i'll be a young Gramma! | |
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