| why is everyone so concerned about a "no pressure" first date??
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:29:06 PM | i see a lot of profiles (both men and women) that express a desire for a "no pressure" first date. frankly, i'm surprised and confused. what's the deal??? why do people say that? just what kind of "pressured" first dates have they had?
for me, most first dates have been of the coffe/drink/dinner variety. and i don't worry about pressure in those situations. hey, it's a date. what's the big deal? you will like them, or you won't. there's no pressure.
so, what are you "no pressure" people contemplating, or afraid of, on a date? i mean, if someone asks you, on the first date, to be their date at their sister's wedding, well, i can see the cause for concern. simply say no. but, how often does that happen? can any of you explain this to me?? | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:51:18 PM | | People just say that cause it sounds cute and they're nervous about meeting someone new. Meeting someone of the internet for the first time is a bit nerve racking unless you're one of those people that do it a few times a week for an extended period of time. I don't think I'll be doing much more if any internet meetings. All the ones I've had have been disappointments and a waste of my time. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/7/2007 8:52:53 PM | | Im sure everyone wants a casual first date -nothing too serious, simple food, drink and easy talk, so if she or he wants to bale out -the other dosen't want to feel too strongly that they were used for a coke and fries. only problem is if you end up with a psycho of liar, you really dont know until you meet face to face -guess you need to talk a bit more in cyber space before if meeting makes you feel uncomfortable. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:59:10 PM | I think alot of people are saying that they want a "meet" rather than an actual date
it can be uncomfortable,, or quickly obvious there is no attraction.. sometimes people are not what they make themselves out to be...who wants to sit thru a dinner in those cases?
No pressure meet for coffee or a drink...and see if there is interest in going on an Actaul date later. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 2:43:07 AM | | I HATE dating for the most part. I like the nice comfy section after you have gotten to know someone. The boyfriend/girlfriend part is a lot more fun. Then you are just going out with your girlfriend. The first date for me is usually a bit uncomfortable depending on how things click. Sometimes I feel like I am being interrogated. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 2:57:38 AM | No, no~! Op; I think that they mean that the first (sorta) "date" is just a meeting. They don't want any pressure because sometimes they just want to see the Real Deal. Have a coffee, drink, whatevah...
It's not supposed to be like getting married. /laugh 
Then; after that, it's time to decided for each person whether or not to continue.
Complicated stuff. Don't you agree? | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 4:11:08 AM | i once had a date under the sea in scuba gear, the pressure was terrible nearly got the bends...never again!!.
seriously though, a no pressure 1st date to me means somewhere laid back and comfortable not posh or where you cant talk much like the opera or cinema, a laid back chat and bite to eat puts you both at ease in what can be a nervous situation. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 4:21:00 AM | | Let's face the simple truth. Most people are not smooth operators. Also when we are young we seem to think in a much higher reguard for ourselves because we don't actualy know are selves. As time passes, well we sort of come to the acceptance that we were never really as cool as we thought we wer, but we are ok with that in ourselves. "But will the person I just met be Ok with that?". I think the "no presure" thing is a simple way of saying, let's not complicate anything. We sit, we talk, time passes, we leave, and then decide if we want to do it again. Then there's the kind of pressure you get when a friend tries to set you up. No one needs that! lol A friend once told me that she knew the "perfect girl for me, so I figured what harm in an introduction. That went over like a tonn of bricks. She was rude, Vain, selfcentered, and quite the air head. My friend asked me how it went and I stated "Not well, if this person were anymore wrong, I might have to reconsider our level of friendship. See my perception of this girl is quite low, and if you think this is my kind of match than what does that say of your oppinion of me?" Sheesh | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:28:02 AM | | I say "no pressure" "no expectations" because there are some crazy@ss women out there who've scared the hell out of guys and now they're skiddish. It's about making them feel comfortable so they can relax and be themselves. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:29:02 AM |
In a male profile it means "I don't want to spend money on you".
In a female profile it means "I don't want to have sex with you".
Let's watch those generalsations, now. If I have the money to spend, I will spend it. Part of the reason I'm on the date is to get her to like me, but if all she wants is my money, she's in for a surprise. I don't want a woman who has to have sex on the first date, or thinks, unless we're married, the relationship isn't working because we haven't slept together. If you have to force sex with someone you aren't completely attracted to (and some of us guys need more than a hot bod to *stay* turned on), that's pressure to perform. Speaking from experience, you can't give as much in the bedroom from physical attraction alone as you can the "complete package". | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:41:04 AM |
Let's watch those generalsations, now. If I have the money to spend, I will spend it. Part of the reason I'm on the date is to get her to like me, but if all she wants is my money, she's in for a surprise. I don't want a woman who has to have sex on the first date, or thinks, unless we're married, the relationship isn't working because we haven't slept together. If you have to force sex with someone you aren't completely attracted to (and some of us guys need more than a hot bod to *stay* turned on), that's pressure to perform. Speaking from experience, you can't give as much in the bedroom from physical attraction alone as you can the "complete package".
Let's watch people without a sense of humor get bent at sarcasm. However, there is a hint of truth in what I said, if I had a dollar for every first date that asked for sex I would never have to work again. So, in my world it isn't a generalization, also I have heard straight from the horse’s... er men's mouths that they don't want to spend money on a first date if they aren't sure it will lead to sex or perhaps a second date that will lead to sex. As you said personal experience dictates and everyone has their own. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 7:58:21 AM | | I've never seen any profiles about no pressure. I see alot more of "where's mr right" and "Looking for Mr. Right" and "waiting for Mr. Right" and all the in betweenies. Seriously do ALL girls live in fairy tales? and want a scripted romance novel type relationship? It's no wonder they are all single, they can't deal with real life. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 8:19:25 AM | In response to lotacus, I've seen a lot of guys seeking "a sweet, kind woman" or "my princess" or "are there any good ones left" as if there are only a limited number of kind, sweet women in the world and the rest of us are bi#F@*& or whatever!
Every woman can be a B*@#@ when she wants to be, and I wonder what kind of women these guys are meeting to think there are few kind women left!
Kindness all around is in short supply these days because everyone, men and women, are more in a hurry and we can't be bothered to practice courtesy, etc.
And the men who want a "princess"? puh-leeeze! unless he can afford to spoil/pamper and bow down to someone like that, he should look for someone who's real and flawed and learn to be more accepting.
Sorry this is "off" topic, but couldn't help myself. (and I have no response to the OT) | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 8:32:29 AM | Well I think I get what people mean by this - I experienced a guy that automatically though I was going back to his place and that I was his girlfriend already - 'cause we had emailed and chatted on the phone!! Like WTF - talk about pressure!! hehehe  I also heard a woman chatting with men at a meet and greet, about how she tells guys right on the first date what she wants and doesn't want in a man - and if she doesn't like what she hears - she goes home and deletes them. Like ok, make the guy feel like he has to impress you!!! There are a lot of crazies out there that think they are attached to you before you even walk in the door!! | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 9:08:19 AM |
In a male profile it means "I don't want to spend money on you".
In a female profile it means "I don't want to have sex with you".
that's hysterical!  we have to add it to that list of words that mean one thing when said by a guy, and something else entirely when said by a women.
ok. so far, we've got "no pressure" means:
- inexpensive
- no sex
- casual meet and greet, check each other out, gauge potential interest
- dating anxiety, nervous or uncomfortable meeting new people
- put the other party at ease
apparently it means different things to different people. no surprise there.
are people really that nerve-racked worrying about whether the other person is going to like them? i, personally, don't worry about that. i look at it positively...this will be an opportunity. if it works out, great; if not, oh, well. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/8/2007 6:41:30 PM |
are people really that nerve-racked worrying about whether the other person is going to like them? i, personally, don't worry about that. i look at it positively...this will be an opportunity. if it works out, great; if not, oh, well.
I am with you on this one. I don't worry about his "impression" until something in me starts developing like the feeling that you are getting attached or even possibly falling in love with them and that rarely happens on first dates for anyone. Then and only then would I be worried as to what he thinks of me or how he feels, because no one wants to fall alone.
Also, like what Leeane was talking about how some seem to get the impression that you ONLY answered their email, have ONLY given your number to them and somehow after one date the earth moved, the sun eclipsed and the stars fell from the sky. I would imagine that many women do this as well thinking he will throw away his black book and live only for her after 5 minutes of small talk. It is a wonder any of us date at all! | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/9/2007 2:04:22 AM | | For me, it would be more like "Let's do something we enjoy and try to have fun and if so, great, but don't do the hint-drop thing and have an expectation of 'he-didn't-react-so-he's-not-interested". Just have an evening out and if it went well for both, someone will call the other and plan another and if not, okay. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/9/2007 3:45:58 AM |
Let's watch those generalsations, now.
Hey, I thought they were pretty good generalizations!
If I have the money to spend, I will spend it. Part of the reason I'm on the date is to get her to like me
How much does that cost?
why is everyone so concerned about a "no pressure" first date??
can any of you explain this to me??
I would, but there's too much pressure to answer. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 1:01:09 PM | It costs as much as it costs. The point is what I spend on a date, first or otherwise, is based on what I can afford, not whether or not I get into her pants. I'm not afraid to spend it. However, if she only wants me for my money, she's in for a surprise.  There are dates that can be romantic with little or no money (if your imaginative) and some that require quite a bit. Find a date where you can have fun vs what you can afford.
If I ended up spending $10,000,000 on a date (which would be one doozy of a first date, if you ask me, so I must really like her), that doesn't mean she MUST sleep with me. Hopefully it means we had an exciting enough date she'll want to see me again. After I get out of debtor's prison. 
And to blondblueeyed, I have a sense of humor. I also get tired of women assuming because I'm a man everything I do is about getting laid. Some of us are out here looking for more than that. I can pay for sex. (Not legally, but you know what I mean.) You can pay for someone to pretend they like you, but not to actually like you. The latter is what I want. You can get a woman drunk enough to have sex with you, but that's not exactly an ego booster. (Especially the next morning when she freaks out, calls you a rapist, and kicks you out while sitting there in the bed going "dear God, what was I thinking", so I'd rather keep my record of not experiencing that. 33 years and going.  )
However, there is a hint of truth in what I said, if I had a dollar for every first date that asked for sex I would never have to work again. So, in my world it isn't a generalization,
Well, in my world, especially at work where I cross paths with a lot of women (mostly older, married women, so that really doesn't help me much), I get to hear the expression "typical guy" quite often when members of my gender are discussed. I even had one female acquittance who assumed my Dad, whom she never met or heard about, had to be sleeping around based on no other information than he's male. (What must she think of me, being single?) Therefore, I get on the defensive when it sounds like I might be stereotyped. I'm not a typical anything, but try telling that to women, especially ones with bad experiences (like my acquittance). So it's become something of a pet peeve with me.
When I say "no pressure", it means "I'm not necessarily going to sleep with you or marry you on the first date". If I ever slept with a woman on the first--or 25th--date, she will have invited me in with no prompting from me. Even then I might say it's too early, but hope she'd still date me. And yes, I'm a man, so I don't have a female profile. I'd also like to think I'm not unique (at least on this).
Thus ends my rant. Good day. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:36:06 PM | I added that to my profile because women are so weird about meeting for the first time. It just means that I'm not looking to get into their pants on the first date, and they don't have to worry about any sort of pressure.
The first meeting seems to be really tough for women. I don't really get it, but I'm trying to understand.
I've seen posts from women that claim fear of meeting "strange" men, men they don't know. But...obviously that's what you're going to get on a dating site; people you don't know.
I agree with you totally that's it's odd to the point of, well, dumb.
A meeting in a crowded public place poses no danger to anybody. It's the very same risk that a woman takes on a normal day of shopping. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 4:36:30 PM | I added that to my profile because women are so weird about meeting for the first time. It just means that I'm not looking to get into their pants on the first date, and they don't have to worry about any sort of pressure.
The first meeting seems to be really tough for women. I don't really get it, but I'm trying to understand.
I've seen posts from women that claim fear of meeting "strange" men, men they don't know. But...obviously that's what you're going to get on a dating site; people you don't know.
I agree with you totally that's it's odd to the point of, well, dumb.
A meeting in a crowded public place poses no danger to anybody. It's the very same risk that a woman takes on a normal day of shopping. | |
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| why is everyone so concerned about a no pressure first date??
Posted: 3/10/2007 5:21:06 PM | | Hmm after reading all of these I can only think that none of you are using the internet to its greatest potential. The web cam/microphone conversations are like a pre date... I'm actually surprized at the number of people who don't have a 10$ mic or a 40$ web cam..Worth every cent!!! And then some.You can ask all the questions you want, get a look at each other's mannerisms, demeanor and reactions to you and your style of communication. You can see poeple much better than in a still photo . You can figure out before the initial "date" or "coffee time" that you're 99% sure that you want to continue or bail out, long before the first meeting. My situation is much different the rest of you I know, but I know that it is the next best thing to being there, plus it's a lot of fun. The web cam "date" was just as nerve racking as a first date but at least you don't have to physically get up and leave ,you can just be "called away" and end it discreetly. As for the pressure ,no pain no gain! Meeting too quickly before most of your major topics are covered is just a chemistry bootie call, the more you know about a person the more apt you are to give them a real chance and not just listen to your loins.lol Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!,Can't judge a book by it's cover. As true as the day they were first said. | |
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