| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:25:21 PM | Okay guys, here is scenario and I want you guys to give me your point of view.
IN a nutshell.....
I ended up getting involved with this girl , we hit it off and were dating for a few months. It was the first girl I clicked with in awhile. Anyways, we kind of called it off because she wanted some space because she's "screwed up" from her last long term relationship and I think she is afraid of commitment because she's scared she's going to get hurt again. She's not dating anyone and states she doesn't want to be. So anyways we kept hooking up drunk and kept talking all the time on the phone. The other day I told her I wanted to start "dating" again, but she stated she just wants to be "friends" There is nothing physical with our relationship now but we still talk and chill all the time. Anyways, I'm not sure what to do now... I feel like really cutting off contact with her. I'm not good at being just "friends" with someone I was dating.. never have been. I feel like I'm just liking her more and more because we're still in close contact.
I feel like she might have feelings for me, but is afraid of them
ANY ADVICE?????? | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 2 | |
| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:27:47 PM | You really want advice ?
Ask someone else.
However, she told you it is over. Do you need advice ?
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:30:19 PM | | when a girl says she just wants to be friends, what she is actually telling you is that she might pork you on occassion, but overall she doesnt like you enough to be serious with. all that other crap you said she said was her just trying not to hurt your feelings. find another girl | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:30:52 PM | My guess would be she wants to be “friends”.
Personally (I have experience with this) being friends with someone you “like” as a potential SO - is very destructive. In my thinking it will in time cause loss of self esteem (it did for me). | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:36:17 PM | | My advice to you is to take care of YOU. If she's not ready or willing to be in a relationship and you want to be... you're just making it harder on yourself. IF she has feelings for you she needs to figure that out and the only way she'll do that is if you lay off for awhile and give her space. You basically answered your own ponderings my friend... you can't be friends with someone you've dated before. I don't blame you either. It's hard to put limitations where there were none. Changing that dynamic is brutal especially when it's changing in the opposite direction of 'natural progression'. I think you should take time to do things for yourself and not be readily available for her in the hopes that she'll change her mind. If you love something set it free... if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was. Totally cliche... but the truth. Let go and move forward in your own life. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:36:36 PM | | Why waste your time with a "friend" when you could spend it with someone who loves u | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:42:16 PM | Yeah, this is definitely a common predicament. I'd say if you want to be friends with her, then just be friends, though being friends with someone that you want more out of usually means you end up disappointed and hurt. If you still want to remain in contact, then do so, but LOOK FOR AND DATE OTHER WOMEN. That is the key. Feel free to talk to her about it as well so that she knows. Don't waste your time and energy on someone who isn't interested in you.
Good luck. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:42:51 PM |
I'm just on this thing to meet a few cool chicks that wanna hang out, I don't want anything serious
Right. You want the date plus sex without the window dressing of an actual relationship - says so on your profile. If you and she are drunk when you pork, and she isn't willing to date seriously, its possible she is depressed, a not so uncommon after-effect of a harsh breakup that is poorly resolved (no closure). She certainly isn't trying to lead you on or avoid hurting your feelings; she is telling the truth. She is NOT READY to date.
Speaking of being ready to date:
Might want to get your priorities in order. This is the time to be working on relationship mechanics over casual sex encounters of your early 20s. You may find yourself single and lacking essential dating experience well into your 30s if you lolligag about in a noncommittal dating style. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:50:52 PM | I'm in agreement with Marina on this one. Speaking from experience, I was still emotionally tied to my exbf when I entered into my last relationship. This was not fair to the new man, especially when my conversations with him were occasionally peppered with references to the exbf. The relationship with the exbf had ended because he was not as committed to the relationship as I was. Yet even though I finally understood his protestations that he loved being with me but just not on a permanent basis, I still could not let go of him emotionally.
The lesson I learned was to be completely over my previous ex before entering into a new relationship, especially since I want a lasting, committed relationship.
Be glad that this woman is being upfront with you re her wanting to be friends with you. Keep your options open re other women. If you don't, you may be missing out on meeting someone who is a better match for you. The more you are seen out and about with this woman the more difficult it will be to escape the "he's taken" label, and the more likely it will be that other women will not take a second look at you. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 6:53:00 PM | | You unlock this door with the key of adoration. Beyond it is another dimension---a dimension of sight, a dimension of sound, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both girl talk and ya-ya sisterhood, of shoe sales and late night phone calls, "just because". You've just crossed into. . .(dum-dum-dummmmm) "The Friendship Zone". | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 7:06:18 PM | | How about a new idea...be honest with her tell her how you feel and all that stuff and lets see where it goes. If she wants out then it was not meant to be. Ya being point blank up front and honest can hurt as well as being too honest, but I think its time to state your care and make it very clear. As in no GRAY areas and let her think about it, and see what she has to say. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 7:13:33 PM |
just wants to be "friends"
I hear the bells tole every time I read this.
Ever watch a male dog when it's been hanging around a female in estrus for a long time? If she eventually "gets it" from another male, the original male will sort of hang around out of habit, still driven from that first instinct but doesn't realize it's too late.
I'm not saying you're a dog OP, but the principle is the same.
Move on...evolve. It's done.
Yeah, she was hot...yeah, it was good sex, yeah she was cool...but it's done. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/9/2007 7:34:10 PM | ~OP~
Marina3515 I think said it best.
Go find someone that well love you back?
If there is something here a couple weeks of silence from you will bring it out. If not then it's not there or it's not strong enough ....and for you best left right where it is.
Quist | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/10/2007 1:16:10 AM | Hi Jazzy Jeff!
Sorry to hear of your situation....
Probably the best move would be to start fishing in deeper waters....:)) Thing that I find might start to happen with you is you might start looping just like this person.....inevitably the relationship might not go anywhere....and you might get hurt.
At times I have heard players keep men/women just on the door step.....not willing to commit but give the other the hope that something might come out of the relationship...... So what lengths does one go to win a person like this? Funny, some of these people like to see people fight for them.... wow, the intensity that goes with it...what a rush for them... Sadly, there is a trail of hurt feelings that arise from these situations....
Of course yours might not be like the above but it does seem to somewhat resemble the same pattern of behavior......she does choose 'friends'....she does have friends right?......you want something more....
Move on with your life and tell her your intentions....this in itself might give her motivation to become more serious .........
On the other hand, with a new rod, reel, line and presentation you are sure to catch a serious keeper that has the intention of moving forward and building a life together.....
Get real and give yourself some time for your decision....I do feel you will draw the conclusion of doing some spring cleaning and opening your eyes toward a fresh new start......:))
Of course opinions vary....but hope this info helps in some of your decision making.....:)
Wishing you the best!
0:) | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/10/2007 7:57:48 AM | let me tell you something let me give you some girl advice and let you get a little secret that is her way of saying that she wants to play the field, there is nothing wrong with her at all!!! to be real and not to hurt she wants a relationship but not with you, you are someone she keeps around because you let her walk all over you. the reason she is saying that to you is because she wants you to dump her so she doesnt feel bad for calling it off with you. and im willing to bet there is someone that is behind the scenes already that she is seeing but there hasnt been anything that has been established between them yet that they are just daiting they are not a official couple so she isnt actually cheating because she called it off with you , your best bet stop letting her take advantage of you , run dont walk, she know how to play with your emotions. dont wait !!!! ya its going to sting a little but, before you know it you will be back in the saddle, give your time to someone who is deserving of it.... good luck
cut off the life line!!!!
shaz | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/10/2007 3:00:58 PM | | She wants to be just friends and you want to be much more than that. Move on and find a woman that wants what you want. It doesn't matter if she has feelings for you if she chooses not to act on them. | |
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tmotts
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 6:01:19 AM | | You may be the greatest guy and she may totally enjoy your company, but the fact is there is something major missing. She is not feeling something for you. The attraction is just not there. She probably wants it to be there, but its not. If it were she wouldnt be able to stop herself, it would just flow. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:11:11 AM |
Anyways, we kind of called it off because she wanted some space
She's not dating anyone and states she doesn't want to be.
The other day I told her I wanted to start "dating" again, but she stated she just wants to be "friends" Just what isn't clear here?
I feel like really cutting off contact with her. If you can't respect her wishes... do it... what's the problem? | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:24:24 AM | | Find someone else, dude. There is plenty of fish in the sea. That girl doesn't like you enough to be your girlfriend. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 11:50:27 AM | I agree with Ron9..If that person makes it clear they just want to be Friends..then thats exactly what they want..I also have been in your situation Ron...and your so right..It's no Fun!
My advice would be to cut your losses and move on,as hard as it may be ..find someone that does want to be in your life completely..Don't settle for less. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:00:35 PM | Look, when the chemistry is there, the truth is it doesn't matter what happened in our past. When will feel it, even if we're a little doubtful or fearful about getting hurt, we still go for it because true chemistry can't be ignored.
But if this girl/woman really cared about you, she herself would walk away to give you the space you need to move on. She realizes that you want more than friendship with her, but she isn't wanting the same. Yet she dangles herself around you which is selfish on her part. Friends wouldn't do that to one another. A true friend would be real clear with you and cut the ties if necessary. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:05:29 PM | | Give her the gift of missing you. It sounds like you are to clingy. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/17/2007 10:05:41 AM | Get a shot a flue shoot move on,all will be good time it takes to heal the deep wound's you hide inside deep.Whightnight or dean.c. | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/17/2007 11:48:41 AM | Hey there Jazzy Jeff...
I am quite sure that she understands what you want from her... you stated that you told her that you wanted to date her again...her response - she just wants to be friends -
Matters of the heart are never simple - but the answer to this one is...she wants to be friends, if you cannot deal with that let her know and you need to move on...
If she changes her mind I am sure that she will let you know....
Best of luck...tough to lose a friend too I am sure | |
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| Advice Wanted!!
Posted: 3/17/2007 11:54:31 AM | I think you basically got broke up with. The rest is smoke. Sorry dude.
I wouldn't be able to hang out with her I don't think. You'd just be staring at rejection. | |
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