|
|
|
|
|
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 3/10/2007 10:39:05 PM | I have heard so many people say what they are looking for in a relationship. We all want to be loved and to love someone back. I guess if we know what we are looking for then are we able to give it back.
I feel once in love, the hardest part is staying in love (after some years), and why is that? We have all heard "we just fallen out of love" or "we just grew apart". Really now! I find that a tad hard to believe. Why? Because, one doesn't just fall out of love. Love is a strong emotion, and because it is so strong, it takes strenght to keep the force alive.
If you find yourself reaching the point of 'falling out of love', try to remember why you fell in love in the first place. If we could wake up everyday, saying to ourselves, how can I have him/her know how much him/her means to me then just maybe I can stay in love just one more day.
People cheat most of the time not for sex, but too feel they are worth something. Many take life for granted or should say the person we are with, but if you just stood back and look as to how you treat the person you are with and ask yourself, 'Would I stay with me'? Kinda makes you wonder now doesn't it. So if you have someone that is at least 85% great in the relationship, consider yourself blessed.
Give to love as you would want it back.
 | |
|
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 3/10/2007 11:57:15 PM | Relationships are complex and if they are not working we need to look at ourselves and understand what we are doing and then reach out (often we are our own worst enemies and don't know it). There are lots of great books on relationships that can help you understand what dynamics drive us in relationships. "Getting the Love You Want" and "Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix are wonderful for providing a context in wich to learn about relationships. The neat thing is that it applies to all reltionships, not just an SO.
Love is not what you get, it's what you give. | |
|
| |
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 3/16/2007 11:31:35 AM | | Im confused "abandon" if you think the posts on here are so boring and funny, why are you here?????? are you not looking for love??????? | |
|
smuroF
|
Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 3/16/2007 8:08:00 PM | .....of someone who THINKS he is good looking, confident and succesful, but women see thru him...or he's just very shy and those three attributes alone get him jack.
This is his last post B4 this
 Here's to you, Wreck....oops,Silly me!.... sry I meant to type Reck | |
|
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 5/17/2007 3:01:11 AM | zen philosaphy I think covers it best. That once a human gets something. They no longer want it. For example: You buy a music album. And you play it over and over again. After awile you know every note and it becomes boring then a new album comes along so you by that and the cycle continues. It is simply in our nature to do this. But the smart can fight the nature of this in themselves knowing this knowledge.----vegasslims | |
|
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 5/18/2007 9:15:32 AM | I have to agree with - Those who know the way
You have to go through the self testing exercises in the book to understand why you do the things you do. Why you act the way you do and how you can change your ways.
It's a two way relationship.
If you want things to work, you both have to want to make it work  .
Don't rely on the other person to make you happy  .
I believe we all want happiness and not frustration    in our lives.
We seek it out.
We hunt through the singles pages trying to find it, day after day.
Where is that Mr. Wonderful to share my dreams  ?
Where is that women of my dreams  ?
Then we find someone, date a few times and say to ourselves - their OK but, not what I want to live with the rest of my life. There MUST be someone out there that is better than the one I have found! And we continue our search.......... 
I have been married 3 times. Each time I believed it would be forever.........
After reading parts of "Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix and doing the exercises, I know now that I have done things that contributed to the end of the marriages. I can also see how the fears I have developed from their actions caused me to move away from the relationships instead of working things out  .
I am still growing with knowledge on relationships, day by day............... 
The Plentyoffish Jung's typology (personality) test that I took yesterday, gave me a little more insight into how I look at life and others . I would recommend that everyone take it to gain some insight  .
Best of luck to all of the  here looking for happiness in this pond . | |
|
| Once we find it, can we keep it....love?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:46:27 PM | well, here's my take:
love is not a possession to "keep". falling in love and out of love is a "feeling". in the road less travelled, love is a decision to act. you may love and you may be loved. your actions are based upon the reverence and caring that you have for the "loved" one. yes, you may want love in return. but the feeling and falling related to love are narcissistic and based on ego gratification for you, as opposed to the significant other.
as to the feeling of love, i forget the names of all the chemicals and neurotoxins that flow through our bodies in order to procreate and nest--however, that "feeling" comes with the initial attraction phase and is primal in the "selection" process--the body types we pick, the pheremones that we sense. the next chemical that comes into play is a nurturing/bonding one. if you can get to that second stage and have the capacity to bond and you find a mate who also has the capacity to bond, then you have a fighting chance.
who does not have this capacity? often dysfunctional people, addictive people, attachment disordered people, mood disordered people--some are born this way and some just never got the nurturing that assists in their development. many abused/neglected kids, put under the SPEC scan show lack of neural develpment that shoots forth in the maternal care stages, etc. etc. can we learn to love, if we werent' reared right? i think many of us can.
there are different approaches, but if you cannot "give" you cannot love. each of us is responsibe to do our share of the loving and to know when there is no chance with a particular person to be loved. some say i love you, some love you with actions. some have a hard time saying to another that s/he is loved. but if that person craves it, then the person who does the loving should at a certain point be able/willing to express love in the way that the partner can understand it.
the sexual aspect of love varies based on drive and also on body chemistry. but even more important is the aspect of trust and the ability to explore, which is based upon trust. the resultant chemistry can be very powerful and sustaining--IF there is something to sustain.
dam-n it takes a lot of work for some, practice for others, easy for the lucky ones...some never get the hang of it. as for me, i'm grateful for being given the chance at such a late date. but, if you can love yourself enough, not to be constantly judgemental of the other, then i can assure you, s/he is just around the corner. half the time it's like that boat that the Higher Power sent to rescue the drowning person who became enraged when entering heaven. why did you not rescue me, it was asked of Higher Power. I did , i sent the boat, was the response.
Stop falling and start loving. Read the Road Less Travelled and if you like the style, blow your mind with People of the Lie. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
