| Impotence
Posted: 3/11/2007 12:45:05 AM | Hi, I am a single 54 year old and I just need some info on this topic. I was single and a single mom for over 15 years. I never brought a man back to my home for the sake of my children. I had very little sex during those years. Three years ago, I met a man (56)who I was attracted to and liked alot. After waiting several months, we finally hit the sack! And guess what? He could not get much of an erection and couldn't keep what he did have for long. I was shocked since I had never experienced this before. I was upset and disappointed and he was devastated. His wife had died several years before, he hadn't been with anyone since and said there never used to be any problems before. He had, however, been diagnosed with diabetes 2 years prior. During the two years that we spent together we tried numerous things but nothing worked. We had a very physical relationship, just not intercourse. A year ago I broke it off with him but this problem wasn't the main issue. However, I feel that is was a contributing factor. We both were frustrated and felt bad about it. So, my question is to men: how prevalent is impotence really and what % of men over 40 amd older really have this problem.
Thank you. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 5:03:15 AM | Before all the other men show up here to register their correctly working equipment, let me suggest the better source of information would be a search engine leading to a published article or a site summarizing such results of scientific inquiry. Much that is new has been learned in the past 15 years, and so it would be helpful to bone up on your sexual knowledge before subjecting yourself to further freak-outs. The STD (VD) picture has changed some, too. This forum might be better used to discuss information and our own personal experiences, than for people to pose rudimentary questions and then get partial and perhaps incorrect answers where facts would do more good. It's just a suggestion.
The man was probably a Republican. They have been having trouble sexually ever since Bob Dole ran for President on his platform promoting Pepsi and Viagra. This thread may belong in the Politics section, come to think of it.
It's sad that you two didn't work together educating yourselves about impotence, which is typically called ED for Erectile Dysfunction (good words for the search engine). There are therapies and work-arounds, and sex is more than penetration with just that one appendage, although admittedly it's a favorite. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Impotence
Posted: 3/11/2007 5:26:24 AM |
So, my question is to men: how prevalent is impotence really and what % of men over 40 amd older really have this problem.
Why would you need a poll ? I would suggest they sell Viagra and Cialis for a reason? I know my mailbox is full of solicitation for these products, so someone is spending time and money on promotion, even if they are selling fakes. LOL
If you are concerned about performance, don't wait so long to check out the guy's equipment next time.
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Posted: 3/11/2007 5:27:03 AM | Erectile Dysfunction is not uncommon, but I would bet not many men will come here to this forum to admit it!
I agree, do a search online for information.
As for my own thoughts... sexual activity that brings satisfaction and fun and lovin' to both partners does not have to be centered on "can he get it up?"!!!!!!
At this time of life, (beyond 50 for me), there are over 1,000 things more important in life and in a relationship. Of course that is just my opinion. According to most posts on POF one gets the impression otherwise.
♥ Robin | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 5:33:34 AM | When you say you tried numerous things....did that include him going to the doctor and having a physical? Taking any of the medication that has been available for several years?
This is yet another reason that I advocate finding out if you are sexually compatible before you fall in love with someone. Why waste months in a relationship if the sexual part is important to you?
Edit: Oh, and my guess is the man was a Democrat. Having a Republican elected twice in a row in a Presidential election emasculated them. :) | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 6:37:33 AM | So let's get into the underlying issue here.
If the guy is so perfect in every other way, why does being limited to just oral sex bother you so?
What a double standard issue this is.
I am not ashamed to admit that I suffer from this condition. I used to be, but I am not now. I know it doesn't make me less of a man. I am unfortunately diabetic and the reduced circulation added to low testosterone levels add up to the dysfunction. The drugs do not help. This has been going on for a couple of years (I am heading for 56) and I have recently found out that it bothers me more than it does the women with whom I have crossed paths.
And this is so intersting to me for one reason.
How many women start threads, in very brisk and annoyed tones, about how they wish men would think with the big head instead of the little one?
Well, if my "little head" is what you are after, you aren't my cup of tea even if it still worked. I would like to be appreciated for more than my Johnson Rod.....
Amazed that this was posted. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 6:59:00 AM | | ^^^Glad to see that someone is honest about it. I can't imagine you'd have a big problem finding someone you can be sexually compatible with. Contrary to what all the women post in the Sex and Dating forum as wank material for all the guys, there are lots of women who don't find that part of the relationship to be a deal breaker. But it is to some. So you wouldn't be interested in them anyway, right? I just think it's something that should be found out early on in the relationship before becoming emotionally attached....because if it is important to the woman...OR the man....then you just aren't a good match. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 7:32:47 AM | This is a lot hotter topic than it used to be for over-45's, I guess it used to be hidden/not talked about in the past but now it is finally being discussed. This is a good thing, IMHO.
When we were in our 20s and 30s the little guy was up and ready at a moment's notice, it didn't take much to get his attention. Now that we are older it seems like he doesn't always want to co-operate.
Don't want to get TOO personal here, but my experience has been that if the little guy is not in the mood (even if I and the lady both are), that the best thing to do is wait an hour or two, talk, cuddle, maybe get up and watch TV or eat or something, just to take the pressure off, and then try again. Worrying and getting frustrated just make it worse.
One other point I want to make here....a LOT of guys have high prolactin levels and don't know it. Prolactin is a hormone that causes nursing mothers to produce milk. A tiny growth on the pituitary gland can cause men (or women that are not lactating) to produce too much prolactin. In men, this will shut down testosterone production, and with it sex drive. The condition is easily treated by drugs (bromocriptine or cabergoline). If you think this might apply to you, get your Dr to give you a blood test for prolactin and testosterone.
Hope somebody finds this helpful. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 8:44:50 AM | WOAH!
Sex at any age is ALL you men think about and verbalize about and try to mobilize...believe me women know that guys in their 40s 50s 60s are dysfunctional...but they still want to get us all worked up for a beg let down anyway. I tell guys right out I like it ALL. But my favorite isnt oral...its ok....but not the same as penetration...the real proof of desire and wanton eroticism for me....
But it seems like I am damned if I do and damned if I dont...I am not looking for a first and foremst sexual relationship at all...but most men that I have met dont get the picture when I say it and say I have an issue with sex or an attitude about men over all...LOL The only issue with sex I have is how and whom delivers it and their sole motivation.
But I have notice men compensate tryingto be Dudly Studly because they lack in interests or conversation or just intelligence. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 8:50:33 AM | Probably 94%
They have to be well physically, mentally
Heart disease and medication
Diabetes and the medication
and Cholesterol and the medication a
and just plain aging does it.
Pretty sad but true
I have even dagted young guys that have the same problem!!
You need to try them out before you marry them...thats what they do with us (women). So dont feel bad.
Of course if they were rich and sexually dysfunctional I really would not care... | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 10:42:25 AM | This is a line trying to separate me from that person above ............. dang.
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Ladies - don’t confuse Performance Anxiety with anything else. Performance Anxiety is just that > Anxiety
That will go away when the guy settles into a caring relationship.
Performance Anxiety was a little “gift” (by accident) my ex wife gave me when she told me she was moving out and then took me to bed.
That little “gift” caused me to go from zero anxiety to full blown Performance Anxiety in the same day.
It was then reinforced when she would come over and take me to bed.
Since my big head already knew she actually did not care about me - it sent mixed messages to the little guy below.
My Performance Anxiety was continued when I started trying to date and ran into three gals in a row - that treated me like a sausage with feet. I knew I was nothing special to them (just like after my wife told me) I knew I was just some guy to them.
Performance Anxiety is mental - it is anxiety. In my case it is all the fast and casual sex out there with people that don’t really care if it is you or some other guy.
Performance Anxiety has nothing to do with age. My first encounter with it was when I was 21. OMG she was sexy. When she FINALLY said “YES” it was a total failure. The second attempt was better - the third attempt was ........... oh nice and it never came back.
Some guys can just have sex for the sake of having sex. It appears that I am not one of those guys. I have to feel like she is having/wanting sex with *me*. I have to feel like if it was some other guy right at that moment she would not be having sex with him - she would not be having sex just for the sex. My ex started that and the three girls after her reinforced it.
How do I know so much about this ? ....... because I am totally amazed how well my plumbing still works while ..... “Home Alone”
Too many females have the mindset of “I am a female I am naked - that is all I need to be”. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 11:06:59 AM | I agree with ron about 'performance anxiety'. this can happen at any time for any number of reasons.. Despite the macho concepts of men... their Little guy is 'very touchy'...(no pun intended!) Like an angel food cake... He can 'fall'!
However, in the case of the OP...if this went on for 2 years..there was way more to it. You didn't say if you tried any treatments?
I see a lot of confusion going on about this...even in this little short thread. A lot of 'taking it personal'... and a lot of very mixed up responses????
My supicions are that 'all' men over 50 do not work like they did in their earlier years. Plain and simple. Is it a major problem? Only the parties involved can make that call. Everyone just has to be honest and upfront... thats all. And, as to all the 'trying before you buy stuff'....sorry, that still doesn't fly. ha! I mean....using this topic matter as a 'reason' for early on sex. Ladies.... that guy who completely fails you on that first nervous awkward attempt...may prove to be the best lover you have ever had?? | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 12:54:09 PM | Okay, here comes the nurse in me. There are numerous physical and mental causes of ED. Like someone already said, diabetes, medication, high blood pressure, medication, anxiety, and on and on.
Many of these can be over come in SOME instances by medication. "The Pills"
If the blood flow to the penis is deficient, then the pills will not work.
That said, there are surgeries that can help. There are several kinds of implants that can be placed to achieve an errection tht will penetrate. These are being improved every day so wont' go into which is best--talk to a urologist he will be up on the lastest and greatest ytreatments.
There are many "forms" of "sexual activity" and "sexual intimacy"--each of us has their favorite forms, etc. Sex with "strangers" is okay for some, and others only want sexual intimacy with someone they are in love with or care about.
To me, just MHO, if two people are "in love" and in a "relationship" ED would not be a major problem. My late husband was 15 yrs older than me (72 when he died) and had diabetes and sometimes had ED. The blue pills helped, but didn't eliminate the problem entirely sometimes. But it was no problem for us at all because we loved each other.
After menopause women become "dry" and don't generally lubrciate as well as they did when their ovaries were pumping, but that is easily "fixable" so there is never any reason that I can see in a loving relationship that sexual intimacy can't be satisfying to both parties. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 1:25:47 PM |
The man was probably a Republican. They have been having trouble sexually ever since Bob Dole ran for President on his platform promoting Pepsi and Viagra.
Whereas Democrats are so used to sticking it up everyone's rear end that they should have no problems sticking it to you.
OP, your question really is how many guys have diabetes or some other illness causing them some problems. Do you really expect a reliable answer here? Or do you assume that men are experts on this subject. I can assure you that most of us are really only experts on one man.
I can understand the frustration you went through in your relationship. But if I told you everything works today, that doesn't mean something won't happen tomorrow to change it. And that goes for you too, we never know when some illness will take us off our game, temporarily or permanently. As already stated, there are ways to still keep it enjoyable. I guess what you should look for is someone that cares enough about you to do that. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 2:14:21 PM | I agree with everything 'Nursey' says, as I also am one. Too much emphasis is put on being a regular stud, to be able to relax together and enjoy what comes or should come naturally. Sex/love begins in the brain, and should be when both parties are ready and able. Just enjoy each other and cuddle etc. Stats for the lovers of Maths.. 53% of over 30's. sexual dysfunction affects women too you know... We are all different, and have different needs.. (I just love being snogged and hugged!)
Love the person for who they are... | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 2:45:18 PM | I've dated men w/ boo boo wee wees & men who can really bring it home_ I prefer the ones who can bring it home. I think there should be mutuality in relationships & if one wants & enjoys a healthy sexual relationship, why stay w/ someone who can't share in that w/ you???
It's one thing if you are already in a LTR & something happens, but to start out anew...no thank you.
If 2 people meet & they both are not sexual, that's awesome. But I don't want someone holding me back from enjoying my life. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 2:49:21 PM | There is no bottom rung here, is there? It just goes down forever.
boo boo wee wees
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Posted: 3/11/2007 4:34:59 PM | Well, Splitter, obviously there ain't no bottom rung, but at least that made me giggle out loud.
Boo Boo Wee Wee....Yeah, saying that to a guy would sure pop him right up into action wouldn't it? I'll try to remember that one next time.
And, I'm sure there'll be a next time, because, in answer to the OP, I don't know numbers or statistics, but judging from personal experience (and that doesn't mean that we were flesh to flesh when the subject came up {or rather, didn't come up}, but I have a lot of guy friends and they talk freely to me, as well as the men I've dated who admitted that there was an issue) it's a LOT!
But, it's irrelevant to me. And, ladies, if you think differently, stop looking for a life partner and just look for a male sex toy. That stud muffin/stallion of today is just one erection away from ED problems. Frankly, I feel very grateful to be a woman at this age, because I can only imagine how frustrating it is for men to be faced with this problem and have it made worse by a woman who is more concerned with her "bottom line" than his feelings. Seems to me that would just compound the issue. *sigh* Who cares anyway!? If I love someone, I don't care if he's got a big............wallet, and I don't care if he's got a big............wee wee.
Hee Hee.
~Bobbin | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 4:39:56 PM | Hi Angelic,
Without going into detail here, as I am speaking from very personal experience, I do have something to say here. One of my most recent love interests was a man who had undergone prostate surgery, and therefore could not get an erection. He was one of the best lovers I ever had, making sure that I was satisfied while I did the same for him. He was very attuned to my needs, and I never felt neglected or dissatisfied. Don't count a man out just because he may not be able to finish the job.
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Posted: 3/11/2007 4:54:42 PM | | yep, diabetes or any other kind of prostate problems and many medications, a lot of them drugs to treat depression can also cause problems. Don't be so quick to recommend cyalis or viagra. Anyone who has had any kind of circulatory or past heart problems can't take these drugs without it damn near killing them. That's why when viagra came out at first guys were dropping dead like flies. Because they were past heart patients and didn't care about the high risks of taking this drug. They just want to have a erection that would last. It cost many a man his life. That is so sad. That a man has to judge his value by whether he can get it up or not. | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 7:27:00 PM | Op: 50% of the men over 40 have some kind of Erectile Dysfunction. So if you're a guy on here over 40 you can flip a coin and be one of the E.D. crowd or if you can still flip your fishing pole.....
Kudos to you!
Good Grief!
Skunk
PS. If a woman thought I was Important she wouldn't worry if I was Impotent! | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 9:08:28 PM | You got that right skunk--your opinion sure doesn't stink to me! (couldn't help it, sorry ) | |
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Posted: 3/11/2007 9:32:50 PM | If I met someone and he couldn't "perform" and I cared for him deeply... I could live without sex, oral or otherwise. There is much more to love than just the physical aspect of it.
Just my 12 cents. | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 6:15:47 AM | I wonder, if we were all being honest, if a man or most men would want to pursue a woman who had no ability to have sex w/ him in any way shape or form, if he had no "problem" himself.
I'm just flipping the question around. Being w/ a person who can't perform sexually is sure a good way of skirting around intimacy, no? Emotional intimacy, cuz since there's no sex, it's easy to keep a safe distance, isn't it?
Perhaps women who choose to pursue a man who can't perform are insulating themself from getting "involved" on many levels!
Just my 2 cents worth After all, why are so many people posting in the forums instead of being in a relationship? | |
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Posted: 3/12/2007 7:42:53 AM |
After all, why are so many people posting in the forums instead of being in a relationship?
I didn't know we had a choice. Apparently I signed on for the wrong tour. Dang. Just my luck. *sigh*
~Bobbin | |
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