| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/12/2007 8:49:21 PM | | Has anyone found that being in someone elses control heightens the sexual exprience? I have found that being under someones control leads to a heightened awareness, but you must have complete confidence in your partner. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/12/2007 10:49:58 PM | | Absolutely. Trust is a major component of BDSM relationships I think. I have trust issues only 'cause I've been burned by several men in my past, so I do not willingly give up my control that easily. I am learning tho... hehehe.. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:36:39 AM | | Interesting thread..Ive met many women in the past 2 years who enjoy being dominated... role playing certainly does heighten the experience... but a real caution should be observed... I've heard many bad stories as a result of a dominant partner not respecting limits... and remember.. there is a difference between B&D and S&M... and you should understand the difference. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:58:50 AM | | I used to be very into BDSM and everything, and I think it did heighten the experience when done right, but one thing that I and some of my friends with the same interests found was that many people who were actually physically and mentally abusive posed as dominant men. These men wouldn't accept that you actually had limits and also would gradually go from a smack on the ass to a punch in the face. I enjoy it, but I'm not risking going through that again. If you guys can find someone that you can safely experience this with, kudos to you, though. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:40:20 AM | Someone asked me about this just yesterday.. I had an instinctively negative knee jerk reaction, but after our conversation was over, it dawned on me that although I know what the SM stands for, that I did not really know was the BD stood for.
Can someone educate me?
B.
(I almost posted "can someone fill me in".. but realized that was just asking for trouble.. lol) | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:50:19 AM | BoonieB ~ The B and D stand for bondage and dicipline, the D and S stand for domination and submission and the S and M stand for sadomasochism. So in other words the S has two meanings which makes this question very broad to answer.
For me the B,D, and S are all good if I am fully trusting the person I am with to handle it properly but the SM is not for me. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:19:28 AM | just make sure youre partner isnt deaf or hard of hearing, by the time he/shes finally heard the safe word you may be regretting ever trying it  | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:41:48 AM | I was talking to a good friend a couple years ago and we were discussing different sexual "things". I stated that I thought golden showers was disgusting and people were bizarre that liked that experience. To which he replied, "Ok, what is the one thing you absolutely love the best about sex?". I told him. He said, "Some people would think that was absolutely "gross" but does it make you wrong for what you enjoy?" So he opened my eyes to this new understanding: Everyone has their own fetish or flavor for them. It doesn't mean it's wrong, it just isn't my thing.
So at that point I started discussing the Sub/Dom stuff with him. He'd been in a previous relationship with a younger woman (23 and he's 40) and they enjoyed the S/D stuffs. Some seemed a bit exciting but he stated the most important part is to understand each other and to be able to trust each other. If you don't communicate then it can become a scary situation and even harmful.
There are all types of sd and sm levels. The best advice I could give anyone is to do some research online about all the areas and know what you are getting involved in long before you go there. After I got back from my San Francisco trip and weekend with my long time friend, I jumped online and started studying these areas.
I found it interesting in regards to the one where the male is the submissive and is a house servant. This is where he'll do the housework, do the shopping, do my nails and pedicures and serve me in any way. While I think that would be great, after awhile I'd want my partner to be more of the dominant side or an equal.
Just my thoughts. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:45:49 AM | Thanks for the education.. kind of embarrassing to admit my ignorance.. lol
I guess as you say FairyEyez, trust would be the key here.. and I agree SM would not be for me either.. yikes.. call me a coward
B. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:50:05 AM | Not in a million years would I be interested in it, either as the dominant or the submissive.
For the most part there is a lot of abuse in these relationships, as you can imagine when you let go of what should be your end of the control.
A million years ago I bought a Lalique statue from what turned out to be one of the more famous dominants in the BDSM community and we e-mailed back and forth for a while. His name was Jon Jacobs, but he died back in 2004. Interesting guy, but no way would I have been interested in that type of relationship. He wasn't trying to recruit me, btw, we were both happily married at the time.
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 11:54:34 AM |
For the most part there is a lot of abuse in these relationships, as you can imagine when you let go of what should be your end of the control
I think you are sadly mistaken, I have been in many type of these relationships, the only ones that go "SOUR" so to speak are the Dom/mes that do not adhear to the common logic and terms that the sub has agreed to. These are UNEDUCATED POSER Dom/mes and they are a threat to my type of lifestyle.
A Dom/me has a respect for his/her submissive, and will adhear to the terms and conditions that we agreed upon (the safe words, the written contracts, the list)
Trust is the main key, which is why you should read, go to munches, brunches and play parties before EVER getting involved. Learn about it, and also I do very much recomend that you try both sides of the coin while at a play party! | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 12:03:01 PM | also, I recomend that if you become a part of a group in your area for BDSM and chose a Dom/me wisely... talk to people about that Dom/me and if one of his submissives are there talk to them also... The Dom/me will allow it and he will be pleased that you are interested in him.
If you are shy at first, go with a friend (someone who will not be rude, or inconciderate to their lifestyle) and get to know people! | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 12:09:40 PM | I have found that being under someones control leads to a heightened awareness, but you must have complete confidence in your partner.
well you'd think that with a name like Dr.Strange I'd be into this kinda thing... but it's just not my bag...I'm not into the Duct tape,chains,muzzles,hancuffs,rope,horse whips... what have you.
but at the same time I like a partner that doesn't mind taking control and being a little dominant in the bedroom once in a while
everything in moderation I think BDSM would become boring after a while. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 12:15:39 PM | Am I the only one who's wary of this kind of thing for another reason? Obviously, I'd never try it with someone I didn't trust completely, so that's not an issue.
But ... I have a scary vision of being handcuffed to the bedposts and having the poor guy roll over and croak of a heart attack or something. Then I'd be stuck going into contortions trying to reach the phone and dial 911 with my toes. Not to mention the scene when the firemen/paramedics have to break down the front door to rescue us.
A "safe" word wouldn't be of any use in this case. I guess I'm a worst-case-scenario type of person. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 1:38:25 PM | I guess the Israeli ambassador in El Salvador forgot the "safe" word, huh. For those of you who don't know he was found drunk, naked and bound with a ball gag in his mouth on the front lawn of the official residence in San Salvador about two weeks ago. needless to say Tel Aviv was not amused. Pretty tall explaining to the folks back home,even for a diplomate.  | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:04:22 PM | Although I don't want to experience this as a lifestyle, I do hope to meet someone that's open to exploring different parts of the B, D and s sexual play. The SM isn't something I'd want to explore at all. I just think the others would allow for even more creativity, and spice to keep things interesting and fun... For now they'll have to remain fantasies...  | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:11:10 PM | | I love bondage but I like dominating. I dont' trust anybody else to tie me up and I don't like not being in control. I can tell you one thing though. Make sure you really want the bondage experience because you might get someone who won't snap out of dom mode and that could be scary. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:17:11 PM | | Its been years since I had a man who knew what he was doing in the arena. I'd love to find one again. Having a trusted person put you - even in fake restraintes (loose scarves for example) - is the hottest sex I have ever had - lost track at 13 O's (not kidding). When trying to analyze why that was (15 years ago btw) - my best guess - for myself that is...is that the guilty part of sex was removed - the old lingering religous brainwashing- is removed - I was free to fully enjoy, because someone else was responsible for my pleasure - see still hard to explain what I mean...but it was the beginning of learning how to have really good sex....we dabbled in soft DS (both ways - that was important to me - sometimes I was in charge - whole different thrill there - another forum perhaps). Some light pain - or atleast the threat of pain - very stimulating - maybe its the old-military training, but nothing like taking orders and nothing like giving them...ummm ummm good stuff! | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:59:33 PM | i love to hold the leash. unfortunately it can be a really tough topic to bring up.
im not saying theres an actual leash, im just talkin about the concept of domination. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:14:04 PM | In response to the original question - yes, for me it does. It has to be the 'right' person and trust, respect and communication have to be present, but with that and a creative partner....... abso-f^cking-lutely.
I have a scary vision of being handcuffed to the bedposts and having the poor guy roll over and croak of a heart attack or something. Then I'd be stuck going into contortions trying to reach the phone and dial 911 with my toes.
OK this is not something I ever thought about before.... DAMN! It's a good thing I have a voice activated setting on my cell phone.......  | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:18:00 PM |
I have a scary vision of being handcuffed to the bedposts and having the poor guy roll over and croak of a heart attack or something. Then I'd be stuck going into contortions trying to reach the phone and dial 911 with my toes.
Yo! Read "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King! | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 4:56:48 PM | I'm into equal power sexual relationships. I have moments where I may be sub and I may be dom, depending on what tickles my fancy but I don't take it to extremes.
It depends on the relationship and the man I'm with.
I'm not into pain/pleasure. If he hurts me, I'm gonna be pissed...bottom line. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:35:28 PM |
unfortunately it can be a really tough topic to bring up
This needs to be a whole new forum - you think its hard to bring up as a man...try it as a woman! I've tried to mention it a couple times with different people - never worked out very well. | |
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| BDSM to heighten the experience
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:32:21 PM |
For the most part there is a lot of abuse in these relationships, as you can imagine when you let go of what should be your end of the control.
Terrible, and unfortunate misunderstanding of the dynamic between two consenting adults in a BDSM flavoured relationship....This really isn't the case. I'm sad to see it printed.
Yes, of course there are bad relationships in the BDSM world - same as anywhere else - but to say that there is a lot of abuse for the most part is just plain insulting to those of us who enjoy the lifestyle, respect it and practise safely. It speaks to an opinion on us as persons.
As to the original question, hell yeah - if you get any zing from having someone take control - the power exchange between two people can be the MOST sexy part of a whole encounter. It's charged.
Powerful. | |
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