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 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 1
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
The Marvalettes told us not to fret about losing someone because there's "Too Many Fish In The Sea" to worry about it.

Do you think that relationships don't last because there are TOO many people out there shopping? Do relationships fail because people are constantly looking for an "upgrade" from the one they are with?

Or is it more of a statement of people not wanting to be honest with each other and be faithful?
 tammyisme
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 2
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:08:38 PM
I don't know about others, but I dont look for upgrades. I dont even look at another man when I am in a commited relationship.
By the same token, I don't waste alot of time on BS, because there are so many men out there, if one doesn't have the time for you, another one is around the corner.....
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 3
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:14:09 PM
Perhaps it's a bit of both Schmoopie.

I believe the way to look at it is, a relationship is hard work sometimes. There is other grass, greener grass. Some people would rather move on than do the work. Perhaps the word I want to use is "overstimulated." There is so much to see, we have trouble settling on just one thing. This goes for a lot of other things, not just relationships.
 lane splitter
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 4
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:16:33 PM
Chicken of the Sea is really tuna, just so everyone knows.


There are as many people as there are, so it doesn't matter one way or the other how many that is. It's the right amount. I doubt it has anything to do with dating because people will lose sight of everyone else once they find their hunny buns and fall in love. That's what infatuation is for. It gives you time to create a bond. Once the bond is there, that person is raised above the rest, even if in objective terms they remain a horse's rump to everyone else.
Smoke and mirrors are your friends.
 Metaphysicalman
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 5
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:28:12 PM
Good point.

It does take a while to get to know someone. During this period,
probably in most cases, there is no agreement of exclusiveness,
and then yes, having a large pool of fish, can make for a confusing,
if not challenging dating process.
 gallowaylad
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 6
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:41:22 PM
its like buying a nice car, i would rather do my homework and wait and find the right one 1st instead of trying everycar in the yard then finding theyve all been sold to better keepers!!.
 vinny low
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 7
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:45:15 PM
there are not plenty of fish in the sea though...
 carrierj1
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 8
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:48:46 PM

Or is it more of a statement of people not wanting to be honest with each other and be faithful?


Relationships don't work because people will not be honest to each other or themselves.
 *tinydancer*
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 9
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:52:03 PM
I agree with you Eddie ... too many shoppers but no buyers. I've run into a bunch of guys unwilling to go more than a date or two to spend a little time getting to know me because they're eternally waiting for something better......
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 10
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:52:45 PM
there are not plenty of fish in the sea though...


Sure there are depending on how big of a city you live in. There are women just everywhere. There are a few hundred just where I work. There are 1.5 million people in my metro area. Bars are full of people every weekend. Maybe too many. That's my point.

Remove the temptation......
 lady_bugg65
Joined: 9/16/2005
Msg: 11
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:58:51 PM
my veracious heart does not allow for upgrades.....once it's invested itself, the product becomes preferential and priceless.......

unless there's a recession..............
 blastkissed
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 12
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:29:51 PM
I think the huge variety of potential partners presents a lot of problems nowadays.

It's easy to overlook someone when you have another 5 just around the corner waiting to get to know you.

I don't have this problem...as most of the men I chat with on her live many miles away and there just isn't the possibility of a relationship being able to develop.

I think the Mr.Right/Mrs. Right doesn't exist but I DO think they arrive when you have the RIGHT eyes to see him/her.

There is always that defining moment with someone that makes them stand out from the rest. That is a rare thing to establish. You can coax it all you want, if it isn't there, it isn't there. I think some fear there is something wrong with them, so they keep trying to find that defining moment with as many as they can...but it just makes it that much more elusive.

I have studied the effects of serial dating and it is disastrous. Most serial daters will disagree, and I contend that they have reason to defend themselves but it is de-personalizing and de-selfing to spread oneself that thinly.

I'm a wise shopper. I watch, I listen, I learn...I think, I wait. When I see him/meet him...I'll know who he is to me. Let's just hope he knows who I am.
 lane splitter
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 13
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:39:26 PM
I find that I can easily control whether I see how wonderful people are, just by stopping to look. If you get right down to it, and get to know everyone you meet, past the superficial and their temporary mood, to see them for who they are, you would have thousands of friends. I think we deliberately refuse to acknowledge each other, so we aren't overrun with friends. We can only handle so many relationships in a day. It becomes a habit to brush people off, look past them and find small reasons to get past them quickly. And we are used to being treated that way ourselves. There are probably quite a few perfectly good matches that slip by just because of the habit of deliberate distance. It takes something extraordinary to nudge us awake from the trance, to take that closer look. Then they have to be alert, too, looking back. Finally there must be a basic compatibility. I think it is more a matter of knowing how to look than who you magically get amazed by. With eyes open you'll spot the matches better. Many fish swimming right on past each other.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 14
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 5:43:42 PM
While I don't think that we're constantly looking to "upgrade" sometimes it feels that way when a relationship ends and the person you used to be with moves on too quickly.

I know I'm starting to feel like I was traded in for a better model.

In the end though, it depends on the person. Some people are always looking for the next best thing.
 raraavis41
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 15
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/14/2007 6:32:27 PM
Why do relationships fail? Looking for the answer to that question myself. But while I think categorization has been made for general areas of disparity like money and sex, the high level of mental anguish in a disfunctional relationship doesn't need the promise of someone or something else. It is more of a yearning to get away from the existing problem.

Perhaps some people might see someone else as their savior, which would coincide with your question of the availablility of others being a factor.
Do you think that relationships don't last because there are TOO many people out there shopping?
But this would only be a specific person willing to play that role, not a generic possibility of future romance.


Or is it more of a statement of people not wanting to be honest with each other and be faithful?


I don't know if the lyrics address honesty at all, but I feel that lying is endemic to the human race and it takes a special effort to avoid it. Not only lying to others, but when you lie to yourself, it is especially easy to get away with it. The perversity of faithfulness is constantly being demonstrated in a different fashion by suicide bombers. Give me a logical lover over a faithful one any day.
 larwilliams
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 16
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 6:42:13 AM
People are just afraid that they will miss out on something "better" if they commit to one person. I know.. I've done it in the past myself. Met a girl, dated for a while, and left for supposedly greener pastures. Thing is, it's all just an illusion. It's not really better or worse, just different.

A wise person once said "love the one you're with". I now understand what that means.
 apuerto
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 17
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 11:27:29 AM
yes.
it always seems to me that once you meet someone you like and start to get into them, all of a sudden you are incredibly attrative to all these other people. It's a puzzle.
Personally, if I'm into someone, then I'm into them and all the other diversions really don't stop me . However, I admit to having convinced myself I was into someone only to have all these temptations arise and in the end I was alone.
There are plenty of fish, it's just what kind of fish you want, do you want cod, shark, haddock, baracuda, or salmon? Any real relationship takes work and if you are think it's worth the investment, then it doesn't matter how many fish there are - you caught yours!
'
 chadster!
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 18
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 11:35:51 AM
I have found that meeting people in reallife situations,i.e. restaurants, bars, social events, carries alot more meaning than meeting someone on-line.First when you meet someone in person you have these signals that your brain responds to upon meeting like their gesturs body language and charisma and attitude you just can't see on-line.
yes you may eventually meet somene on-line, in person but that first impression is still an on-line impression not a real life meeting.
plus chicks have the ability (and take advantage of it) to lie a lot more on-line.
almost every girl ive met on-line was a lot bigger than expected! but i havent given up yet, although im very close from dissapointment.
 HowDidIGetHere
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 19
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 12:31:58 PM
Hmm-mmm... relationships... about being honest and faithful or the lack thereof. Oscar Wilde once said, “Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed.” I believe the key to this witty statement as well as this thread has to do with people being too self-centered and not sacrificing enough. Seems like reason enough to be disappointed? Maybe they went into the relationship with ridiculous expectations, false pretenses, or maybe they simply changed because of some unforeseen circumstance? I have seen this in friends’ as well as my own relationships. I do not mean to be negative, nasty, or cynical. Then again, it does seem to me that people who sacrifice more (and I don’t know if they suffer consequences or experience euphoria) have longer, even life-long relationships. Examples exist today, but I’m basing this more on my parent’s generation – I don’t have the numbers, but they sure seemed to tough-it-out more than we do today. (And, yes, maybe that was just the stigma of divorce that coerced them.) I don’t know if any of this is good or bad, because all I can really do is speak for myself... I lean to the selfish-b*stard side. In the past, I have placed career, money, personal motives, etc. ahead of my loved one – about the only thing I haven’t done is cheated by being with another. Now, being older and (ahem) wiser, I know that this was EGO... and an overabundance of it! I have made mistakes. My only redemption will be if I have finally learned from them. Time will tell. (Okay... that's enough honesty to last for many postings... is it St Patty's Day yet? I need a drink!)
 tigerheart78
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 20
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 3:04:15 PM
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Married people are envious of single people who can party the night away. Single people are envious of married people for the loving comitted relationships that they have. That's life.
 broken_bleeding_angel
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 21
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 3:13:42 PM
Meh, I'm happy with the man I have right now. And I never want to leave him. But you never know when shit's gonna happen...unless your phsycic....

Like I can understand if your not happy in the relationship, whatever the situation maybe, and you leave. Props to you.

But if your happy and you leave the person your with for someone more attractive or has a bigger bank account balance.

Then you should kick your own ass for it. Cause what are the chances of them taking you back?

Just f*cking grin and bear it....
 RJB888
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 22
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 3:20:46 PM
Great post Eddie:

I think that there are too many single people now days. Some people are always looking for what they think is better, looks, money, etc. They miss what is really good.

Personally when I find a man that is right for me I don't even think about another man. Nobody else can compare in my eyes.



 Thebestbeancounter
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 23
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Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:31:14 PM
I have that problem.. I can't just hang out with someone and have some fun.. I already know what I want and that's what I'm going to get.. although I see there's a problem in my mentality, because if the girl isn't interested in anything more, I pretty much cut all ties with them.. and I really don't know what I can do to change my ways, because I know it's not always the best course of action..
 chadster!
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 24
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:32:33 PM
I think to many people are insecure and need to be single to figure out what they want...how can you really sample if your in a relationship. you dont need to be married! lookat all the people that find out the hard way , it's not true. insecurity I tell you.
 xodara
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 25
Plenty of Fish, or Too Many Fish?
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:56:10 PM
I think relationships don't last because people don't know how to stop shopping. They do always look for an upgrade. At the first sign of adversity, they're out there looking for someone else.

What we're lacking is staying power. And, I don't think that has anything to do with how many people are currently shopping. We all know that if we lacked single people, these people would start looking for married people in their same situation.

I started a thread that somewhat discussed this, in a round about way (something about menu choices)
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