| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:23:45 PM | What if you were going out with someone who you loved very much, got on great with, respected, and generally admired, but you didnt see a long term future in it, because eventually you want to settle down and have some children, but you knew this guy was not going to be the father of your kids. ...
That's despite the fact you knew he would make a great father cos he loves kids anyway and is good with them.
What would you do, if you were almost certain you would never meet someone as good as him again, who would treat you so well and who you would get on great with?
Would you end it because you didnt want to have his kids??
Is this even a strange question to be wondering about? | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:53:22 PM | Why don't you want to have his kids? You do eventually want some, right? Does he have bad genes?  | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:57:46 PM | | Is there any specific reason you feel compelled to waste other people's time while you're searching for your 'even MORE perfect' specimen??? | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:03:04 PM | Did he lose his twig and berries to a rabid prairie dog while on a romantic picnic with his last girlfriend? Is that why you won't (and more importantly can't) have children with him? No, I probably got it wrong, didn't I? He's probably more exotic, so he must have lost his jimmies to a pack of feral meerkats while on safari!!
Yep. Your question is a little odd! The only way I would know if a woman I loved was the wrong woman would be . . . . Nope--can't think of anything realistic. So I guess I wouldn't know!
When you think about it, don't you know everything you need to know about a person when you fall in love? Or are you one of those who believe in love at first sight--only to find that the men you fall for resemble the character from American Psycho? | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:21:58 PM | Let him go, now. You'd be doing him a great favour.
If you do marry him, you'll have his kids and then I can just hear it a few years down the road... " I love him, but I'm just no IN LOVE with him" .... and off you will go into the sunset with the lead singer from the band.....
Let him go. | |
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P Nut
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Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:25:33 PM | Sounds to me like you're not in love.. close, but no cigar. If you were in love there'd be no doubt. And that's experience talking, not just me thinking I know the answer  | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:28:50 PM |
What if you were going out with someone who you loved very much, got on great with, respected, and generally admired, but you didnt see a long term future in it, because eventually you want to settle down and have some children, but you knew this guy was not going to be the father of your kids....
That's despite the fact you knew he would make a great father cos he loves kids anyway and is good with them.
What would you do, if you were almost certain you would never meet someone as good as him again, who would treat you so well and who you would get on great with?
Would you end it because you didnt want to have his kids??
I dont get it. You "love him very much", get along well, respect him, admire him, you *want* kids, you think he'd be a great father...
... but you don't see a future in it because you don't want to have *his* kids?
Whats wrong with him? Does he have a recessive gene for freakish mutated 3-eyed green kids or something, and you don't want mutant kids? I mean, there's gotta be *something* wrong with this picture you're not telling us... | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:32:20 PM | There is no way you could be in love with this person!
If you were......You want to share all of life experiences with him.
Even havin' children together.
Let him go! And move on! | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/20/2007 1:53:53 PM | Op- I don't think it's strange. I once dated someone who I knew DID NOT WANT children.
I thought about it day and night, I want a children, he doesn't, but there were alot of feelings between us.
What do you do? It can cause some serious resentment...
Then, I thought to myself--If I broke up with him based mainly on that issue, big though it is, for another man who did want children, where was my gaurantee that I could even have any, or that he could have any?
Life has no gaurantee's, as we all know, so if I could live with the prospect of no biological children, but a wonderful person to be with, to share my life with, well I chose the latter. As it turned out, the relationship ran it's course, and ended, but I knew there would be no resentment, no hard feelings over that issue.
If you love a person, you have to accept everything about them, it's not always easy. | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 11 | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 8:14:38 AM | Let this poor guy go already...Same thing as on your other thread about him not being as attractive as you. Look - If you are doubting this much - you are doomed.
Love is not to be questioned - it is to be appreciated and nurtured. Set him free so he can find someone who values him for what really matters and you can find someone hot, who you feel is on the same level as you.
It sounds like this guy deserves more...I feel for him. | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 10:01:59 AM | I'm sorry but women like you are the reason "some" men are afraid to give their hearts away!! If you've felt this way why not be a mature woman & be open with him. Communication is one of the biggest things in a relationship... without that, you have nothing. This man sounds like he's IN LOVE with you, so why are you wasting his time?? You say he'd make a good father... so let him go so he can find a woman that deserves him. You seem like a heartless, shallow woman in my opinion!!!
I hope this man see's right through you... or you do the right thing for once in your relationship & be HONEST with this man!!
And your other thread on here saying ... your more attractive then him etc; Are you a gold digger?????????? Is that why your with him in the first place?????????? Or are you just a low-class, shallow "B"?????????
I think ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gawd I really hate woman that are like you... really pis*es me off!! Stupid woman!!!
But that's just my 2 cents!!!!!! | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 1:55:05 PM | it takes amazing honesty to admit you dont want his children
makes me think you dont want children that look like him,this is very sad,but honest!
you should be free to choose what you want your children look like,you want them to remind you of him.
time to say goodbye to him i think,even though hes probably on paper the perfect choice | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 2:05:37 PM | I don't get it....if you "know" he'd be a great dad and you love him then why don't you want to have his kids? hmmmm? something very weird with that.
anyway, its NOT stragne to wonder about at all. If it's your goal to have kids, then it's reasonable that you eliminate guys who you KNOW will not be part of you're reaching that goal. That makes total sense. It's easy to waste a lot of years on the wrong people if you're not careful. So this is a wise question to wonder about.
But for me.....I never wanted to have kids so I never had to worry about this. I jsut dated whoever I wanted to at the moment. I never ever had to consider a "future"....jsut a fun present!! Glad I never had to think about all this seriuos stuff...kinda scary. | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 2:24:01 PM | The fact that you are even asking these questions, leads me to believe that you are not as in love with this person as you think you are. Your just killing time while you look for your future baby daddy. Why are wasting his time and making him believe you two have something when you don't. I was under the impression that this site was for those of us who are looking for someone to share our future with, not for those who are wanting to do something until the real thing comes along. You are robbing this guy of the chance to find that someone. If you don't see a future with him, cut him loose! Let him try and find some happiness after you've lead him on. Don't worry, I'm sure once you've ripped his heart out, eventually, he'll see that you were not the one for him after all.  | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/25/2007 2:45:22 PM |
I don't get it....if you "know" he'd be a great dad and you love him then why don't you want to have his kids? hmmmm? something very weird with that.
I don't think it's weird at all.
She says she "loves him very much" or something like that. I've heard women say that sort of thing sooooo many times. Usually, that phrase is followed by ", but I'm no IN love with him". I've never understood that splitting of the hairs, but there you go.
Apparently, some men have started using the same silly phrase. | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:25:29 PM | Ok, I'm not ready to have children any time soon, well it'll be another few years anyway. But I did consider it when I think about him cos we get on so well, except there is some serious illness in his family which is genetic, and he told me about this right from the start even though I never asked.
To the person who said I'm a golddigger - I'm not. I'm more qualified than he is and can ultimately go a lot higher up the career ladder than he can. Im also slightly older. | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:57:32 PM | | I think the first problem here is that in order to be in love you must be confident on all levels of a relationship; if you have some doubt about having this man's children as well as having a future with him then you may love him, but you are not in love. In staying with him and holding on to this idea that he's not Mr. Right then, in a sense, you are leading him on and only going to break his heart in the end. I think you should leave him and find the one whose kids you actually want to have. And, if you truly believe he's the best man you'll ever meet or "you'll never meet someone as good as him again" then how do you know he's not Mr. Right? | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:15:57 PM | Hi Pandora!
(Great screen name by the way.)
This is one of those times, in my opinion, when you would have to have that conversation one-on-one with your lover.
None of us here are qualified to answer that question for you. I think it's a personal decision and one that only you can make in your heart of hearts.
I don't think you're asking a strange question at all. In fact, I think it's very normal. Each of us in the same situation might ask the same question.
What you need to do, I believe, is to ask yourself why you wouldn't want to have his kids. Perhaps there's a physical reason or some genetic factor. You really haven't shared that with us. What you have shared is that you have very real concerns about it.
At this point, that's all that counts. If you gave more details, then perhaps folks would be able to help you more. If you truly love this guy, as you say you do, there are alternatives such as adoption.
I really think you need to sit down and have this discussion with him before it becomes a deal-breaker.
What do you think?
Marjatta | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:19:15 AM | im in the same boat right now. after 5 years of wondering, i got close to him again 4 mos ago and just a couple of hours ago i decided to hell with it you know, obviously im just an option for him so why should i make him a priority in my life? (as read on plentyoffish)
there are other guys out there who wouldnt make me feel insecure or something like "our future" together as a couple. too bad.  | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 5/15/2007 12:22:56 PM | attitudes change,maybe one day you will accept him for what he is rather than what you want him to be.you really are the author of your own misfortune
thanks
john | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 1/12/2008 7:20:21 AM |
What would you do, if you were almost certain you would never meet someone as good as him again, who would treat you so well and who you would get on great with?
Well.... here I am.
I am bumping this because I am in that wrong place and would love to find out what my peers are doing about same. | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 1/12/2008 7:24:08 AM | You can't make a "wrong" person a "right" person. You can, however, change why you see them as the wrong person, which could make the the right person. Well, unless you're the wrong person.
lol | |
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| In love with the wrong person?
Posted: 1/12/2008 7:33:41 AM | | If the reason to be leery of having children is due to a very high possibility of a genetic disorder than it depends on how much you love each other combined with your openness to seek an alternative to biological children. There are surrogates and adoption available. It is only the wrong person if you are adamantly opposed to any other options. | |
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