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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?      Home login  
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 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 1
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
You meet a woman online, you chat for awhile on msn, then you ask her for her phone number. she tells him "why don't you give me yours and i will give you a call .She does this because she wants to be safe. This kind of a situation happens everyday online and it's totally acceptable and i agree with it. Anything a woman does to make herself safer in this crazy online dating world is ok by me.

a woman ask a man for his phone number, he say "why don't you give me yours and i will give you a call " He is instantly stamped as a "player" that's already in a relationship or married and looking for a little something on the side. He must have something to hide or he would give the woman his number.

Why is the exact same situation viewed so differently solely based on gender?

Is the perception given to the man in the same situation a fair one?
 perhapsitsyou
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 2
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:56:48 PM
Men don't generally get stalked by girls online and end up getting raped.

Yes, it is fair.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 3
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 3:57:28 PM
I think it's the "women need more protecting than men do" thing. Nothing more, nothing less. Still sucks, tho.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 4
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 4:13:52 PM
I totally understand why the woman does it and i support it 100 percent, but why can't the man do the same thing, is stalking only limited to men doing it to women, why is it not ok for a man ? without him being looked at as some kind of low life player?.
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 5
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 4:35:04 PM
Lets face it...men are looked on as the stronger sex, more able to take care of themselves in given situations. Also in the "Good Old Boy's Club", and I'm not criticizing the system (it is what it is)...Most law enforcement departments are made up of a majority of men, the judicial system is male dominated and the lawyers are mainly men. From observation and experience....if a man has a problem with some gal stalking him....it has seemed to the public view, that men get more action from their complaints through the law enforcement system than women do. They usually know someone, who knows someone, who can step in and put a stop to the situation.......and men relate more to their own sex's problems...than they can to a woman's, in a given situation.

Now guys don't jump all over me....I can only speak from a woman's point of view, from observation and personally knowing of situations.
 RJB888
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 6
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 4:40:25 PM
tdh:

No dear it's not right but that's the way it is.

Women are afraid of players, and rapists.

Men are afraid of goldiggers, and women getting pregnant on them.

Such is life.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 7
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 5:07:17 PM
Golddiggers and pregnant womens, is that the only things we are afraid of Rjb888
 clockking
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 8
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 5:20:02 PM
I have been ther two time's with woman that are goldiggers, I sold everything I owned because I believd them when they said they "LOVED ME", the first one I gave her $36,000.00 & #2 I sold everything again an that was $138,000.00 and both of them as soon as they got the money (I gave them freely) they were goin!!!

Geoff
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 9
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:27:55 PM
Sorry to hear about your past troubles with women clockking but female bashing was not the idea behind my post. Was just trying to show how the exact same scenario can be perceived differently solely based of gender nothing more.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 10
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:28:00 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHH the fear of all professional posters......The dreaded double post.
 Nick Thinker
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 11
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:22:36 PM
Geoff, you are kidding, are you not? Tell me you are kidding!!
 whitedahlia
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 12
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 10:38:50 PM
At some point, we need to exchange numbers. Personally I am much more comfortable getting the man's number than giving out mine. Who goes "first" is always a touchy subject but women generally like to take the reins here and get the guy's number first. Of course this guarantees nothing in terms of safety; you can get to know someone only to have them slowly reveal themselves as the second Night Stalker and have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

Life is not fair. Women get waaaaaaaaaaaay more attention on websites, we also make .70 cents to every male dollar, men lose their hair, men wear ties to work, we have to wear pantyhose, we get PMS, too many men get prostate cancer because they don't want to have their doctor check "down there". Suck it up. That's all we can do.
WD
 Willow55
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 13
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/22/2007 11:12:14 PM
Clockking.....in your own words ..you gave them freely....

FOOL YOU ONCE..SHAME ON THEM

FOOL YOU TWICE..SHAME ON YOU.

Live and learn...emphasis on LEARN.

As for the thread topic..
.no it isnt fair. Gender bias and misconception are everyday occurrances.
Not all men who protect their privacy are players . Some women on this site lie about their marital status. Yes women do stalk., as do some men.
Unfortunately, no one guaranteed that life is fair.
Sorry, facts is facts.
 ascuteasabug
Joined: 8/8/2003
Msg: 14
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 12:20:16 AM
I can fully agree that there are women that are "players" online, but I know that I am NOT one of them. So, in my little world, I ask for the phone number. Experience has taught me that a man that is not married will give me his number. If he wants my number after being called, he can have it.
 sapphir3
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 15
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 12:56:57 AM
From my experience evasiveness usually means that the other person is hiding something. I believe it goes both ways. There are ways to be safe and secure but not be evasive. Honestly though, if you feel in your gut that something isn't right it probably isn't.
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 16
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 12:56:59 AM

Is the perception given to the man in the same situation a fair one?


No. I dont agree with that. Its not my assumption. To me he's trying to do the gentlemanly thing

Now if on the other hand we've been dating for a bit and he still hasnt given me a number I would might start to get a curious as to his motives...
 elnik
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 17
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 3:38:47 AM
clockking- I feel your pain, though you got a bit more then me .

When I was in the army I met a wonderful girl. Though it wasn't anything
sexual. ( to early for that) We were still getting closer. Then after a few days
after I met her she needed food. So I went and bought $50 worth. She asked if
I could leave and come back the next day becuase she had to get the kids fed
,bathed, and to bed. I said sure the next day I went back and she had moved.

needess to say I learned a few things that day.
 Smjle
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 18
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 4:16:42 AM
It’s age related. Women 25 and older have been indoctrinated by the media to fear men and therefore they suffer from paranoia of men. Young women have the smarts to size men up and decide by their looks, words, and actions which men to avoid. Typically, if have communicated with young women for a while with emails or instant messaging, they will volunteer their phone number. Basically, young women have learned they must be assertive or else the young men will never make a move.

Then again it could be that older men are aggressive while most young men have been so feminized by public schools where they are drugged and punished for being little boys and forced to sit still and act like little girls. That combined with having it drilled into them that any sexual overturn toward girls is harassment.

If you don’t wish to give out your phone number first, just say let’s meet first for coffee at some public place and see how it goes.
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 19
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 6:14:36 AM
Yep, what sapphir3 said. Protecting yourself from doers of evil deeds is not the same as being evasive. For $59.95 plus the cost of a rechargeable phone card, you don't have to worry about telephone numbers.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 20
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 7:46:44 AM
One of my best friends(female) is on another site, she connected with this guy and the exact same thing happened, she asked for his number and he said " I am taking care of my mom at my home who has terminal cancer, sometimes when the phone rings it wakes her up" .

She told me about this and i instantly told her the guy was trying to play her, he killed two birds with one stone, got her not to call and she never has to come to where he lives for fear of disturbing his mother. That's damn good i must say.

But my friend being a little naive had already given him the number, so i came up with a plan to prove to her that this guy was full of crap. The day the guy calls she commented on just how noble it was him taking care of his mom with "Alzheimers" and that alot of sons would not take on this resposibility. She made refrence to his mom "Alzheimers" 3 or 4 more times she said in a 30 minute conversation , discussed the disease at length. Even went as far as to ask him "does she still know who you are?" to which he answered no. At no point does he try to correct her . Needleess to say that was their last conversation. Damn fool can't keep track of his lies.

There might be a few guys out there that have a legit reason for not giving a woman their number when asked, but for the vast majority that refuses, They are hiding something and that something is usually another woman or in a few cases man .

Another thread ask the question, "Are men programmed to cheat" or something like that, I honestly don't know the answer to that, but i do know that my gender cheat more the women. why? maybe it's because alot of us really are just pigs.

A man will ask for the Stepford wife then when he get her, uses the fact that she is perfect as a reason to cheat, "She is just too damn good, i need a normal girl"

I would tell any woman that ask a guy for his number to run like hell if does not give it to her.... This might be punishing a few good guys, but this is one of those times when the good (in this case very few) has to suffer for the bad.

So to answer my question, not only is it fair but it would be foolish in my opinion to see it any other way.
 cute_physics_guy
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 21
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Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 9:53:48 AM
I've never had this happen. It doesn't seem to make sense since her number would come up on my cell phone when she called me.
 RJB888
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 22
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 10:12:33 AM
Cute:

Not all numbers come up, I have mine blocked by my cell provider.

OP:

You mean to tell me your still afraid of the dark!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 23
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 1:02:40 PM
tdh46 (OP),

Being evasive does mean someone has something to hide, but I don't know exactly how that pertains to your message... since she is trying to hide her phone number. :)

Giving someone your phone number (cell #) isn't unsafe... but not giving it out to someone you don't know that well gives the feeling of safety, and yes, women are in position to be cautious more.

However, 95% of the time, that means she's not THAT interested in getting to know you/meet you, etc., if you guys have already talked a couple of times. The whole 'Give me your # and I'll give you a call' is the standard way of avoiding a guy they don't like at the bar. If she was really interested in you, she'd make it clear that she WILL call you, that it's just a safety thing in the beginning, and at some point in the near future she'll give you hers if everything's cool.
 blastkissed
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 24
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 1:53:39 PM
Truth is you can't ever tell what someone's true reasons are, but usually it's for self-protection or because they have something to hide. One other the other. Other circumstances notwithstanding, I decided to put a personal "policy" in place for such dilemmas.

If he won't give me his number, I'll completely lose interest.

I'm not huge on meeting and chatting with tons of guys. I have a few close friends on here that I would give my number to , no holds barred. But the rest, peh...I don't have time for all kinds of crazy phone calls and shyt. Frankly, I don't know how people do it.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 25
Does being evasive always mean you have something to hide?
Posted: 3/23/2007 6:01:44 PM
WD it's not that we don't want to get checked "down there" it's just that if someone is going to be doing that to me, it better come with a very expensive dinner at a four star restaurant and lots of alcohol.
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