| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 1:47:13 PM | Okay I first of don't want to clump all women into this what so ever. I know most on here are generally very decent and respectful. I do have a simple question for you women.
First a little background.
There was this woman that I had wanted to get to know here who I thought we would get along and seem to have shared the same interests. We were talking for months online and on MSN several times. We got along really well and both stated that we loved talking to each other and wanted to meet once our work schedules allowed it to. With the type of work we both do our schedules can be very hard on us socially and make it difficult to have anything close to a decent social life. Well the time came a few weeks ago and we both were able to meet up. She had chosen to meet at her place for a few drinks and watch a movie or two. Well we had a drink and talked a long time then watched a couple of movies. Well I had thought that we had gotten along and had a great time. Well we both agreed to get together again some other time and went on our way.
Well a couple days went by and I did not hear from her, so I decided to contact her and again thank her for a good night and a talk. No response at all and I contacted again..and again no response.
Well I decided to make no contact again with her and have not heard from her at all. I would assume that a very strong career minded woman like her would have the courtesy to at least say.."I'm sorry I didn't feel a connection" or at least something. Am I wrong here but if you don't feel a connection with someone it would at least be nice to let the other know instead of just ignoring them all together??
Any ideas girls?? | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 1:59:10 PM | | When I'm not interested I usually don't say anything unless I have to. Guys get the hint so I usually don't have to. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 3 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:00:04 PM | Both genders do it, typically a lack of respect or character leading to no courtesy.
When I'm not interested I usually don't say anything unless I have to. Guys get the hint so I usually don't have to.
I'd say that's a huge lack of respect, I can only think that you have little or no respect for other people.
With the above quote as a example, if someone does that to you, firstly they aren't interested, secondly they defiantly aren't someone you want to be with, you are better off without. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:00:44 PM | First of all it's not just the ladies that do this the men are equally guilty!
Unless something terrible has happened to her she is simply a very rude coward who doesn't warrant you wasting any of your time even thinking about her.
People seem to think it's kinder to say nothing and disappear off the face of the earth than politely say thanks but no thanks this isn't going to work for me.
I have been guilty of this myself in the past.
Move on | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:03:45 PM | Well, Squiggy, I must say that I have encountered this situation a couple of times, myself. My conclusion is that some women just have no class. They will tell you that they were just too busy and couldn't get back to you, but that is a cop-out. We deserve better than that, don't we.
I would never ignore someone. She should have at least gotten back to you and told you that she was not interested. No class!!!!! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:10:59 PM | [qoute]First of all it's not just the ladies that do this the men are equally guilty!
Well room I certainly did not want to imply that men are completely innocent and do not use the old let's ignore bit. I know many men that I have done it and years ago I was completely guilty of it.
I do agree with you that when anyone does it, it is a true sign they are afraid to be honest with the person and at times something like that can hurt especially if you lead the other to believe that things are going really well. Well I am moving on and hopefully will find someone that if things don't work out they have the courage to at least be honest.
Thanks ! | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:24:43 PM | Posts like this are quite popular it seems. Basically, people want to know why some (most?) men and women choose to show thier lack of interest in somebody by not responding to emails, calls, or whatever, rather than simply telling the person that they are not interested.
The usual answer of course, is that they choose not to respond because they are rude, have no class, no manners, etc. This is simply not true.
Try to see it from the other point of view. One of the problems with telling somebody that you are not interested in them is that they will then want to know why. If you tell them why you may risk insulting them or making them angry (how many times has this happened?). Or, the person being rejected may try to argue their case, to convince the other person that they are making a mistake by rejecting them and blah blah blah. I am sure we have all had this happen at some point.
If a person simply ignores you it is probably because they don't think you will take the rejection very well (nobody would ever admit to this, but lots of people have a hard time being rejected, I know I do). Sometimes it is the person being rejected who is the rude, classless one. In cases where you don't know the person very well, you really can't tell how they will react to your lack of interest. This makes it perfectly understandable that somebody would instead choose to just stop communicating.
It sucks to get shut out by somebody you are interested in but it happens. Quit the sour grapes and find somebody else. I think the reason we are so apt to call people who stop communicating with us names is simply because we are hurt. Get over it. There are plenty of fish in the sea (to use a tired cliche). | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:41:35 PM | | I can tell you what to do differently next time, but I can't tell you what went on in her mind, at least not specifically. Bottom line is that you didn't create a good connection, little sexuality and probably little comfort. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:44:38 PM | I agree totally with msg #3.. these idiots are members of both genders. They're not worthy of being loved by anyone. Their actions show cowardice and totally disregard for others.
Rejecting, if done skillfully, can be easy to handle for the other person. Unfortunately, it seems our generation has lost those qualities called "tact" and "grace". Luckily, I had a wise grandmother who tried to instill both of those qualities into me. Respect others as long as they show the same. If they disrespect you, kick them to the curb. A truely smart lady. *Rest in peace* | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:47:41 PM |
The usual answer of course, is that they choose not to respond because they are rude, have no class, no manners, etc. This is simply not true.
I don't believe that at all, I believe that it is a lack of respect and courage.
Just because you instantly assume that everyone can't deal with the rejection its wrong, most people who are honest would much rather hear "Thanks, but no thanks" and deal with it then move on, opposed to be left hanging.
Sometimes it is the person being rejected who is the rude, classless one.
Hearsay with out actually saying anything to them.
Treating people as if they can't deal with simple facts or your opinion is quite condescending too, it has nothing to do with them not being able to deal with it, its more about the person who is doing the rejecting not having the courage or manners to finish something they were a part of starting.
I've done it many times, and usually get thanks or told that its refreshing to get a honest up front statement. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:49:02 PM |
Try to see it from the other point of view. One of the problems with telling somebody that you are not interested in them is that they will then want to know why. If you tell them why you may risk insulting them or making them angry (how many times has this happened?). Or, the person being rejected may try to argue their case, to convince the other person that they are making a mistake by rejecting them and blah blah blah. I am sure we have all had this happen at some point.
If a person simply ignores you it is probably because they don't think you will take the rejection very well (nobody would ever admit to this, but lots of people have a hard time being rejected, I know I do). Sometimes it is the person being rejected who is the rude, classless one. In cases where you don't know the person very well, you really can't tell how they will react to your lack of interest. This makes it perfectly understandable that somebody would instead choose to just stop communicating.
1. If you are really concerned about the reaction, all you need to do is send 1 email stating you're not interested. Then ignore the person if he/she keeps trying to call/email you.
2. Some people could be more angry with the way he/she was rejected than the actual rejection and could be rude to you because of that.
3. If you are honest and upfront with that person right away, he/she could move on quicker. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:50:48 PM | Hey NewtoNFLD, another Newfoundlander in the thread. While I can totally understand your point of view, as I've had a few "individuals" who wouldn't back off, the only time the behaviour you describe is justified is when the rejectee was anything but polite and respectful to the person.
For instance, the "crotch grabber" from the local Grumpy Stump bar. She thinks she's more to me than just a really sleazy chick. Do I have every right to ignore such a person? **** yes!
Don't be surprised if you disrespect others, and people disrespect you later :P | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 13 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 2:58:09 PM |
1. If you are really concerned about the reaction, all you need to do is send 1 email stating you're not interested. Then ignore the person if he/she keeps trying to call/email you.
2. Some people could be more angry with the way he/she was rejected than the actual rejection and could be rude to you because of that.
3. If you are honest and upfront with that person right away, he/she could move on quicker.
Well said.
Make your mind up, communicate that, stick with it and respect others to deal with their own situations and feelings, that's their right/choice, not yours. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:05:23 PM | | I agree that not answering at least the first contact after meeting shows a definate lack of character and common courtesy. I always respond and try to cushion the blow by wishing them good luck in finding someone. However, if they persist in contacting me after I have said "no", I do not respond. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:13:37 PM | Hey Squiggy i agree you do deserve an explanation. I'm sorry to hear about your experience, unfortunately it appears to be fairly common
I personally would be honest, but i have a little story to share with you that might shed some light on why she ignored you
I spoke to someone online for about three months on and off last year, i felt a connection so we eventually met. On meeting he spoke and acted differently, it didn't feel like him, i felt no connection.
After the date he contacted me to go out again, i made excuses for a while because i didn't want to hurt his feelings. I was hoping he'd get the message and stop calling. He didn't so i had to be honest and tell him.
I got a barrage of abuse, he accused me of being shallow and leading him on etc. The point i'm making is, its sometimes easier to ignore someone than the face the possibility of receiving nasty texts and emails from them when you tell them the truth
I hope you can see my point, put it down to experience. The next lady you meet could be the 'one'
Good luck | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:21:46 PM | This is not a gender specific issue, nor is it a dating specific issue...it is a human issue......like so many of the "old-fashioned" values we ARE all familiar with.....we are living in a time when society has forgone it's own memory of courtesy....as my Momma says " courtesy is to human nature what warmth is to candle wax"......many people are choosing to be cold. Unfortunate but true. The reasons for it are many, perhaps the lady in question has been abused in the past for "rejecting" someone and has chosen to use silence as a clue. Confusing to the recipient, unfortunately, as the other end of the spectum is that people are sometimes simply busy, away, sick. Causes distress for others, but at the end of it, we each need to remember not to take it personally, just as we wish those we feel we have to reject would not.
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:31:45 PM | How can anybody make a judgement about whether or not someone is "rude," "has no class," etc. based on one incident of an unreturned phone call? It's such a self-centered way of viewing other people's behavior. You have no idea what's going on in someone's life if and when they choose not to return a phone call. If you met on this site and went on a date or two, YOU BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER!
Personally, I think I'm decent at taking hints (perhaps this is linked to recent neurological studies that show women's brains are better wired to respond to subtleties of behavior); in fact, I generally prefer an unreturned phone call to being told directly that someone isn't interested. The silence says it all, quite clearly. Why do you NEED to be told? WHY? Don't say anything about "closure," either--a couple of dates is hardly a "closure-worthy" relationship.
Take the hint and have some friggin' dignity, man. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:31:56 PM | Haha... Selfish little girls. In my experience, more often than not, it means the girl is on the fence about whether or not she wants to proceed to the next level with you... Or she just doesn't care. Maybe she's got some options right now and doesn't want to burn any bridges which puts you in the precarious catch 22 situation of having to leave her be and ask no questions if you want her because little girls like that crave the attentions of only desireless men.
No class.
Interest yourself in a woman with a little more class and you won't have to deal with this type of poop. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:32:52 PM | Haha... Selfish little girls. In my experience, more often than not, it means the girl is on the fence about whether or not she wants to proceed to the next level with you... Or she just doesn't care. Maybe she's got some options right now and doesn't want to burn any bridges which puts you in the precarious catch 22 situation of having to leave her be and ask no questions if you want her because little girls like that crave the attentions of only desireless men.
No class.
Interest yourself in a woman with a little more class and you won't have to deal this type of poop. They're out there. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 3:35:36 PM | Oh... Hey Tawny.
Tawny is wicked smart! She's probably way righter than me... ;) | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:45:20 PM |
How can anybody make a judgement about whether or not someone is "rude," "has no class," etc. based on one incident of an unreturned phone call?
Quite easily.
If you choose to ignore someone because you don't want to see them, can't be bothered to talk to them, are too apathetic, don't care about communicating your intent, or are playing games, then you are rude, have no class or understanding of basic manners.
Because that takes courage and the necessity of having a spine.
Opposed to just telling them to their face/email/text/phone call, then you are avoiding the situation and not paying them any respect, treat others as you wish to be treated yourself.
Which is what you'll get in return though out life yourself.
Take the hint and have some friggin' dignity, man.
Ironic, that you tell others to get something you don't show them or have yourself for everyone else.
Interest yourself in a woman with a little more class and you won't have to deal with this type of poop.
Indeed, its a very easy clue as to the type of person you are dealing with. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:48:21 PM | I agree with the fact that it is NOT gender specific. It is a lack of character and courtesy. I would also add it is cowardice. They fear confrontation and being made to "look bad". There are ways to say state non-interest with tact and dignity.
However, we cannot manage other people's reactions, only our own. I would rather tell the truth and BE told the truth, than to be strung along or left hanging.
Step up to the plate people; we cannot be interested in everyone we meet, and not everyone we meet is interested in us. Truth hurts. It will also "set you free"!!
WD | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:55:13 PM | Okay, I'm going to kick myself for writing this, because I know that it's senseless to argue with someone who refuses to be rational--BUT, my whole original point was that it is ridiculous to make a judgement of another human being--a multi-layered, neurotic, complex, unique human life form--based on whether or not they return a phone call.
Furthermore, I think it takes a lot more dignity to stoically accept a passive rejection than to whine about it and name-call. This kind of response merely exemplifies the kind of self-absorbed, simplistic understanding of the world that makes it so hard for people to relate to each other in the first place. | |
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| Why do some women do this?
Posted: 3/26/2007 4:55:42 PM | Okay, I'm going to kick myself for writing this, because I know that it's senseless to argue with someone who refuses to be rational--BUT, my whole original point was that it is ridiculous to make a judgement of another human being--a multi-layered, neurotic, complex, unique human life form--based on whether or not they return a phone call.
Furthermore, I think it takes a lot more dignity to stoically accept a passive rejection than to whine about it and name-call. This kind of response merely exemplifies the kind of self-absorbed, simplistic understanding of the world that makes it so hard for people to relate to each other in the first place. | |
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