| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:24:05 PM | | months, or even years, after the breakup, do you still think you lost your one true love (so to speak), or did you realize in time that that person was not the right person for you regardless of how much you wanted him or her at the time? | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:33:06 PM | It's been five years since the divorce, and while I realized that she didn't love me prior to the divorce, and is happier now than ever, I still feel as though I lost my "love of my life". Dated many women since, and no one woman can compare. That certainly isn't fair to them, but the right thing to do (in my mind) is to let the ladies know if it doesn't click right away.
Harry | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:36:25 PM | | hell yes i am over her, she slept with my best friend, i hate her for that, | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 8:42:43 PM | Do we ever really, truly get over someone that you had a deep love for? I am not sure...I think that we have to at least let that question CROSS OUR MINDS in order to really move on, or?
For me, dating someone since I was practically a teenager deeply impacted me. I can safely say that the day finally came when I realized that I can (in theory anyway) desire, love, and be excited about someone else again (without suffocating?).........it is freakishly nerve wracking, but hopeful and exciting.
I'll let you know?
 | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:13:09 PM | | U know I would have to say this question probly floats through every persons mind, who has broken up with someone they truly loved......honestly now that I really stop and think about it.....I would have to say from my own experience....I lost my soul mate. Its been 4 years since we went our separate ways, but he gave me one of the most precious things in my life.....my daughter. The love I felt for him was so strong, it was something I thought would last forever, but unfortunately for some....things change. I do believe though......that some people get the chance to find that love twice in their lifetime....and I pray with all my heart that I will be one of those people. Everyone has a different theory of their first true love (so to speak) but mine helped me be the person I am today, and for that I will always be internally grateful. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:29:28 PM | I finally turned loose of mine eight months ago - 17 years married 3 years of her hanging on wanting to be friends calling often coming over some times - after she dumped me right out of left field. Why in the hell do they want to be *friends* after they dump you??? I ask her that question - she said “because you are a good guy” ............. BFD
When ***I*** ended the relationship (after she ended the marriage) was the day I turned loose of those 20 years.
I still think about her some - but it is mostly because I don’t like to casual date and it ...... well it gets kinda boring being alone all the time but ......... oh well. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 9:49:28 PM | | Am I over him? Yep. Do I still have feelings for him? Yep. But not in the romantic sense. He was the one true love I've had in my life and it opened up my world to how it should be. For that I'll be forever grateful. I now know what I deserve and seek with another and will not settle for anything less. We are friends to this day. We cherish the value and life experience we brought to each others' lives but have both realized that what was meant to be was meant to be for the time we were together and that it was necessary to move on from each other to explore life in a way we couldn't if we were still together. There were many factors, but I have truly come to a place where I'm over the feeling of 'lost my one true love' and can now just be grateful for what it brought to my life. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/26/2007 10:20:23 PM | Sure the heck not under him! lol
There is no way I would ever get back together with my ex. We will never be friends, at least not at this rate, but for the kids sake it would be good to be genuinely friendly. But with all the things that happened, I definitely wish him well. He's the father of my kids, and it's impossible to harbor ill will. Because we had kids, and they're very young, I regret that things didn't work out, but I don't second guess myself for the split. | |
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TeJ_25
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Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 10 | |
| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 6:34:45 AM | | met nice female few years back. quick fling. three months. still think about to this day. don't know were she is. scared to death | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:34:09 AM | | It's been 18 months for me. Some folks say I should be over her, well, I'm not. Do I think she is the love of my life? Yes. Will I always love her? I believe so. Have I finally made the decision to 'move on'? I had to. You cannot continue going around the same mountain forever unless you are Moses. Everyday I find myself inventing new ways of diverting my mind from her to other 'positive' thought patterns. For those of you who believe, when she enters my mind, I talk to God and ask him to take over my thoughts. Guess what? It works!!!!!!!! | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:58:54 AM | | I guess depending on why the "EX" became just that......would have alot to do with getting over him/her ! Myself...after all the lies...cheating...emotional and verbal abuse...Am I over him ?????? Yes I can honestly say that I am ! One can not turn their feelings on and off like a faucet but when you are treated the way that I was.....it comes naturally ! | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:09:46 AM | What you said at the end says it all!!!.........Divorce or a long term break up is hard on both sides no matter what happened or who is at fault.
You have to give your pain to God and let him help you get through it!
GOD created us and loves us more than we can comprehend and wants us to be happy! By giving your pain to him you can start to heal and move forward!!! | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 8:31:12 AM | I think it changes. You have a love so deep that goes unreturned at first, You mourn, stop eating, obsess. It feels as if your very soul has been ripped out.Then one day you wake up & while you still love them, It turns to anger. That is the stage I like. Not Bitterness mind you, You just remember all the things they did that annnoyed you, that you chose to ignore beause you were in love with them.
It is an active choice on how quickly you get over them. Just remember Our lives are to short to to deal with other peoples issues. I chose to move on, happy, and better than I was when I was with him. He brought out the worst in me and I lost myself. So Now I am getting re-aquatinted with myself again. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:07:17 AM |
Why in the hell do they want to be *friends* after they dump you??? I ask her that question - she said “because you are a good guy”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that too. I also got "because you're cool". "Because you're an artist and we artists have to hang together." "Because you matter"
Though I can't disagree that I'm cool... ahem... any reason the ex gives is pretty much bull. They're never going to admit the real reasons. They may not even be aware of their real reasons.
The real reasons they wish to remain friends can be because:
1. It mitigates their guilt if you stay friendly with them, or
2. They can enjoy the good stuff about you without being in a relationship (in other words, they get the things they want from you that they're not necessarily getting from their current BF, without you getting what you want from them in turn), or
3. They can't accept the finality of never seeing or hearing from you again because they're commitment phobic and so they can't commit to saying goodbye, or
4. They want to keep you on a back burner just in case things don't work out for them down the road, or
5. They need to have your devotion, it provides a comfort zone to know you're there somewhere for them, even if they never plan on being with you again.
There's probably a few more.
After such a breakup, as you know, one can evolve and grow and eventually, outgrow the ex. I feel that's what happened to me. My ex is much like yours, and can't let go, resurfacing from time to time with the flimsiest of excuses for contact. This is after she acknowledged that I've blown her off and said I'd never hear from her again. Wheer I used to adore her back when, now I see her as a rather insecure, selfish passive-aggressive low-self esteem needy weak kind of pathetic person disguised as a caring, warm, pretty woman, because now I can easily see the behavioral traits without the emotional blinders on. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:12:10 AM | | I split up with my girlfriend of 5 yrs, friends for 7 about 1 month ago...i finished t and i know i did it for the right reasons but its still eating me up and i dont know why. I bloody hope i can get over her! | |
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Tarra
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Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:43:05 AM | It is always very difficult getting over someone you once felt great love for at some time. It seems like we forget the "bad" and want to hang on to the happy moments. It just makes us feel better. In other words, it is like when someone dies, we don't remember all the pain that person might have caused us in the past. We praise them for their "good points" and what a great person they were when they were alive. It is kind of being like a hyprocrite.........but it helps us accept things easier .........than the actual outcome of reality.
Hope that made sense?
Tara | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 11:56:39 AM | I don't get it.....personal differences aside.......what's with the don't-want-to-friends with the ex thing? There's not enough love to go round as it is.......if people can evolve what they had into friendship...are we not all better for it.....abuse or deceit not being the reason for the break-up, of course.
I don't think my ex needs to feel quilty for breaking it off, and he did get caught cheating......but what will his guilt serve to do...for either of us?
He made a set of choices....I made another....................he is still my best friend...the qualities that drew me to him in the first place remain....so we are friends...his kids got to watch us choose that human love over ego and they are better for it, I am sure. Can't always get what you want.   | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 12:06:24 PM | | Personally, I can't count as a "friend" someone who betrayed my trust. That's not what friends do. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 12:16:38 PM | | I agree with you "creativguy" ! Friends like that who needs enemies ?????? And I agree with you "sweet funny girl" ! Life is to short to be heartless but....fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on ME ! I can be friends with just about anyone but when someone stabs you in the back and the wound heals....and you are stabbed there again....that wound do not heal as quick the next time around!!!!!! But it is great that you are friends with your ex.....I think that is wonderful.....all the best | |
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elnik
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 1:09:30 PM | yep and i'm even happy she found some one else too.
She was a hummdinger and i'm glad that the presure is
off me lol. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:21:30 PM | | If I wasn't, I wouldn't be able to be on this site with a clear conscience. Dating is hard enough when you're stable - if I was emotionally unstable, it would be the equivalent of torturing myself. | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:23:07 PM | Creativeguy: I agree completely - My ex doesn't meet the requirements to be my friend due to deceit.
I am over my ex - for me it was a case of being in love with his "potential" not his "actual" self - I fell into the "trying to change him" trap - not totally my fault though because he told me he wanted to make big changes - I just believed him when I should have seen he was just telling me what he thought I needed to hear in order to keep me.
Oh well, it was a learning experience. I am setting my standards higher and I won't be giving any borderline situations the benefit of the doubt anymore. I was enjoying the idea that I was being real not superficial, but what the heck I've decided it'll be easier to just pick out the best looking package or the best "looks good on paper" and then I'll worry about connection, fun and chemistry.
The experiment called "my love life" continues!! | |
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| are you over your ex?
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:44:24 PM | Good post....
For me its been just over 7 months since I was totally "dumped" by a man whom I had allowed my whole world to revolve around. Not his fault, because it was I who chose to put him on a pedestal, knowing he could never reciprocate with what I needed the most.
During the darkest first few months after he left, I heard this saying and it woke me out of my self-imposed misery:
"I have learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief."
That sentence really got me thinking. Life really does go on and the outside world doesn't give a rat's azz, about my hurt and misery.
That said, I finally forced myself to let go and seek out old friends and start living again. These days I still have the "reminders" of him peeking into my life now and again, but I can honestly say I'm finally over him :-) | |
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| Nope! Never!
Posted: 3/27/2007 5:19:52 PM | | It's been many years now, and I've had another marriage, and a couple of relationships, but at the bottom, I DO miss her, and yes, I still love her! She was the mother of my three kids, and a couple of dogs and cats, too, and my greatest companion. I've visited her grave a couple of times a year, for a long time, and actually taken a couple of later ladies with me. The truth never hurts. You don't ever get over your love! | |
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