| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 3/30/2007 5:10:47 PM | The question I'm looking for is how one person could this after a long term relationship? I don't understand how some times guys can work as a light switch just turn on and off It's really not fair.
It's harsh when you think that person is the one and there so selfish and just think of themselfs...
Thank you for letting me vent a little 
Please  me | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 3/30/2007 5:25:11 PM | | Love is such a fluid concept, and for some people more fluid than others and they just move along quickly. And some people don't know what love is, and they just say it because it's easy to say or it feels good. Or maybe they really do feel it but it changes for them. Or maybe he's a jerk too. As women, we're always trying to find out why and analyze things. But there's really no point in asking why. It just sucks and you have to suck it up and move on because somewhere out there is someone with his head screwed on the right way, who's going to say he loves you and not take it back later. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 3/30/2007 5:26:27 PM | | im with you on this one.i meant what i thought was amazeing guy a little over a month ago.he to told me he loved me hated being away from me.promised he would never hurt me all the things we want to hear.last weekend he said the distance between us was too much.wow we only live a hour apart,he didnt even give it a chance.i told him to give us a few months to make sure and i would think about moveing closer.every time i come on the site there he is.so yea how can a guy say he loves you and then do this.it is very cruel and hurtful.us women are human with feelings not just sex toys. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 3/30/2007 6:14:32 PM | | It's funny, but my ex did something along those lines. The thing that I had to realize, is that he had been distancing himself from me for a long time, and I chose not to notice. I'm not in any way accepting responsibility for his actions, but I have to realize that I was drifting in a relationship that I thought was perfect, while all the time I missed the signs of imperfection. And I don't mean leaving the toilet seat up. So, in my particular situation, he had actually been gradually removing himself from the relationship for a while, and the ending that I thought was abrupt really wasn't. The fact that he started seeing someone else three weeks out (cause yes, mine did that too) drove home the fact that his feelings had changed. He was just to scared to say anything. He didn't want to HURT me. Yeah, it was selfish, egocentric, and it almost destroyed me emotionally. Now, however, I like to believe that he is enjoying what he threw me over for, because honestly, those two deserve each other. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 12:11:44 AM | Fear, co-dependency, low self esteem, game player etc etc.
There are a number of reasons why men say this. Yes yes we all know one reason is so they can get in bed with you. But men that just want to bed you will not necessarily be in a long term relationship just for that. I think for men that have been in an LTR a more valid reason why they do this would be fear. Their fear of not being "good enough" for someone else will lead them to say anything to the person that's already a "sure thing" until something else comes along that they are not only interested in but that is also interested in them. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 2:08:02 AM | Stargategirl your answer is a good one and has reminded me that it is not only men that do this , but women also.
The person you put in my mind did not do it to me for any of the reasons you put, but because my name is the same as her ex-husband`s, it was only a long drunken chat one night, in which we got on well until she asked me for my name. Then she told me to sod off she she hated all Roy`s, A year later she tried to bed me again, I reminded her my name was still Roy, and her reply was "she had gotten over that". I did not take her up on her offer.
Thing is every can go fine and then in one moment you do or say something that reminds the other of past hurts they have not got over, that run deep. This can happen in that first meeting or weeks or months down the line, I probably have done something similar to myself to others, looking back, if I am really honest with myself.
We probably all have or will do at some time. Does not stop us from being nice guys or gals, just shows we have things to sort out still, and we are capable of having feelings.
Does not stop it being rough when on the receiving end. All you can do is, as one post put it " suck it up and get on with your life" and you will find some one who will not take it back.
Reason being they are far away enough from that hurt to realise they are with some one different and the outcome will be different. They just need to talk with the one they are with instead of running away from the past. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:54:37 AM | | There is the small chance that hes hooking up to take his mind off you. thats the first thing people teach you, move on and find someone else. if you find someone else then usually you will forget about the one you lost. If you've told him theres no shot of getting back together then why on earth would he sit and wait for you, thats stupid(at least in my opinion) | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:01:08 AM | Holy Crap! How I can relate. Down to the same time frame as you (3 weeks). My X emailed me yesterday to tell me that he went on a blind date that didn't show up (tacky). This is the same X who talked marriage with me. I am amazed at how quickly he moved on. Men do seem to just turn it on and off at will. No offense to men, but come on! If I have to hear "I am doing this for me" one more time, I am going to take up drinking... oh wait a minute... I am already drinking....... | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:11:42 AM | I understand that plenty of other things have changed since the dark ages when I was young, but let's just concentrate on the one thing that sticks out in my mind.
Years ago there were a different set of minimum rules for getting sex. For one, you had to at the very least be going steady for at least several months, engaged even better. You had to stand by your woman and prove your love to her by showing patience and waiting til she was ready for the big night. You didn't go bragging about it to everybody you knew, as if you were the first person this ever happened to, and after, you were even more loyal and happy and in love.
Today, women can't seem to get their panties off fast enough because some smooth talking scum feeds them a few lines, and they want to believe them bad enough to take a chance. After they use you, you come here and complain as if you are completely innocent of any wrong doing, which basically you are, but to get taken in like that, what are you thinking?
Come on girls! You know better than to fall for that bullshit. All you have to do is say no a couple of times and watch them stomp off like a child who didn't get an ice cream cone they wanted, and you will know how much trouble you have saved yourself. Will you ever learn? On top of that, a good guy comes along and you never see it because all you can think about is all the bull you have been fed.
I mean to be more sympathetic than I sound here. Don't set yourself up for a fall and wonder what happened after. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:37:47 PM | Its all cuz your from venus and we are from mars!! I read that book last year and Ill be damned if it didnt make sense. Check it out. Nothing like a few hours worth of reading to gain some insight which could very well make a difference in your life.
As for this post... Yeah, we men... me included, can be ass's. Its true... I want go into the amount of sex I took part in from the age of 18 to 24 but Ill say this... it borders on downright stupid!! To me and my buddies back then... it was all about bragging rights. We actually competed on the issue. Girls werent real, they were sex toys. That one fella mentioned about ownership of your situation... he's right on that one. It always takes 2 to tango but sometimes... we feed you just the right words and you think good thoughts all the while... we are playing you.
My recomendation is always... say no on the first date. Say it again on the second and say no on the third. By then he'll either be pushing for sex wayyyyyy too hard (which will be an indicator of his true intentions) , he'll be long gone or lastly... he might just be the one. A man who actually is in touch with himself emotionally, has little baggage and can treat you right is the man who wants to wait because the sex is just a byproduct of the relationship. Its not the end all be all of it. A man who wants the personal attraction between you to grow and flourish first before sex is the keeper. A man who wants the friendship to be strong first is the keeper and a man who has the ability to stop the petting when its getting to close for comfort... before the lady does... THAT guy is a keeper.
So... where do you find this guy? Hell if I know. Im the only one I know!! lol Honestly though... I never used to be that guy but am now. I became him through all my trials and tribulations in life and learned via each of them. Im that guy who always dives headfirst into myself when a problem arises so that I better understand why I am making that particular decision or acting that particular way. I am in tune with myself you could say. Perhaps that is the key... seek out the guy who is pretty much normal by "normal" standards are concerned but is also self aware. I suppose it comes down to the interview process and just how well you conduct it without his knowing your ulterior motives.
Good luck with it. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 9:50:57 PM | I think some people coast through life just scratching the surface with feelings. They just don't ever feel anything all that deeply. They say all the right words...undying love blah blah.......but then (as you say) a few weeks later they are onto the next person. Saying all the same things. This can also hold true for marriages that last for years and years. Of a sudden - one ups and leaves.....next thing you know they are with someone else.
People that let emotions and feelings sink in deeply and really feel them. These are the people who need time to get over someone, need time to be just with themselves before they can feel for someone again.
It boils down to 'shallow people'...some people just lives their lives in the shallow end of the pond. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 10:10:49 PM | My ex decided she didn't want a relationship then got mad cause she found a womans phone number next to my computer. She made the comment that I really moved on fast. It has been weeks since I have been able to sleep or meat more than a few bites. I'm heartbroken and miss her terribly, but why do women think there should be a period between girlfriends? I mean, she left me. I don't want to be with another woman. I have turned down sex with an old lover because I care and still feel like I'm cheating. But I can't sit around and be miserable for months. I just don't understand why a woman would leave a guy then expect him to not get back up right away and start looking again.
Michael | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/1/2007 10:19:55 PM | Hey Michael... funny you touch on this... ditto here.
After 4 months, I went out 3 times with a pof'er and had a great time. We fooled around a bit and enjoyed each others company but thankfully we both were in a place where neither of us was over our ex's and we just kept as friends. Actual, real friends. The kind you can count on kind of friends. Anyways... I dont really recall how my ex found out I went on a date but she really got jealous and upset about it. She admitted she had no right to because she left me and it was none of her business but to this day, 8 months later it still bothers her. She brings it up now and then. As for me... I keep waiting. The true romantic who knows what was right and hopes she is still just finding herself. I tried to get back on the proverbial horse as did you but in my heart... it was wrong. It still is. I like very much this current pof'er but I cannot do anymore than talk as friends cuz my heart wont let me. To go out and be with someone else is, as you say... feels like cheating.
Nice to find a guy who thinks similarly. Good on ya bud. Stay true to your heart.
Scott | |
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cartia
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Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/2/2007 3:01:45 AM | | Thesesites can become addictive for certain personality types....they then become incapable of the realisation that what they did find was good could last etc...the itch then has to be scratched in the search for something better, younger, prettier ....sad but true....lme thinks they should look in the moror sometime! The whole emotion thing is a movable force for some of these guys.....they love the idea of being in love but cannot handle the reality so set off once more into the horizon in search of who knows what for you can be sure they will not find it because at the end of teh day they are unsatisfactory individuals.....devoid of any real and lasting love. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/5/2007 1:07:46 PM | Evil Brat-
Nothing is like a light switch - seriously - yes you are last to
know - so it seems that way - but really when they are ready to
break up with you - they put some thought into it and by the time
they deliver the news - they are already settled with thier decision -
that is why they move on right away - it seems like they move on
quickly - but remember thier decision is made before they tell you
so they have made peace with it- I know it sucks honey -
It seems like they move right on - but remember - thier decision to
do this has already been made long before they tell you- | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:42:31 PM | Today, women can't seem to get their panties off fast enough because some smooth talking scum feeds them a few lines, and they want to believe them bad enough to take a chance. After they use you, you come here and complain as if you are completely innocent of any wrong doing, which basically you are, but to get taken in like that, what are you thinking?
atlast although things do seem to move fast nowadays in terms of relationships and intimacy, i would have to disagree with you with one point. First, there are many many women that don't "drop their panties" at the drop of a hat as you put it.
They get involved with a man, invest all their energies and emotions for weeks/ months/years only to be "dropped" by him for some one else that comes along.
This happens to some men as well with women . But i would think it happens more frequently to women because men tend to be very visual and less emotionally vested than a woman would be. At least in the beginning of a relationship.
Further, if a man is hell bent on just using a woman as a "temporary" measure till something he perceives as better coming along, it will not matter much whether or not she gives "it" up within 4 weeks or 4 months. He will just as likely move along when that "something else" he wants better crosses his path.
Second, nowadays there are many men that will "move on" if a woman does not show some level of intimacy according to his time table. For example, I have heard that some men have this little dating rule whereby if a woman does not give "it" up by the third date she's not worthy of continuing to date him.
Then there are those men that believe that if a woman doesn't engage in intimacy within the first 2-3 weeks dating that there must be something wrong with her.
The men I am talking about here are not the "smooth talking scums" as you put it.
But rather your average non game player guy out there in the dating world that may operate under this type of belief system.
I was in a marriage for 15 years. My spouse began dating within 1 week of our agreeing to divorce and became involved in a relationship with another woman 2 weeks after he began dating again. Meanwhile, he kept telling me he wanted to "work things out" while all along he was seeing someone else. Keep in mind that we are not divorced yet and here he is moving quickly into another relationship.
As you can see, the ability of a man to transition seemingless from one relationship to another, while telling his wife/girlfriend sweet "nothings" has little to do with the time frame in which a woman dropped her panties and more to do with his character, need for codependency, and self esteem. | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/5/2007 10:07:55 PM | | As hard as it is sometimes... we all like to feel that if someone truly loved us.. they would not get over us so fast... Truth is some people can not stand to be alone.. and will go from one relationship into another...others are really not over the person.. and are just creating a situation. so that is appears that they are....it is hard to understand .. how the human brain thinks..... and how one is gonna react.... but for the other person .. left to wonder how someone could move on that quickly.. it certainly leaves doubt... if they were ever truly loved... or if the other person had someone waiting in the wings....as hard as it is... we sometimes have to come to the conclusion that . if they were that quick to move on... maybe there love wasn't as geniune as we thought.... the thing is not to allow how other people feel or behave.. validate how we feel about ourselves.....nonetheless it is still gonna cut... | |
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| How does someone say they love you and miss you, three weeks later starts seeing someone else?
Posted: 4/5/2007 10:25:24 PM | | I know! I'm forty & only just worked it out! I think they mean it - " at the time" I have the unfortunate trait of believing everything I hear so it takes me ages to cotton on! but I think I have the answer, make sure you only let someone close if they treat you no less than how you would treat them. Any hint of disrespect selfishness or disregard be very careful not to allow them in. Easier said than done when they happen to push your buttons in just the right places it's tough but you just need to love & respect yourself enough to move on. | |
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