| " I dont want to talk to mommy"
Posted: 3/31/2007 3:07:17 AM | I have a daughter which is 7.
Her father and I were together till she was 5 then we split so it didnt get to the point where we would fight in front of her. She took it hard at first but her father and I both worked on helping her understand that the change we were all going thru was the best for us all. She lived with me and were all happy till he got a girlfriend which was fine with me cause we both had been single for a year and I was thrilled that he was able to move on. Our girl was not so thrilled of the fact that daddy didnt come around nearly as often as he did befor he moved on from me. So she missed him dearly.
We had started to get along greatly and decided to give it another try I was in love with him again cause I had seen how much he had changed with his other gf. (they were broken up when we went back together)
we had lived together for 11 months and things went bad again cause he went back to his old ways.
This time we had decided that it was best she stayed with him. We live in different cities and I used to see her every 2 weeks for 2 weeks.
Until a month ago she all of a sudden doesnt want to see me so I stayed in a citie very close to her so when she did want to see me it was a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Every day I call her and every day she says "I dont want to talk to mommy"
Has anyone else been thru this or still is? Let me know or a little advice cause for the first time I'm clueless. Is this just a stage or what? (And I would like to believe daddy has nothing to do with it) | |
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WNC8
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Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 6:05:36 AM | My ex left just over a year ago. I have the kids - 2 girls, six and nine. My six year old still spends an occasional weekend with mommy - averaging once every three weeks. My nine year old hasn't stayed with mommy in quite some time.
She really won't say why though. I've never spoken badly of my ex, we are in fact on great speaking terms and still remain friends.
I won't push my nine year old or force her and neither will my ex. I'm sort of in a similar situation as you are. I'm rather puzzled. I know she loves her mommy, but just doesn't want to stay overnight with her. | |
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| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 6:38:58 AM | | This is very common, assuming there are no underlying issues. My son does this and I make him see his Mom and talk to her on the phone. This stage will pass, just be yourself as this can be very confusing to a kid. Though I cannot believe that a Parent would give up custody of their child, that blows me away, truth be told. | |
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| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 7:14:43 AM | I didn't see the other posts, but I wanted to reply to the first post.
Kids need stability. Kids need to know that there is always someone they can count on unconditionally. The first time you guys split up, your child went through a lot of hurt and found a way to deal with not having Dad there and also learned to deal with Dad having a different life away from her.... Then the MIRACLE (in a child's eyes) of Mom and Dad getting back together happened, but all too soon....BANG... it's all gone again, and like before, she expected the same process to be the same again: "Dad leaving and child staying with Mom" ...but it wasn't like that!!! MOM left!!! and she went FAR!!! and in order to see her, she couldn't see her Dad for 2 whole weeks and then to see her Dad she couldn't see her Mom for two whole weeks!!
man...this must have been soooo hard for your little one. she must have learned that maybe if she hung on to the one parent that was the closest to her and whom she felt more trust towards (at that moment), maybe she wouldn't have to stop not having either parent at different periods... cause remember... Children need stability and maybe having 1 parent rather than 2 half parents is better and it's the only solution her little mind/maturity can come up with.
you have your work cut out for you OP. Give her time, show her you ARE stable and that you will be around forever and that she is not going to be moved about again like before and things will improve.
good luck. | |
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| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 7:28:42 AM | The ex and I have been apart for 2.5 yrs now, and the youngest will have moments where he doesn't want to talk with daddy. Frequently actually. I had to laugh recently as the ex sent me an email requesting that I *make* the youngest talk to him when he calls. We do not live in the same city so we do not have shared custody, and I don't talk trash about the ex. What I found worked for us is the youngest will talk for ages on webcam with his daddy. Not sure why, maybe 'cause he gets to see his goofy self on the screen at the same time or something.
It is a phase, all kids go thru it, and I have found there isn't any rhyme or reason behind when they will or won't talk with their dad. Oh heck.. they don't talk with their grandmother and she lives in the same city as us!!! | |
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| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 9:13:40 AM | first of all let me just say that since she was 2 I have always works 2 full weeks out of a month so it wasnt like she is just getting used to the fact that mommy is all of a sudden gone for long peiriods of time. I know it seems odd to be gone for so long just for work, but the pay kept a roof on our heads and everything she ever wanted and an awesom education in a privite school ( which is why we live in different cities) I think that having dad there all the time will give her stability and still have mommy for the two weeks she was always used to.
and second I have not given up custody, I know she is a little mature for her age but we all make the decision of whome she stayed with and what was best for her.
I am trying to find a apartment in their city and even quit my old job and is now trying to get a new one in the citie they are in. So she could see me when ever SHE wants not when is convieneint for me.
I have sent her a couple letters she is a excellent reader so I had put on the envelope for "her name" and mom's eyes only. Just so we had a thing that just envolved us sadly they are still unopened. | |
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| I dont want to talk to mommy
Posted: 3/31/2007 10:21:50 AM | OP try not to take this too much to heart.
My son adores his father, and if he had his way would see him several times a week instead of once every week or two. He cries to me a few times a week, and tells me at least 10 times a day (seriously) that he misses his dad-- but you know what? Sometimes when Dad calls or I am on the phone with dad making arrangements for visits- he still says he doesnt want to talk. It might be because he's watching a movie he likes or playing trains and doesnt want to be interrupted, or maybe he's just not in the mood to talk at the moment. I dont know how old your little one is, but my son is 4.
Anyways, it doesnt always mean what it appears to mean. Just keep calling, keep visiting, and keep asserting your role. This too shall pass. | |
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