| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 5:56:58 AM | I've been advised on occasion (by women) to "Tell her how you feel." in regard to someone I was interested in. The only problem is that it has NEVER worked for me. Not once. Here's the question.
For women, I'm sure you've advised many men to do this, but has it ever worked on you?
For men, Has it ever worked? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:01:01 AM | Yep...sure has.
The key is to be sure there is a basis for reasonably expecting that the lady may feel the same in return. I mean if you just blurt out your attraction to somebody who is quite a bit more attractive or younger than yourself....no, that probably won't work very well.
But if you've developed a bit of rapport & they seem to like talking to you, then a "Wow, I am really enjoying your company...would you like to go out w/ me sometime?" works pretty well most of the time.  | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:16:05 AM | Comunication is a good thing, but you can
communicate with women your interested in, non verbally by actions to let them know when you realy like them, treating them with respect, listening, being of help to them... I would advise a guy not to get too verbal in showing affection until he knows the woman better, as some women are just tripping out on male attention.
Non verbal affection has always worked for me except when the lady is just bitter and jaded and does not believe any men are good. With those types, often they lack any sense at all... can't even tell a bad man from a good man or see themselves how they are and appear to others. I dont even try to get to know them because they are too demanding and hard to deal with. So my point is, we pick and choose who we spend our time with and who we "invest in"... I pick and choose as not all women are worth the energy and time. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 6:21:54 AM | Look at it in a positive way. When you are up front with them, you find out where you stand. If they are not interested, you move on.
hope this helps.
Q | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 7:32:40 AM | How soon after knowing her are you telling her how you feel?
Are you telling her on the second date that you're in love with her? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 7:40:25 AM | If you can’t really tell if it is a two way street - it is not a two way street.
If you are not SURE it is a match - it is not a match.
Just because someone don’t tell you to buzz off - don’t mean they are all that interested.
Being “nice” to someone is totally different than being interested in them.
So far I have never got to the point of “telling her how I felt” and she did not feel the same. If you don’t know (know not hope) already by 3 or 4 dates ........... it is NOT a match.
I’ve not had a bunch short relationships - they have been longish. In all cases we both KNEW it almost instantly. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 8:32:18 AM | | because RON9 you are soooo freeking funny, who could NOT like you???? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 8:33:36 AM | | never has worked for me either, i get the nerve up and they say "oh i don't know what i am looking for", or I am not looking to date right now!, pshhh! whatever | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 8:36:06 AM | YES, it works. I've done it, and I've had people tell me how they feel.
Now that doesn't mean that I got I wanted b/c many times what I wanted was something he couldn't/wouldn't give, but at least he knew what I wanted and we could deal with reality. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 9:03:12 AM | | It really never worked for me. I only do it to fill up space and time and don't expect much from it. Women want what they want; it has nothing to do with how you feel about it. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 9:41:23 AM |
"Tell her how you feel." in regard to someone I was interested in.
Who is this someone? Someone you're dating or someone you know.
If it's the former then I would still advise against telling her how you feel. Largely because I am a proponent of deeds not words. If your feelings are not conveyed in your behaviour then it's a hollow sentiment. If you want her to know how you feel then communicate this with actions.
If this someone falls in the latter, I would strongly caution against telling them. Frequently, it is an unmitigated disaster; not least because it is inappropriate to have feeling for that person.
This advice (“tell her how you feel”) hinges on the misguided romantic notion that everyone wants to hear that someone has the stronger feelings for them. Not so!!!! Knowing that someone has feelings that you do not reciprocate is immensely uncomfortable. Well, uncomfortable for those who have a conscience; the immoral will abuse your attachment - either way it's not a good outcome.
Being “nice” to someone is totally different than being interested in them.
I echo this. It is this common misapprehension which, unfortunately, leads to some women being standoffish and not, arrogance or conceit as many believe. Being standoffish is a mechanism instituted to safeguard against the “she spoke to me, she wants me” phenomenon which seems to be enjoying growing popularity. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:13:39 AM | Well, maybe it's in how you express yourself. Any of these sound familiar?
"I feel that I would like to tie you down, coat you with honey then bring out the fire ants."
"I feel that I would truly enjoy stalking you for the next three years."
"I feel that there should be no physical distance between soul mates... ever."
"I feel that you would make an excellent addition to my home entertainment system."
Cheers,
Mike (seduction is a dance taken a step at a time, not a pole vault) | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:41:28 AM | | Yes. It does work. The last person I tried "tell her how you feel" on dated me for 4 years. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:41:50 AM | Dude...even if you DONT have a Steve Perry-ish voice...sing em some Journey ,bro & you`ll see the panties drop. Then again...probably not, but, Id LOVE 2 see an old timer just go for it like that. I`d sh it! | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:26:38 PM | I've found it only "works" when they feel the same way you do. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:37:58 PM | Yeah the last itme I told the girl how I felt, it backfired , she had a twinkle in her eyes , was talking about marriage and children and having her mother lived with us , all I told her was that I liked her , I went in hiding , she still finds me , she wants the patter of little feet very soon , oh oh , not into rushes like that .  mmm did I did wrong ? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:42:34 PM | Tell her how you feel about what? Me, personally, yes it does work to tell me how you feel about something, what you think about something...I like to know the reasoning; how you got here from there or there from here. If you don't tell me what you think or want or feel, how am I supposed to know? Yes, in some cases the answer is obvious; I'm referring to those other times, when clarification is helpful.
I also don't understand what you mean by "has it ever worked on you?" Please explain. Worked on me how? For what purpose? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:44:42 PM | | Okay, so I can be dense...it appears as though you want to tell someone you're interested in her. Yes, tell her you're interested; how else will she know for certain sure? I still don't understand the "has it worked on you" part. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:45:57 PM | | ^ He means that every time he tells a female that he's acquainted with that he's interested in her she says "no thanks, pal." | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:57:43 PM | How about this..
Instead of Telling her how you feel... Tell her what your Motive and Intent are.
People are emotional beings, But we are undoubtably driven by motive and intent.
If you let her know whats driving you and what you want then perhaps shes interested in some part of it.
Otherwise its just confusing, I love you .. doesnt mean to everyone I want to live with you, maybe it means. i love to walk my dogs with you.. catch my drift?
.. All you can do is speak your truth.. then after that its how THEY take it.. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 12:57:55 PM | | Well in my own experience, I have not recieved a straight answer from a man. When I asked how he did he feel about me, he responde " I think your great" . So I replied this is not a feeling, but realized after a few off and ons with this particular one that is how is expresses his feelings. Other than him I have heard sure I would like to see you again. Well thats it for me. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 1:03:34 PM | | ...................................................................... A C T I O N S | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 1:04:36 PM | | Oh sure it works. The trick is in the TIMING. Saying it too soon can be a problem and as a lot have stated it usually works when you know the other person feels the same. Which again means...that timing is everything. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 1:14:14 PM | No, it probably will not work. I mean it might if the circumstances were right. But those circumstances would include her having a significant amount of interest in you.
But beware that if she only has a small (or no) interest - to just blurt out your interest can scare her away. That has happened to me a lot. For some reason when a guy I'm not into or only curious about rashly tells me he likes me, I get uncomfortable with him or lose interest. It's like he comes across as desperate or socially inept if he has to just come out and tell someone that. If we're equals and our friendship/connection is progressing naturally then a man really doesn't need to say it. Only a nervous, anxious or clueless guy would come right out and say it.
The exception is if a woman has had time to realize she likes you and might just want you, then yeah you should definitely tell her how you feel - with tact of course. Don't be slobbery or anything. I like what the other person said about telling her you really enjoy your time together and you'd like to spend more time with her. Simple with no expectations. That lets her take the wheel from there. If she wants it.
Remember one thing - if you tell a woman how you feel you give up all your power. If you think a woman likes you, the longer you wait before letting her KNOW that you have an interest the better your chances are. Don't play games forever, but at least let there be some suspense! | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/3/2007 1:15:52 PM | | I tried it. I told her how I felt from the inside out when I was arching my back thrusting upwards deeply into her, as I imagined it. She never answered my email. | |
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