| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:26:50 PM | Just to put this out there, but how important is looks over someone who has a good sense of humour and can carry a conversation. Why is it that guys who are average looking who are funny and have a better than average IQ get ignored while guys who have looks but who are dull and low browed get the attention.
Or did I answer my own question? | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:47:16 PM | I'm witty and funny or at least I think I am. And I look for the same in a guy! Humor, Wit, and Intelligence are very important to me! It's nice to see a pretty face but if their isn't anything behind that it's a bit difficult to work with!
Not so cute but witty, funny and smart....I'm in :)
Cute with no sense of humor and absolutely dumb as they come...I'm out 
Sadly, it appears, that society loves pretty faces and puts that above all the rest! I do not :)
Count me in for the awesome funny ones that can hold a conversation! | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:55:58 PM | I totally agree with Fan Girl
I rather have someone who isn't so cute but someone you can carry on with and have a decent conversation vs someone who is hot and can not do either. But there has to be that attraction but a persons personality can attract alot of people even if they are not the best looking | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:59:23 PM | | As I see it, there is a threshold of attractiveness, above which intelligence and wit come into play. Below it, no amount of humour/intellect will help you (only lots and lots of money), but above, these very qualities are the deciding factors. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:38:57 PM | | ^^ Now she has it right. The bottom line is that there has to be that most basic attraction, looks, unless you're loaded :) | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:09:37 PM | Um...probably because life's not particularly fair in that way. Attractive people get more attention. Case closed. Let's all hug and move on now.
One more thing: are you absolutely sure you're funny and intelligent? | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:36:51 PM | Whoa whoa..
Crap, this is going to sound egotistical no matter how I write it..
I'm very intellengent, I have a decent sense of humor and I would say I am an extrovert. But, I consider myself to be an average looking guy.
I've never had a problem meeting or talking to girls. I would say that most of these "nice guys" lack the self-confidence needed to really sway the attention of the opposite sex. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 9:45:54 PM | | Humor and intelligence wins out over looks every time...just like age and treachery will triumph over youth & beauty every time. The more compatible you are with someone (personality--humor, intelligence, wit, so forth), the more attractive they become. An attractive guy with no sense of humor and a nasty outlook begins to look bad fast...to me, anyway. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/4/2007 11:49:46 PM | Personally, I'd take substance (humour & intelligence) over looks ANY day! (As long as Mr. Smart'n'Funny has good personal hygine... Smart'n'Funny ain't all that fun if he's also Mr.Stinky'n'Greasy).
Looks can fade. Granted, men's looks don't fade as quickly as women's looks, but still, they fade. Or, they can be taken away in an instant. Mr. Hotty driving along on his motorcycle then *c*r*a*s*h* - face is mangled, looks are left in a bloody puddle on the freeway.
Give me brains and make me laugh. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:10:51 AM | I am average looking, have an off the wall sense of humor, and am extremely intelligent.
I haven't gotten a date from this site in two years of belonging.
So what conclusions may be drawn from that?
Well, I think either women who say they find intelligence attractive are either referring to a lower level of it, or they are lying.
Or, since I have been called stupid by several members, it may be that they wouldn't know intelligence if it bit them on the butt. :P
Ironically, I don't place a whole lot of importance on itelligence in a partner--I think kindness and empathy are more important qualities. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 1:52:05 AM | Looks can only take a person so far in my books. Someone who can hold a decent conversation, make me laugh and is also intelligent in many ways can totally win over great looks.
I DO have to be attracted to the person physically of course but that doesn't mean I want the Calvin model... just someone who I find to be attractive in my eyes. Whether others agree or not, I don't care.
When i'm old and grey... I want the person who's company I enjoy.
I believe that those who only judge on looks alone are truly selling themselves short. We all have preferences of course but there is so much more to a person besides what they look like on the outside.
Inner beauty is truly what a person is all about. Looks fade! | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 2:31:17 AM |
I am average looking, have an off the wall sense of humor, and am extremely intelligent.
I haven't gotten a date from this site in two years of belonging.
So what conclusions may be drawn from that?
Well, I think either women who say they find intelligence attractive are either referring to a lower level of it, or they are lying.
Or, since I have been called stupid by several members, it may be that they wouldn't know intelligence if it bit them on the butt. :P
Ironically, I don't place a whole lot of importance on itelligence in a partner--I think kindness and empathy are more important qualities.
Now this is interesting... cause you're one of a handful of posters I take note of who generally have something very worthwhile or insightful to say. Yet it doesn't seem to be doing you much good in terms of dates.
I tend to think that what women mean when they say they want a man who is intelligent, is that they want a guy who isn't a complete retard but anything much above that is generally okay, since they'll be attracted by other qualities, see the best in you, and tend to believe you're much smarter than you really are. In other words, so long as you're not actively and obviously stupid, intelligence is assumed. Knowing how to spell and being able to hold a conversation is sufficient, beyond that really won't help you much. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 4:47:32 AM | Depends on the degrees you are talking.
1. Butt-ugly with fantastic humor and intelligence
2. Totally hot but dumb as a rock and completely not funny
3. Average looks with good humor and intelligence
etc
I think most people are going to want the package deal and have a bit of everything. It can't really be an either/or question. These are such subjective elements too - what one person finds goodlooking or funny might not be the same to another.
Let's face it though, you aren't going to want to have sex with someone who's not attractive and you're not going to want to talk to someone who has air between their ears.
In a fair world, we'd all be attracted to personality only but the world sucks and we see the exterior first. If you try to say only personality matters, you're lying because I guarantee there's a Mr or Ms Personality of the Year out there that you don't want to be with. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 5:02:00 AM |
have an off the wall sense of humor, and am extremely intelligent.
I haven't gotten a date from this site in two years of belonging.
So what conclusions may be drawn from that?
That you don't have the humour and intelligence you think you do? This is not a flame, just speculation. I find most, self proclaimed, intelligent comics are deluded.
OT: It may be the case that the particular brand of intelligence and wit is a factor as it may not be appealing to everyone. Afterall there is a difference... someone who is endlessly amused by American Pie and Jacka,ss style humour may not appreciate an Oscar Wilde style wit.
Also, some people who think they're intelligent adopt a scornful disdain that is most unattractive. The attitude cancels out the acumen. As the adage goes.... "the more you know, the less you need to show".
Then there's the holy grail..... intelligent, funny and hotter than a solar flare.... hmmmm!!
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 6:41:28 AM | ^^^ Maybe the holy grail to some, but to me - it's totally possible to find.
Why do people constantly post "VS." questions as if there should be a choice?
I want AT LEAST all three...anyone missing one of the qualities I want isn't for me. No one should have to settle for half of what they're looking for. Period. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:23:11 AM | >>That you don't have the humour and intelligence you think you do?
No, that's not it. Perhaps I am not as funny as I think I am, but I have an IQ of 138 and belong to Mensa. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:42:42 AM | Looks fall a long way behind intelligence and a sense of humor, and yet there are still caveats...
As much as I enjoy intelligence in a man, I am not attracted to his intelligence if doesn't come in tandem with ethics, morals, or basic social facility. What if he's bitter and has gone sour on the human race and hates everyone? What if he's entirely egocentric; narcissistic? What if he is a criminal mastermind?
Emotional intelligence is another consideration and I think it plays a larger part in attraction for me than brain facility. I'm not interested in (nor do I understand) higher maths, but I do love a naturally curious mind that is attached to a man who is a grownup.
As for the sense of humor, it should be a happy one or a clever, wry one. I've seen humor expressed as sarcasm, and it didn't leave me feeling either happy or attracted.
I'm just enumerating the possibilities here because I'm generally wary of absolutes. I think intelligence and sense of humor are almost always an asset and I find them both very attractive.
I've noticed one thing though. When the sense of humor is a wry one, it has a hard time translating into print. It can come across as sarcastic and abrupt, and it takes getting to know someone to realize that the comeback was not intended as sarcasm but was indeed a very clever and apt response. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 7:54:46 AM | >>What if he is a criminal mastermind?
Ah, yes--the Stewie Griffin stereotype. I think this sort is actually quite rare, fortunately. Otherwise one of them would have taken over the world long ago.
>>What if he's bitter and has gone sour on the human race and hates everyone?
I think this type might be more common. The intelligent are usually picked on as children, and those are important years for social development.
>>Emotional intelligence
This is a pop psychology buzzword without much substance behind it. Proponents of "EQ" can't even all agree on a definition for it.
But human resource directors LOVE the term. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:01:21 AM |
Ironically, I don't place a whole lot of importance on itelligence in a partner--I think kindness and empathy are more important qualities.
What it seems to be coming down to, is what each person's definition of intelligence includes. For me, it would include kindness and empathy...are you intelligent enough to recognize the need for kindness and are you able to be empathetic without becoming entrenched in someone else's problems? If your intellectual achievements and/or abilities are far above someone else's, are you intelligent and kind enough to recognize that fact and then tailor your conversation in a manner that will be enjoyed and understood by both? Are you able to share some of your knowledge with another person, should they be interested...again in a way that they might understand? I believe that those who believe or know themselves to be "above" the rest of us should be intelligent enough to figure out a way to help us see things from your perspective; not in an effort to change someone's mind or opinion, but as a form of opening up new ideas or possibilities for "the rest of us".
I've met some highly intellectual and intelligent people on this site (through e-mail; we live too far apart to meet face-to-face at this time), and there are two in particular who have kindly opened up to share a little bit of 'who they are and why', and don't feel put upon if I ask them to explain something I might not understand. I've met another who is extremely interesting but unwilling to share much of who they really are; it's okay, I respect and honor their decision.
My definition of intelligence is the ability to comprehend; to understand and profit from experience and then utilize what you've learned to make improvements in yourself and/or your life where you see the need. Should others ask, then share what you've learned with them...but in a way so that they might also 'comprehend'. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:09:58 AM | >> tailor your conversation in a manner that will be enjoyed and understood by both
Oh, it so obnoxious when people intentionally use a level of vocabulary that those around them aren't going to understand! I only do this when I am taking down an intellectual bully.
And occasionally I do it when someone calls me stupid (it's easier than pulling out my mensa membership card).
>>Are you able to share some of your knowledge with another person, should they be interested
I love to explain things, but most people aren't interested in the things that spark my interest...ASL, veterinary medicine, and science in general, to name a few. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:14:53 AM | Smith,
This is a pop psychology buzzword without much substance behind it. Proponents of "EQ" can't even all agree on a definition for it.
But human resource directors LOVE the term.
It IS a pop psychology term but it describes our ability to process emotions in a healthy and productive way. It's useful to me because I do want someone who has grown beyond childish emotions. I value a sense of responsibility and rationality when approaching all those speedbumps in life. Otherwise we are back to the DRAMA issue.
For me, the aforementioned kindness and empathy fall under the emotional intelligence heading. Those are character traits that will tell me this person matches me in my emotional makeup. I would never be happy with a hateful, bitter person. I'd feel for them, but would avoid a romantic relationship with them.
SapphyreSkye,
My definition of intelligence is the ability to comprehend; to understand and profit from experience and then utilize what you've learned to make improvements in yourself and/or your life where you see the need. Should others ask, then share what you've learned with them...but in a way so that they might also 'comprehend'.
Love this, and it's how I would define a large aspect of Emotional Intelligence. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:16:50 AM | I have an IQ of 138 and belong to Mensa.
Yes, indeed!! So you often say.....
And occasionally I do it when someone calls me stupid (it's easier than pulling out my mensa membership card).
Why do you need to prove this [your apparent intelligence] at all?
As I said "the more you know, the less you need to show". | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:23:10 AM | >>It IS a pop psychology term but it describes our ability to process emotions in a healthy and productive way.
When I say that proponents of the idea can't agree on what it is, I'm not just pulling that out of my butt.
"Current definitions of EQ are inconsistent about what it measures: some (such as Bradberry and Greaves 2005) say that EQ is dynamic, and can be learned or increased; whereas others (such as Mayer) say that EQ is stable, and cannot be increased."--Wikipedia
>>Yes, indeed!! So you often say.....
Only when it is pertinent to the conversation.
>>As I said "the more you know, the less you need to show".
That's cute and it rhymes! And it must work really well to quiet people who know more than you do. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:39:50 AM | Understood about the terminology and legitimacy, Smith.
We will just say that to me, emotional intelligence as I define it is an essential character trait in my attraction to someone. My intent was to answer the question of how important looks are, so that should probably suffice.
My IQ was 138 when last checked as well but I do believe it diminishes on occasion - most often when I need it not to the most. | |
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| Humour & Intelligence vs Looks
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:48:57 AM | Only when it is pertinent to the conversation.
Funny! It seems pertinent to the converstion most often.
That's cute and it rhymes!
Yes, it is. Unfortunately, I cannot credit the author as he/she was content to let their wit go unrecognised as opposed to standing on a cliff, ringing a bell and yelling for all to hear.
Seeing as this has turned into a thread to help you improve your dismal dating record maybe you should take it as such. I am merely trying to draw attention to traits which are less than appealing. Granted, it is an unsolicited critique but, I would think, an indispensible one, given your dry spell.
must work really well to quiet people who know more than you do.
That should be "works really well on quiet people and yes, I'm sure it does but, being as they stay quiet, I would not know. Now, the fact that you did not stay quiet, speaks volumes!!
OT: Maybe the unspoken words, when one talks of desiring intelligence in a potential mate, are "with the grace to know that this intelligence does not make them superior".
There are traits that offset desirable traits. Someone who is attractive and conceited becomes ugly. Someone who is funny but derisive, in their wit, becomes humourless and someone who is intelligent but boastful appears foolish. | |
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