| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:46:04 PM | | I wife kick me out 1 week after our 10 year anniversary (2005). Her best friend's Husband move in. He is now divorce. My wife is divorcing me. Since then she has moved couple times, had numberous boyfriends. We are at the last stage of the divorce process, the appeal hearing. I am fighting for 50% custody of my daughter. Now she is thinking about restore the marriage 1 week before the trial. I told her I do forgive her and take her back if she only gives 100%. My daughter and I (mostly her) started a ministry last year. Pretty amazing for a 10 year girl. I do believe and follow God. My wife, my daughter, and I are christians. She tried to be friends 6 montths ago to try to soften me up to sign the divorce papers which I did because I did not agree to the visitation. Should I take my wife back if she stops the divorce, or start dating after the divorce is over. I will truely read you responses. Thank you. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:54:53 PM | that's a tough question to ask and an even tougher question to answer in-fact there is no answer worth taking. this is one of those you should go alone. i'll say though that your description is the same one i faced 3 years ago. i am now divorced, happier than i've ever been after understanding how much i had "compensated" for the problems in the marriage ... my ex-wife and i get along well and are very good co-parents to 4 great kids. if the children become part of the argument there is a problem ... forgiveness is a gift we've been given yes, but happiness is too ... you sound like you've got a lot to sort out ...
if it's something you need someone to talk to about let me know ... i understand all the tough emotions you must be going through.
the best advice i got was first that kids bounce and don't break and that one day the hurt will be gone and i'll be happier than i've ever been. both of those pieces of advice were completely true! it doesn't mean that the process is any easier, but life continues and anything worth living for can happen ...
all that being said, this is so personal that nobody can tell you what's best for you but you ... warning though ... if you're restoring it for your daughter it's the wrong reason ...
best of all to you ... | |
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Tee_71
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Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:02:19 PM | This is just my opinion, I think you need to take a step back and look at everything. The 10 years married as well as the years since then. Ask your self, If I take her back am I doing it for me? Not for her not for your daughter but for you and you alone.
Judging by your name and the amount of time you have been apart you have healed from the relaionship. I am not going to say once a cheater always a cheater becasue people can change (men and women). If she truely has and you feel that change inside of you, maybe you should see about moving the court date and do lots of talking. Make sure she knows what you have been through in the past couple years. How it effected you. Make sure you know how you feel about all the things she has done in the past couple years if you can't get past it then go ahead with the divorce. If you can then make sure you set bounderies and work on the marriage.
Good Luck to you. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:03:27 PM | | Thank you for your advise. Time will heal. I am facing ethical, logical, and religious believes and thinking. A part of me wants to restore the marrage, but the other part is telling I will be used and treated like dirt. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:11:57 PM | | I'm usually very diplomatic but not this time. I think she has run out of options so she comes running back. I would go through with the divorce if she's being truthful you can always remarry her, but at least you'll know you haven't been tricked. That would be very cruel in my mind. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:26:51 PM | i appreciate and respect your feelings relative to your beliefs. i spent a lot of time studying the same ... you are given the power of restoration through those beliefs and although it's a tough consideration, it is one that finds it's place in faith. depending on how you follow, there are examples and descriptions that you can find for guidance. just make sure that you are working on the process during a time when emotions are in check so that it's not a response but that it provides you the best opportunity to be you. and, don't think that one alternative is necessarily bad and the other one good. the perspective of divorce and "sharing" children looks terrible from your vantagepoint but trust me on this ... it can be as good, if-not better than ever too.
someone gave you the best advice which would be to step back ... delay. that doesn't mean that you've concluded your decision but gives you the time for the amount of consideration that might be needed.
man, it's such a tough situation you are in and i understand. in my case there was a breakdown and the example i provide is that the alternative of a divorce doesn't have to sacrifice yourself or your faith either. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:25:11 PM | | Readytodateagain....whats in a name...seems to me that you gave up on the cheating, bleeding heart wife that you have endlessly forgiven and decided there was better out there...your not ready to give up on your ministry or the anticipation of your daughters zeal to go back with someone who will only do the devils work unless of course lightning has hit her and she has seen the light....chances of being hit by lightning is greater by the way....which half of the daughter are you preparing to give away to her...the part that emotionally destroys this childs faith in anything or the false hope that only fades and discourages her again...let this woman live apart and do not commit to her...you have already been granted the divorce...search inside yourself for your answer and through your channel upward if this is what you believe...let that woman prove over a proper amount of time with an (s) year after year, until she has given you every confidence in your heart that she is complete with her self first...it takes courage to do both....the reverend | |
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M.I.
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Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Sexy time. I like.
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:48:35 PM |
I think it would be temporary and her true "colors" would start to show up again in time.
I'm sorry, but I've gotta say, I too, am with Ron9 on this one.
I was at one point in a slightly similar situation, and all going back after the 'second honeymoon' phase did; was restore my faith in the reasons I needed a divorce to start.
Best of luck, this is never easy. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:59:16 PM | My advice would also be to step back and evaluate the situation.
My wife of 16 years moved in with another guy on Dec 11, 2006, filed for divorce
On Jan 8, 2007, moved back in with me on Jan 12, 2007, the only
reason that I allowed her back in is because I believe in myself. I
have been able to do away with jealousy & hate, both are useless emotions.
She is working hard everyday at earning my trust again, I have forgiven her,
but will never forget what happened, some relationships can be saved, but only
if those involved truly want to save it.
Look inside yourself for the answer. Peace and well being to you. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 7:16:54 PM | Dude, man, run away. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I know very little about women, but I do know that when they leave, they NEVER come back. The only reason is that you offer a secure place for her until she decides to leave again.
Run away.... | |
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| Sexy time. I like.
Posted: 4/4/2007 7:31:24 PM |
Hello Borat is that you?
^^^LMAO!
OT: Divorce the serial adulteress, or you teach your daughter it is okay to be a doormat. | |
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| Sexy time. I like.
Posted: 4/4/2007 7:58:44 PM | | My ex-wife left and cheated. I took her back, and guess what happened? She did the same thing a year later. Now, I'm not saying that your wife will do the same thing, but you should think about something concerning your religious beliefs: there is nothing in the Bible that tells you what you should do--besides forgiving her. Forgiving her, however, doesn't mean you have to remain married. She already broke her vows, and doesn't that speak volumes as to her beliefs and how seriously she treats them, not to mention how seriously she views your love? | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:58:50 PM | Well, in my book if someone shows me the door she has to prepared that she will never get me back.. No matter what, no matter how hurt she is or no matter how hurt I am... But then again I've never come across this situation yet, and I don't know what the feelings are that go along with this. But theoratically I would never take someone back that dumped me in the first place...  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 9:31:25 PM | Since you're starting a ministry.....then you obviously know your wife actually committed BOTH of the only two reasons the Bible says are acceptable grounds for divorce....
By throwing you out.........she committed abandonment.......
And the cheating thing pretty much stands on it's own........
I respect your Christian values enough to want to try to make this hopefully work. Sometimes it's that very Christian background that lays more GUILT than anything when making a final stand and possibly having to split apart a family....especially when there is a daughter in the balance.....
Please also remember THIS verse when considering if reconcilliation is TRULY the thing to do.......
"Do not give pearls to swine.....for the swine will trample on the pearls and turn on you.....and you will know them by the fruit they bare........"
She's done it once.....she's shown she doesn't value YOU, your DAUGHTER, or FAMILY....... She only values herself...... | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 9:45:27 PM | | I'm sorry about your wife cheating on you, but I can't help but wonder why, if you are not divorced, and in fact considering reconcilliation, your profile lists your marital status as "divorced". As for taking your wife back, that is entirely up to you. I found myself in the same situation and there is no way I would have taken him back. Maybe I'm self-absorbed, but I have absolutely no desire to share my life and my love with a partner that cares so little about me. May God bless you in your decision. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 9:45:52 PM | Thats ugly.
She's not worth her salt. I say tell that viper how you really feel in plain english and don't allow your judgement to be clouded by emotion. Not easy but essential.
Best of luck and remember, the child is what's most important. Not you or The whore of Babylon. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:00:07 PM | I'm going out on a limb here by saying this is NOT healthy. LOL....the God I serve is not a God of confusion. Trust has been broken, infedelity is added to the mix, along with continued irrational behavior on her part. (Based on your description). Either way you go you're in for a ride emotionally.
What I have learned is ..when in doubt..do nothing...wait! If you are Christians...pray for direction. A singles dating forum is not going to be your conscience. God opens doors that the logical mind closes...so...seek within, seek counseling and seek God for the answer. Whichever decision you make, just make sure you are at peace with it.
Good Luck to you all!! God Bless..... | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:08:39 PM | | I also think you should "step back" and take a good look at the entire situation. I have never been married...but, my boyfriend of nearly 5 years cheated on me...and I just found out 3 weeks ago. At first, I would have done anything to get him back and work on our relationship. We didn't have any children together, but my 7 year old daughter is severly attached to him. He doesn't want to be together, but I know one day he will....and when that time comes, I will NOT be waiting. Do you understand? Do NOT let someone control you like that. Now, I am not telling you what to do...but, in my honest opinion, it is her last option at this point. And, did you ever consider the possibility that maybe she doesn't want you to have joint custody of your child? This could be her way out...a husband to support her, always with her child...and, she can always have her "sidelines" as well. On the other hand, she could be genuinely sorry and it has now just hit her that this marriage is really going to end... There are endless scenarios. I would suggest taking a few days to really examine what has happened, what is happening, and what is going to happen. You obviously know the woman well after a 10 year marriage... Lastly, but most importantly, pray. God will direct you. Good luck to you.......... | |
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