| Whine Fest 2004!
Posted: 8/12/2004 9:02:48 PM | I have only been a plentyoffish member about a month and half. I thought what can unite people better than super glue or a really big bungy cord and thats a sad story. Most the people round my age and older some younger depending on how things turned out for you have real life love horror stories. Yet even thou you have been burnt you still look here. Baggage in hand and still wanting more. I personally don't meet very many people thru my job. The women I do meet in real life are usually married unfortunately.
Heres my horror story I met this beautiful girl named Michelle my senior year. She was about a year and 7 months younger than me. We were in Piano class together second period. She came from a very strict religious up bringing by very unreligious acting people. Who seemed to think that pouring as much religion on themselves would clean way there stains. She moved things slow with us. I held her hand a month before she would kiss me. But I tell you what I never had a better kiss in my life when we finally did. She embodied all in womanhood I respected and wanted. During the realtionship her mother and step father seemed to rejoice in there new found puppet. Pushing to see how much I loved Michelle or as I nicknamed her Moshy. Her mother Susan seemed to like me but at the same time she got off on torturing me clearly using Michelle as leverage to push me around. They seemed to clamp down on her when she was with me. Her mother tried to make me a control reward to manipulate Michelle into being her slave pretty much. I am an agnostic I know ther is someone pulling on the strings up there just don't know who or whose right about how things really are. Her mother enjoyed pushing others around she wasn't happy unless she was messing with somes ones life. The 2 daughters that don't talk to her are a pretty good indicator she really had no clue. How many people you know go to multiple churchs and hold bible studies 2 or 3 times a week. Yet sin openly and make personal exceptions for there own failures while trying to force a fear god attitude on all within kicking distance. It was very hipcritical I thought considering the way they handled the situation between me and her. I found that other than at school to be with her as much as I felt I needed to be. I had to attend church with her. Just to hold her soft hand in mine was enough to keep me going. I have never put as much effort in to loving someone and in to trying to understand why people do what they do than then. I nearly lost my mind trying to figure it out. Well things are moving along good for the most part. Till summer roles around and her mother set a time limit on us. That we would stop seeing each other after the summer. I don't think I could have been more angry and devastated than at that moment that bomb was droped. So the clock starts ticking toward an imaginary boundary which neither me or her wanted. Her mother and step freak both tried to mind control me into becoming a christian. It wasn't your a bad person who mistreats my daughter they decided that I needed to glow with the holy light or I was not good enough for her. Setting a time limit on love and then one on conformity at the same time. I loved her so much but at the same time I didn't want to have someone tell me how I was to believe. We made the most of the summer growing closer month by month. I continued to do whatever her wicked mother told me and her so that we could be together. Well as the days started ticking toward her mothers deadline. We said good bye 4 or 5 times and kept doing it over an over again in an effort that maybe we could sway her mother and step father into letting us be together. Also to lessen the pain of seperation. It didn't work I went into my freshman year of college depressed lonely and sad. Debating her mother and step father on how I was worthy of her was how I left the situation. Trying to understand how someone can say I like you I know you love my daughter but because you won't say your a christian that you can't be with her. I could understand that stance but there are plenty of christians out there that don't have half the morals or respect systems yet I made no prgress with them. 3 months have passed since I had my heart torn clean from my chest with a nice open wound visible to all around me. Well out of the blue I get a call from Michelle her step father left with her mothers newly purchased pick up truck to some where west parts unknown. So she proposed to me a week within to prove that I had found god. Only for love would I let someone push me around like Susan did she abused Michelle and I's love for one another. Well I tried and to be honest the whole thing pissed me off. Prove your worthy its not thru action its thru merely proclaiming which in my opinion is fake and wrong unless you have the action part taken care of. As the days went by in that week I wrote a religious song for her. I attended 2 church services with her during that time. This time Michelle had embraced the idea of my being a christian so much that when I couldn't whip out my Christ in a can and drink it down and prove I had been saved. I didn't pass there test and personally I was offended that someone would use my belief system to try and control me. So its nearing Christmas time and we go to see her sister in a play at church. Think I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't going to be able to prove anything in a weeks time. She seemed kinda smurky and sassy when I spoke to her that evening and like she had passed judgement on me. I left the church to drive home in the pouring miserable rain. Never forget that rain I ended up writing a song about it a few years later. My mom and dad can't seem to understand why I don't like churches or church people much. Lol I had to make myself hate her to help make my wounds heal and I always had her playing in constant loop in my head. Well 3 years pass and Michelle moved out on her own and tried to rekindle what we once had. I was very leary of that and didn't really feel comfortable with who she had became thru the years. It's also a constant source of regret that I didn't try to make it work when we were on a even playing ground just me and her. 2 years pass she starts calling me and we start talking marathon calls like we used to. I had also had time to realize I still missed and loved the memory I once held of her. She decided to move back to San Diego she hated Joplin MO allot and moved out west. We continued to talk on the phone from time to time and she invited me out to stay with her in Cali. I was working in my chosen profession and needed to maintain the job I had so I didn't go. 3 months later shes married to some mexican guy. To be honest I loved her so much I didn't care about me and thats when love becomes not worth it. I still think about the what if but I need to focus on what now. Thats why I am on here. I don't want to be alone in this world. Saw my mom and dad stand strong side by side thru some tough times againist the world. I want to find my friend to stand againist the world with too.
Well I hope you enjoyed the whine chateau 1992 a bad a very bad year. | |
|
Home
login 