| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:18:19 PM | Hi, I'm wondering why so many girls are pretentious. It borders on arrogance in some cases even. There's also an obvious pattern and several other traits can be recognized if you (i.e. other guys) have the guts to acknowledge it. But, most guys are wimps and suckups because they want attention of their own and they (foolishly) think if they flatter or cater to these negative traits, they'll get somewhere.
I am talking about girls in general but let me clarify by using some examples of profiles I've read. Girls will say they demand this and that and build themselves up. I don't know if this is an indication of a lack of self esteem or just plain arrogance. Perhaps, the girl has received a lot of attention throughout their life or they don't think it's wrong to be stuck up or pretentious? I suppose this is an acceptable trait.
I do think that this contributes to many guys' problems as they are always accomodating and don't judge harshly enough so that a woman can walk over them or the girl can be picky since she's rewarded for her attitude.
The other observation I've made is that many girls/women might even admit to these traits and shrug them off or don't mind if they carry negative attributes (of their personality). It's no big deal I guess. Either they will confess to being superficial, for e.g., or they will deny it outright and justify some attitude. You read mostly "I'm a nice guy; what am I doing wrong..." because in a comparison of guys and girls, it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls. Why is this? What is going on with society?
It seems facked up to me. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:23:04 PM | | Stuck up in which regards? That they won't respond to you or give you the time of day? | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:27:41 PM |
Girls will say they demand this and that and build themselves up. I don't know if this is an indication of a lack of self esteem or just plain arrogance.
You have to understand many women not girls will set high demands for men because of past experiences and relationships. I am picky. Too picky at that matter. However I can't let myself go with any joe blow. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:33:18 PM | | Pretentious, or honest? Which side of the coin do you prefer here? Would you like the girl that pretends to be the person that she would "like" to be (misrepresents herself), or would you like the girl that knows her faults and hangups and puts them out there so you know them up front and don't have to waste your time on someone with a trait that you can't tolerate? | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:54:03 PM | yet another "woe is me" thread from a man who got knocked back by a woman who was not intersted.
pretentious? give me a break!! are you saying you dont have 'preferences'? will you go out with just anything? will you give your heart to a person with boobs and a heart beat just because your expected to breed with them?
if a redneck, drug facked, axe murdering, bum asked me out why should i not say no? should i say yes just because you think im being pretentious?
its all about preference. some people will find you attractive, and some wont. thats life. theres no law that says people have to find you attractive or want to be with you.
just because someone has preferences which dont match what you have to offer doesnt mean they are stuck up, ignorant or superficial. it means they are human and are not prepared to settle for just anything.
your profile says nothing about you. so tell me why should anyone be tempted to find out more about you if your not willing to give a little?
it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls.
its that way of thinking that says your character is nothing more than a whinging little man who is throwing a hissy fit because he didnt get what he wants. flip the coin!! believe me the scenario is the same on the other side of the fence chum.
there seems to be this myth created by "the beautiful people" of the world that for some reason has been accepted by society. The myth being that if you are one of the 'beautiful people' you can be self absorbed, superficial and fake and because you act this way its assumed that everyone else of your gender must be that way too.
us plain janes get looked over because we are not 'supermodel material' and yet we are the ones willing to give our heart fully to someone who isnt perfect in the eyes of the 'beautiful people' , those real people who have imperfections and make mistakes. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:28:37 AM |
yet another "woe is me" thread from a man who got knocked back by a woman who was not intersted.
Agreed. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:05:09 AM | Well OP, have you read your own profile lately?
*Nothing on my profile has provoked a horde of messages so run along if you are not interested.* In this case, it borders on arrogance, oh sheesh, silly me, I'm using poor little sweet you as an example, bad JJ.
I think you have an extremely negative view toward women, and you are blaming us for your own shortfall. Try liking yourself first, and detox the bitterness from your system, then hopefully we'll hear from you again in one of the million 'nice guy' threads.
What you are saying about women here in this thread is a load of bull dangle, you have been picking the wrong women simple as that. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:14:32 AM | arrogance and pretentiousness isn't a female trait - it's a human trait. plenty of people make unreasonable demands, build themselves up, and make themselves out to be better than others. i have no use for those people, so i don't put much thought into them.
if you're writing this because you're not getting the results you want.. it's probably because your profile sucks. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:00:40 AM | OP. Time for someone to stick up for you. I am also flabbergasted by the arrogant responses by some of the women here and I can't help but to feel that some of the "you owe me" attitude is coming through.
NOW!! Maybe its time for a reality check for some of you women. Lets start with this quote.
<div class="quote">
You have to understand many women not girls will set high demands for men because of past experiences and relationships. I am picky. Too picky at that matter. However I can't let myself go with any joe blow..
Tell me something, for you to be able to make this remark, you must have something very special to offer. You can't go for an average Joe?? Well what is it that is so special about you to righfully enable you to make such a comment!!! Ever thought that men are starting to look for substance as well, in particular the ones who are not "average". | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:17:32 AM | | The problem is that all of us, men and women in this society, tend to stick members of the opposite sex into such categories as "average joe" that makes this happen. They get too hung up on some sort of image of what they BELIEVE the deserve, when in truth they're probably judging would-be partners based on stereotypical (high school anyone?) imagines likely ingrained into them since the moment they began to consider dating. I wonder whatever happened to judging someone based on who they are as an individual rather than deciding soandso is too "average". There's a lot of spectacular things about absolutely everyone in this world, and anyone who thinks they are "better" than someone else needs to stick that attitude somewhere indecent and come to the realization that everyone is simply different from one another. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:49:41 AM | | Another girl's "Joe Blow" is going to be the love of my life. Please dump him sooner than later. I'm getting anxious. | |
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SaucyM
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Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:01:40 AM | Op, first of all you have to define 'pretentious', this thread seem to be rambling on and on without any specifics.
Bottom line is, people are entitled to be attracted to whomever they want.... and also in some experiences that I have seen with my friends as well as myself, guys will be accomodating until they get the P*ssy, then.. 'poof' they turn into track stars and disappear into the dusk 
We live in a very hypocritical society..... people claim to want the truth but when they get it, they cant handle it. Op, you do not have the right to judge why some women are the way they are, thats what makes us indivduals.... all you can do is speculate... and trust me most girls arent spoiled, fact is, we have gotten hurt by guys so much, that the 'pretentiousness' you see is a defense mechanism to protect ones self from being hurt. The last thing a woman wants to do is appear vulnerable.
~Saucy! | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:21:19 AM | OP, in claiming that girls/women in general are pretentious, I assume you mean (as Merriam-Webster does) that they are:
a. making usually unjustified or excessive claims and b. expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature
I also assume you're talking about their profiles with the talk about building themselves up and providing a list of demands, or must do's and must have's.
I've read a lot of men and women's profiles on here, and I do think the women are more likely to put a silly list of requirements in like "no players" and "no liars" and "no cheats" etc. But some men do it as well. I also find more men's profiles claiming they're athletic and handsome when from looking at their pics, I'd guess the closest thing they've done lately that's athletic is attempt a 3 point shot into the trash can with a beer bottle. Then there are guys like you, who claim they're athletic, but provide no pic, and have a nasty, bitter little profile up as well.
And this statement of yours:
because in a comparison of guys and girls, it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls.
I have to say WTH?? If you think guys have more admirable values than girls, and are spoiled, perhaps you should change your search feature to look for guys.
I'd guess that you're emailing the hottest girls on here, and not getting responses. I hope you realize that many of these girls have no intention of ever meeting anyone from here and just enjoy the attention, or that they have fake pics up and they're really 50 something year old male perverts who are hoping to get a pic of a nice, big, healthy willie emailed to them for their wanking pleasure.
Why not try posting a pic of yourself and writing a profile that really says something about who you are and what you're looking for? Then don't just look at the pictures. Really take the time to read her profile and email her only if you think you and she have some things in common, or she has some things in her profile that really interest you beyond that a** in the air thong shot on her bed. You never know. It might just work. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:36:02 AM | I think a lot of people on these dating sites feel the need to portray "confidence" which can, at times, be considered misread as pretentious. Everyone wants to get the best that they can, how best to do that? Aim high.
Nobody is going to put in their profile, "I'm so desperate, I'll date anyone with a heartbeat..." otherwise you'd get 1000s of messages from everyone and their brother saying, "hey, I have a heartbeat, and a 10-inch penis.."
Its great to have standards/preferences, but they have to be realistic. Do you really think that Prince Charming is surfing the internet looking for dates? | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 11:25:07 AM | I will never get over being irritated when some ding dong who is bitter rabidly overgeneralizes an entire group.
I will give you the point that some women can be very demanding, but there is a vast difference between "pretention" and setting boundaries and having self respect. Not to mention that many men are the same way and sometimes worse.
I do think that this contributes to many guys' problems as they are always accomodating and don't judge harshly enough so that a woman can walk over them or the girl can be picky since she's rewarded for her attitude. I have no clue where you got the idea that men are "always accomodating (sic)." In fact, some of them are downright selfish, inconsiderate and controlling.
You read mostly "I'm a nice guy; what am I doing wrong..." because in a comparison of guys and girls, it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls. More admirable values? I would wager that every woman here can tell you numerous stories of how they were used for sex, cheated on, or lied to by men who claimed to be "nice guys."
If you are seeking women with that profile, I am glad they are turning you down. I would quite frankly worry about a woman who found your attitude in any way attractive. Your profile does not reflect the "nice guy" you claim to be. It is snotty. It does not give any information that would contradict the arrogant tone.
I see men claiming to be "nice guys" all over these forums but when they get pushed a bit, they get pretty ugly and reveal their bitterness and hatred for women. Hint, hint. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 11:58:31 AM | I don't know that I see much pretention or miscalculating one's own charateristics. Most commonly there is honesty about one's self. What seems to be going on is there is a bit of overreaching in the expectations department. When you look closely you can see several different motives for this. Different girls have different motives. Common ones are:
Fear of being played -- It happens anyway
Mistaken notion that confrontation and nitpicking are desirable qualities -- They aren't
Higher expectations lead to better results --- They don't
It is in vogue to say "I don't need any man." --- Always a crowd pleaser
The idea that the more people you dismiss the more valuable you are --- Never works
BUT.....
The most heinous and damaging reason that women may do this is the greatest fraud of the last few decades... the so-called LAW OF ATTRACTION. She imagines the most ideal and perfect person. Focuses totally on him, rejecting all others, and the "universe" will somehow bring him to her with no real effort on her part. I dare say that this one ghastly and irrational nightmare has caused more unnecessary lonliness and want for both sexes than any other single flim-flam. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:21:39 PM |
The most heinous and damaging reason that women may do this is the greatest fraud of the last few decades... the so-called LAW OF ATTRACTION. She imagines the most ideal and perfect person. Focuses totally on him, rejecting all others, and the "universe" will somehow bring him to her with no real effort on her part. I would agree. It sets my teeth on edge whenever I hear the term, "Why should I settle for less than what I want or deserve?" It is all over these forums like a plague. You can't pin this just on women either, men are equally guilty.
Pragmatism: A practical, matter-of-fact way of approaching or assessing situations or of solving problems.
No one is perfect, and no one is perfect for you. Get used to it. The ideal does not exist. What does exist is our willingness to overlook flaws in others because the whole is > than the sum than all of the parts.
If you think that love is a magical bolt that comes from above, if you think that there is a prince/princess charming out there that is just going to be perfect for you and you will need to expend little effort to absorb them into your life, you are going to be lonely for a really, really long time. That magic bolt is lust, because love, the kind worth having is a hell of a lot of hard work. There are going to be times when you want to smack the crap out of the person you love and then here will be times when you cannot imagine a life without them. That is what makes love so wonderful, that fact that it is messy, hard, irritating yet joyful, exhilarating and overwhelming. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:12:05 PM |
it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls.
where on earth did you get this idea? | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:16:45 PM |
it will be the guys who espouse more admirable values than girls since most girls are spoiled or capitalize on guys who want to meet girls.
where on earth did you get this idea?
Well, I will give him this, Juniper. He's right on one point. I certainly haven't ever tried to capitalize on the guys who DON'T want to meet girls. That's a very niche market. I've been trying to corner it for years now - - but it ain't easy. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:18:08 PM | | By the way, semantics are kind of fun, aren't they? I think I'm going to include my love for semantics in my Profile. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 2:54:05 PM | would it be too arrogant of me to reject men who write in passive voice?
i mean, please someone explain this 'arrogance' thing to me. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:04:39 PM |
That's a very niche market. I've been trying to corner it for years now - - but it ain't easy. Me too... there is nothing as attractive as a man who wants nothing to do with you. :)
I am still waiting for that landslide arrival of the men espousing more admirable qualities than I have, being the spoiled woman focused on reaching my target market. | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:06:39 PM |
the guys who DON'T want to meet girls
i actually love these ^ guys.
and they love my shoes.  | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:10:06 PM | | Don't be so limited in your scope juniper, I am sure they love your dresses too... | |
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| why be so pretentious?
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:15:53 PM |
would it be too arrogant of me to reject men who write in passive voice?
i mean, please someone explain this 'arrogance' thing to me.
if rejection is made as passive voice is being utilized, the inference of arrogance could be justified. arrogance is not indicated when the voice used is active. | |
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