| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 8:52:36 AM | So my friend met a guy off this site and they have been seeing each other for about 6 months now.. She discovered one day when she was going to remove her profile that it looks like he has created another profile with all of the same information that he had in his original profile but worded differently. Now before you ask how she knows this.. She went into the viewed me section just to see who has looked at her and that is when she say his picture staring back at her. It is not a picture that she has seen before and it only shows his face and nothing more. His original profile is hidden but the one he created he is on it daily chatting and Instant messaging women. Her profile is hidden so that no one can contact her but she is frequently in the forums responding. Now she does not know what to do, she wants to confront him but would feel horrible if it was not him and ruin what she has with him.
What would you do? | |
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OHM
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 2 | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 8:57:01 AM | | I'd say 'weird... there's this profile I ran across today from the 'viewed me' section and I think you have a twin out there... check this out!'... then I'd let him explain himself, then I'd ask what his intentions are and more than likely I'd ask him to remove it and if he didn't I'd say 'CYA!'. Sorry but how stupid are people anyway to not think that someone will see them? At least have the smarts to select the option of 'don't allow others to see I've viewed them' on. That's for the really sneaky ones I guess. *sigh* | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 8:57:51 AM | That is always the assumption that it is about me but it is not.. nice try!!!! OHM!
i have no problem telling anyone that is it me and that i need advice but it is not it is for my friend cause she is devasted... | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:10:26 AM | Take it from someone that has been in this situation. She needs to take a deep breath and talk to him about it. If she has a "relationship" with this man, than talking about things like this are important. She should define what she felt like when she saw this. She needs to explain how this makes her feel. She needs to let him explain. The responses will range from denial to a simple innocent explanation. Then she needs to calmly state her views and what she wants. I know this is difficult because when emotions are involved, your heart pounds at 500 miles per hour while your exterior tries to remain calm. If after the conversation he is still on and playing stupid boy games, then she needs to decide if this is the type of behavior she can tolerate.
Good luck. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:24:15 AM | | I agree . You have to confront him and find out what gives. If he is a player and this is one of his games, he has probably done it before and has several forums where he plays. You can do better, sweetie. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:26:31 AM | Let's get straight to the point... she needs to ASK HIM !!!!
There needs to be trust between the two of them. If she is logging on and checking to see if he has logged on then it sounds to me as though she has trust issues. It could be that he has made online "friends" and he doesn't want to give them up...maybe she is the jealous type or insecure type and he is thinking of her feelings (Ha!I crack me up)
Bottomline If he's keeping his options open... she should be too.
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:31:13 AM | | Sorry, but the guy is playing deceptive games and I don't see any future for them. Usually, guys like this may try to appear to "straighten things out" with the woman, but almost always they continue the sneaking around. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:06:51 AM | Indigo Rose.. According to what she told me he did tell her that he has made some online friends that he still keeps in touch with. fine there is no problem with that but why ( lets say it is him) would you create another problem just to stay in contact with his online friends? It has to be more than that.. at least i would think so.
Kaltes - thanks for the advice and i will email her exactly what you said right now | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 11 | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 12 | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:18:16 AM | OP, maybe he created the new profile so that he could post on the forums and keep in touch with friends he made here, but took his old one down so no one that had been interested in him before he met your friend would still email him there. The only way she'll know for sure if to ask him. Also, if she can't ask him or if she feels like she can't trust him, then she might as well stop seeing him...if you can't communicate openly and honestly with each other, then you really don't have anything.
You don't mention if he and she had ever discussed only seeing each other exclusively; if they haven't discussed that and both agreed to it, then guess what? They're both still free to talk with and date anyone else. Just like with most everything, assumptions don't count, and they're usually incorrect. Tell her to actually talk with him about what their realtionship *is* and once they discuss that, then she can talk to him about his profile. Also, ask her how she would feel if she had set up a profile just to talk to the friends she made on here, and her guy thought she was flirting behind his back...when she really wasn't. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:28:38 AM | proliberate.. she said that he didn't even know what the forums were until she told him about it and in regards to his old profile it is still up but it is hidden so "apparently" no others can contact him.
I don't think they had the exclusive conversation yet but she felt that since both profiles were hidden then they were seeing each other exclusively... i guess it is not right to assume... | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:44:56 AM | | OP, if he didn't know about the forums, then perhaps he was just talking with people who had emailed/IM'd him, or he them...the only way she'll know anything for certain is if she asks him...and if she's afraid to ask him because she might not get the answer she wants, isn't it better to actually know something for sure than assume something about it? She may find she has absolutely nothing to worry about...or she may find out that they're not seeing eye to eye about something...but all she can do now is worry about something she either may not have to worry about, or be worrying about the wrong thing. Also, *never* assume one is exclusive and only seeing you, even if you're sleeping with them - unless you've talked about it and both agreed to do that. That's one of the commonest, and most incorrect, assumption people make. She'll feel better after she talks with him, even if it's not the answer she wants...as it's always better to know something for sure, because then you know what your next step will be. Best of luck to her. | |
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Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| sexual relations do not a relationship make
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:17:23 AM | you do not state whether or not your friend is having sex with this guy, but from her 'devastated' reaction I assume they must be or else she would not be freaking out so much.
as another poster said - when it comes to dating, one should NEVER 'assume' exclusivity without 'THE TALK'. Otherwise - you are setting yourself up for heartache, and situations like these.
Tell your friend to breathe, calm down, relax, relate and release... and then tell him what she found, and ask for an explanation. If it sounds fishy or suspect - chances are he may be fooling around, keeping his options 'open' -> which is fine IFFFFFFFf they are not 'exclsusive'.
But if they ARE exclusive - then he better come up with a damn good explanation. Silly him tho to be checking her profile, from the new profile. What a dummy! I don't know whether he wanted to get caught, or if it's further proof of his innocence.
K. | |
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| sexual relations do not a relationship make
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:44:14 AM | The first thing she should do is report him for having two profiles. VERY against the rules; I'd like to have two profiles too, so I could just sit here and reply at will to forums AND not have to worry about my stalker, but I can't.
He's still fishing, sounds like.
Fry | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:46:55 AM | | I agree with ditching him like a used kleenex. Firstly because he is a liar, and secondly because he is dumb too. If hes going to be all deceptive then he should know what to do to not get caught. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:54:30 AM | | what kind of dumb bum makes up a profile and then looks at his girlfriends knowing full well about the viewed me section?! like, seriously, he deserves to get caught. you know that thing called world's dumbest criminals? this dude should get an award for the world's dumbest cheat. | |
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EB1
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:00:16 PM | I have a little dejavu!!!! Hah haa, sounds all too familiar.
The only thing she can change is herself and her reactions. She has to make decision if she accepts that kind of behaviour or not.
If she does not accept it, then I think the best way is cutting him off, no point of listening any stupid explenations. If he is an adult he knows exactly what he is doing. And he knows that if she finds out she would be extremely hurt by his actions. And still he chooses to do it.
I think that says something about his personality, morals etc.
Good luck to your friend. | |
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| What would you do if you were in this situation???
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:06:45 PM | msmidwest.. actually i did not give her any advice as i have a tendency to fly off the handle. I thought i would post it on her and then bring this thread to her attention.
she might not listen to what i have to say but she may listen to a bunch of POF's all telling her the same thing | |
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