| gals....what does "take things slow" really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:10:26 PM | Guys are encouraged to answer as well, but I need input from a female perspective.
I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month now. She just got out of a three year relationship shortly before Valentine's Day. She has an 8 month old baby with this dead beat Dad. We hit it off very well on our first date. We ended the night with an innocent kiss, a little tongue and a few pecks on the lips. Maybe about 2, 3 weeks later we had sex for the first time. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, we didn't have sex, and kisses are just short pecks on the lips, cheeks. She does show signs of having interest in me, but she says that she wants to take things slow. Now, girls that have told me that in the past have said that simply because that's an easy way to tell me that they're not interested. I really like this girl and I want to make a "go" at something. But on the other side of the coin, I'm ready for a relationship and I sure do not want to wait until she is ready. That could be 2 months, 2 years, or even never. So girls.....and guys, what do you think she means by "taking things slow?" Thanks for your input. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:23:16 PM | I am so in this girls position right now
so i hope this helps
Taking things slow means exactly that.....
she wants to love you before she takes the step to a sexual level
she wants to know that you love her too and its not just a " i need sex" relationship
i want to take things slow yet guys seem to want you in the bed after the 2nd or 3rd date
ive had guys say.....well what if we are not compatable in bed......
well then heck....if thats all that matters then the relationship isnt very strong is it
all i know is when a guy starts pressuring for sex and im not ready....it will scare me off
if i actually say the words...im not ready it means just that.....im not ready
dont pressure her.......spend time with her
show her that time with her is special without sex....believe me it wont take months...she will let you know...let her initiate....
in fact.......heres a clue....lol
build up the sexual tension in your relationship with out actually resorting or ending up with sex.....a small touch here, a holding hands there, and most important of all....a tender touch on her hair, if you do that without actually mentioning sex or even kissing.....well....you should be able to guess.....smile
hope that helps | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:25:35 PM | "take things slow" is basically the same as " I just want to be friends"
I'd seriously start looking at other girls. And if you do happen to meet another girl, go for it, and if Girl #1 asks you what your doing for the nite, depending on how often you talk to her, just tell her you have a date with a girl.
Now if she gives you crap about it, remind her, that she wants to take it slow. And that your ready for a relationship. Which will probably get her all pissy, but it might make her re-think her situation. But, hey, your almost just better off kicking her to the curb, and not talking to her anymore.
I look at it as her loss if she doesnt want to be with you. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:36:16 PM | | In a nut shell, it means she's in control; in control of you, that is. Curious, do you like that? Do you honestly like the idea that you got together, bashed the x a bit, and are now trying to play the hero to a woman who doesn't actually respect you for it? Most women like, further want challenging men; men like her x. Fact is, you're too easy. Not saying you're not a nice guy or anything, just telling you that it sounds like you're setting your self up for a great deal of crap. Been there, done that. Notice the sign; says Plenty of Fish... next. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:45:25 PM | | It sometimes amazes me that to this day men still forget that women are based primarily on emotions alot of the time. Ever think perhaps all she is really saying is give her some time and perhaps show her its more then just physical? Taking slow can sometimes actually mean just that, perhaps she isn't really ready for a deep committed relationship and wants to know your interest in her goes beyond the superficial. Only you know the answer to that. Women aren't as complicated as men make us out to be. | |
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ponie
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Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 7 | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:01:15 PM | Take things slow means just that. Especially if she just came out of a long relationship. She may not be ready to jump into another one so soon.
Also, women don't want to base a relationship on just sex. And that can very well happen if the couple hits it off hot and heavy from the start. She may be trying to get to know you better as a person, as a friend, boyfriend material etc.
Now if she had not been in a long term relationship and wanted to "take things slow" i would be more inclined to say she just wanted to be friends or a nice way of telling you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
OR
If you guys had sex just once and never again. It's quite possible that she didnt find herself compatible with you sexually. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:07:14 AM | I know that I might be breaking some bullshit guy code here...but I've never been the one to conform to antiquated gender stereotypes.
Take things slow means just that. She just doesnt want her heart broken. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:20:35 AM | I think she likes you but wants to make sure you are not a rebound relationship. Talk to her explainyour feeling let her know you understand but don't want to pass up a good thing with her because she may be afraid. Honesty works it lets you both know where you stand and go from there.
Good Luck to you both!!! | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:27:39 AM | | You said she has an eight month old baby, so it could just be a case of "Post partum". Women's hormones can be crazy sometimes, she might not have any idea of what she wants at any given time. That's the impression I get from your post, especially since she's not with her baby's father, and she jumped into the sack with you pretty quick, and now is saying she wants to take things slow. That's a lot of flip-flopping if you ask me. What you should do about it depends upon how you feel about her, if you don't already feel the stirrings of love inside then I'd suggest looking for someone else... she probably just wanted you at the time because of rampant hormones. If you do feel those stirrings though, just go with it, try to accomodate her and show her that you are the guy that'll hang in and be there for her, like I said before, she probably doesn't know what she wants and may come around at some point, after all... you said she does still show interest. Try to use your own best judgement... after all, any advice you get from us is completely biased by our own experiences and may not apply to you. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:44:33 AM | It means she's scared.
Of getting hurt, being used, whatever. Although sometimes it can also me a means of taking control in a relationship (perhaps again because she's scared of getting hurt if she's not in control).
You need to work on building trust and getting her over her fears. Personally, I don't believe you should be paying the price for her past lovers mistakes and her own neurosis, and you need her to know this and actively try to improve things. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for a lot of drama and being messed around. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:49:44 AM | | I'd say that "take things slow" means taking time to get to know each other before having sex - if you haven't had sex yet! But since you've already had sex, then it's probably more that she's confused about if she's interested in you, or that she regrets getting in the sack and wants to take a step back. Or the sex was not as she thought it would be - which might not really be your fault, maybe it's the first time she's had sex since the baby? Anyway, if you're really interested in her, then you'll have to wait until she's ready. If you can't wait, then you just must not be very into her. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:54:59 AM | Hate to be the cynic but a high percentage of those mean : I've hopped in the sack right off a few times and didn't like that it didn't turn into a good relationship. That and trying to live down the double-standard "reputation".
For the rest of them it means exactly what it says, they've thought about what they want and how they want to go about getting it and a slow start is what they are comfortable with. One of the few things you won't need translated. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:37:48 AM | Guys....READ MY LIPS
it has nothing to do with control
the majority of guys here obviously dont know the female psychi very much at all
if you cant give a girl a bit of time without sex then no wonder your single.......
believe me....a little sexual tension and getting to know each other before jumping in the sack is all it takes
thats not so hard to grasp is it
if there is any controlling to be done here...its guys pressuring girls to have sex with them....thats what control is all about
think very carefully OP... and i mean think about what the girls have said here
the guys are telling you to move on....thats why they are single......give her some time if you think she is worth it....you wont be sorry
unlike these other morons here
Oh and edited to add....... it Does not in any way mean she just wants to be friends......thats a cop out for guys to move on if ever i heard it.....hey how would i know....smile
Im a GIRL
OP......smile...you decide
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:32:22 AM | | Take things slow, basically means she's not ready to be in a commited relationship, but if you give her time, it's a good possibility that she will be. She just needs time to make sure, since she has only been out of her last relationship for a short period of time. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:52:28 AM | If she was in a long realtionship and that failed and hurt her. She is scared about falling for you then that gets taken away in the end as well. She wants to see commitment in that you are not going to run away. But it makes me laugh she said take it slow after having sex with you.
Just been honest with her and say what you would like. If she is honest and ask for some more time give it to her then if she still doesn't change you should move on. Its upto you in the end. Good Luck. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:53:28 AM | If she was in a long realtionship and that failed and hurt her. She is scared about falling for you then that gets taken away in the end as well. She wants to see commitment in that you are not going to run away. But it makes me laugh she said take it slow after having sex with you.
Just been honest with her and say what you would like. If she is honest and ask for some more time give it to her then if she still doesn't change you should move on. Its upto you in the end. Good Luck. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:53:40 AM | If she was in a long realtionship and that failed and hurt her. She is scared about falling for you then that gets taken away in the end as well. She wants to see commitment in that you are not going to run away. But it makes me laugh she said take it slow after having sex with you.
Just been honest with her and say what you would like. If she is honest and ask for some more time give it to her then if she still doesn't change you should move on. Its upto you in the end. Good Luck. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:25:33 AM | | OMG - Does anyone talk to their friends? Why don't you ask her! You had sex but are afraid to talk? No one here knows what is going on in her life...let her tell you - | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:39:32 AM | In this case it means, she's been hurt, used, now she has an infant and she's is probably more than a little concerned that she could get pregnant again.
I don't buy into the "it means friends thing", all women who are not players will just come out and tell you that they want to be your friend but nothing more. It's "da playahs" that will try and string you along for the sake of their own ego.
Sounds to me like she has been hurt but seems to want to try to get to know you on a deeper level...man is she selfish or what?
If you don't want to wait until she is ready, tell her that and break it off, otherwise you are pressuring her into doing things she isn't ready for and that isn't fair to her either. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:43:58 AM | I am gonna be blunt, just because I can be, and in no way is this meant to hurt your feelings, yet it might.
She's not interested dude, and she does not have the 'balls' to tell ya. If she hasn't wanted to have sex with you since the first time, she obviously doesn't wish to have it again with you and is 'letting you down easy'...she is lame, let her go.
best of luck  | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:47:21 AM | For my two cents.. it means that she is feeling insecure and confused after having had sex with you. I agree with greeneyes that having sex with you may have been hormonal and then in the morning she was like.."oh no, what if he leaves too..."
Anyway. Just my thoughts. But I am fascinated by all the insight from the younger (and non-USA) guys that have posted. You all seem to understand the need to see the female perspective. Thank you. | |
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dazx
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Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 25 | |
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