| | How do you keep yourself encouraged?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | How do you maintain a positive attitude and keep going in your search for your soulmate? How do you fight back the negative thoughts and the it'll-never-happen's when people keep turning you down? And for those of you who have found your soulmate, through this site or any other, how long did it take? Thanks. | |
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*Tee*
| | Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:13:16 PM | I've been on here for a year and a half. I'll admit, although I have met many great people, there were times where I felt frustrated with dating, and just plain burnt out. During those times, I hid my profile, and just took a break so that I could concentrate on me, and my life offline. I felt that if I didn't give myself time to regroup, and re-evaluate, I would only be sending negative vibes to anyone I met. Thats when you end up making mistakes, and bad judgements.
The one thing you have to remember is to have fun, if it starts to become a chore, you need to take a time out so that you can figure out what you really want. Dating offline or on isn't easy, but you can make it a great experience by keeping yourself positive. Good luck! | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:19:15 PM | I stopped taking it personally that I haven't found the right one. Simply put when I meet someone the first time or the eigth time, I keep a happy face and don't set my expectations too high. Every so often I do meet someone I think I would be interested in persuing, but I keep myself going at the right speed so I can keep an eye out for any red flags. If I see too many, I walk. At some point years back, I turned myself into the picker instead of the wussy chooser. Since then making the choice of who I want to spend time with is pretty darn easy.
That is why in my profile I say that dating is a lost art. Having fun, doing it for the right reasons instead of the wrong reasons. A smart women knows that the true meaning of love is defined by how she is treated. Guys could take a good que from that too.
Look at it this way, I know when I am lucky enough to have a good women, because I will tell her "Thank-you (without slobbering!) ' for never nagging, dear." | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:29:18 PM | | I stopped keeping myself encouraged. I used to by reminding myself that I couldn't predict the future. I couldn't rule out the possibility that someone out there would like me, and I like her, too. I used to count on being surprised. That lasted a while. Then I came to this site and read all about what women want, how they think, and of other men's experiences. I became discouraged. I suppose the best way for me to encourage myself again would be to stop reading the forums here, and never read another personals ad. Then I could gradually forget the animosity and insanity of online dating, and lull myself into believing I might meet someone one day, maybe at the store or in the park, exchange smiles, and become friends. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:32:03 PM | I dont believe in soulmates... so there is nothing to encourage. I just meet gals, go out and live life. if the right one comes along thats great... if not, thats ok too. I'm living life and there are no worries.
If I met some gal that began too serious or wanting something serious too fast you can bet I'd be gone... desperation isn't my thing and neither are desperate women. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:39:03 PM | | I agree with moon_fish. I'd also suggest making your search for love a part of your love life and not the center of it. Have fun dating, and he'll show up when you're enjoying your best life. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:05:07 PM | cruztacean...there is focused and there is obsessed. When one is obsessed...it definitely limits your potential for success. In my case, when I meet someone and go out, I have no expectations of anything except a pleasant time and hopefully a new friend. My experiences have been great! Met a lot of nice men. Well mannered, handsome, educated, good conversation, nice dinner, etc.; and yes there have been a few that went on to be relationship material and some have been disappointing, but each one was a new experience. By now, many of you know that I'm a quote collector....this one is for you...
"If you fall in love with another and he falls in love with you, and then chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame; let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning you will know in time. REMEMBER YOU DON'T CHOOSE LOVE, LOVE CHOOSES YOU."
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:38:09 PM | Stop seeking for a soulmate. The closest soulmate is within you. Once you realize that you can be happy on your own doing things you enjoy, hopefully some of those who are the opposite sex will have a chance to see that you are a pleasant person to be with. But if it isn't, just assume you'll be a hermit, but do what you have to in order to enjoy life.
I stopped seeking for a soulmate long ago. I'm still here because I enjoy my job, hobbies, and home. You make your life easier by finding joy in anything that you do. Remember Mary Poppins old statement "For every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. When you find that fun, the job's a game!" I'm not saying that you should be a player in finding someone, but you should note that looking for someone is just part of the game of life. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:07:31 PM | | Honestly, I have had better results making friends through the forums, mostly the poetry forum where I have a thread, then just by having a profile posted. It seems to me that the more of your personality that people see, the better of a picture that they get to see of you. I met and became friends with a very special person by writing poetry only after a couple of months of being here. Although, I have not sought anything more than friendship, I have made some good friends. My thoughts, be yourself, have fun, and keep having a positive outlook. Making friends and the support that they have given me have helped out tremendously when I have felt down when dealing with life. Like others have said, let your search be part of your life, not the center of it and if you get frustrated do something else for a while. Good luck to you on your journey. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:35:41 PM | I have 2 modes:
1) online dating mode
2) break mode
When I online date, I do it very actively. I keep in touch with a few girls at a time and
I try to meet as many people as I can. This helps me keep focused and positive.
You don't focus on the past but on the future.
Then after a while, I go in break mode. I focus on other things.
Depends also on the goals that you set too.
My goals are:
a) meet new people
b) learn new stuff
c) have some fun / good time
Kind of easy for the first two. For the third one, if you are able to filter out the weird people
or totally incompatible personality people, it is not much difficult to have a good time even
if there is no sparks going on or butterflies flying around.
It is still ok to have larger goals like finding your special someone. But it probably helps also if you
have smaller goals too. Then you put much less pressure on yourself. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 5:46:57 PM | Instead of looking at this as an ultimate means of finding
your "soul mate", try looking at it as just another
experience in your single life...there are so many
positives to being single, self-growth, independence,
among so many other positives...Use this, if you end
up with your soulmate as a result, all the better...if
not, you've still met people, learned and grown...
which will make you so much more attractive to
other people..of both sexes..Cheers!! | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:04:15 PM | I have been on here almost 10 months,
The first month I was on here I had letters from my soul mate,
Because of moving and busy we met 2 months later,
Although we are not together right now, who knows what lies a head.
Like "Tee " it gets fustrating , and you feel burnt out at times, you have re-evaluate.and keep a positive attitude. I keep my profile hid two thirds of the time and have taken a long break from dating guys on here.
Summer is on the way and I am looking forward to spending more time doing things. enjoying life and hopefully will meet some one for real.
If not that is cool to, | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:04:58 PM | What keeps me going, besides self-improvement, is when I meet someone that just knocks me out (no, not a female boxer!) and thrills me physically and intellectually.
Even though it may be a simple social connection in my daily life (shopping, lunch at a sandwich shop etc.) that has no dating significance or attraction on the other party's part, it proves to me what lies out there, and all the possibilities therein.
In other words, it makes me say "what if" to myself. ..that's a powerful message!  | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:39:38 PM | | i just tell myself the truth . even if i never find someone so what i can still be happy . i have found that there are definite advantages to being single. that's not to say however that i wouldnt like to find the right guy for me. now though i just think if it happens great if not that's fine too. | |
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ddream
| | Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:47:17 PM | How do I keep myself encouraged???
Well the simple fact that I don't see a relationship as mandatory. If I find somebody then  But knowing that I am well capable of spending the rest of my life on my own has given me piece with being single, even if that means for the rest of my life.  | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 7:01:29 PM | cartographer...I agree with most of your post....some good advice. I have to disagree about soulmates....they do exist, they may be romantic or platonic, and like love...they find you...you don't find them.
"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 7:55:25 PM | It took me years to even get the confidence to ask a girl out, then with so much rejection, I just focused on other things, such as my sports, fitness, etc.
Not everyone will meet a soulmate, thats life,
just live your life, persue your interests, and if it happens, it happens. No use worrying about it as it is something often beyond your control. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 8:23:44 PM | I think I don't see a time limit on the whole thing (besides my biological clock dying...which I can always adopt if need be). If it's meant to happen, it will.
I see life as a journey and everything happens for a reason, nothing is wasted.
And I have found my God, my purpose in life so everything else is gravy.
I don't base my worth on what others think...at least I try not to. Please God, fear God, not man.
People judge base on their own criteria and experiences.
And  along the way helps.  | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/11/2007 10:27:05 PM | Well said Cartographer! And I'm with Steelemagnolia re: the soulmates.
To add to Cartographer's spiel, I'd like to say that one needs to stop taking things personally (as mentioned earlier) because this is where we damage our image of ourselves and this affects our self worth and self esteem. We are all unique individuals and not one person is like another and it is important to embrace our individuality. The perception of you is subject to judgement by people and they will see is who they think you are; the opinions of those "walking by" isn't important, and you don't need to put any stock into what they think of you because they're don't know who you really are. It's really more important to believe in yourself and not look outside for approval. As long as you live your life with integrity, honour and respect then you're doing your best and that knowledge is empowering.
Take this time that you have for yourself and live your life with joy and passion. Fulfill some of your goals and make some of your dreams a reality while you have the time and little or no distractions.
There is more to life than what exists in a relationship with a partner; a partner compliments our life and does not fulfill it. A soulmate will embrace you for who you are, accept you and challenge you so you continue to evolve as an individual. I've met such a man and he was a lover and now my friend - this is a part of my journey and though I miss his companionship and the dynamics of our relationship has changed I'm grateful for the gifts that he bestowed upon me and the gift of his friendship.
I know that I will be in a fulfilling relationship when my "time" is "right"...until then, I live my life to the fullest without skipping a beat! | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/12/2007 6:39:59 AM | You must be happy with yourself as a single person, alone, without someone to really be ready for a relationship anyway.
I know that for awhile, when I read something along those lines, I got very defensive. I would say, I am fine, I do like myself. What I learned along the way after my divorce was that I did NOT have to fill the void the ex left in my life, in other words, I did not need someone else to make me happy.
The hard truth I learned from a 25 (yes I made it to 25 before the darn thing was final)
year marraige was................no one else can make you happy if you are not already happy. Seriously. I know that at one point, I made the severe mistake of depending on my husband to make me happy. Too big of a job for any man. So, get a life, hobbies, friends, heck, be aloner and learn to love yourself and you will be amazed at what radiates from within . When you want someones company, instead of needing it to feel complete, the whole dynamics of the relationships you are in will be different.
As far as being encouraged, I am a Christian and I know where to go for help. I am human. I make mistakes, I flounder, I have lots of emotions and am a woman!!! But I will not allow myself to despair or to be discouraged, etc bc I am single. After some crazy dates, I realised it is often better to be alone and spend my time with my daughter or friends, bc time is very precious !!!!
One word for you.......take your time and talk to people you might potentially want to meet. Get to know them. I am in a relationship now, and we spent 7 weeks talking/emailing after we met (ok a bit much but my D was being finalized) and I would say that the most important thing about our relationship is that he is my very, very dearest friend...............
Be encouraged........... | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/12/2007 10:44:05 AM | | its very hard to do at times.. i hate to see deleted or even read deleted.. i respond to every email.. i read this one guys profile and thought he sounded nice. we had alot in common so i dropped him an email and i notice that he read mine and then deleted it and then blocked me.. sorry but to me that was extremely RUDE... so as far as him being a nice person seems that was not true.. well i am a nice person looking for the real thing.. ok im off my soapbox now thanks for letting me vent.. Sweet N Louisiana ( guys and ladies you can at least acknowledge someones note to be nice) unless you get hundreds of notes.. which i dont.. but i refuse to give up the search.. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/12/2007 11:22:24 AM | | I don't get what you are all saying. Explain to me why being single is a bad thing. More so, explain to me why you think being single means being alone. | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/12/2007 11:02:46 PM |
I don't get what you are all saying. Explain to me why being single is a bad thing. More so, explain to me why you think being single means being alone.
Ok its not that being alone is bad or being single is bad..I have no problem getting dates.. and i am not lookin for a " bed partner" I have been divorced 8 years now and would love to find my missing puzzle piece, that elusive soulmate which i beleive in.. Yes i am looking for my fairy tale ending.. My new beginning.. the fella to love me for me.. My best friend, lover, teammate .. to work with me and make each other smile everyday.. to get thru the good and the bad to stand beside each other come what may.. and ya know what i refuse to give up because in my heart yes i know hes out there.. Sweet N Louisiana
On The Sunny Side of The Street Lyrics
Grab your coat and get your hat
Leave your worries on the doorstep
Life can be so sweet
On the sunny side of the street
Can't you hear the pitter-pat
And that happy tune is your step
Life can be complete
On the sunny side of the street
I used to walk in the shade with my blues on parade
But I'm not afraid...this rover? s crossed over
If I never had a cent
I'd be rich as rockefeller
Gold dust at my feet
On the sunny side of the street
(instrumental break)
I used to walk in the shade with them blues on parade
Now I'm not afraid... this rover has crossed over
Now if I never made one cent
I? ll still be rich as rockefeller
There will be goldust at my feet
On the sunny
On the sunny, sunny side of the street | |
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| How do you keep yourself encouraged?
Posted: 4/13/2007 10:08:17 AM | | I guess I don't. I don't really expect to find Mr. Right For Me. I don't know where he is, but I know I'm directionally challenged and I probably a wrong turn here or there. Maybe several wrong turns. Anyway, I keep looking for him on the outside chance that I will get lucky someday. I try to pay attention to the men I meet along the way. I learn something from everyone I meet and take the time to get to know. And I've made some good friends and enjoyed their company, so I don't allow myself to feel like a failure just b/c I'm still single. Too, if I were willing to "settle" for something less than I need/want, I'm sure I could have someone; I'm just not willing to settle. | |
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