lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 1 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:14:26 PM | | I have a very dear friend who's daughter is about to be released from the hospital from attempted suicide. She is 17, very beautiful, and very smart but she doesn't see herself that way. She also suffers from S.A.D. Social Anxiety Disorder she is constantly afraid of what people are thinking about her, saying about her. She is about to graduate from her last year of HighSchool but is afraid she will not be able to do it because her lengthy hospital stay. Now, she is about to be released this weekend and her parents (divorced, father remarried) are frantic about every little thing she says/does. She threatens to kill herself once released. Countless hours of counselling with the hospital staff and three med changes but yet to no bright light at the end of the tunnel. The teen doesn't even want to try, feels totally hopeless but when she mentioned attempting on her last visit home she did it with a smirk on her face. It appears she is holding her family/friends hostage. Yet she has had a lengthy stay at the hospital and the hospital staff has been wonderful. They feel that she has overstayed her welcome and will only regress further if she stays longer. Please any advice will be much appreciated. God Bless to each and everyone of you and please give your kids an extra hug and kiss tonight. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:21:47 PM | Well, I don't have much advice.....as I lost several friends when I was a teenager to suicide. It happens when u least expect it, I was close to my friends....and they all hid it very well.....and never spoke about it. I have this friend now, who lives in Sask...he talks about it all the time, is totally depressed.....threatens to do it, but thank god he is still here....but our friendship has taken it's toll, and I have back away from him, cause he is getting me down, and I don't need that kind of heartache in my life. He knows that I will always be there for him, when and if he needs me. He knows where to find me.....I think the key is: that your love ones know that u will be there when they need u, and to let them live there life.....and hope that everything will turn out okay.
Hope this helps..... | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/11/2007 9:50:53 PM | | Sounds to me like she hasn't received the proper care from the right people.... make sure the family insists on seeing someone else...and I'd be fighting her discharge... maybe a transfer to a facility that knows how to treat her. I hate to think that any type of properly trained institution/doctor would see a patient in that situation as having "overstayed their welcome." How many wrongful death suits have been filed against them in the past???? | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/11/2007 11:30:27 PM | She needs to spend a lot of time with someone who is positive, intelligent, and cares (not just about her, but cares about many things in general), problem is - there really arnt that many ppl like that. Someone like a mentor, and someone she doesnt yet really know.
This way, by spending a lot of time with someone like that, she begins to learn )vicariously like) that there are many reasons to live, that other ppls opinions mean squat, experiences life with this person. She will be able to learn from this persons life experiences to see for herself what is actually important.
You cannot force anyone like that, they simply need to see "well" ppl doing things and she will eventually figure things out for herself, leading by example and not force.
If she likes animals - then maybe getting her one to be responsible for and take care of will give her an attachment to it and a reason to stick around day to day.
Right now, her schooling isnt as important as reviving her life, so basically she needs a "vacation" from her life, ppl she knows, current daily surroundings (doesnt mean going away - just going on day trip type things). She could use exposure to new places, do some ppl watching, get out in nature (she will learn that nature doesnt care what ppl think of it, it simply exists and deserves a place on this planet), excercise is very important (too many mental benifits to list), and things of that nature.
I don't really like to make this widly known, but, I've life coached many ppl for many diff reasons, (illness, mental health, social, work, stress, fears, etc..) and still do it if required. It is extreamly time consuming on my end cuz I make myself avail and make ppl apart of my life untill they can stand stronger on their own. So I speak from some experience
Anyhow, without more info about her, thats all i can offer for now. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/11/2007 11:41:16 PM | | lfrl.... message me privatly please... I tried to msg you but Im out of your settings... | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/12/2007 6:12:15 AM | Ummm...I was a suicidal teenager. The kid in question has reached a point where death looks like a release...a piece of paradise....a way to make the S*** stop. I know what it's like to be there. What worked for me was being left alone. My friends and family let me know that they were there for me and that they believed in me and supported me. I liken it to being at the bottom of a very dark, very looong hole. Only I was able to get myself up out of that hole. And I did so every day....every day I clawed myself up inch by inch until eventually I got into the light. My friends and family never helped me claw my way up out of that hole but they did stand there at the top of it cheering me on and whispering encouragement to me.
The other thing the kid needs to realize is that if she kills herself....if she gives in and ends it all...they win. All the people who have been taunting her and torturing her....the very people responsible for causing her to want to die....if she ends it they win. That's the other reason why I didn't give in...because I didn't want them to win.
Hope this helps lfrl | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/12/2007 6:17:09 AM | her family needs to oppose her discharge
if the hospital was aware that she was continuing making suicidal threats there is no way they would discharge her so its time her family speaks up and reports what is going on | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/12/2007 1:27:47 PM | | Thank you so much for all of the wonderful advice, I wasn't exactly forthcoming with all of the information because it is extremely painful. The truth is is that is my own daughter. She has been a cutter since November 06 and it was quite severe. She was getting treatment at the time but to no avail. The next was tying a bathrobe tie around her neck until she couldn't pull anymore and gave up. The next she popped a bunch of pills but thankfully not enough. The last attempt was popping more pills but again thankfully not enough. She has been on Zoloft, Prozac and now Effexor. Due to many difficult situations occuring in mine and her fathers life at the same time it has been extremely stressful and believe me I/her father and his wife have nothing but positive hope for her. Things that were issues at the time are clearing up now and all we do is let her know how things can change literally overnight. The hospital staff have been wonderfully supportive better than I imagined actually. I am actually waiting on a call from the hospital to see if they can extend her stay for 2 more weeks until certain situations rectify themselves to bring her back to a more positive, solid home. Now she is not ready to integrate back into the main stream school system and that's fine by us there is alot of other ways she can continue her education and possibly even graduate this year. Our main focus is getting her more stable and then just taking positive babysteps to bring our baby back home healthy/happy and forever strong. I truely appreciate more than you know as I am typing this I am extremely upset and trying to get out the words to say thanks for all of the support thus far and may god bless each and everyone of you and please hugs your kids extra tonight do it for them and of course do it for you!! | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/12/2007 5:39:22 PM | | *hugs lfrl* you'll get through it and things'll get better. I know it's tough right now hon...but things WILL get better....they have to. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:55:23 AM | lfrl - words cannot express how very sad this is and how much I feel for you!!! I send my prayers in hopes that you will feel some solice and that your daughter comes out of this deep saddness she feels!!! Take all the help you can get and just continue to love your daughter as I know you alwyas have!! Best of luck!!! 
Just a side note - Prozac is not good for younger people - bad news with that drug!! ~JMHO~ | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/13/2007 11:45:02 AM | Lfrl..I wanted to write you but you live too far for my settings.
I knew others a while back who said they wanted to end it all, that life held no meaning. Thankfully they got the proper counseling and turned their life around and they came to realize their self worth.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter, as well as your family. She has to know that life holds meaning, that there is the light at the end of the tunnel, and whatever is causing her mindset to turn to thoughts of her demise, will change once life's perspectives change.
She must know that she is loved and that others respect her. Has she ever done volunteer work where she sees the value in helping others. If she was given something like that to do, to volunteer and make a difference in other people's lives, she might realize the difference she makes in lives, will hopefully elevate her opinions of herself.
I hope her esteem levels rise and that your daughter will get help from counseling and knowing that life is something to be tasted not wasted.
Good luck and keep us informed as to how things progress. | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 12 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:35:17 PM | | I was really hesitant about posting this story on here because of course this is a dating site but something inside said do it anyway. The support I have received in the past about other issues has always been great so I knew in my heart of hearts this would be o.k. to do. I went to see her last night and brought her girlfriend (she pretty well only has one close friend or so she had). These two girls have been great friends since grade school and promised each other to go to the prom together back in Grade 8. Her friend has had a boyfriend for 2 years and plan on getting married in a few years. The problem is is that she no longer has time for my daughter and my daughter has been extremely distraught over it. They had it out last night and of course I knew the hospital rules about friends visiting but this was something that needed to be aired and it was definitely the right place. It got heated, the friend took off and left my daughter a wreck. I got her back to her room summoned the nurses and tried settling her down. In speaking with one of her workers today he was proud of her that she has gained some backbone and confronted the issue head on. She is absolutely still not to be trusted therefore only being allowed day passes on the weekend. She has planned to move back with her father and his wife when she comes out. So when she comes out her environment will definitely be different and of course there will be 2 to watch out for her. I am fighting with every fiber of my being to stay positive and around her and definitely should be getting a Oscar for my performance in public. Iam reading your advice sometimes a few times over and do appreciate all of the thoughts, prayers and good intentions. I actually got off the phone with her moments ago and she is still extremely upset over the incident last night and has just said no visitors tonight. I am assuming the best thing I can do about the girlfriend situation is just let them be and just support her without being too rough on the friend. As I don't have the power or the right to judge her friend completely. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:24:38 PM | | these r just things i learned in police foundations so its not all for everyone but for most people who are really going to kill themselves first wont talk about it just do it... second sign someone is going to do it is they will give away prized possessions like their fav things in the world. they tend to give away most of their stuff.. but really most people wont say im going to kill myself .. if that was the case why hasnt she done it?? and why would the hospital realease her if they believed she would? | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:34:06 PM | | They are not going to release her quite yet they are giving her a few more weeks until other situations can be rectified to ensure of her total safety. Some of the staff believe in the tough love approach she has been in there for 5 weeks already and generally this facility is only for short term stays 2-3 weeks. They feel that she is in a real comfort zone, not as many pressures at all of the main stream school system, family comes and visits everyday,brings presents, send cards, brings treats as well. They are trying to slowly integrate her back into a "so called" normal life as easily as possible. They have offered her a day program where she can still get all of the comforts of counselling, education and lots of wonderful support but at the end of the day go home be with her family and sleep in her own bed. I can agree with them somewhat by the earlier thought of release but then it was up to her to want to fight or flight. There are longer term facilities available as one of my fellow fishie friend told me. That I know is always an alternative but I am focusing on her wellness, positivity and hopefully she won't need the long term care. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/14/2007 5:42:07 AM | the worst part........if successful
is they can only see the impact they have had on peoples lives......
by looking down!
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/14/2007 5:45:39 AM | day programs are very useful to help back into the swing of things
theres usually 2 types to choose from: 5 days a week - full days or 2 days a week 1/2 days
as for folks saying that suicide threats tend to be empty - do you not realize that this young girl is self mutilating herself by cutting - thats a HUGE sign that this is not just empty threats - its my understanding that cutters mutilate for several reasons - one of them to focus the pain on something else besides the emotional hurt and also to help ground themselves. For some people suicide is considered the ultimate pain release - usually the next step up.
bottom line, she needs people to take her seriously
not to do so could be a life threatening mistake
a former roommate of mine was admitted to the hospital and released too soon
her family found her swinging from a noose in the garage
i can not stress how important i feel it is to take all threats seriously and to prolong stays if needed
if shes overstayed her welcome at a short term facility i really think you should consider having her moved to a long term facility - not only may she need to stay longer but its my understanding they get much better, supervised care than in the short term facility
lfrl i tried to email you privately but couldnt due to your email settings
could you message me please | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:47:02 PM | Update: My daughter came home for an overnight pass. She stayed with her dad and on a scale from 1 - 10 ( rating system they use at the hospital) he gave her a 7-8. He said she had a really good weekend so yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/22/2007 10:34:47 AM | One day at a time. Keep pumpin her with sunshine and keeping her busy with good things. Have her help the elderly paint at a hospice. Have her help the little preschoolers at a daycare. Bring her God if she will accept Him. If someone can tie her heart to this earth, you might have a chance.. Even though time is on your side has her body and mind mature day by day. I finally get hugs from my son - soon to be 18. It is a long road and you hold your breath every step of the way
High School Note: First my 2nd has a 3.911 and is 40th in her class. I can not say enough about her accomplishments, but to her sadness, I do keep a lid on it at home cause it really makes my son feel bad about himself and his mistakes. I got the school disctrict to sign him up for the GED at 16 cause he was causing trouble - fights, drugs, etc. Kept him home for 2 months to study and he passed all areas with perfect score in science. Then I immediately turned around after picking him up one day from a month in juvenille detention and enrolled him in the community college. He started with automotive technology. I think he will go with welding soon. He pays his own tuition, but I paid for my own tuition and I think school is better when you earn it yourself. It means more.
I like to tell my kids that God knew them before I did and they picked their own birthday to come out and join our world. Whether they choose to believe or not, He was there at their beginning and he will be there for them at the end. We are all little parts of Him. Just food for thought. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/22/2007 10:45:27 AM | Also I wish I could loan you my little elf, Miguel. He was a homeless man old enough to be my father's age. I was lucky enough to earn care of him from some dear Mormon friends. Miguel had nothing - he has gone all his life, married twice with no kids and comes from a large spanish family - why no one could help him I do not know understand from thier point of view. He knows he can leave whenever he wants, I am always thankful for any help cause in the end the responsibility lies solely with me.. But he truly enjoys his job is to be here at night to watch over the house and kids safely while I work and he has been a great asset and thanks me every day.
We often apologize to each other because it was strife that brought us together. I often apologize that he had to go through so much in order to come to me - but I promise to take care of his kindred soul forever. He is the meek one who will inherit the earth. Always something positive to say, always complimentary, always here to listen. He is everyone's friend. My children spend a lot of time with him, watching movies, talking, listening to music. He drives them here and there when they need it and it is ok with me (He is always careful to ask - as he always says, I am the lady of the house and these are my decisions).
I will pray for such an angel to come around for you. A teacher, a neighbor. The more you help others the more help comes back to you when you need it. | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 20 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/22/2007 12:59:17 PM | | Thanks Lynn, I could use one. I definitely believe that what goes around comes around. I get back what I put out but I haven't slept in 2 months either so I can't put out very much these days. I am trying though. She had a good weekend this weekend and will be fully released next weekend to the care of her father and his wife. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:19:18 PM | Wow..good thread..one my heart aches about.
First off my background in 2003 I lost my father to suicide, after this I became and advocate for suicide awareness, I attend highschools to talk about depression and suicide awareness. Second, I was a depressed teenager who took to self harm.. so I can realize the pain she must be going through. I was able to get better once I left highschool and was in College. I was in therapy. Depression isn't cut and dry, the therapy for everyone isn't the same, what works for some..may not work for others. It's always trial and error. Sadly this can take quite a long time until something is found to work.
The many people I have spoken to with children who have suicidal children..or who have lost their child to suicide, is that the resources aren't enough. Depression and mental illness is such a hard thing for anyone to deal with. Many a time, there is a wait to see a psychiatrist..most times you have to have "attempted" to seek emergency medical help, that is not acceptable.
And I agree with the statement, that Suicide threats are usually empty threats. I'm sorry, but if ANYONE..ANYONE threatens it..they need seek help. You can't ignore someone who is threatening this.
Even harder is the is what those who love them are dealing with...My heart goes out to anyone in this situation. It is a very scary and hopeless feeling.
Basically the only thing I have learned from being a public speaker on this, is the Parents have to fight...fight fight fight for her to get the help she needs. Medications take 6 weeks to work, but those who are suicidal can "pretend" that they are feeling better in a manner to manipulate there discharge.
My thoughts go out to you all.
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 22 | |
| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:26:41 PM | | Thanks Bleeper: I think that the meds she is currently on are working, effexor, lithium and trazadone for sleep. She did seem in better spirits today and looking forward somewhat to being released. I know it's gonna be a long road ahead for her and they have offered her 4-6 week follow up sessions. From there I have to find other types of counselling to aid in her recovery. I did uncover some other issues that were upsetting her and we have attempted to deal with them but those issues are only part of the problem. I guess we still have to take one day at a time one issue at a time until she is really strong enough to be trusted. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/25/2007 7:42:24 AM | lfrl: As I read your post my eyes swelled up with the sad memories of a time last year when my 11yr daughter took a razor blade to her face before she boarded the bus for school. This was all unbeknownst to me. It is a long story that I won't get into but it involved CAS and a short trip to a foster home. My husband (at the time) and I were frantic and living on pins and needles worrying about what she was going to do next to herself.
What was known to me however, was the fact that she was a victim of bullying at her school and that she thought that every kid hated her.
Things worked out eventually with help from private counselling services and CHIMO which is a non-profit organization that deals with youth and family services of suicidal children/teenagers.
Just a month ago, a friend of mine in the USA sent me a DVD copy of "The Secret" and as I sat and watched it my daughter joined me. She turned to me and said that she wished that the people responsible for the "positive thinking, inner spirituality and the laws of attraction" would create a version of these concepts for teenagers! I have to agree with her on that for sure. I turned to look at her and realized at that moment, how far she had come from where she once dwelled in darkness. I was now looking into the eyes of a beautiful, hopeful young person who now realized how special she is in every way and who also now believes that she is capable of GREAT accomplishments and doesn't let the small things get in the way. She now prays everynight knowing that her prayers will be answered.
I pray for peace, harmony and perfect health for your daughter and for you.
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:23:12 PM |
Prozac is not good for younger people
Please provide specific knowledge on that statement. First clarify "younger" people and if you could provide links or specific medical texts or recent studies which indicets this, as well as what constitues it being "bad" I am sure it would help a lot more.
To the OP, how sad for a 17 yea rold to have such despair. It sounds liek she needs much much more than the care a hospital can provide and needs treatment at a centre that can focus on her specific issues.
I wish her good luck and hope she comes to view life as joyous again. | |
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| Teenage Suicide
Posted: 4/25/2007 2:00:20 PM | | i think with all the pressures teens go through these days and what is happening in the news sets teens up for a hopeless future unless they are willing to change it for the better.some teens find it hard to fit in with most social circles and thus feel withdrawn and down about themselves and these feelings could lead to possible suicide.parents if you find your teen acting in a way that is not normal with what they are supposed to be acting ,talk to them before it is too late!one of theses days if you don't you may not have them around! | |
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