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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/12/2007 7:38:02 PM | Alright, I can’t think of a better place to post this and I’ve been mulling it over, need some closure on perhaps the worst sexual experience of my life. Uh, okay, no perhaps. THE worst. The very worst.
I’ll start by outlining all my faults, cause I know whenever someone writes a critical post the first impulse is to say, “And who are you, Miss All That?” So I’ll lay it all out. First off I am old, a time fighter, but obviously I still look okay enough to attract a 25 year old, though I am not sure that is a boast given the lack of experience I now know he . . . hadn’t. I have a big girl job with big girl hours and big girl pay. Have a home, car, stuff . . . so I am not looking for a guy to provide me with . . . More stuff. I date all ages, and when I was 27 I was with a virgin of 23, but it was nothing like this. It was clumsy, sweet, normal and ultimately very nice. Two years ago I dated a significantly younger man and there were major problems but I have to say, yah, the guy wanted me and wanted me to touch him.
As for this dude, I did not start out with an idea to date him, but it developed and it started out as something very sweet. First coupla dates were great! He was shy, yes, but in the car all over me to the point where I was afraid we were stepping over the line and would get caught by the coppers. So I thought, okay, he is into it. In our previous emails I knew he was a virgin and the natural progression was wanting our first time to be his first time.
Ok, my mistakes: Too soon for this to happen. I had no idea how unprepared he was. I mistook cynicism and his constant assurance that he was a “super genius” for intellect and poise. And I went way overboard in the prep. Rented a room (I did not want to deflower anyone in my bed and he apparently has a weird roommate,) lit scented candles all around, chilled champagne, sprinkled rose water on the sheets, wore a nice but conservative black sheath gown (I don’t claim to be a svelte hottie and told him so, thus I did not go for the garters and torpedo boobs, lol.) I’ve since been told this was the wrong thing to do, that most of today’s guys would be happy with a coupla drinks and a humpity hump in the back seat. But color me sentimental! Plus my first time (in the dark ages) was sooooo hot and romantic - chilled wine, pallet on, the floor, roaring fire in the grate. Sigh.
He agreed to bring the strawberries, but I never expected him to dip them in chocolate himself, and bake bread! Oh, Lord how naïve could I be?
I kept stressing to him, no matter what happened we should communicate. So communication to him was to first insult my perfume (the only type I wear which he had smelled for days, and um, he soon realized it was the scented candles) and then the music I was playing (jazz.) I had just left work early, made an hour commute, paid for the room on my credit card (well over 100 bucks,) lugged all the stuff upstairs and frantically got everything ready and within five minutes he makes an insult!
It got worse. After HE askedto go down (I suggested we stick with the basics to no avail) he takes two laps and makes such a face even I had to laugh at then spends the entire night freaking that his tongue had gone numb! Later he said, “Uh, maybe it was the hot tea I had earlier.” Jerk!
He wore three layers of clothes and it was a constant push pull strip tease to get him out of them, he kept retreating to the corner of the room. Intercourse lasted all of ten seconds and I really should email him, lest he worry, because technically I don’t think his jewel is lost, if one follows the three second Oreo falling on the floor rule. So I gladly hand over the mantle to the next girl!
I told him to expect the first time to last only a little while but from then on he didn’t want me to touch him. I tried to explain it would take a while for his body to warm up to the new sensations but, lawsa, if I got beyond the two pairs of underwear he was wearing he’d say, “Stop that tickles.” There is so much more that pains me too much to put in detail and trust me, had he not started out SO rude I would never have been so angry and frustrated. I had no idea there were such rudies out there. It truly laid me out and I had no idea how to respond. I’ve told this story to a handful of friends, all ages, genders, etc, and they all say GAY. I actually defended him. I am not one to scream gay just cause I don’t float someone’s boat. But wow, I have never been with a guy who had such a negative response to the sex act before. This guy had my skirt over my head so it was not like he didn’t know what I looked like before, but according to many people he could still be that amorous and not realize his sexual orientation. Either way, I think I was clearly more deceived than he was. And yeah, really hurt!
Plus I just looked at his reworked POF profile and half of it he spends insulting girls on here who reach out to him and the other what he considers woeful rednecks he is superior to. He actually takes the time to copy and paste quotes from people on POF he thinks “ignorant.” This proves he obviously has no maturity or empathy. So why not! I shall use him as an example.
Tell me gents. Is this normal for a guy to freak to THAT extent their first time? I know there have been posts about everyone’s first and you don’t have to delve into that unless you wanna. But am I a toad or did I just get a REALLY bad fish?
Rap
P.S. Trust me, I wasn’t all that my first time either, but you didn’t see me insulting that gorgeous . . . Wowsa!
P.S.S. After all that, the part he was most distressed over was I never tasted the bread or strawberries. He had spent the evening freaking over a numb tongue that apparently my evil devil woman cootchie petrified and he wanted me to take bread with him? Oh, Martha! | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/12/2007 7:56:38 PM | oh my... I can understand your dwelling on the stupidity of it all.... just like me with my ditzy female neighbor and the water company today...
Hard to believe some people can survive in this world despite being totally ignorant morons... huh?
Don't worry, he will soon be forgotten... just be glad he isnt a neighbor.
ps.. I know you just want to do something like send him a pacifier in the mail... dont do it girl. LOL
but I could understand you want to...
LOL
we shall have to nic name him... "numb tounge".. LOL !!! | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:33:18 PM | | The guy has some insecurity issues. To put it mildly. Try to be nice because anyone who spends that much time putting other people down is extraordianarily fragile. You did a good thing, but I think Shaw said we can never forgive a favour. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/12/2007 11:13:59 PM | I'm sorry for your experience. I remember my first time with my girlfriend and I really enjoyed it. We were working our way up to that point and after time it was just natural do finish the job finally. Did you guys go from just kissing on the say 10th date to going right into intercourse? Or did you gradually work your way to that point through exploring each others bodies? I would say that he has some kind of problem though because most guys try and come back for a second shot if they didn't please their lady. Good luck you don't need 10 second lays anyway right  I mean find a lady that says 10 seconds is good for me. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/12/2007 11:24:52 PM | | wow, first off its weird that a 27 year old is a virgin lol, the story you wrote was too funny but im sorry it had to happen to you, he sounds like a douschebag, you just got a "bad fish" lol, just be careful next time | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:34:15 AM | well even for his first time he could of had really bad experiences with previous relationships that led to this negtive behvior about sex (even if there was no sex in those reltionships).
Some guys may have a negtive body image in one way or another or possibly since he lasted 10 seconds he probably felt inadequate.
there could be a dozen reasons why, but it my take a therapist or something to deal with those issues.
As for common? hell yes it is almost 40% (yes) on average guys feel very uncomfortable or inadequate or whatever you want to call it about their first time. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:38:17 AM | Thank you, gentleman!
I was really concerned it was me, then again I thought I was doing the right things . . . until I got frustrated and angry, which was about midway through the evening. Then I just drank my vodka and cranberries until I fell asleep. The next morning I offered him some ice cream that we’d never eaten the night before and he shot out of bed and started dressing. I gave him another little tidbit that women don’t like a guy to act like he is running a race to get out, lol. He said, people don’t go around naked 24 hours a day. I said, “Lovers in a hotel room do!” Lol, and anyway he slept in two of the three layers anyway, with his back to me. Lovely experience all around.
I certainly understand a guy being nervous, but I’ve never had one be mean. I’m sure I was no porn star my first time. At least virgin girls don’t have as many performance anxieties. Thing is, I warned this person about what all COULD happen and asked him repeatedly not to freak and just let us work through them, as we had the whole night of total privacy. Experience has taught me that if two people WANT to, they can communicate their way out of anything negative.
As I said there were mistakes made on my part, too. It was too early to do this, but I was taking his word that he was ready. And I did lose my patience big time towards the end, which isn’t like me, unless I am pushed.
Virgin nerds, huh? Well, I like regular nerds usually. I’ll just give them a sexual aptitude test next time, hee hee.
Again, thanks, ya’ll have made me feel a little better.
Rap | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:50:12 AM | I just have to ask, because I REALLY want to.
Does he enjoy the following:
World of Warcraft (or any huge time consuming online game.)
Linux
Collectable card games
Pen and paper role playing games
Wears a fedora or trenchcoat.
Has a neckbeard. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:31:44 AM | ^^^uk, that's just mean!
But you forgot to ask if he still plays Dungeons and Dragons.
Numb tongue? My dear, you should know better than to put to much Ambesol down there... | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:45:28 AM | Oh Rapunzel Rapunzel so pretty and so fair,
Im sorry you had such an instance, the dude has a lot of learning to do, sounds to me it was more is a recreational experiment for him than a sensual experience. yes im sure it was awkward for you.
I have heard stories, but i myself dont know what it would be like, i certainly didnt freak my first time. In a way i envy him, i wish i could only last 10 seconds sometimes, i last far too long,..and thats not a good thing. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 10:21:51 AM |
But you forgot to ask if he still plays Dungeons and Dragons.
That would pretty much fall under the category of "Pen and Paper Role playing games"
Even nerds usually tend to lose their virginity before age 27 these days. Of course the way he acted, it's entirely possible he's been in the same type of situation before with someone who was less patient and just gave up on him.
But for future reference...
A woman may want to make losing their virginity a huge deal with candles, incense, all that stuff.
However, guys in general do NOT want this. It just emphasizes it way too much, no guy wants to make losing his virginity into some sort of ceremony. If anything, we want to get it over with and out of the way. Honestly, it's entirely possible all that stuff set him on edge right from the get-go, about a situation he was already anxious enough about, that could have been why he acted the way he did.
For women, virginity is some sort of label of "purity", for guys it tends to be viewed as more of a curse.
Oh and his tongue was prolly numb from lack of usage in that respect, although that's sort of odd since for myself it's usually my jaw that wears out first if anything, never had my tongue tire on me. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 10:57:55 AM | | Hmm. And here I was thinking that the best part about lovemaking was being able to make your partner feel loved/pleasured. I guess that is what separates the men from the boys (and the girls from the women?) | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 11:34:23 AM | | wow, first off its weird that a 27 year old is a virgin lol-i resent that statement, read the forums more, frequently a frustrated 20 something virgin will post a rant, waiting for vinnylow to show up about now.... | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:44:50 PM | I feel sorry for this guy I don't think he's gonna get many chances with ladies as patient and understanding as yourself. He's probably got some issues if he's wearing 3 pairs of underwear and running away from you.
Maybe once he's back in the security of his computer, you could ask him about these things and your next play date will go better. I'm insecure too. I wasn't afraid to be touched. But it took some effort for me to break down those walls I had built around myself in high school and accept that people like me and allow myself to enjoy a woman's attention without feeling self-conscious.
I was "deflowered" by a 30-something woman myself. It wasn't my first time but she was definitely my first "good time". We had two dates. First one she tore my clothes off and gave me the porn star treatment, the second date we played with her toys. I asked to eat her **** too she said I could if I wanted so I did.
But right after I dated her, I started seeing a girl my own age and her I didn't ask permission to do those things we hit the ground running. She was a good girlfriend for me too, she knew a lot about sex and communicating and we worked out a really good routine with showers together, shaving, oral, toys, different positions, lingerie, and amazing results every time. I went from having done very little, to having a girlfriend we did everything.
I'm glad the other one fixed me because my girlfriend she was shy too. It almost didn't happen except I forced myself to man up and kiss her. And the first time I ate her **** she was so quiet I didn't know if I was doing it right. But I stuck to doing what i'd done for the other one and sure enough after a couple of minutes she was bucking and squirting her stuff for me.
I've had other relationships, but we are friends to this day. She's the one I can talk to about anything. I wouldn't have that if the older woman hadn't done what she did for me.
I'm sorry you dropped $100 bucks on a hotel for a guy who didn't want to put out. But it was a funny story you could probably write a play about it. "The Virgin". | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 5:39:38 PM | "For women, virginity is some sort of label of "purity", for guys it tends to be viewed as more of a curse. "
Tounces this was very revealing! I honestly never thought of it that way (of course not, I'm a sappy girl, lol!)
Next guy I try to seduce I'm serving Cheetos and warm Schlitz and wearing my penguin jammies!
Rap | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:18:48 PM |
"For women, virginity is some sort of label of "purity", for guys it tends to be viewed as more of a curse. "
such a sad shame, to be viewed "lesser" because you havent had sex by a certain age, without even questioning a persons motives or lifestyle, even deciding a persons true worth because of it.
its fine though, it will work itself out in the end.. for both the victims of this ridicule and the opinionated individuals who create "rules" that govern what is "normal"
yes...in the end. | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:21:54 PM | | Okay, now you're just opening yourself up to the penguin jammies fetishists - sick **stards. The only healthy fetish is a potato salad fetish (German of course). | |
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| Advice on a REALLY bad experience with a virgin
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:46:41 PM | So let me pick apart your post, because I'm bored.
So communication to him was to first insult my perfume (the only type I wear which he had smelled for days, and um, he soon realized it was the scented candles)
I've trained myself to be aware of that sort of thing, but if you don't have much in the way of female contact, this is an easy mistake to make. It's not like guys know a lot about perfume to begin with, or typically have a good understanding of perfume when they do. I don't think it's that memorable after a few meetings. It's more of a "smells nice right now" kind of thing. You could probably change the scent, and it's still a "smells good right now" thing. Maybe memorable after a while. Bad move on insulting that though. Although I'm not sure what the insult was.
It got worse. After HE askedto go down (I suggested we stick with the basics to no avail) he takes two laps and makes such a face even I had to laugh at then spends the entire night freaking that his tongue had gone numb! Later he said, “Uh, maybe it was the hot tea I had earlier.” Jerk!
Porn makes it look so easy. But porn does not convey the scent or taste. Porn makes it look absolutely delicious, when infact, it's more of an aquired taste. Just like beer is gross at first, but once you associate it with it's alcoholic effect, beer starts tasting good.
Coffee isn't very good either at first, until you learn how it wakes you up. Once you get the benefit of coffee, it's much better.
Well, **** doesn't exactly taste or smell great at first. Even the cleanest ones are a bit on the musky side. But, once it's associated with sex, it suddenly starts tasting great.
I don't think he meant to be insulting. Just lacks the social skills to know if he's being insulting or not.
I tried to explain it would take a while for his body to warm up to the new sensations but, lawsa, if I got beyond the two pairs of underwear he was wearing he’d say, “Stop that tickles.”
I have no idea wtf is up with the multiple layers. Maybe boner embarassment??
Notice how it's really hard for you to tickle yourself? It's because you're comfortable with yourself. But, a stranger can.
Something I've noticed with myself, and this happens with every new girl, is that if I'm comfortable with someone, and maybe really know them, they have a hard time tickling me. But, if I don't know them, or I'm nervous, even subconciously or haven't been touched in a long time, they can tickle just by touch. It's an unfamiliar touch, and I don't get why it happens.
Next guy I try to seduce I'm serving Cheetos and warm Schlitz and wearing my penguin jammies!
Sounds good to me!
Personally, I don't care. I don't think I'm ever going to say "Umm....no, I don't find you desirable right now unless you're all done up." I don't care about the romance, and stuff like that. (Maybe "Go take a shower" is in order at the worst) BUT, if anything, it's for HER. If it makes her feel sexy and gets her in the mood, alright!
You don't need to seduce a man into sex. Just by being willing and able, that's typically enough seduction. Everything else is a bonus. Bonuses are nice too. Don't get me wrong.
Yeah, it can be a curse. Why? Because it's THERE. It's a drive. And it needs to be taken care of. Women don't need convince a guy to have sex with her (depending on his attraction to her and any moral beliefs getting in the way). Men need to convince women to have sex with them. Why? Women say no. | |
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