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 Autumniron
Joined: 12/3/2006
Msg: 1
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ladies,

I was recently contacted by an ex-girlfriend that had cheated on me when we were together. She is BiPolar, and the last time I was with her, I had found out she cheated a last time, and she was in the middle of a breakdown, because she had no idea why she did it. She asked me for help, and I found a good hospital for her before we parted. I just wanted her to be ok. She went in, and has been through a lot of treatments and changes. She says that she is NOT the same person anymore.

I know about guys, and how we think. But, I thought maybe you women could tell me if what she says could be true.
We all deserve chances, especially if we go through hell to change our lives.
Can somebody really change?
Thanks.
 MzScrubber
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 2
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:17:13 PM
bipolar or not, she cheated.

having bipolar doesnt give you a right to cheat and lie to someone. its a medical condition not an excuse!!

trust is earnt not given.

how many chances do you want to give her ?

I believe people can change but trust is something they need to earn back again and not expect to be given just because they say so.

i had an ex contact me a few months ago, he cheated on me twice whilst we were together and now whilst i give him the time of day thats about all hes getting off me. mind you i dont want him back romantically either.

it sounds as though you are considering taking her back, if so you need to ask yourself if you want to go thru the drama's again.
 dysoleray
Joined: 2/24/2006
Msg: 3
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:21:36 PM
i don't think bi-polar is a reason for cheating, but i would say if you know a person is bi-polar and is looking for desperatly needed help,if you choose to be the one to walk down that road with her(which is very comendable) it's on your shoulders as to what happens from that point on.She did it once and i can't say it'll happen a second time, that depends on you.But i would say if it did happen a second time,don't be surprised or blame it on her.You knew,made the choice, and i think you'd be made to face a different decision if it did happen again! never blame it on a dissorder!
 nicknjimmy
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 4
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:23:00 PM
My exwife is bipolar and a drug addict on the bipolar part itself if she did that I am sorry this might sound rude but I wouldn't take her back because it will happen again. A good example is my exwife and I were married to eack other twice the first time she walked out on me and then the second time she walked out on me and our son who is two. Bipolar relationship can work, but it depends on how severe the bipolar is my exwife is what they call a rapid cyclier which is about as ruff as you can get and then the drugs on top of it the two fed off each other. Seriously man I know what your going through and how hard it is but I finally I realised and you should to it is not worth the heart ache that goes with it and move on.
 JerseyGirlLori
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 5
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:23:05 PM
So she just tripped and fell on some other guy's jock? *blank stare* Dude. C'mon. You still have unresolved feelings for her; so, here are your choices: you can slowly let her back into your life and give her a second chance to prove that she's changed and is now trustworthy ... or ... you can jump back in with both feet ... or ... not.

Because anything is possible, it's as much possible that she's changed as it is that she hasn't and she'll cheat again.

The real question is whether or not you're willing to put your heart on the line again for this woman and that's a question only you can answer. Best of luck.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 6
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:34:19 PM
I say, bi-polar or not, people are capable of learning lessons and correcting their behavior (i.e. not doing it again). So, in the same sense that being bi-polar doesn't excuse the cheating, it shouldn't be the only reason you are able to forgive her.

How did you find out she cheated before? Did she tell you, or did you have to find out from another source? That would actually matter to me - because I care less about cheating and more about the lies told to cover it up. To me, it's the difference between making someone else psychotic to prevent yourself from "being caught" and having some sense of remorse or realization that it was a mistake.

Anyway - I think people can change, or, rather, learn from mistakes. And, if you had stayed with her, then she never would have learned the lesson of losing you. But, if you've spent enough time apart for her to fully grasp the consequences of her poor choice and felt the loss (and it was a long enough time where she felt that loss was permanent), then she might be very grateful for having a second chance and not make the same mistake twice.
 DetroitS60
Joined: 1/19/2007
Msg: 7
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/12/2007 10:06:00 PM
Been there. We are not together anymore, by my choice. And ya, I'll admit, one of THE HARDEST things I've ever had to do was walk away from her. Especially when she told me that she wishes that she hadn't made such an unforgiveable mistake to make her realize how good she had it with me. I've cheated before, but never had it done to me, until her. What makes it harder, is that I honestly thought she was "the one". I still love things about her, and always will. Everyone loves things about people they have been with in the past, in spite of the way it ends. It's easy to say it doesn't matter what other people will think of you if you do take her back, but, it does. As far as the bi-polar thing, never had to deal with that so not sure what to tell ya there man. It's a toin coss buddy. If you FEEL that you can trust her, then go for it. Just my opinion. KJM
 danishsweetbread
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 8
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:49:54 AM
I have a friend who is bi-polar and has trouble holding down a job because of her up and downs...and she has never cheated to my knowledge.

I think there is no excuse for cheating ever. Walk away.
 Tarra
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 9
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:19:26 AM
Bi-polar as a medical condition. Extreme mood swings .......Highs and Lows. So are you saying she cheated on you when she was in a LOW mental state? I would agree. She doesn't know why she did it? Yes she does, she found a guy that she was attracted to and had sex with him. While in a relationship with you. What she did was unexcusable and you did not deserve it. Can people change? Of course they can. Has she? Only time will reveal that to you. Personally I would always have that doubt in the back of my mind.

I hope you make the right decision.

Best of Luck,

Tara
 rasonage
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 10
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:19:01 AM
Another question that would bring to my mind (sorry for answering in an "ask the ladies" forum) if she changed and is not the same person, would you like who she changed into regardless of the cheating?
 *aden*
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 11
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:31:47 AM
to be honest if a woman or man cheats on someone they did it for a reason-obviously they did not or do not appreciate, respect, and love the person enough not to have cheated....they say "once a cheater always a cheater"-well that is only semi true....if the person cheats on you then yes they will almost certainly do it again-that doesn't mean that the next person they are with will be cheated on. It means that they do not love you enough not to cheat on you!!! Not everyone will cheat on you because not everyone will have the same lack of feelings for you. This one will cheat on you again because the feelings are not there for you. You have to realize what cheating really is before you try to put your emotions into play-cheating is a scapegoat. the cheater doesn't love you but doesn't want to break up with you for whatever reason(fear of an argument and end result is usually the most common reason, kids, financial stability etc) so the cheater seeks out other ways to get to the end result(break up) by cheating on you, being cold towards you, basically just hating you and everything about you-they want you to be the one to break up with them so they don't have to go through the difficult tast of saying it's over!!! do yourself a favour and realize that this person just does not love and respect you enough to be with you in a monogamous relationship. Unless you're willing to be with a partner who will never give you the love you need then i suggest you move on to someone who will. jmho
 qtblondbomb
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 12
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:57:58 PM
No matter what anyone says on here yeah she can change or not. Its all in your head. If you yourself do not believe she can change and dont trust her its not going to work. You go into that relationship thinking she could cheat things will be different you could worry and she can pick up on that from you. Trust is a big thing in a relationship so you have to answer your own question.
 TaLuvs2Laugh
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 13
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:10:10 PM
I do not condone, tolerate or promote cheating but the fact is almost everyone you know has at one time cheated on a significant other. Does this mean they'll automatically do it agan? NO! Some people are cheaters and we can usually spot those a mile a way but sometimes good people do stupid things for unknown reasons.

Cheating once does not necessarily mean the end of the line with that person. If you really in your heart dont trust that it won't happen again, walk. If it's not the first time, walk. If it's behaviour you expected from this person but you took a chance anyway, walk.

If you really think this person loves you and you can forgive and trust again, give it a shot.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 14
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:26:25 PM
First of all - forget all the crap about changing or whatever-
and if you trust her -
she has a sickness- My sister is bi-polar -
if she does not take her meds for a couple of days she is back at
square one- I dont think the issue here is cheating - I think the issue
is her staying well - can she handle the pressures of a relationship again
with you -
so - honestly- if you can handle her sickness and everything that goes
with it - that is what you should be looking at - not if she will cheat again-
keeping her well is what you should be focusing on if you want a relationship
with her again-
This is a real sickness - and you need to educate yourself about this sickness
and what it does to her before you attempt to even put yourself through this-
they are not magically cured - thier symptoms are controlled through medication
and psychiatric therapy -

 MONEMPERER
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 15
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 3:17:33 PM
No person if they have ever cheated can be trusted again ever in their life for anything male or female.
 livefire
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 16
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 5:20:53 PM
Ok, I'm not a chic, but I have been in your shoes. My ex-wife was bi-polar. She cheated on me, I kicked her out and filed for divorce. Six months later she talked me into taking her back... "I'm seeing consoulers, taking my meds, I would rather die than hurt you like that again..." Anyway, less than 3 years later she did it again.

My advice is, you have already gotten rid of her - leave it that way. She has shown her true colors and she will do it again. Don't buy into all the 'they can change' BS. Even if she takes her meds forever(chances are she won't, been there, ok?), her body will work up a tolerence to them and guess what????? She will be manic/depressant again. And she won't tell you about it because they LIKE it. They like the feeling of freedom that being manic gives them. It is a continous 'high' that they will not tell you about, you will find out the hard way. During this time they have a deep rooted 'I don't care' attitude. They know the consequences of what they are doing, but it doesn't matter - there is no future, just here and now. "I know by doing this I will lose my husband, the kids, the house, and my job but I don't care, I'm doing it anyway."

Bi-polar people cheat while they are manic, not during depression. While they are depressed, they are not interested in sex or anything else for that matter. They barely have enough enthusiasm to consider suicide, which during this time is a viable option to them.

Keep a bi-polar person away from alcohol and drugs. These will bring on manic in a heartbeat(which is why many of them become alcoholics-like I said before, they LIKE being manic). Even today, when my ex-wife calls, I can tell within the first 3 words she says whether or not she has been drinking.
 Hoirm
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 17
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:53:46 PM
I wouldn't and couldn't trust this woman again.
Even if you do take her back it'll be always in the back of your mind and you'll never be 100% sure if she will not do it again.

Had this "friendship" with this girl who I really liked.
5 years ago she gave me a bj. She had a bf at the time. She cheated on him with me.
I didn't get involved with her, but we remained friends.
Last year she slept a few times with another guy. She also had a steady bf at the time who took really good care of her (paying her bills and so on). She broke up with him.
Then I ran into her and we slept together. She had another bf at the time. Again she cheated on him with me.
Then she dropped this bf - told me she loves me and we dated for 10 weeks. And then it was over from one day to the next - she dropped me.. . Don't know whether she also cheated on me - don't think so, but it doesn't really matter.
Now she goes out with the guy she cheated on her other bf (2bf's before me).
See the pattern ? Don't think she is bi-polar, but she drinks a lot and takes coke.

Sad part is that I really did like her.. . Oh - and just recently I found out that she also slept with one of my ex gf's about 5 years ago. . lol

I don't miss her anymore
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 18
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:18:36 PM
y'know...i have to admit the bi-polar thing scares me as much as the cheating does.

i've worked with too many of these people to trust them to stay on their meds and try to take responsibility for their lives.

the fact of the matter is that this woman has 2 strikes against her. it's admirable that you found help for her the first time around, but why go back for more? do you really need someone else's issues, particularly when she has a history of abusing your trust?

this may sound harsh, but in the long run, you need to look out for your own best interests.
 DeeMC
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 19
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:21:22 PM
i'd have to say there's atleast a 50-50 chance it'll happen again. character is an individual trait...you probably know her better than most on this post...and if you have to ask, would usuallly mean you already know the answer. intuition...it's the first thing we hear and the last thing we listen to.
 quietlife147
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 20
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/14/2007 7:51:36 AM
My experience is if they are attractive and have an alchohol/drug problem....give them a big miss...
 tmac46
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 21
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:18:55 PM
to danishsweetbread, you go girl, your obviously one in a million
 tmac46
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 22
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:25:49 PM
to aden, its been my experiance that the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" is very accurate. I have seen and known a great deal of people in my time and have yet to find someone that cheated [man or woman] that didn't cheat again no matter who they are with. What bothers me is that people especially women, take them back. There may be the exception, but as I said, I haven't seen it
 tmac46
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 23
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:40:07 PM
to taluvs2laugh: being a man, maybe I'm wrong but for me, if a person actually does LOVE their partner. There is no and I mean no reason on earth to cheat. I for one was with my wife for 22 years, an in that time she had 4 boyfriends, had sex with at least 3, thought she was preganant by one, left me and lived with two. I've been drunk, stoned, angry, frustrated etc and whether all you out there in cyberland beleive it or not, not once in all that time did I ever lie or cheat on her. I was far from perfect, I truly beleived I was in love with her and there is a major difference in loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone.
 joey249
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 24
Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:13:31 AM
If the right guy comes here way yes most definetly, unless the man she is with is everything she ever wanted.Unfortunetly some women and men have know idea what they want.
 mmmnicky
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 25
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Can a woman that has cheated in the past, be trusted not to cheat in the future?
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:53:02 PM
part of being bi polar is that they find it really hard to ask for help, they cant admit they have a problem, that is why they keep regressing, but yes depends how severe it is.

also part of being bi polar is heavy self destructive behaviour.. that is probably the mostly likey reason she cheated, they usually also have drug dependancy issues, and dont have very good self esteems.

i think u need to look beyond the cheating, who knows.. she might.. might not. just like a new gf might or might not. thats a risk. ur problem isn't that. but..

will her bi polar behaviour ruin the relationship.
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