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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thoug      Home login  
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 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 1
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Everything was fine, a couple of dates, saying that he enjoys to be with me and blah-blah… he was a “good” guy compare to many other guys on dating sites…. We were set the next date….but I saw him on- line (dating site) a lot. I thought it is OK ..no any commitment ..only a few dates ..anyone has a right to do what he wants to do… Occasionally I find him on 5 dating sites!!!! What is that? Obsessions??? I realize that his “business trip” on weekend was just a fake, probably to meet other women. Why need play this games, why set up date with me and so?

And this guy appears to be a “decent”. How don’t make this mistake again? Avoid “wrong” opinion about man.
 terminallycute
Joined: 8/3/2005
Msg: 2
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:27:15 AM

What is that? Obsessions???


well..I think it is an obsession on your part for scoping him out in all these dating sites!!

perhaps you should consider another hobby
 Tr9999
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 3
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 4
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History
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:29:48 AM
Well!! you two haven't made any committment, so I think he has the right to be doing what he wants to do. If you two become or have passionate relationship and committed each other then you have the right to ask this kind of question. Until then you can do the same. Good luck to you.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 5
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:31:27 AM
I think the obsession is actually you trying to online stalk the poor fool... You might have way too much time on your hands....Can we say clingy.
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 6
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:32:29 AM
Really, I find him on other sites by an accident. Just want did not want to be on-line where he is, I went on another dating site , registered and looked men profiles and what hell , he is here too. I went another dating site and the same. I DON’T chase men, I USED they chase me. But just wondering about “internet’ games, as I am a new to it.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 7
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:34:58 AM
Well you were online at these sites...yet you want to know about "him" playing games...For you to find his profile you would have to have an account...Can you say "pot calling the kettle black"
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 8
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:37:59 AM
I probably would like to know when dating or relationship became exclusive? After a few dates, after having sex or what? Forgive, my ‘stupid” questions, as I told before I am a new to that.
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 9
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:40:56 AM
I feel if I like a man or feel may be possibilities for a relationship, I try to see what happened here and I am not interested meeting others .But what man feel? When he met someone he likes? And what? Is He still seeing others?
 gtadaizee
Joined: 10/22/2006
Msg: 10
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:41:03 AM
OMG, his name isn't ************** is it! Sure sounds exactly like someone I met. Same scenario, exactly, I shall look at your profile to see your location.

When someone appears to be too good to be true, usually then he/she is!!!! These players know exactly what you want to see and hear and man they are SMOOTH. Business trips and not available on weekends are red flags to me. Bet you he called you a lot too, to really throw you off track. Mine even had an accident and was in the hospital over the weekend.

You were very astute to get onto him so fast. His excuse to me about still being listed in this dating site (after he told me on his own volition that he was taking himself out of contention because I was THE one) was that he needed to send out emails to all the gals who had contacted him and to let them know he had found his gal. Then he closed that account and the same day he opened another, exactly the same and added some personal female friend names. I sent him a laughing email and that was that. I had hidden my profile but when I started have weird feelings and doubts well then I went fishing. I sure didn't like being co**holed!!!!!

Interestingly enough he originally contacted me and tho he doesn't have a pic in his profile he included one in his email. I know several things that are actual truths about him like his name, his cell phone number and his vehicle and license plate. Oh here is a good one. He shares an apartment (an expensive apt) with another recent divorced man and yet in his expensive SUV was a house garage door opener! That was the seed of doubt that I remembered when he didn't show up for a planned Friday and I never heard from him for several days!!! I believe all the other stuff but once I caught onto him I did not know what was true and what was false. Trust me we were well into a relationship and he was always calling me and using endearments, mind you there was chemistry there.

He has his right to live life the best way he knows how or as he so choses BUT I have the right to not want anyone in my life like that. I could never trust him again and thats an awful way to live life. AND yet, HE was THE one for ME!!!!!! deal breaker, deal breaker plus then I was able to look back and see certain instances in a different light.

How to avoid this again, I'm not sure you can because these players (I also call them predators) are GOOD, they are the epitomy of a con man. Just keep your eyes and ears open, if you think you see a red flag, then you probably are. Their stories are just so real life. Especially when they disappear when you had plans, or they were never available on weekends, or didn't have a home phone because they didn't pay their long distance calls, rooming with another guy so no privacy at his home, yadayadayadayada

Try not to let it influence you in a negative way towards men. There are still some wonderful guys out there (hard to find but they are there) and rest assured that women play this same game with men and in addition I have heard worse stories about predator/player women. Good Luck


Sorry everyone above, I don't mean to attack you but unless you have ever been on the receiving end of one of these professional players, you just can't realize how good they are.

I did not create a new profile. I had hidden my profile and when I started having doubts, I reactivated it and tried his old name, it gave me the date he had closed his account and I got hopefull BUT still inner feeling so looked at new users in my area and there he was (he's hard to miss but I can't give you that information as it is personal and I don't want to publish personal info on him). So new name, had a message in his content for a girl by the name of *** *** hope I hear from you. And then when he was supposed to be away on a business trip and a very busy one he said, I checked his new profile and he was online when he was supposed to be running a seminar. Interestingly enough he closed that account and opened another one, all different names but same profile (not much of one) with same message to *** ***.

I decided, what the heck, he's the one who brought up the subject of taking our profiles out, I had some bad gut feelings so I left my profile active. I had IM him when he was online but he didn't answer me. He phoned I asked a simple question. He wouldn't answer it so said goodbye. No contact since, he's still changing his name so probably pulling the same scam on others. He has a very distinctable feature and he uses the same profile i.e. sometimes, I too shy to fill this out, will come back and do so". So I am not stalking him BUT I watched a pattern unfolding.
 twdfish
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 11
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:46:27 AM
Why don't you ASK the guy? Ask him at what point will he pull ALL of his profiles off.I have had women tell me i'm the" one " pull the profile ,show me it's gone and then sneak it back on a week later,while still saying I'm her guy.
It seems like there are no rules to this internet dating , so be careful.
 terminallycute
Joined: 8/3/2005
Msg: 12
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:47:26 AM
umm...excuse me..

but you come here and criticize this man for being on all these dating sites...

you call him a player and yet you admit to having accounts on these same dating sites so you can look at other mens profiles??

I think your digging your hole a little deep arent you?
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 13
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:49:03 AM
Thank you, gtadaizee, to share your experience. I was in his house, so I know where he lives, that’s why I believe to everything what he says, it seems to be true. But yet some his excuses make me stuck. Well, he is a history for me now. I ask you, guys, don’t get into it again. I really disappointed as this only one guy I liked among a few I’ve met.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 14
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:54:30 AM
When are you going to pull your profiles off these site....You actually said you were creating new profiles when you found him...If you're so happy with this guy, why are go creating new profiles online?
 whatagirlwants07
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 15
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:55:10 AM
It's exclusive when you both agree its exclusive...until then it's dating.
Dating is very different these days with the internet option...you can't make the assumption it's exclusive unless its discussed and agreed .
It takes a little getting used to when your new to it....just lighten up and have fun with it.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 16
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:58:32 AM

Everything was fine, a couple of dates, saying that he enjoys to be with me and blah-blah… he was a “good” guy compare to many other guys on dating sites…. We were set the next date….but I saw him on- line (dating site) a lot. I thought it is OK ..no any commitment ..only a few dates ..anyone has a right to do what he wants to do… Occasionally I find him on 5 dating sites!!!
How many sites are you on? Looks like you have only been here for a week. Not only that but your profile certainly isn't very descriptive, lots of Prefer Not To Say, which generally means married, with children, and/or overweight.

What is that? Obsessions??? I realize that his “business trip” on weekend was just a fake, probably to meet other women. Why need play this games, why set up date with me and so?
Um, maybe he likes you? That's usually why you date someone.

And this guy appears to be a “decent”. How don’t make this mistake again?
Maybe by talking this out with a living, breathing man instead of anonymously posting this scenario to people know neither you or this guy? Communication is key in any relationship. Ask him why he is on 5 other sites. If you don't like the answer, stop seeing him. Can't get much simpler than that. Don't be surprised if he thinks you are a player because you too were on 5 sites. I wouldn't necessarily assume that about a woman who I just met, and if I noticed she had many active profiles, I'd note that fact to her perhaps and gauge her response.
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 17
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:06:23 AM
Thank you, whatagirlwants07, for your answer. So it is normal things on Internet dating? Right? Had a date, like each other, set up next date and still be ON-LINE all the time? Well , I know now. I even didn’t open my profile on site we met, so I would not hurt his feelings that I am” desperately looking”. But if it is a “rule” so it be. Really, it is strange, no decent, honor, respect on this time, too many OPTIONS! Will try to follow rules….
 BasicsM45
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 18
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:07:27 AM
You know, part of this is really sad to me. Everyone is working overtime to cover their butts, and suss-out the motives of other people. I don't know if you can EVER protect yourself from "PLAYERS" or whatever buzzword (male or female) if you don't communicate, use your intuition and ask yourself what you want as you go along. I get weary of all the strategy. If you like someone, talk to them, ask them things. If you are out to play 'detective' all the time you may only find 'criminals' to play with--remember that they are same mind--just one has a badge and the other a mask :P. If you want to improve your flow of communication, talk. Maybe tell more about yourself in profile instead of exclamation points. Just an idea. Trust your intuition.
 blondelikewhoa
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 19
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:11:18 AM
you guys dont have any commitment yet. you can't expect him to just talk to you when you just went on a couple dates and didn't make anything official yet. Yeah, it hurts knowing he's also looking elsewhere-but maybe take this hint and look elsewhere too (while still hanging out with him if you wish).
It's AFTER you make that serious commitment that I would start to worry that he's on 5 dating sites, and not using them just for the forums.
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 20
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:18:39 AM

How many sites are you on? Looks like you have only been here for a week. Not only that but your profile certainly isn't very descriptive, lots of Prefer Not To Say, which generally means married, with children, and/or overweight.




I registered here only to post on forums, a don’t have a real profile


Maybe by talking this out with a living, breathing man instead of anonymously posting this scenario to people know neither you or this guy? Communication is key in any relationship. Ask him why he is on 5 other sites. If you don't like the answer, stop seeing him. Can't get much simpler than that. Don't be surprised if he thinks you are a player because you too were on 5 sites. I wouldn't necessarily assume that about a woman who I just met, and if I noticed she had many active profiles, I'd note that fact to her perhaps and gauge her response.


Yes, this is a problem… communication.. I feel I don’t have a right to ask him about 5 profiles, as we don’t have commitment, so it looks like “not of my business”. And guys don’t like when woman controls them and so. So how to clear up this issue.
 iris_iris
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 21
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:20:41 AM

Yeah, it hurts knowing he's also looking elsewhere-but maybe take this hint and look elsewhere too (while still hanging out with him if you wish).


That’s how I found him on 5 sites. I’ve not been looking intentionally.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 22
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:20:51 AM

I probably would like to know when dating or relationship became exclusive?
um, after you had "the talk". by the way, there are no guarantees. all you can do is learn about somebody, communicate, develop trust, and you could still get screwed over.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 23
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:25:09 AM

I registered here only to post on forums, a don’t have a real profile
You're not going to get any advice worth a damn on this site until you fill out a real profile. Otherwise you're just getting people guessing at what your problems really are.
 KitsKitten
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 24
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:29:27 AM
Iris Iris
One sure fire way to tell that people are 'players' is a profile full of:

prefer not to say
prefer not to say
prefer not to say

Oh wait......that came from YOUR profile......Hmmmm....smells like Troll
How to recognize a player? Got a mirror handy?
You really do need a hobby.

KK
 Travelor227
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 25
Hey,girls! How do I recognize that guy is a player? Guys, your thought will be appreciated too!
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:33:45 AM
The best way to spot a player. You really like him too much. Sounds odd but if you get the feeling the guy is too good to be true he probably is. I was definately a player when younger but want kids now. The thing is players are well practiced and know what to say and do. I could walk in someplace and recognize a type and know what to say. i know how to be witty and smooth or really romantic. Ironically the good guy aka non player has not dating skills and does not know what to say. Also the player will get annoyed at a girl who wants to talk to much or spend to much time together or waits too long for sex. Just not worth the effort. The best defense is not to date someone out of your league. A guy who can't make you laugh or can't keep up the conversation is definately not a player. Most guys by nature can't do either of these. Wait to meet a guys parents before sleeping with him! Trust me players don't introduce every girl. Can't mom would kick my but.
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