| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:24:05 PM | | Help me with this one. My last girl friend and I dated for just over 2 years. I tryed every thing with her from writing poems to when she came home from work one day I had rose peddles on the floor leading to the bed room, candles all over and a hot bubble bath ready for her with soft music playing. Well hell I'm a guy so I thought that I had done pretty good. I had been talking with her through out the day and she was in a very good mood so I left work early to do this for her. BUT when she got home she just said thanks but who is going to clean up this mess, and when I explained every thing to her she just said "it's been done before" so after several times of things like this I just gave up and when we split she said one of the reasons was I was not romantic enough... What the heck was I doing wrong so that I dont make the same mistake again in the future? | |
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| Chivarly???
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:31:33 PM | Keep making that "mistake" cuz its a good one!! If someone had put that much thought into something for me, I'd be thrilled!
So many people have different ideas of what romance is...what you did was a huge gesture, maybe her idea of romance was "the little things", like bringing her coffee in the morning exactly how she likes it, etc. Little stuff like that.
If someone poo-pooed on something I had done for them like that, I'd probably not do it anymore either...but only with that person. You'll find someone who will appreciate the grand gestures, etc.
Don't let her negativity ruin it for the rest of us!! | |
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| Chivarly???
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:37:09 PM | Theres a difference between romance and chivalry. Chivalry involved opening doors, paying for meals, putting her well being above your own. Romance is making a relationship sentimental through flowers and stuff. Just thought you should point that out. Maybe you should consider changing the title to "Romance".
Some women actually say they hate romance. I'm not sure why. Maybe they are just unsentimental people. I can see how someone might find a bed sprinkled with rose peddles and soft music playing a little corny, but at least the guy put some effort into it. | |
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| Chivarly???
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:38:59 PM | I'm one of those that would have been thinking who the hell is going to pick up all the rose petals! 
And I think poems are cheesey.
Her comment about "it's been done before" is right. None of those ideas are original. It's romantic when it's fresh and new - something you took the time to think up on your own, not just some cheese thing you saw in a movie.
However, kudos to you for even trying. I'd have been happy with that for sure, the effort counts for a lot. I'd have made you pick up all the rose petals though...  | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:08:55 PM | Even though its "been done Before"
you were doing it for her - so everything that everyone has
already done was not good enough - this makes no sense to me -
I think what you did was very sweet and personally - I think she
is a mean ass b*tch who could not see how romantic that was accept
to make a comment - "it was done before" - so what - alot of things
have been done before - be original - I would have just been happy
you did it- period - God man - you cant make some people happy-
And when you split she said you were not romantic -
you should have said my flame thrower was in the shop during this relationship
so I was unable to melt your ice cold ass- | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:39:18 PM | I think she was just mean and miserable. If you had done all that for me, I would have happily cleaned up the room.
Some women just don't know a good thing when they get it.
Keep on making that mistake, Cowboy. She didn't deserve you. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:50:16 PM | OP - what you did was romantic, it has nothing to do with chilvary. While women may enjoy flowers, gifts, meals out, etc. Even more so what will turn a woman on is a man who will help with the chores without having to be asked. A man that will remember the "little things". Also, women are appreciative of men who do something as simple as listen.
Sorry your GF wasn't appreciative, perhaps she's never been tuned into love, romance, and other finer things in life (not material crap). Don't let this Ex GF stop you from doing this, there's someone out there who will love it and love you! | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:24:07 PM | Definitely stay *YOU*...
I'd be thrilled to death that someone had gone thru that much effort to do something nice for me. I picked up rose petals from my local florist one night, went home and after the kids were in bed I made myself a lovely bath... and then invited him to join me. Let's just say that he definitely enjoyed it as much as I did!!! Clean up is minor.
It really is the little things. I get lovely text messages from my guy all thru the day, and really naughty ones on the day he's coming to see me. Makes me feel special, which is what any woman should feel. He's made me dinner (altho I did accuse him of trying to poison me 'cause I got REALLY sick the next day... was a gastro bug, not his cooking!!), he's brought sushi and prepared snacks for us, brought me a single rose... and just yesterday I found that he had kept the tickets from the first hockey game we saw together... and he kept the ones from the game yesterday too (I thought only chicks did those things!!! I hadn't realised he'd kept the first ones at all.. altho I was wondering where they had gone to..)... he's gone to fetch coffee and today he helped make breakfast, and watched the kids, got the youngest ready for a BD party (including wrapping the pressie!!), and had the others finish picking up their toys, did some of the laundry... not whipped as I did not ASK for any of it (other then the watching the kids while I went to work for a couple of hrs)... he just DID it. I have to work again next weekend while he's here (we see each other mainly on the weekends) so I've booked a sitter so he can go and do what he wants, and I've promised to make him a special dinner as my thank you (not to mention the other things he's gonna get!!!). Turnabout is fair play... you get what you give and if you take the time to make a little effort for your special person, you will get it back in spades from the right person (or the one who's worthy anyway). | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:31:13 PM | | That just proves another point. See ladys there are still some good men out there. and some are even still single ( like me) lol | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:51:49 PM | to the OP:
I think she probably saw that your intentions were good with your kind and thoughtful actions, but like me with my guy I need him to express himself VERBALLY more and also to be more intimate with me. The kind gestures are lovely but she probably thought something else was missing. Dont know your history but that is my $0.02 . | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:26:37 PM | | If it were me, I wouldn't care about the mess and my only thoughts would be rolling around in the rose garden on the floor, playing in the bubbles with you and just having good clean fun. Who cares about the mess, we can clean it up in the morning after a quicky, having breakfast and before we go to work. This type of romantic gesture would have me weak in the knees and I would be so very appreciative. Its nice to know that there are truly romantic men out there!!! | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/17/2007 7:48:50 AM | GMC Cowboy, you put your heart into your intentions and that is always welcomed. Even though I do think romance is a bit over-rated....pleasure is always a diversion from the mundane. Yes maybe I would have thought to m'self...."what does he want?", or maybe it's the fact I have a hard time accepting such gestures gracefully.... I would have never, EVER and I mean NEVER EVER have told you "it's been done before" or it was "cheesy", but I would have made you feel VERY proud of yourself.
Then again, I'd have a very hard time tellin' ya...."I'd rather you polish my boots for me, or redressed my bed with sundried sheets"....that's my point, every woman takes pleasure in simple, but different things and there's no way to tell if one woman would barely notice....another woman thrilled, cuz it's a roll of the dice.
Sometimes ya'll think we don't notice the deeds of kindness you show us, but speakin' for m'self....when a man goes out of his way to help not necessarily me...but for someone I love.... like a good friend or a sister, he's speakin' directly to my heart...he says, "this person means alot to YOU and .....YOU mean alot to me, so this I do for both of you"
A man I care about very much, does little things for me all the time. It comes natural to him. He wants to do these things and I in turn want to do the same same for him. Just stoppin' what he's doin' sometimes, even when he's very focused on something, he acknowledges my prescence with a pat on my knee, a sweet wink and a smile, just to let me know he's not ignorin' me and that YES he can do two things at once, he makes me feel a part of him and happy to be around. It's foreplay like that...all day.. that pleases me most. I can't wait to let him know how turned on I get...just by the simple things that took just a few moments of his time...like planting flower seeds for me, because he knows I get excited about that stuff. I think he knows he's plantin' more than just marigolds in my heart. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/17/2007 8:04:45 AM | Well hell I'm a guy so I thought that I had done pretty good.
Well hell, I'm a girl and I thought you had done pretty good. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:19:44 PM | SunnyTexas,
You are a true and pure woman and any man that is in your life is touched from above for having you there for them. Thank you for all the kind words that you have given. | |
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| Chivarly???
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:30:15 PM | oof, yesiam, I think any guy would have a hard time pleasing you based on your comments.
If I came home to that, I'd be thrilled. Who cares who has to pick up the rose petals? The thought counts, the effort counts and life is about enjoying the moment, not going "oh damn, what a mess".
Believe me on this one, life is something to be cherished. Cheesy as it may seem to some, those are things that I hold dear to my heart because I may not have them again.
So OP.. good call on your part. Nothing wrong with it, you did something very sweet for someone special in your life. Her loss if she didn't appreciate it.
v.v... never change who you are. You're not that far away that I can't drive there and thwap you for it. | |
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| Chivarly???
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:33:58 PM | | Thank you. I'm seeing by what most are saying here that I don't need to change me just who I was with. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:37:53 PM | If chivalry is dead, its ****es like her that killed it. But that's another thread altogether.
Now, I've always had a bit of an aversion to romantic gestures, and while, yes, I've heard this particular one before, I'd be shickled titless if a guy did that for me. Wasn't original enough for her? Mkay princess, that's fine, because judging by the responses you've gotten from this thread, there're plenty of women who wouldn't mind it at all.  | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:35:35 PM | Chivalry refers to a knight's code of honor, not "romance".
It's dead and gone along with the Age that spawned it. British **stards. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:31:48 AM | My ex seemed to only make romantic gestures (i.e. flowers and cards) when in trouble. The one time I remember him being romantic, he did the petals thing and cooked me the one meal he did very well (meatloaf) in the shape of a heart. It was corny, but to me it was wonderful. He did it out of no where, no fight before hand, no anniversary/birthday on the horizon. It is the single romantic thing I remember about him, and one of the few good memories I have.
Women often make the mistake of not appreciating the small things that men do to try to be romantic. We forget they don't think like we do, they aren't as focused on making memories. They worry about practical things, and just figure we know how much they care by the daily things they do (work to provide, take out the garbage, yadda yadda) When a guy does even the smallest romantic gesture, I let them know it's appreciated. Unless of course they are doing it because you just caught them in a lie, or something like that. Being romantic only to get out of trouble is not appreciated. | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:44:25 AM | The point here is simple.. When you do something special for someone you love or care about.. The worst thing that person can do to you is scorn that .... For me its a tell tale sign that this person dose not have your best interests at heart and my be with you for reasons that do not include supporting and caring about your well fare.
I like to do things like that for my Girl once and a while .. some women are not crazy about it but if you take the time to do special dinner, a spa day at home, a pick nick on the living room floor in mid winter, Secret clues to a unknown sexy meet up .. What ever it is .. if she doesn’t show appreciation for it.. she is being careless with your heart and the relationship.. that to me is a deal breaker if immediate steps on her part are not taken to repair the mistake.
Sounds like that girl walks around with her own person spot light.. the rest of the word is her audience.. dark figures she can barley see thought the glare of her life | |
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| Chivarly, ok well Romance??
Posted: 4/27/2007 12:31:29 PM | | You didnt do anything wrong...she just didnt like you. Dont worry, there's alot more women out there. | |
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