| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:38:32 AM | Some people may think I am crazy for asking this but it has recently come up on conversation with my g/f and I am actually refuting some of this stuff now that I am older and wiser.
I used to think that romance meant love and caring. Now I know it is simply a gesture that can show but does not nessesarily mean that. So why is it so important if its meaning is so ambiguous ? This is not to say that romance is not important at all, but the buying of flowers, the chocolates, the petty little things like that I fail to see the importance anymore of them. Or the message that that they are meant to send.
To me the actions of priority mean more than the little gifts and such ... If i place a serious priority on spending time with you in my busy life that means alot because I arrange my life to make that work consistantly. Does this mean that I am emotionally detached ? I certainly care about my g/f and her feelings. Is it just that I do not want to spend the time wooing someone? When I do something like this I want it to be accepted as genuine and unexpected, not routine and boring.
What do you all think about it ???
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:44:41 AM |
, but the buying of flowers, the chocolates, the petty little things like that I fail to see the importance anymore of them.
Well, my friend, the whole point is not if YOU see the importance in them, but for the LADY who feels the importance in them.
Those gestures show that their thoughts and likes are being taken into consideration, and an attempt is made to please them, even if it is only a gesture. However, as you stated, these gestures aren't always sincere. The smaller gestures, like touching her hand when it's not expected, or just gently kissing her on the cheek out of the blue, or stroking her hair for no other reason but just to show affection might have more of a meaning then chocolates. (Which in most cases I end up eating anyway lol) | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:52:33 AM | "Romantic gestures" have become cliche or overused, IMHO. Every guy has been told to send flowers, buy chocolates, etc.
It isn't really about the specific act so much, as it is about doing things for your SO simply to make them feel noticed, appreciated, and cared about. If your girl really likes flowers, sure give her flowers, but don't do it just because that is what guys are "supposed" to do. If she is a biker chick, maybe a nice pair of a$$less chaps might be more appropriate (and fun!) 
Pay attention to what makes them feel special. For some its flowers (or a$$less chaps), but for others a simple knowing glance, touch of the hand, handwritten note, or a homecooked meal can be just as powerful. Everyone wants to feel special and appreciated by their SO. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:01:15 AM | And here I am again.
Romance is not about flowers and chocolates.
Romance is about holding hands. Romance is a surprise dinner for her by candlelight and her favorite apertif..
Romance is sitting on the couch together, doing the New York Times crossword puzzle.
Romance is making love by the fireplace.
These things will be remembered a year from now. Romance is about the precious moments you spend together. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:09:06 AM | You see that is what i think as well ... I know what she likes and such but those moments have way more significance ... So why is there an issue with thinking and acting on that with some women?
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:13:08 AM | | first of all, the "wooing" should never stop! I've grown sick of men reeling me in with all those romantic gestures and then once they think they have me they stop. those little petty things....are what mean the most. to just take 5 minutes out of your ever so busy life and let your gal how special she is. romantic gestures let her know. or him...know that they are appreciated and cared about. romanice gestures aren't something I need its something I would love to get. and I'm a giver, love romance and being romantic. I'm happy if my mate is happy. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:18:36 AM | | Why are you concerned with what 'some other women' like, dislike, expect? If you know your lady, that's all you need to know. If you make her happy doing what you do, then that's it. BUT...if she sighs when talking about a friend getting flowers at work, or says things like "candlelight dinners are so romantic" maybe she's giving you clues that she would like more than what you've gave her. Notice her. Be proud that someone wants your attention, its a nice thing. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:21:53 AM | | OP - but if you love and care for someone, don't you want them to feel good? And if a small token gives your girlfriend pleasure....why wouldn't you want that for her? I know for me, it's not what is given...or the value....but that I was thought of during his day. Nothing touched me more than the dollar store candle on the table for one of our first dinners together (I love candles)....or the BBQ lighter he bought for me to make lighting my candles easier for me. I spent my first weekend with him, and there was a vase of flowers on the table (I love flowers). And it's not always a token.....holding my hand under the table when we are out....a hand on my shoulder when he walks up behind me..... all things that make me feel like he thinks I am special. Perhaps you don't need or want these things....but your girlfriend obviously does. And if you do love and care for her...then you would want to give this to her. All that being said, if she is the type of girl who expects expensive presents all the time...expensive dinners out...etc....and takes them for granted....then I would be questioning whether it was me she wants....or the gifts..... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:27:48 AM | Showing I care is not about flowers and candles and such ... it is how I choose to show her is it not ... These gestures are supposed to be about me showing her I care ... Now romance I understand. I candle lit dinner is something I love to do for my S/O ... back rub and massages as well ... Letting her have some peace and quiet after a hard day ... to me those things matter and are MY gestures to show I care ... The question is why do those other things matter if I am showing in the best way I know how to ...
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:32:59 AM | I think its not and should not be one sided - the men in my life have always loved the little romantic gestures back. Personally I think its about adding to the relationship, as a great relationship is multi-dimensional.
How many men out there while cuddling and watching a movie or TV, have ever had your SO kiss you gently on the cheek or neck and then with the right sound, movement or cuddle had that turn into an awesome sensual and sexual adventure? It just takes making each other feel so wonderful together in sweet romantic ways - as the thoughts linger a long time.
To me, its not always the man to initiate, but I must say a sweet romantic man is extremely hot to this lady and I have never been one to ignore the man in my life, so if my man is romantic to me and makes me feel loved, appreciated, desired and wanted - well, lets just say he will certainly feel that way back. Now to me, that is a great relationship. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:39:06 AM |
I think its not and should not be one sided - the men in my life have always loved the little romantic gestures back. Personally I think its about adding to the relationship, as a great relationship is multi-dimensional.
I'm in 100% agreement with that. And I have to ask Walking in Memphis, sure, you book time in your life to spend with her, but what are you doing during that time? Being there's great, but a pet rock can be there for you too.... | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:40:38 AM | | OP - you are right.....it is about showing that you care....I gave examples of flowers and candles because they are things that I like.... I like a bit or romance....and because he loves and cares for me, he thinks of things that give me that romance that pleases me. But the things that mean the most are the holding hands....the hands on my shoulder....a surprise visit when I was away working..... Each person has their own desires...their own things they need in order to feel loved and cared for. I think maybe what you need to consider is.....are the things you are doing for her things you THINK she would like....or are they actually the things she would like you to do...things that in her mind would make her feel special and loved? Perhaps you need to find out from her what she would really like from you. Think of it this way....if something that really touched you...made you feel special....was something as simple as a chocolate bar waiting on your pillow..... wouldn't it please you even more if your SO did that for you...even if she didn't see the value of it....but did it only to please you? | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:20:36 PM | Well... your implying that your SO isn't happy with the backrubs and candlelit dinners.... so.... find out what SHE thinks is romantic and do that!! Like someone said "it doesn't matter what YOU think is romantic... it's what SHE thinks is romantic".
Probably the most romantic thing you could do would be to sit down and discuss this with HER... explaining your side and how you feel you ARE being romantic... and then finding out what her definition is. Hopefully you'll be able to reach a happy medium.
Anyway, that's what it sounds like to me. Like she isn't considering the things you've been doing as romantic... AND... if she LIKES to get chocolates??? Get her some freakin chocolates!! Her feeling romanced is only gonna benefit you!!  | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:23:41 PM | every girl likes to feel special. small gestures of thoughtfulness (for me it's flowers, but i don't care for the dozen roses, give me a carnation they smell better) really make my day. same as compliments. if i look pretty, and you say so, it lifts the spirit. neither are specifically "necessary" in a relationship, i'm not a hopeless romantic personally, but i really do like small acts of thoughtfulness. i guess it'll depend on the girl.
and i definitely have no interest in such things when they're not genuine. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:24:41 PM | | I love, love, love romance. At the same time I've never been able to pin down exactly what makes up romance. Is it flowers and chocolates? Time and attention? Simple consideration? The willingness to sacrifice a bit of your dignity? Maybe it's anything your partner does to make you feel special. For me it's like trying to explain what makes up beauty--you can't, not really, because it keeps reinventing itself. But I know it when I see it. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:33:50 PM |
For me it's like trying to explain what makes up beauty--you can't, not really, because it keeps reinventing itself. But I know it when I see it.
Ahh, so very well spoken! That's it, in a nutshell.
It's as wild as the wind. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:40:15 PM | Given your attitude, I'd suggest you find yourself a competent, cheap divorce attorney. Romance is important, more important than chocolates and flowers. However, if you consider the trappings of romance petty, then you have missed the entire points of romance.
Romance is trying to convince the other person they are the centre of your universe, that you would walk over burning coals for her attention, that you would run a marathon for her smile, than you would battle monsters to win her favor.
Flowers and chocolates, and poetry, and kind gestures and phone calls, and standing under her window with a six string playing love songs are all ways to show her that she is worthy of the effort of wooing. If that's not you, You've missed the point.
Ketch | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:45:32 PM | Let's see if this little story can make the point.
There was a rather plain young woman who was courted by a fellow many years ago. In his society a fellow has to pay a bride price to win the girl. Now, knowing the girl loved the fellow and that she wasn't likely to get many suitors, her parents let it be known that they were looking for a minimal bride price. Where most girls went for two or three cows, they would accept one cow.
The young man arrived to claim his bride, and following behind him were five cows. Amazed at this bride price, the father of the bride took him aside and said, "Didn't you realize that we would have accepted far less?"
"Yes", said the young man, "But I wanted to marry a woman with a bride price of five cows."
After you stop laughing, think about the point here.
Now that's Romance.
Ketch | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:49:23 PM | Thank you Geneseo for hitting the nail on the head
At least this gal finds those things 1000 times better than flowers and chocolates....>>>>
The smaller gestures, like touching her hand when it's not expected, or just gently kissing her on the cheek out of the blue, or stroking her hair for no other reason but just to show affection might have more of a meaning then chocolates. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 24 | |
| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:50:00 PM | | I always buy her a good bottle of scotch, maybe a nice Balvenie doublewood or portwood finish, and some cigars to smoke with it. I like those Cohiba Minis. That way I'm sure at least ONE of us will get something out of my romantic gesture. | |
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| Romantic gestures .... Why are they needed ??
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:01:40 PM | Romantic gestures I believe are only Romanitc if the person receiving the gestures finds it romantic...otherwise it is just a nice gesture on your part...not romantic. Romantic to some are flowers and candies, to some it is off the walls things like leaving the house in the morning just to rush back in for another goodbye kiss because the first was so good and you love em so much or a dance in the park in the rain and to some it is doing things like back rubs and things.
The question is do you love her enough to do the things she finds romantic? Maybe the thought of doing something that is not necessarily something you would do tells her she is special to you.
just my thoughts.... | |
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