| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:18:19 AM | I've been dating a guy for a little while now, we see each other most days or every 2nd day and at weekends as we live very close. However, at weekends both of us go out with our work crowd for drinks but he always wants to meet up with me then as well.
He thinks its really weird that I just want to go out on my own and not have him by my side on a friday night as well. I feel like, whats the point, cos my friends in work would just be talking about work or people he doesnt know so it would be boring for him.
I sometimes meet other friends after the work drinks and we have a girly night out but he doesnt like it and keeps asking me why I wont take him along and introduce him to everyone. But by the end of the week I feel I need time on my own, being with my own friends, being the person I always was before I knew him...
Whereas if he is going out with his friends he always wants me to come with him.
Am I doing something wrong by not taking him out with my friends? | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:23:40 AM | | No, you are certainly not doing anything wrong, provided you've explained this to him tactfully more or less the way you put it here. There's a prospective problem here in that this guy sounds dependant. I assume to want a relationship between two whole people not two halves who together make a whole. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:27:41 AM | I don't think there's anything wrong with you introducing him to your co-workers. That sounds pretty natural. I suggest a compromise of some sort. Let him know exactly how you feel, but also offer to let him meet your co-workers. Meeting them doesn't mean that he needs to go out with you and your co-workers every time you get together with them.
He simply sounds like he enjoys spending time with you. Some might say that he has trust or dependency issues, but that isn't necessarily the case. (A lot of people want to spend most of their time together if the relationship is in the "honeymoon" phase. But I don't know how long you've been seing one another.) I think it would be a good idea to let him know that time away from him is good--that you need that time to appreciate him more. I still, however, don't see the problem with letting him meet your co-workers and friends at least once, whether he becomes bored or not.
I feel I need time on my own, being with my own friends, being the person I always was before I knew him...
Your core shouldn't change whether you're with him or not. You should always feel like yourself. Odd.
Good luck! | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 12:47:08 PM | ok....forget the benevolent 'it would be BORING for him' routine for a minute........
You don't want to introduce him to those all important 'co-workers'......the ones who, if you got fired, or quit your job, or move onto something else, will FORGET YOUR EXISTENCE in a heartbeat and continue those happy hour club meetings WITHOUT YOU........BECAUSE???
When you can answer that.....you might be able to hold onto a successful relationship......He obviously had no problem or is ashamed in you hanging in HIS world.....but YOU have some issue in your environment that you may not wish him to see........ and that would be??????? | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:12:22 PM | | OP, having one's partner want you to meet his friends is a good thing...too many complain that their partners never introduce them to their friends, or never want to meet their friends. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to meet you out and meet your friends...and there's also nothing wrong with you, or both of you, wanting to spend some time on your own with your friends. But to never invite him along doesn't sound good, IMO. And it's up to him to decide if he's bored or not, not you; frankly, that just sounds like an excuse to not invite him. And the comment "being the person I always was before I knew him" sounds a bit off...aren't you being who you are when you're with him? What's different about you when you're with your friends than when you're with him? Why don't you simply have a get-together with his and your friends all there and see what happens? | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:48:07 PM | why not take him to meet your friends and co workers to see if they are compatible and he can decide if he'd like to hang with them or not. If you want to have "the girls night out" plan what day of the week you want to do it and he can have that night to hang out with His buddies. If you see each other on a daily basis and have only been dating for a short time you both may want to back off a little so as not to blow out the flame before it has time to spark.
Good Luck
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:50:32 PM | | He seems a little 'over' enthusiastic to me..................your instincts are right. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:08:20 AM | | Weekdays are boring, i could totally understand why he would want to see you on a Friday or Saturday so you two could actually get out and have some fun. If I had a girlfriend who wanted to spend the weekends apart all the time and didn't want me to meet her friends, i'd probably begin to think that the relationship didn't mean much to her. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:55:30 AM | | You most certainly aren't doing anything wrong. For goodness sake, does he go out with his friends? I find it a bit odd he doesn't want to hang out with his friends for a drink every now and then. I don't think there is anything wrong with him wanting to meet your friends, maybe hang out with you all once in a while, but everyone needs their own time out with their friends. Does he not have friends? If he continues to insist being with you when you go out with your friends, it could be a control issue. Have you thought about that? | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:05:29 AM | | Coming from his perspective, thats how I was cheated on once was by my girlfriend going out with friends that she would never introduce me to. Also .... I guess I always thought that if your with someone that they were your best friend.... why wouldnt he want to spend time with his friend. I know when I am dating someone, I enjoy her company and ask her to come out with my friends because it makes me proud to be by her side and have her be by mine. Maybe your not totally committed or embarressed by him. Sounds a little selfish on your part. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:09:54 AM | | why does everything that goes wrong revert back to a control issue? she said he does have friends he goes out with and wants to take her along. If two people care about eachother then they are jealous by nature. Thats a fact. Its how we portray ourselves to eachother as to whether or not we ever feel that jealousy. She isnt introducing him to her friends or coworkers so he sees it as something she is possibly hiding or he sees it as she is embarressed to show him off. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:49:26 AM | | If I were in his shoes I'd probably like to meet your friends at least once. Why not, one of the girls nights out, have a girl and partner night out? | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:49:42 AM | I would think that it would be
important for you to have 'you time,'
important for your guy to have 'his time,'
and then important for both of you to have your time together.
Just makes for a healthy relationship if we remember to take time for ourselves as well, or to include moments with our friends. Otherwise what will end up happening is that we smother our partner. Hopefully you both can communicate your feelings and work things out. Tell each other how you feel.
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:54:03 AM | | It looks to me from the original post that the man is proud of her, and enjoys being with her whenever he can, while she is ashamed of him or jealous that one of her friends will try to take him away. Just my two cents. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:06:30 AM | | Usually the best way to look at a situation is put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if you weren't included in his life. I'm with piano on this one. | |
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| Going out with friends
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:40:41 PM | | I think everyone needs to spend time with friends at least once a wk or you go mad! | |
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