| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 12:06:16 PM | This whole thread was inspired by my reading ONE womans profile. She has an ability to put into words something I often wonder about. This subject is probably old and stale, but has not been addressed in this manner, so check it out. My goal: I decided some time back to become hold off on casual sex encounters, just curious what my fellow TEXANs, Americans, and children of this Planet think on the subject.
Every now and then we all stumble across someone's profile on this site that has some unique statement or mentioning of what relationships are suppose to be like. And I may borrow directly from their profile for this Thread.
PLEASE BE POLITE and COURTEOUS of one anothers opinions, OK! | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 12:10:06 PM | I was reading the remarkable person's profile, as I mentioned above... and wanted to share this with others on the Texas Forums. Please feel free to add any "POSITIVE" thoughts to this thread that you may have.
DIRECT QUOTE:
Sometimes, casual sex can be really a very memorable experience, and not feel like a one night stand, and not be cheap and degrading! I was wrong about it. Not saying that's what I'm after now by any means...But we are all adults, and we learn things with every new step we take. A couple very special really classy, caring, and highly intelligent guys have proven to me that sometimes, all you need really is to have your life touched very carefully by the right people along the path, and if they care about you, and what they are doing with you even as a friend passing through...That experience could just change your mind forever about what is right and good, and what you should never do because society will judge you! I know, this makes little sense! I told you it was my sex in the city line didn't I ???
I think this to be a very profound statement about many things we take for granted in life because of fear of what others will think of us.
To the author of this.... THANKS! It answered and hopefully resolved an inner struggle that I have been dealing with now for some time.
-CowboyEnuff- | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 12:53:08 PM | A few years ago I was diagnosed with "Care the *F* for others"!
It is not a bad thing, I think! But it definitely has caused me to be more circumspect in my attitude towards meeting women. Typically women are on the defensive with men they meet. And I can understand why after sitting around reading and talking to tons of people about their dating experiences.
When I read what this person said in her profile, it really opened an old Door (way of thinking) on meeting and seeing women. I have often been accused of somethings that I am not, because of previous experiences women have had with other men. Fact is, I would really love only to be intimate with some of the women I meet. Most men would agree... and maybe even a few of the honest females. BUT!!!! I would also like to know you a bit better before I go there with you. TO make sure we both know who the other person is. And have a legitimate understanding of what the ramifications of such an interlude could mean.
Some people do have the mind set to be intimate friends. AND I am not alluding to friends w/bennies (as someone I know calls it). But a TRUE friendship in which there are no expectations other than that of being GOOD Friends to one another. Does not mean that every waking hour you two are rutting in between the sheets. The kind of relationship I refer to is one in which you both share experiences outside of the intimate portion of your friendship. As well, as the intimate component .... on occasion.
Most recently I have heard several women mention that they have friends that way. And it shocks me each time I hear one say it. But, in my opinion, if you have not met the LOVE of your life. Why be frustrated all the time and alone all the time. OF course, my experience has also taught me that some people confuse GREAT intimate bonding with dating and relationships... for which nothing is wrong with that. But don't YOU, the reader who is reluctant to add your POSITIVE two cents to this thread, think they should be upfront with themselves and you about it before entering into one....? | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:22:30 PM | Cowboy,
Know what you are talking about. The majority of my relationships have been nothing more than friendships with the opposite sex. I take it as it comes. I find these relationships enjoyable, and they are somewhat surprised when they hear that I am celibate. Yeah, I said it and I am not ashamed of it. There is more to a relationship than sex. Those that have the occassional friends-with-benefits, fine.
I know that one day I will find that right person, and things will change. I have found that sex can ruin many a good friendships, and at my stage in life, friendships are more important than anything. | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:40:51 PM | SecurityCop,
thanks for reading between the lines. I myself am celibate also. It is what I alluded to above. But I am celibate because it seems the ladies I meet all tend to want to A) get married as soon as you say "hi" b) want sex as soon as you say "hi"
I am not complaining or Judging... heck! I find myself in one or the other camp at times myself. But the struggle that I was having with feeling bad about being a living, breathing, Verile Male in a sea of women and deciding to abstain from sexual relations was resolved by reading what this young woman said, and I copied and quoted above. (with her OK)
You see SecurityCop, I decided to abstain so that NO woman could throw that claim at me for trying to get to know her better. And all it has done is made me miserable and PHAT! (in the literal sense as well)
I am denying who I am as a man. And have cut off that portion of my nature, the lover and romantic, that seeks to please a lover over being pleased. It is rather long explanation of things. But suffice it to say... I miss having friends like the one I described above.
And even if we do not become the bestest of friends, the sharing of an intimate moment can make for more than a dull moment.
I recall the last time I kissed a woman... how GREAT it felt just to be doing that one thing. No expectations! No Guilt! And we spoke the next day of other relationship(s) she was involved in like the friends that I hoped we were becoming.
BUT that kiss (those kisses) I have not stopped thinking about! And it is fond remembrances like that for which I created this thread to explore. | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:53:59 PM | and for those to reluctant to speak up or join this thread, I have found several articles that refer to Casual Sex encounters. Email me if you are interested in reading any of them. NO Judgement HERE! | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:41:19 PM | I'm not the guy to jump into just anybed, I have had casual sex, and will again i'm sure, when i done it, it was a goodthing for both, I know some don't, that's y'all, if both are ready, and willing, i see nothing wrong with it, i just don't go around talking about to anyone, who would believe me anyway, at my age, and if they did, i wouldn't want them to think i was a Dirty Ol' Man, enough do anyway, and when i did have them, neither one felt like a one nighter... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:03:41 PM | I have to put my two cents in, from the ladies' POV. I have NO problems with a relationship that is ..hmmm... how to put it.. "finite". Meaning that both parties are aware that it will not be forever, and that it's just a "right now" thing. My problem, as a woman, is this. Many men (not all, I didn't say all, I don't MEAN all, don't jump me for saying ALL men... I didn't say all men, did I??) many men, some men, a few men.... will pursue a purely sexual relationship or encounter by LYING about it, saying all the things they think a woman wants to hear about a long term situation, and then bolting the next morning.
I think men might be surprised at how far honesty gets you. I'd love to have a guy tell me "Hey, you're beautiful, but I dont want a relationship/girlfriend right now. If you're interested, lets do the friends with benefits thing till we get bored or find something better." I'd be all over it, honestly.
Just my two cents. Honest is golden. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:15:44 PM | Kyra,
that is SO Great that you fessed up like that. Not many will. I say that because I see that over 100 people have viewed the thread, but only we few have responded.
Also, you might want to... if you do not mind my suggesting this... "Quantify" or "Qualify" what you mean by you would be all over it. lol or you will be inundated with men telling you what you just said so that they can get to know you better. Lord Knows this response almost started off that way. 
But how do you handle it when he does and you naturally start to want more? See me, I withdrew from dating seriously or even casually. Of course that is me... and I thought I was doing it to protect future females from my lustfull nature. 
Instead, I see how selfish I may have been, cause a the same time that I was denying myself I was denying others a chance to get to know me better. And when I naturally "assume" that she is gonna be like all the rest and want more later... I was being "ARROGANT"...
Something I still am learning to work around.
Your input and any other ladies input would be great.... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:56:26 PM | | Good thread I have some things I want to say on this subject....In short some sexual experiences can have some profound mermories just as the Kiss you liked so much..Its not just the act of orgasim..more later | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:51:38 PM | Did you just say orgasm??  What is wrong with casual sex anyway? What are we doing, saving it until we are married? Doesn't mean go out and give it to the first guy you see, but, damn if the chemistry is right and you're two consenting adults...or should we all stay celebate until the perfect mate comes along? | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:36:26 PM | I feel like there are many different levels of "intimacy".....
I also feel that there are many different levels of "friendships".....
I do not see the problem of the two afor mentioned relationships "overlapping" to any degree that is mutually agreed upon.
I think that the KEY to any relationship is very HONEST and open COMMUNICATION. | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:07:29 PM | | I have to agree with aredneckwoman that there are many different levels. When I have asked the men on here what they are looking for about 90% said "A lady in public and a freak in the bedroom". In my opinion "a freak in the bedroom" comes from a HONEST and mutually agreed upon relationship. | |
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| Casual Sex, or was it a One Nite Stand....
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:06:27 PM | Okay, I've been thinking about this very subject this weekend so I thought I would jump in with my two cents. I happen to be a very sensual/sexual person. I do believe in sex without commitment or the casual sex. (I'll probably get a scarlet letter now!) LOL I don't like the one night stands!
My beef is that you meet a nice person that seems fun and you also have some chemistry, but know it's probably not for the long term. You feel like this person would be alot of fun to hang with and do things with,then possibly carry it into the bedroom as well only to find out that it was all talk and all they want is the benefit and not the friendship. I want both! Is that so wrong???
Actually I want the friendship more. I'm a grown, confident woman and can do just about anything by myself, but it's so much more fun to do it with someone else. Someone that you enjoy their company, have fun with and can laugh and be yourself with! I'm not in any hurry to settle down and I know one day I will meet someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but until then do I have to do all the things I wanna do by myself?
Okay, I feel better now....sorry for the ranting!  | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:23:25 PM | Sirius,
It is nothing like that at all. I have no qualms with people having casual sex. I have had some relationships that I wanted to take further, but the other parties did not want to. It seemed to be that way for every relationship I was in, so it is more just a way of life for me. Heck, the perfect mate may never come along. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:36:15 PM | | Yeah I've had like 5 emails since this was posted, all at once. How funny. What I mean is what I say... if I could find a cool guy that made me laugh and I had some chemistry with, I'd be open to a "fling" or whatever the term is now. Again, I'm not going to do a guy just because he bought me dinner - I can get myself off, and my vibrator doesn't require that I laugh at its jokes... it's the companionship that I want, and you don't get that from a one night stand. I've never had one, so this is pure assumption on my part, but I can imagine that you don't go see a movie with a one night stand or share a whole lot of laughs... | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:57:24 PM | Wicked,
My vibrator's cool like that too -
Doesn't most sex start out kind of casual? How do I put this...if I got to know every guy I ever had sex with really well before I had sex with him I'd be damn close to being a virgin. Sometimes the sex is so good, you don't even realize that they are an idiot for 3 to 5 years. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:01:36 PM | Casual can be more then the one nite stand .. it can be a few nights in a row .. (just kidding,well maybe alittle ) I have done the one nighters, have the friend w/bennies, friends I hang with ( and wish I could have bennies) but I do have some friends I see and we hang out and became friends and then one day it went to the bedroom and thankfully it didnt change our friendship.
Most of my friends in the real world ( not the internet world) know my lifestyle, and it doesnt change the way they look at me . I let any guy that shows interest know that I am looking for friends I can hang with ( that means if you cant be seen with me in public , you wont get to the bedroom)
I dont even know if I am answering this topic .. I am lost and have so many thoughts running thru my head . I am going to close this and apologize if it has nothing to do with what you are talking about .
I guess I am one of those that thinks its okay to have sex , anytime, anywhere , parttyyyyyyyyon ...  | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:10:23 PM | In a perfect world it's all about communication. Plain and simple. Make it clear from the beginning what you want from/with your friend. When both parties are up front about their expectations - as in HONEST about them - then yea, casual sex could be awesome (from what I can discern).
Personally, friends-with-benefits and f*ck-buddies has never worked for me. Looking back on it, every time I've had those type of relationships, I've ended up getting "hurt" (as in emotionally). I end up caring too much... or my ego is involved or I've been lied to or something. Sex for me is more than a physical thing (sadly)... Can't seem to separate the physical from the emotional. I really wish I could!!!
I've had one-night stands and I've had f*ck-buddies (that I thought were friends-with-benefits)... I always ended up frustrated/irritated/upset/hurt due to misunderstandings/lies/mis-communication/expectations unmet, etc... I actually prefer taking care of myself sexually, now. I suppose that makes me celibate (although my vibrator would disagree if it could talk... hee hee)...
Actually, let me clarify. I say above that I "wish I could" separate the two. It's more accurate to say that I don't want to separate the two. I'm an old-fashioned girl. It's taken me a long time to admit that to myself. I only want to share sex with someone with whom I'm in love. That's it. The physical urges can be met by myself. And I don't want to share intercourse/oral sex with anyone casually. :)
That's a personal preference, by the way. I don't think there's anything wrong with other people pursuing that... in fact, GO FOR IT!! :) Not for me, though. :) | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:17:46 PM | | Honestly, I've only been with two guys, ever. Both were LTR - one the guy I lost my virginity to (at 19, yeah im an old maid) and the other is my child's father. So yeah, my experience on "casual sex" is... well, non existant. But I just dont have time for a real boyfriend, and I'm lonely... so I'm trying something new. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:18:44 PM | | I actually agree I guess, if I like a guy enough to jump in the sack, I am hoping it will lead to more. If I know that is all they want, then that is a one night stand, not what I consider casual sex. Sooooo casual sex can mean more than a one night stand. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:33:00 PM | | I can't agree more. I have to (for myself) feel that a relationship at least has the potential for turning into something special before I will consider jumping into bed with someone. Call me old-fashioned if you like, but that's just the way I am. I( am not even sure that that would get me into bed with someone. I think I am one of those that will be celibate until I get married again. Sex is just too personal and too intimate to be with someone that you are not committed to. Again, as with the others that have posted, this is just my personal opinion on the matter. I don't and won't judge anyone else for their responses. | |
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| Casual Sex Can mean more than just a One Nite Stand...
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:48:20 PM | I think the part about communication is key. If you two people agree to a casual relationship, then why stop them.
I know the hardest part about being in the dating world is that we all assume that sex is the first thing guy/girl looks for, especially online. Many times we reject a potential partner because we make that assumption. I know for myself, I am not looking for a long term commitment right now, but that doesn't mean that my only option is purely casual sex. I've had 'flings' in the past and one resulted in a 5 year relationship while some were simply flings.
So why do we get branded promiscuous on a subject that isn't so taboo anymore? | |
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